Romantic Promises (Alluring Promises Series, #2) (13 page)

He nodded with a smirk. “Was she good?” I knew he was teasing. We already laid down the rules about going for ex’s or girls we care more about. He already knew Kara was off limits, just like Tina was off limits for me.

I shot him my ‘shut the fuck up’ look and hit his chest. He chuckled as he turned towards the other guys to join in their conversation. I turned back, faking a laugh, more for show to Stephanie that I wasn’t affected by her presence.

She stood in front of me, her shoulders slightly slumped and her mouth pressed into a forced smile. “Do you think we could talk?” She asked in a meek voice. I tried my best not to look down at her. I focused my eyes just above her head straight across the wedding. My heart was in my throat and just being so close to her made me want to wrap my arms tightly around her. She always felt so perfect in my arms. I clenched my jaw as I tried to push away memories of how things used to be…before.

I took a deep breath and crossed my arms over my chest. I tried my best to look uninterested. I made the mistake of glancing down into her eyes. Deep ocean blue, glossed over by slight tears, staring up at me with that sweet innocent pleading look. That was the same look she had right before we made love for the first time; it was forever frozen and committed to my memory. I swallowed, pushing back the lump that formed in my throat. “Talk,” I commanded, as if I had control over this conversation. I didn’t. She holds all the power. Stephanie always did with me.

She seemed to shrink when I said that, her shoulders slouching just slightly. She swallowed and glanced away quickly and it brought back memories of how she was always so insecure and shy around confrontational situations. I used to pull her close to me and speak for her so she wouldn’t have that look. Now, that expression was on her face because of me.

“Could we…take a walk outside?” She asked, her soft pink lips were curled into a small hopeful smile. Glancing down at her lips brought back amazing memories of how sweet she tasted. I tried to shake the thought from my mind, but realized I couldn’t stop staring at her mouth.

Despite my desire to pull her into my chest, like I used to do, words came out harshly from my mouth as if I didn’t have any control over my brain. “Well shit, Stephanie, what would your husband think?” It came out with a horrible bite. I clenched my jaw, pressing my lips together regretting spitting that question out.

Stephanie tilted her head, almost in defiance as she said, “He knows I want to talk to you. It’s not what you think.”

While I felt proud of her for speaking up, something she never used to do, the last part of her statement hurt. Secretly, I had hopes that after all these years she would want me back. Hoping that after all these years she would dump him and come running back to me. It was just a silly dream I had in my head despite how badly she hurt me. Would I take her back if she asked me to right now? Probably. No, not probably. Absolutely.

She started walking. Wanting her back and wanting to know what she had to say, I followed. I watched her flowing light pink sundress sway with her hips. Her hair used to touch the middle of her back, now it was short, but still swayed like the breeze over grass.

Memories flooded my mind of when we used to park down by the lake. Just the two of us and an old beach towel. We would sit on the edge of the lake under a huge oak tree. It was our own private spot and no one ever knew about it. We would pack a small picnic, but half the time we didn’t eat any of it. Skinny dipping became a part of our routine after we made love. I’m pretty sure we both conveniently forgot our suits most of the time.

She stopped just outside the door and turned her gaze up to my face. I watched her swallow nervously and noticed she was wringing her hands. She was uneasy and tense. When I was her boyfriend, I always knew her signals and acted on them. My protective instinct of keeping her from feeling that way always led to me wrapping my arms around her, followed by a kiss on the top of her head. It used to calm her immediately. Right now, I fought against that instinct with everything I had.

“I just wanted to talk to you. We haven’t seen each other or spoken since we broke up.” Her voice quiet and sweet and yet it still hurt, bringing up the last time I saw her.

“Since you broke up with me.” I snapped at her, feeling anger run through my veins about our breakup.

She shifted her weight nervously, but suddenly pulled her shoulders back. Her eyes bore into mine as she sharply retorted, “No, actually, I was…I was going to break up with Stan. You flew off the handle instead of letting me explain.” Tears started to well up in her eyes and she turned her head quickly, shutting her eyes to make the tears fall. She brushed them away quickly.

As much as her statement shocked me, I couldn’t help but point out the obvious. “What did you want me to do Stephanie? You were dating both of us at the same time. Did you really think I wouldn’t get pissed off?” The anger in my voice increased with every word I said. Yet, as angry as I spoke the words, I had this nagging feeling; regretting each word.

She had wanted to choose me.

She wanted me.

“I just needed some time to…”

“To break up with me. Got it. You made your point. What do you want from me right now Stephanie?” I interrupted her on purpose because just being near her again was difficult. If she wants me back, she needs to fight for me because dammit, I want her back. I want her to want me. Snapping at her was my only defense to keep from being hurt further.

