Rooter (Double H Romance) (27 page)

Chapter 33
The Reckoning & Revelation

I stop moving. My body is so still that if someone stood right in front of me they might think I’m not breathing.

Wait. I’m
not
breathing.

This is what happens when I’m pushed beyond my limit. Right now I’m
way
beyond my limit.

I hate the person Mike has become. Everything about him. I’ve known him nearly my entire life, but I no longer consider him my friend. But somehow, against all odds, I still consider him family.

Miranda, on the other hand, I love with my whole heart. Our friendship isn’t perfect. We’ve had our ups and downs. But that’s because we’re more like family than friends. She’s the sister I never had.

Miranda loves Mike regardless of his faults or flaws. And as screwed up as our situation is, the three of us are joined, irrevocably, as family. So I can’t knowingly allow harm to come to him, especially not on my behalf.

Another thing that happens when I’m beyond my limit: I speak in a deep monotone voice. “Don’t. You. Dare. Hurt. Him.” I snarl into the phone.

I think I hear Rooter gasp. “Sophie, he’s going to pay for what he’s done.”

I close my eyes and inhale. “That isn’t your decision to make. It’s mine. And I’m telling you, you will not hurt him.”

“Sophie—” he protests, but I cut him off.

“No.” I shake my head and pinch the bridge of my nose. I am seriously out of patience with him and this conversation. “If you’re smart, you’ll listen to what I’m saying.”

When I open my eyes, Sparrow stands in my doorway with his mouth hanging wide open, his eyes bulge from their sockets. He knows I’m talking to Rooter. No one talks to Rooter this way and gets away with it.

“Since when do you care what happens to this piece of shit?” The way his voice shakes tells me he’s fighting to keep his composure.

Sparrow’s presence distracts me, causing me to lose my nerve. I turn away and look at the opposite wall. “I don’t need to explain anything to you. But you are going to listen to me.”

“What?” He asks with a mixture of anger and astonishment.

I continue in my wrathful monotone. “I’m done with all this shit.”

“Sophie?” He sounds scared now, and it empowers me to continue.

“You don’t get to dictate everything anymore.” I point at the air as though he’s standing in front of me. “It’s not all up to you anymore. I get a say in what happens.”

“What is this really about?”

He’s got to be kidding me. I no longer speak in monotone, but rather an ear-piercingly loud shriek. “It’s about you! And me! And how everything is completely fucked up! My life is more fucked up now than it was before I met you!”

“I’m on my way.” He’s really panicking now.

“Not until you let him go.”

“I’m not letting him go,” he says, incredulous.

“Then I won’t be here when you get here.” I mean it. If he won’t do what I say, I’m gone. I’m sure Ryan will let me stay with him for a while. He mentioned the other day his money is tight now that he’s living alone.

“Babe—”

A tremor of anger surges through me. I’m back to my angry monotone. “Do. Not.
Babe.
Me. Just shut the fuck up and listen.” It’s kind of nice using his own words against him.

“I’m listening.”

“I’m sure you’ve already done more than enough to scare him. Let him go. Then you and I are going to talk.”

Rooter is quiet.

“Did you hear me?”

The sunlight floods through the window onto an upside down DVD and blinds me, but I don’t turn away.

“I heard you,” he mutters.

“Are you going to do what I’ve said?”

After a moment, he answers. “Yes. I’ll be there in a half hour.”

I tell Sparrow that Rooter is on his way, but he calls him anyway to confirm. Once he has confirmation he leaves, but not before wishing me luck.

Twenty minutes later, Rooter bursts through my door without knocking. Any other time, I’d be nervous about our impending confrontation. But right now as I sit crossed legged on the couch I’m fully confident. I’m much too agitated to be nervy.

For far too long, I have allowed others to dictate what happens in my life. I’ve let them govern how I feel and what I do. But not anymore. Relationships, be them romantic or platonic, should not be one-sided. It’s time I stand up for myself. It’s time I draw a line on what is and is not acceptable in my relationships, and I’m starting with Rooter.

Everything seems to move in slow motion, from the front door swinging open to Rooter marching toward me. The room has become dark from the impending storm outside and is briefly illuminated by a strike of lightening. I inhale deeply and count to ten.

I look around the room and memories of happier times come flooding into my mind. I’d give anything for Loraine to still be alive. If she was, so much would be different. Mike wouldn’t have gone off his rocker and I probably wouldn’t be with Rooter right now because Miranda and I’d be living in an apartment together somewhere.

I’m not saying I don’t want to be with Rooter. I do want to be with him. Things are just so screwed up. I think I could get past Candace and even the pregnancy if I had more support from him; if I felt my feelings were understood and acknowledged. But ever since she told him about the baby, it’s as if I barely exist. I don’t want to come across as needy or clingy, but it’d be nice to feel as though I hold some importance to him.

“Babe?” Rooter stands before me still as a clay sculpture with his hands hanging at his sides. I take in his expression but it’s unreadable.

“Did you let Mike go?” I ask point blank in monotone.

He clenches his jaw. “Yes. Are you okay?”

“No, Rooter, I’m not okay,” I answer through gritted teeth. “What did you do to him?”

“Nothing much. Smacked him around a little, threatened him, and then you called.”

“I think you should sit down.” I motion to the chair beside me.

He doesn’t bother to comment or ask why before taking a seat in the recliner. “Babe, you’re freaking me out.”

“Good! You should be. Because I’m beyond done with all the bullshit.”

“Done? With me?”

That’s not exactly what I meant, but… “If things don’t change, yeah.”

He squeezes his eyes shut for a short moment. “Is this about Candace?”

“Mostly, yeah, but it’s also about how you’ve treated me through this. It’s like I don’t even matter.”

His eyes go wide. “Of course you matter.” He holds a hand to his chest. “How have I made you feel otherwise?”

