Room at the Top (7 page)

“Jay.”

Jay’s gaze went back to Liam’s face. Impossible not to when his name had been spoken with that much calm assurance.

“Breathe. If you pass out, your boyfriend will blame me, and I don’t really think that’s fair, do you?” Liam smiled, a small upward curving of his lips that took him from good-looking to handsome. “Let’s try again. Patrick tells me you work at the library. Was that always your plan or just a job that presented itself?”

Given something specific to answer was a lifeline in a choppy ocean. Jay exhaled and felt the tight band of tension around his forehead ease off. “Sorry. We’re both nervous as hell, and I guess I let it get to me.” He cleared his throat. “Like I said, I build dioramas, but that’s a hobby. I’m good at it, but it’s not something I could turn into a job. Books, though, there’s a lot you can do that involves them. I’ve always loved reading. I can’t write them; I tried and it just didn’t work. But I’ve spent so much of my life in libraries I figured, hey, why not get paid for it?”

He ran out of words then, sending Liam a beseeching look—
how did I do
?—and hoping he didn’t look as freaked out as he still felt.

Liam nodded. He didn’t say
good boy
, but the implication was there. “So you took a masters in library science?”

“Yeah.” Something sparked in Liam’s eyes, a warning glint, and Jay swallowed, uneasily aware he was half-hard.
Not
the place for it.
Shit
. “Yes, Sir,” he said, amending his answer to something less casual. “At Simmons College in Boston. I’m not from Madison, but the position looked interesting and I liked the town. I moved here two years ago, and that’s when I met Austin.”

Liam opened his mouth, but before he could speak, Austin joined them. Jay wanted to sigh with relief, but he wasn’t sure how Liam would take that. He settled for giving Austin a welcoming smile and moved over on the love seat to make room for him. That put him closer to Liam, close enough to smell him. Liam wasn’t wearing cologne, but he smelled expensive in some way Jay couldn’t define but found himself liking.

“I couldn’t get your usual,” Austin told him, setting two large paper cups down on the coasters. “They were out of Kenyan, but she said the house blend would be similar and if you didn’t like it, she’d replace it with one from Guatemala.”

Liam snorted with amusement. “You Yanks and your complicated coffee. I’ve lived here fifteen years, and I still can’t get used to it.”

“England doesn’t have places like Starbucks?” Jay asked, surprised.

“It does now,” Liam said, “but then so does the Gobi desert.” He grinned unexpectedly. “That was a joke, but you’re not required to laugh at them, don’t worry. I’ve been told my sense of humor is on the abstract side.”

“At least you have one,” Austin said. He sounded confident, and that made Jay feel even more relaxed. “I think that’s what I was most worried about. I was kind of picturing you as a caricature, you know? Instead of a real person.”

Liam gave them a quizzical look. “Oh, I’m real enough. Just because Patrick likes me doesn’t mean you two will, though. If that’s the case, just tell me. Don’t pretend it’s working if it’s not. God knows that’s the last thing any of us needs.”

Jay nodded. It was good to have that spoken aloud, an affirmation they weren’t committing to anything yet. “This is like an audition.”

“No,” Liam said, frowning. “Not really. That implies there are roles that need to be filled, and while that’s true on a basic level, it’s more complicated than that.”

“So you’ve done this before? This early stuff, I mean,” Austin explained. “We’re kind of new.”

“I gathered as much,” Liam said drily. “Yes, I’ve been through this early stuff, as you put it. More than once. Try not to be nervous, all right? I promise I don’t bite unless you want me to.”

Jay smiled. It was true: Liam
did
have a sense of humor. “More than once? Are you, um, seeing anyone else right now?”

“I have an ex-wife and two nearly grown children living in Maryland.” Liam sipped his drink, then set the cup down on one of the coasters. “I’ve had a few relationships since my marriage ended, but they’ve all been casual and temporary. Would it be a problem for you if I met someone I wanted to date?”

“No, of course not,” Austin said, and Jay nodded his agreement. “Unless it was an issue for her. I mean, would you tell her about us? You’d have to, right?”

Liam glanced away from them, his gaze distant. “I’ve kept this part of my life separate for a long time. It’s become something of a habit.”