“Forgiveness. I was young and stupid. I…should have never started another relationship with Stan when I was with you. I just wanted to say I’m sorry, that’s all.”

After all these years, now, here at Flynn and Mel’s wedding she chooses to apologize. There were so many other opportunities over the years to do that. I shrugged as I asked, “What does it matter now? You’re married and have a kid.”

She looked hurt when I mentioned her marriage and their child. “It matters to me. I hurt you and I just wanted to say I’m sorry.” Her voice was full of sympathy as I watched her swallow while staring up at me.

I looked away unsure of what to say or do. For some reason, I still didn’t want to forgive her. I didn’t want to let her in again. I had pushed away these feeling for so very long, I was afraid the dam would break. Not here. Not now. Not ever.

She nodded her head, probably understanding the dilemma going on in my head. “If it’s easier to hate me, Matt. I understand. Mom told me that you’re…dating a lot. I had just hoped by now you found someone you were meant to be with.”

My eyes snapped to hers and I felt that dam inside of me starting to spill over. “I was meant to be with you, but you fucked that up.” I clenched my teeth to keep in any other words that might come out.

She nodded quickly and swallowed. “I did. I screwed up.” Her eyes were flowing now with tears as she whispered, “I’m sorry, Matt. I’m so sorry.”

I paused and stared deep into her ocean blue eyes with everything I had while grinding my jaw nervously, afraid to ask what I wanted to ask. Afraid that if I asked her this question I wouldn’t get the answer I wanted. I swallowed hard before asking, “Do you want me back Stephanie, is this why we’re out here?” I hoped to God I didn’t sound like I was begging.

Her eyes reminded me of the color of the lake, shimmering water in the sun. She paused, giving me false hope as she glanced around nervously before responding, “I…if the circumstances were different, I might have,” Tears began to stream from her eyes as she finished what she was saying. “…but I have a daughter now.” She squeezed her eyes shut as her lips quivered. I watched tears slide down her cheeks as she opened her eyes and turned her head away, averting her eyes from mine.

With that statement, I knew she was shutting the door on any possibility I’d ever hoped for. I swallowed back the huge fucking lump in my throat and crossed my arms again over my chest. I nodded and tried to appear as unaffected by what she just told me. Inside was an entirely different story. Thoughts of dropping to my knees begging her to choose me ran through my mind; wrapping my arms around her legs and not ever letting her go again.

Thank God I didn’t follow through on either thought. I felt like it was ending all over again. The pain I felt years ago, standing at her apartment door, holding flowers like a jackass while she tried to explain that the guy who answered the door was her boyfriend. Damn flowers. I held them the whole time I screamed at her for being with another guy while she was supposed to be just with me.

“I’m sorry. I just…wanted to tell you that. You still have a special place in my heart.”

The fucking dam broke loose and I couldn’t control what flew out of my mouth as I screamed, “You have my heart, Stephanie. You
fucking
have my heart.” I hated myself for letting that out, but fucking A I still loved her. Standing right here, right now, looking into her eyes, feeling her so close to me, smelling her sweet perfume…memories of how much I wanted her to be my wife, how I wanted her to have our children rushed through me. The little girl she has with her husband should have been
mine
. I had wanted that so badly with her. I was that stupid jackass who actually started planning out our life before she did.
Fucking idiot
.

Tears ran from her eyes. Not loving tears. Stupid fucking sympathetic tears. Pity, as Izzy said to me once. No wonder Izzy said that she feared that look so much. Stephanie giving me that look gave me the worst feeling and made it hurt even more than if she hated me.

Her lips quivered as she tried to hold in sobs that were escaping her sweet pink lips. “I’m…I’m giving it back to you, Matt. Your heart wasn’t mine to hold on to. It just wasn’t meant to…” a sob escaped her mouth before she continued, “…to be between us.”

I pressed my lips together to hold back any stupid words that might try to escape my lips. Tears were stinging my eyes and I was
not
going to fucking cry like a pussy. I was already pissed at myself for being pathetic enough to tell her that I still loved her. What fool does that? I looked away quickly, giving her a slight head nod. That’s twice now I let her in. Only fools do that.

She rubbed her hand up and down my arm, fingers lingering just a little more than I think she wanted to. I jerked my arm away from her touch, unable to look at her again. “I really am sorry, Matt.”

I gave another slight head nod and cleared my throat. “You said that already, Stephanie. Enjoy the rest of the wedding,” I dismissed her, wanting her to just hurry up and leave so I could try to regain some sort of control again. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed she gave me a meek smile before she turned towards the door.

