Rough Around the Edges (24 page)

The ball Ryan’s stomach had turned into imploded, leaking bitter acid into his entire system. It burnt and he tasted copper and bile on the back of his tongue as her words rang in his ears. He stood, struck dumb and still by what she’d said.

“The man who did it was a drug addict, from a different part of the city. He’d come to our area to buy drugs.”

“How long ago was this?” It didn’t matter who the guy was or what part of the city he was from. He was a dead man – Ryan’s muscles ached with the urge to carry out the justice Ally’s father had tried to dish out.

“Almost six years ago. I was in my last year of highschool then, and one of my friends had talked me into joining the drama club. I stayed late that day for practice and it was almost dark when I was walking home. He … accosted me along the way.”

Something inside him snapped when he saw the look on Ally’s face, and his rage ebbed just enough to allow a wave of empathy to come crashing down on his conscience. Her voice was matter-of-fact and she almost managed to look stoic, but her mouth turned down slightly at the corners and she looked like she wanted to drop her gaze, though she hadn’t.

“And you didn’t know the guy?”

“I’d noticed him a few times before when walking home from school. I guess he planned it, or at least thought about it before then. But I’d never thought that anything like that would happen.”

“Your father did the right thing.” His anger surged again, prompting him to grip the edge of the nearby counter, hard. His hands and jaw ached, but the physical pain wasn’t enough to distract him from the agony of knowing that Ally had gone through something so horrific.

“He was outraged.”

“I can imagine.” The edge of the counter bit into his fingers like a dull knife as he squeezed even harder.

“He spent the next two days hunting the guy down. He found him on the second day, near where he’d attacked me. He started beating him in the street, and someone called the police.”

“And he’s been in prison all these years for that?” It seemed pretty fucked up, especially considering that in an ideal world, he never would’ve been punished at all for what he’d done. He’d only been protecting his daughter. “How badly did he hurt the guy?”

“I know he put the guy in the hospital for a while, but I’m not sure, exactly. My father had some previous charges, though. They were drug-related, but it’s not how it sounds.”

She made brief but intense eye contact with him, her gaze searching.

It looked like she had more to say, so he kept quiet.

“Carlos, my father’s older brother, has been involved in criminal and gang activity ever since my father was a kid. He harassed and threatened him into participating in things when he was a teenager. Their father had died years before, which left Carlos as the man of the house. At that age, my father didn’t have much of a choice.”

Ryan nodded. The note of caution in her voice made it sound like she was afraid he would judge her father. How could he even begin to do that when he was still seething over what had happened to her, when he would’ve brutalized her attacker too, given the chance?

“Those charges came back to bite him in the ass almost two decades later when he was arrested for attacking my rapist. Since he’d been charged before for drug-related crimes and is Carlos’ brother, they assumed he was still involved in gang and drug activity. The man who’d raped me was from an affluent family. Overall, it looked terrible for my father. The police called it gang violence and because of my father’s mistakes as a teen and Carlos’ reputation, the judge believed them.”

Yeah, it was definitely fucked up. A vein twitched in the side of Ryan’s neck, contracting with anger – he could feel it. “I still don’t get why your brother thinks you owe him.”

“My father didn’t succeed in killing my rapist, but Manny did. He purposely ran the man over with a car a few months later. I didn’t know that until he told me last night. I thought it was an accident that he’d been killed.”

“So, because he avenged you without your asking or permission, he expects you to allow him to endanger you with his lifestyle for the sake of his pride? That’s shitty.”

“You’re right. But now that I know what really happened, I can’t help but feel guilty.”

“Why would you feel guilty?”

“Because killing that man was Manny’s first serious crime, as far as I know. That was around the time he joined Casa de Ladrillos, and Carlos helped him do it – Manny told me that he used Carlos’ car. I can’t help but wonder if he would’ve joined if it wasn’t for me. I’m afraid Carlos used the promise of revenge to lure him in and manipulate him.”

Ryan’s heart thumped against his ribs, beating out a heavy rhythm as he studied the sad set of Ally’s mouth. It was obvious she wasn’t exaggerating her feelings of guilt – the emotion had been present in her voice, weighing down her normally even tones.

He released his death-grip on the counter and crossed the short distance that separated them – it didn’t seem right to leave space between them any longer. “Even if he did, it’s not your fault. You didn’t cause it and you couldn’t have prevented it. If Manny really killed to protect you, then he’s fucking it all away now by bothering you. Being around someone like him isn’t safe for anybody. If he really wanted to keep you safe, he’d leave you alone.”

“Yeah. I’m not saying he’s not selfish. But when I look at the whole picture, starting six years ago all the way up ‘till now, it doesn’t seem as black and white as it used to.”

In a way, he could relate to her confusion. He’d been living in a grey world for at least a year, his life composed of various ambiguous shades. Things were never really clear. “Nothing’s black and white, but some things are right and some things are wrong.  The position your brother is putting you and your mother in is wrong. So tell me…” He reached out and gripped one of her hands. “Is there anything I can do?”

He desperately wanted there to be something, even if the man who’d hurt her was already dead. It wasn’t enough – he ached to erase her pain, not just the person who’d harmed her.