“That’s not really an answer,” Jay said, surprising himself with his boldness. “So your wife wasn’t in the scene?”

“I would prefer it if we didn’t discuss Barbara,” Liam said with a chilly politeness. “And I’m not in the mood to be lectured about my failings as a husband.”

“Slow down,” Austin said immediately, saving Jay from the need to reply. “Jay didn’t say anything like that. It’s a reasonable question. We appreciate this is something you maybe don’t want to tell a lot of people about—neither do we—but if you’ve got this idea it’s something to be ashamed of, then maybe we’re not interested in…in anything.”

Jay slid his hand into Austin’s and held on tight. He hated confrontations, but like Austin, he couldn’t see this working if Liam saw them as a dirty little secret. It would spoil everything.

Liam leaned forward, his hands linked loosely, resting on his knees—strong hands, with long, elegant fingers, Jay couldn’t help noticing. “I’d like you both to stop talking and listen before this goes too far and we all walk away with nothing.” He waited for them to exchange uncertain looks, then nod before continuing. “No, she wasn’t in the scene. If you’re asking if I was faithful to her, yes, I was. I respected that our interests weren’t the same, and I stepped back from my…activities. For many years, the only outlet I had was my imagination, and I don’t think I need to tell you how unsatisfactory that was. It wasn’t the only reason the marriage didn’t work, but it was what the divorce lawyers like to call a contributory factor.”

“I’m sorry,” Austin said. “I can’t—”

“I think I told you not to talk,” Liam said evenly.

Austin bit his lip. His hand tightened on Jay’s. They waited, and after a minute, Liam went on.

“Now we’re legally divorced and I’m free to live my life as I like, that’s exactly what I intend to do. If I start seeing someone and I think she’ll understand, I’ll tell her. Otherwise I’ll keep it to myself. But I don’t intend to go back to living the way I did when I was married, and it’s not an issue that’s up for debate. So think about whether or not that’s something you can accept.” He nodded at them and picked up his coffee again.

“To you,” Jay said softly, “it wouldn’t be being unfaithful because it wouldn’t be sex, is that it?”

“I’m not gay, yes. I know Patrick told you as much; this would be different from what you had with him in some ways. Another thing for the two of you to think about and discuss together.”

Austin sighed. “They say nothing worth having comes easy.”

“It was easy with Patrick,” Jay protested, then covered his face with his hand as he realized how that sounded. “And he was worth it, and that doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. Sorry. It’s hard not to make comparisons.”

“No, I understand. I’ve never had any formal arrangement with a man, let alone two, so I know what it’s like, contemplating something new like this. Still, I don’t think Patrick would have suggested this meeting if he didn’t think it had a chance of working out. Do you feel that you owe him to try?”

“No,” Austin said. “If we do this, it’s not about owing anyone anything. It’s about all of us getting something we need.” He tilted his head to the side, studying Liam with a frown. Jay waited, content to let Austin handle this for the moment. Liam didn’t seem like the kind of man who got intimidated, but there
were
two of them, after all. “You said you’ve never had anything formal with a guy, but we’re not the first male subs you’ve had, are we?”

Liam took a slow, deliberate sip of coffee. As a stall went, it wasn’t very subtle. “No. The first in a very long time. Though if I’m being perfectly honest, I prefer working with men when it comes to this.”

“But you’re not gay.”

“Why is that so hard for you to accept?”

Austin shrugged. “It’s not. It’s just kind of unusual, I guess.”

Liam smiled thinly. “I don’t see it that way, but feel free to your opinion.”

“We’ll be naked,” Jay said, keeping his voice low. Their corner was out of the way, but the conversation wasn’t one he wanted to have a stranger overhear. “Turned on. You’ll have your hands all over us. That’s not going to be a problem for you? Seriously?”

“Given what I’ll be doing to you with my hands, no. I’ll enjoy it. A lot.” Liam arched dark eyebrows. “Carry on, Jay. You’re making me really look forward to our first session.”

“If there is one,” Austin said, though his fingers were gripping Jay’s painfully tightly now, his breathing shallow and quick. He was aroused, Jay knew. Hell, they both were. Liam was just tapping too many buttons, even if he was on the arrogant side.