I tried my best not to look, but my eyes darted to watch Stephanie walk over to the doors and head back inside. She stopped for a second at the door to look back at me. In that small split second I prayed she would come running back to me. She didn’t. I wasn’t sure if that hurt worse.

I stood there staring at that damn door trying to let go of Stephanie. Finally I turned my gaze out to the vineyards. They were lit up by the moonlight and a soft breeze was in the hot air. I took a deep breath and tried to sort it all through.

She would have chosen me that night. Who wouldn’t fly off the handle after just finding out that your girlfriend had another boyfriend? If I had remained silent and listened to her explain, would we be together now? Would that little girl be mine? The pain in my heart and head hurt worse than it seemed to the first time. I cursed myself for even wanting to have her back in my life.

The door opened again and I glanced over to see Z walk towards me with a drink in each hand. I wondered how many other guests had watched Stephanie break my heart a second time through the windows. Z came over to me, handing me one of the drinks and I took it, quickly taking a long drink. The Red Bull and Vodka went down nicely, especially since it was so hot out. I had forgotten about the heat while my heart was being crushed by Stephanie. Again.

Z stood next to me, looking out to the vineyards and took a drink from his glass. The staff for the venue was starting to fold up the chairs from the ceremony. We stood there silently watching them stack the chairs against the outside wall of the building.

After a long pause and without even a glance in my direction, he advised me, “Just remember that right after Sheila cheated on me, I found Izzy. Best thing that ever happened to me. Sometimes it’s just meant to be that the next one might just be the one.”

I cleared my throat, making sure to hold back the lump in my throat as I swallowed it down. I glanced around, my eyes not really focusing on anything but the searing pain. “Is my little brother trying to give me advice?”

I glanced back at him as he gave me a firm head nod. “Yep.”

After a long pause, I nodded. “Thanks.”

“Dear God, Vanessa. This wedding might just be a lesson in what
not
to do for a wedding. I need to make sure I find out who her wedding planner was so I don’t hire her,” my mother said under her breath, leaning towards me. I wasn’t even sure if she was really talking to me since her eyes were still taking in the reception.

I took a deep breath, trying to remain composed. I actually loved everything about this wedding. Well, except for the heat. I was glad I left my hair down, the tendrils that fell around my face actually curled up nicely with the temperature. For once, the humidity worked in my favor. Well, for my hair. My makeup was another matter. No worries though. Mom made sure to bring makeup for me and directed me how to correctly apply it, griping the whole time about making guests sit outside in the hot sun.

“And her dress. My goodness. Are we at a brothel where she has to have a slit showing her leg?” She gave a half cackle that shot annoyance up my spine.

I spoke up since I actually adored her dress. “Actually, Mom I think her dress looks beautiful and is completely different than anything I’ve ever seen. The peek-a-boo split is really tasteful,” I swallowed, “…I think.”

My mom glared at me and let out that irritating huff letting me know she completely disagreed and I should never have said anything. “No, Vanessa. I hope you realize that’s unacceptable in our class. The other women at the country club would be throwing her out at the sight of that dress.”

Aubrey leaned over me to add in her two cents, “Then they’re just outright bitches that shouldn’t talk.”

Mom sneered at Aubrey. Again, I was in between yet another one of their fights. They hated each other and I was always caught in the middle. “You will never be allowed back to our club. I still can’t believe you called Marjorie a…ugh, I can’t even say it.”

Aubrey had no trouble repeating her words. “Frigid bitch. I would say it again to her snotty face too.” She gave that attitude head twist to drive her point across that she meant what she said.

Nervously, I tried to change the subject to avoid a full blow up between them. “The food was excellent I thought.” I swallowed and glanced my mother’s way hoping she for once would agree with me.

Mom scoffed, “Really? Chicken and steak. You might as well have brought us to a chain restaurant to feed us.” She touched my hand as if she cared. “No, your wedding will have lobster tail and the finest mignon. Maybe even a choice of fresh sea bass. Oh, I meant to tell you that they also offer a sushi table that we could provide your guests.” Talking about my wedding seemed to pick up her mood. For Aubrey it had the opposite effect. She slumped back into her chair and rolled her eyes.

After listening to my mother carry on about my wedding, Aubrey sat up suddenly as if a burst of energy rushed through her. “Come on, everyone is dancing,” She bluntly said as she grabbed my wrist and stood. My mom grabbed my other wrist and pulled me toward her, making me the real life rope in their tug of war game.