He’s got to be kidding
. I wave my hands violently as I speak. “You run to her constantly. She could call you over a hang nail and you’d go rushing over there. It’s getting to the point that I’m thinking your feelings for her are more than you’ve admitted to.”

Rooter shoots forward in his seat. “I can promise you they’re not. But what am I supposed to do? Ignore her? I can’t do that. She’s pregnant with my kid.”

“Maybe. How do you know it’s your kid?”

“I have to assume it is until it’s born and I can get a DNA test.”

I rub my hands on the tops of my thighs. “Fine. I can accept that. But I can’t accept her calling every hour on the hour,” I’m exaggerating, but it seems that frequent, “and you running over to her all the time. She’s pregnant, not dying. Women get pregnant all the time for shit sake. It’s really not that big of a deal.”

Rooter narrows his eyes and tilts his head to the side. “What if you were pregnant? Would that be a big deal? Or should I ignore you?”

“Like I could even get pregnant!” I shriek. “At the rate we’re going, we’ll never get an opportunity to have sex in order for me to get pregnant because you’ll be with Candace all the damn time!”

“What do you want me to do?” Rooter hollers and throws his hands in the air. “I’m trying, all right! I don’t know what the fuck to do.” He jumps up from the chair and paces the room with his hands clasped behind his head. “Do you think I
want
to go running to her every damn day? Do you think I
want
her calling me constantly? Because I don’t. I don’t want her to be pregnant, but I can’t undo it. And I can’t hide from it. And I won’t ignore it, even if I want to, and trust me, I
do
!”

“I’m not asking you to ignore the baby. I’m asking you to stop giving in to her over every little whimper and whine when there’s absolutely nothing wrong with her.” I lean my elbows on my knees and hold my hands clasped in front of my face. “If we’re going to be together, you need to make time for me. For us. It’s like she knows exactly when to call so you’ll run to her and leave me hanging, which you do all the time now.”

Rooter stops pacing and sits on the coffee table in front of me. He takes my face into his hands and stares into my eyes. “All I fucking want is you. You’re all I’ve wanted for as long as I can remember. You want truth? I’ll give it to you. The truth is it would be so easy to choose you over the kid. It would be so fucking easy for me to walk away from both of them for you. The only thing stopping me is that’s what my dad did to me and my mom. And I don’t want to be like him.”

What? When did Mick walk away? Did he leave and come back? They look like the perfect, happy family and when he speaks of them it’s as though they are.
“What are you talking about?”

Rooter leans away and looks at the floor, sullen. “Mick isn’t my real dad. Or rather I should say, my biological dad. My bio-dad abandoned me. He walked out on my mom when she was pregnant. Left her for another woman.”

“Oh my God, Rooter. I’m so sorry.” I reach out and take his shaking hand into mine. Now things make a little more sense. I finally understand why he’s doing what he’s doing with Candace. He doesn’t want to be like his dad.

Rooter looks back up at me. “Mom was just like Candace, trying to get by as a stripper. Had no family. She had one friend; Candace’s mom.” He exhales and sweeps a hand through his hair. His dark eyes convey a deep seated sadness. “Mick was already in love with her. He took her in when she could no longer dance. He told her he wanted to take care of me and be my dad. She eventually fell in love with him, too. He raised me like his own. Loved me like his own. There’s no differentiation between me and Isa to him. To him, I am his blood. And if the kid Candace is carrying is mine, I’m going to love him or her just the way Mick loves me.”

There’s so much I don’t know about this man. I had no idea Mick wasn’t his biological father; that his father had abandoned him and his mother. I know the pain of abandonment. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Not even my worst enemy. If only I’d known. Rooter is carrying around the same pain I carry. The same anger I carry. At this moment, I understand him in an entirely new way. Tears pool in my eyes and I fight to keep them back. The last thing Rooter needs is for me to break down.

I say the only thing I can even though I know it won’t make him feel any better. “I’m so very sorry.”

“I know the situation is fucked up and that I’m asking way too much of you. I should let you go. This isn’t fair to you.”

“Rooter, no,” I squeeze his hand and speak with conviction. “You can’t let me go because I’m not going anywhere. I won’t abandon you when you need me most.”

“I do need you. But you’re right.” He looks away. “We can’t go on like this. It’ll never work.”

I grab him by the chin and turn his face to mine. “Then we don’t go on like this. We figure out a balance. Together.”

He looks at me with a tormented expression; a mixture of hope of what could be and sorrow for what has been.

I continue since he can’t seem to speak. “But you need to work with me.”

When he finally speaks his voice is soft, yet passionate. “I can do that, babe. I can.”

“I would never ask you to abandon your child. I’m only asking for you to make a little time for us.”

Rooter’s phone rings. It’s Candace calling, naturally. As always, her timing is impeccable. Rooter closes his eyes and shakes his head, struggling with what to do. He keeps his eyes closed until the phone stops ringing.

He opens his eyes and focuses on mine. “I will make time for us.”

“Uninterrupted time,” I clarify.

He nods. “Uninterrupted.”

“And there’s something else.”

Rooter looks at me seemingly exhausted. When he doesn’t say anything, I go on.

“You need to give me a say in things that concern me. Like the situation with Mike.”

“He deserves to pay for what he did.”

“Yeah, but you don’t get to decide the price on your own.”

Rooter cracks his neck. “He deserves worse than he got.”

I sigh with exasperation. He needs to stop fighting me on this. “Maybe so. But Miranda doesn’t and she will feel any pain you inflict on him.” He nods in understanding, but I can tell he doesn’t like it. “Promise me, going forward we’ll make time for each other and we’ll make decisions that affect us both, together.”

“I promise.” He leans forward and rests his forehead against mine. “I’m going to get this right.”