Liam stood, his pants falling back into perfect lines, a sharp crease running down the center of each leg. “I’d like to see you both at my house next Friday. Eight o’clock sharp. We’ve still got plenty to discuss, but we’ve reached the point where we need more privacy. I think it’s fairly obvious that we’re going to try this. The two of you aren’t exactly good at hiding your emotions, you know. That’s a compliment, by the way. It’s an asset, not a flaw.”

Jay looked up at him. From this angle, Liam seemed huge, filling his vision. It wasn’t quite the view he’d have if he was on his knees, but it was close enough to make him ache with a longing that had been with him for weeks now, never quite fading away.

“Can we think about it and let you know?” Austin asked.

Liam nodded. “Of course. Let me know what you decide. I hope to see you on Friday.”

Chapter Five

By the time Liam got home, he’d more or less gotten himself under control. He drove his BMW into the right-hand side of the spotless, virtually empty garage and turned off the engine as the door rumbled down into place behind him.

Once inside, after kicking off his shoes, he poured himself a drink, mixing his gin and tonic with painstaking care and taking the time to carve a paper-thin slice of lime to jostle against the two ice cubes.

He stared at it for a moment—the translucent liquid dotted with bubbles, the dark green of the lime—then poured it away before he was tempted to drink it.

It wasn’t what he wanted. He’d left that behind him in the bookstore, looking up at him with hopeful, hostile eyes, the pair of them so hungry, so needy that the air had been thick with it, until he could barely breathe.

He’d held it together, just. Shown them something of what they could expect and felt them respond. Thank God they’d been in public, or he’d have shown them too much of what he wanted from them and possibly scared them off.

They weren’t innocent. They were in their midtwenties, independent young men with plenty of bite and snap to them. There was an age gap; his fortieth birthday was approaching fast, but Patrick was a decade older than him and that hadn’t bothered them from what Patrick had said.

There was still a troubling vulnerability to them. Liam liked men as subs because he could go further, push them harder. It wasn’t politically correct for him to have issues about giving a female sub what she was begging for, but it was a personal hang-up he’d learned to live with. He had no qualms about spanking a woman, but getting a man to submit to him held a certain appeal he didn’t trouble to analyze too deeply. More of a challenge covered it well enough.

He wandered through to the small den he planned to use if they did show up. Two of them… Maybe it wouldn’t be big enough, but there was no way he wanted them in his bedroom, and the basement was just too… No. The den would do. An upright chair, a roomy armchair, a footstool, and a desk, the surface uncluttered, the dark wood polished smooth. Plenty to bend them over, with enough floor space to put them through their paces, and more importantly, nothing about the room revealed its purpose.

Liam sat in the wide leather armchair and leaned back, getting comfortable. He wished now that he hadn’t poured away his drink. It would have been nice to sip it in this room with its cozy atmosphere, to listen to the
clink
of the ice cubes against the glass and let that sound remind him of previous nights years ago. Many years ago now he was middle-aged, but he wasn’t in the mood to think about that.

Instead he decided to allow himself the rare pleasure of remembering the details of his time with Robert. They’d both been so young, but their friendship had been a close one and their occasional boyish roughhousing had become a more and more significant part of their summer together. One round of wrestling had resulted in Liam pinning Robert to the floor of his bedroom, tufts along the edge of the throw rug mixing with Robert’s mussed hair.

With Robert taut and struggling beneath him, Liam had realized he had an erection and immediately stood up. They’d both been embarrassed, exchanged some awkward words, and Liam had told himself he wouldn’t let it happen again.

But it
had
happened again, and then again, until somehow the wrestling consisted of Liam restraining Robert, spanking him, both of them hard and panting.

There’d never been anything romantic between them, though. Well, just the one kiss, which Robert had initiated.

Liam found himself sitting with the heel of his hand pressed against his erection, absently rubbing as he thought of how it had felt to bring his palm down onto Robert’s ass—through his boxer shorts, never on bare skin. It had made his fingers tingle, made his cock hard. It was something he’d never forgotten and had been seeking ever since, that level of almost unbearable excitement.

He’d found something close in more structured encounters, sometimes with men, more often with women so he could end the session by fucking them, all that carefully built arousal and pain combining to make their climaxes explosive, violent, but nothing had ever quite matched that first spanking he’d dealt out.