“Don’t make a fool of yourself and do that young dance you girls do at the bars. There are too many guests here that are also club members. I can’t have them see that.” I nodded, giving her the response she wanted, more so just to get away from her.

“What took you so long?” I huffed at Aubrey as soon as we were out of earshot from my mom.

“I thought I would let your mother have her time with you so I could have the rest of the night with you.” She smiled at me and shimmied her shoulder slightly as I giggled at her thought process. We arrived at the dance floor and proceeded to dance our “young girl dance” just to let loose and have some fun. I decided I would deal with mom on this matter at another time. I released all the stress I felt from having to sit through the wedding and dinner with my mother and tried to forget that Charles and I were actually on a break. Or broken up. Or...I don’t even know what to call it anymore.

My eyes wandered while Aubrey and I danced. I spotted Matt Williams up at the bar with the other groomsmen and several bridesmaids. All of the groomsmen now had their jackets off and shirt sleeves rolled up. Some still wore their cummerbunds, others had already taken theirs off. Most had their bow ties undone and hanging down from their collars. Mom made sure to point out how real men keep their clothes on. I had the completely opposite thought –– each one of them looked even more sexy and alluring with everything ‘undone.’

While I was completely surprised to see Matt Williams here, I also had the oddest flutter in my heart. The same I felt when he first walked into my office, but I still want to count that as nervous jealousy. I still ha
ve this hidden fear that he has so much more pull at the office and so much more respect. Respect that I was trying so hard to gain from all the other officers.

Earlier during the ceremony, I nudged Aubrey and pointed out Mr. Williams to her. I whispered to her who he was and of course she smiled brightly. Since he’s already a very attractive guy, he looked even more handsome in his tuxedo. I had watched him scan over the crowd, obviously looking to catch a woman’s eye. He continually nudged the groomsman on each side of him and whispered to each of them. The best man looked like a slightly younger version of him. They looked so much alike, except the cocky self-assured look Mr. Williams has at all times.

Watching him sweat throughout the ceremony was priceless. As much as I tried to look away, I have to admit that my eyes continually wandered back to him. I almost wanted our eyes to meet. Towards the end of the ceremony, I noticed he became more serious, but I couldn’t understand why.

I observed him up at the bar after the dinner plates were being cleared off the tables. I watched as a beautiful petite blonde woman casually walked up to him. They exchanged some words and then they walked out the side door. I couldn’t help but wonder who that woman was and what she meant to him. I tried to watch their interaction through the huge glass windows, but my mother continually competed for my attention. He seemed quite upset while talking to her from what I was able to gather from my glances.

Aubrey and I continued to dance and have fun. After several songs and ignoring my mother’s glare, we decided to cool off with a drink. We casually started our walk to the bar.

“Holy shit, Vanessa. All those guys up at the bar are…wow.” She sighed as we both observed the sea of people gathered around the long bar area. Her eyes grew wide and excited at the amount of good looking men at the bar. She wore a lot more makeup than usual, especially around her eyes. They were smoky and sexy complementing her navy blue cocktail dress. It was a simple spaghetti strap dress, which wrapped around her extremely ample cleavage. The slit on the side of the dress was just enough to give you a peek at her beautiful legs. She was ready to find someone tonight and watching her always intrigued me. She could always pick up a guy just by giving them a “look.”

I had to agree with her assessment of the people up at the bar and even the guests attending this wedding. Even the older ones were incredibly attractive.

I started walking towards the corner of the bar and out of the way, but Aubrey grabbed my elbow and guided me towards Mr. Williams and the other groomsmen. She always went straight into the heart of the action, while I always wanted to head to the corner and just observe.

“So you’re telling me that gorgeous man standing right there is the annoying new sales VP you were telling me about? How can you stand so close to him and not have your pussy melt for him?”

If I had taken a drink, I would have spit it out through my nose as I gave her an incredulous stare while laughing at her comment. “Pussy melt for him? You seriously did not say that, did you?” I smiled with wide eyes.

“I did and I will. Mind if I take him for a ride?” She asked as she continued to eye him like a piece of candy. The smile dropped from my face. For some reason her comment sparked huge jealousy in the pit of my stomach. I started to twist my engagement ring around as I contemplated how to respond to her. “You don’t want me to. I get it,” Aubrey responded before I could come up with something.

I gave a weak smile as I tried to explain myself. “I think it would be awkward for me at work, that’s all.” She nodded, but I could tell she sensed a different reason.

“Seriously, he is sex on a stick. Don’t you just want to
try
to lick him?” She asked as she eyed him again from behind. He had his back to us and was barely chatting to the groomsman next to him. He seemed to be nodding his head a lot in agreement while staring off into space. Watching him chew on a piece of ice from his glass, I thought how even his profile was quite attractive.