“No. I don’t think there’s anything you can do.”

“What are you going to do then, about him coming around?” Thoughts of spending his nights in front of Ally’s door like a guard dog leapt into Ryan’s head. Crazy? Not really, when he thought about it. Couldn’t Manny see how his presence endangered her? If he’d killed for her, why jeopardize her safety now?

She shook her head. “Right now, I don’t know. My head is still spinning from last night.”

“Well, you’re welcome here any time. If your brother bothers you, or you just want to get away and stay somewhere he’s absolutely not welcome, for however long.” It took all of his willpower not to suggest that she stay at his place indefinitely.

“Thanks. That means a lot. But it’s not like I can just pick up and leave whenever things get tough. I have mamá. I think this is even harder on her than it is for me. She was really strong when all that stuff happened years ago, but it’s been a long time, and those years have taken a toll on her. No mother really wants to be estranged from her son, anyway.”

“I understand.” He understood that loyalty and concern for others was part of Ally’s nature, but that didn’t mean the thought of her brother harassing her didn’t set his teeth on edge.  
“But remember my offer. Any time.”

She took another sip of juice, and silence settled over the kitchen again. It was a heavy silence – how could it not be, after what they’d just discussed?

“Do you want to watch that movie?” he asked. Bad things happened and life went on. Furious or not, he understood that. There was no use seething and ruining the rest of their day. She’d trusted him with something serious – he didn’t want to make her regret it.

“Sure.”                                        

A spark of relief flared inside him when he glanced at the case of the movie she’d brought. It was a comedy – no explosions. It was a good thing, because he’d be damned if he was going to let anything stop him from putting his arm around her.

Chapter 14

When his phone rang, he didn’t want to move, not even a hand. He did anyway, slowly and reluctantly. “Hey.” His voice came out flat and tired, evidence that his body was still recovering from what he and Ally had just done.

The answer that came from the other end of the connection made him wish he’d ignored the call and spent another ten or twenty minutes just lying in bed with Ally instead. It had been so nice resting beside her, stretched on top of sheets that were still warm from their body heat. Now, a prickle of unease zipped down his spine, prompting him to roll over so that his back was to her.

“Think you can make it out here on Friday?” Feltz asked. “I’m having a get together. It’s nothing big, just a few guys. Thought maybe you could finally make it to Quantico.”

“No, I’ve got plans already.” He said it automatically, though it was true – there was the fight.

“That sucks. You sure?”

“Yeah. Sorry.”

“All right. Hey, listen – did you know your folks have been calling guys from the old unit and asking about you?”

Ryan’s blood ran suddenly cold, then hot again, all in the span of a single second. “What?” Just like that, turning down the latest invitation to hang out from Feltz was the least of his worries.

“Webber told me the other day. Said your mother called saying she needed your latest address or something. I think he gave it to her. Not a problem, is it?”

Hell yeah, it was a problem, but he didn’t want Feltz to know that any more than he wanted to get into the matter in front of Ally. “No.”

“Okay. Anyway, I’ll give you a call next time I set up something at my place. And you know you can come over anytime that’s good for you regardless of what’s going on.”

“All right.”

“You sound kinda pissed. You sure you don’t want me to say something to Webber?”

“No, that’s fine.”

“All right. Hopefully you can make it to Quantico sometime soon. Or I can swing by Baltimore.”

Ryan ignored the second suggestion and the icy-cold stab of dread it sent through him. “Maybe another time.”

When he ended the call, things weren’t the same as they’d been before. It was still twilight on a Wednesday – the purple-grey light filtering through the blinds made that clear. But the peace that had come after making love to Ally had disappeared.

“Is everything all right?” She still rested beside him, though what they’d so recently done seemed like a faraway memory.

“Yeah. That was an old friend. He’s stationed at Quantico now, not too far from here. He wanted me to get together with him on Friday.”

“And you declined?”

“I’ve got the fight on Friday.” There was no way she’d forgotten – though she rarely talked about it, it was obvious that she hadn’t warmed up to the idea of him fighting since she’d discovered his TBI the weekend before.

“Maybe another time, like the Friday after this one?”

“Yeah. I don’t know.” Actually, he did know – if Feltz called again, he’d turn him down again. He’d done it a dozen times already.

“Your friend in Quantico – he’s a marine, right?”

Ryan nodded. “We used to be in the same unit.”

“Do you still hang out often?”

“No. Haven’t seen him since I was in North Carolina. He hasn’t been up here long.”

Though the better part of a year had passed since he’d last seen Feltz face to face, the sound of his voice was still familiar. Too familiar – he didn’t dare meet him in person, even if he was stationed relatively nearby now. He wasn’t a part of that life anymore – he’d cut ties once, and couldn’t take hovering around the edges of an existence so familiar he dreamt every night of returning to it. It was all or nothing.

“Oh.”

“He’s a good guy, but I’m not sure I want to go back and hang out around base, you know? It seems like it would be weird to go back when I can’t really
go back
.”

After a moment, she nodded. “Maybe you could invite him to visit you here sometime.”