“He’s a player
and
I’m pretending to still be engaged, might I remind you.” I held up my hand showing her my ring to jolt her memory. I decided that since my mom was here and probably a slew of her country club friends, that I would continue the charade of my engagement. I didn’t want to start any waves of gossip that might cause Charles any undue stress.

Ignoring my ‘engaged’ comment, she said, “You mentioned that he was a player, but not how attractive he is. Dear God, I could seriously come just by looking at him.” I snorted at her depiction. “Who’s the guy with him? He looks really familiar, doesn’t he?”

I looked over to his friend, but he didn’t spark any recognition to me. His dark wavy hair and dark glasses gave him a serious thoughtful appearance. But he seemed to be constantly scoping out women and joking around with the other guys.

“Superman!” Aubrey burst out. “No wait, what’s his alter?” She snapped her fingers. “Clark Kent!”

“Who?” I have seen pictures of Superman, but have not actually seen the movie. My mom didn’t watch TV unless it entailed anything to do with Hollywood society. Movies weren’t part of my growing up unless I locked myself in my room and watched my girl reality shows. Aubrey’s mission has always been to enlighten me on movies I should have watched during my childhood. I take it
Superman
will be something I’ll be watching for our movie marathon nights.

“Oh that’s right, only child and of “higher class.” She turned her nose up in the air as I giggled. I never disagreed with her description of my upbringing since it was true.

“He looks like he could take me around the world, and then some.” I gave a half laugh as we arrived at the group of men and women at the bar. Mr. Williams still had his back to me, but his friend “Clark Kent” was zoned in on Aubrey.

“Fuck if you don’t look like a wild ride,” “Clark Kent’’ said to Aubrey as he disgustingly eyed her up and down like a piece of meat.

“I’m the best ride you’ll ever have,” Aubrey replied breathy and dripping with sexual innuendo. She eyed him back in the same manner. The whole interaction was disgusting to me with every word they spoke and I was stuck standing there like an idiot.

“Anyone ever tell you how much you look like Clark Kent?” Aubrey added as she licked her lips and shook her head so her black hair brushed away from her face.

A smug smile crept over ‘Clark Kent’s’ face as he huskily replied, “All the time. I wouldn’t mind having my Lois Lane tonight. You definitely fit the bill.” He licked his lips in the same manner as he perused her body again.

Aubrey wasted no time with a comeback as she ran her hand over his arm. “I’m pretty sure I could find your kryptonite.”

He snapped back with a sexy smile, “I wouldn’t mind trying to find out if you are my kryptonite.” He stepped towards her, looking down to her face.

Their bodies were pressed against each other and I really couldn’t take another second of this. I’m all about helping out my best friend, but this was just…repulsive. “Excuse me, the two of you. The amount of cheesy lines going on between you both is ridiculous.”

He turned to me and his brows quirked up underneath his dark frames. “Are you jealous? I wouldn’t mind you joining in. Believe me, my cock is insatiable.”

Aubrey turned her gaze back at him with a wild spark in her eyes. “Really? I’d love to find out how long you could go.”

“Aubrey!” I exclaimed.

“What?” she asked with a laughing smile to me.

Clark Kent gave a brief look towards me nodding his head toward Mr. Williams before bringing his gaze back to Aubrey. “Don’t be jealous. Matt probably needs a good distraction tonight.” Clark Kent shoved Mr. Williams’ back. “Look alive Matt. There’s a DLW here and she’s got your name written all over her.” I gave Clark Kent a questioning look as I watched him chuckle to himself and grab Aubrey’s hand. He led her out to the dance floor and grabbed her hips pulling her in close to dance.

Matt turned around; his eyes were glazed, as if he already had a good buzz. Those gorgeous blue eyes perused over my body slowly and I realized he didn’t seem to recognize me. I wasn’t sure if I was turned on by that or thoroughly insulted. He slid his hand around my waist and pulled me towards him looking down at my face.

Who the hell just grabs a random woman at a wedding like that — or anywhere for that matter? A player. A guy who can pick out any woman he wants because he knows he’s so good looking he’ll get her. Despite my thoughts, my heart sped up and my stomach had fits of butterflies flitting around.

Shit.
I despise him, don’t I?
Yes.
He’s a player, smug and gets everything he wants at work and…I’m sort of engaged. I just wish his hands didn’t feel so fantastic wrapped around my waist. I swallowed, trying to gather some strength within me to talk to him without wavering.