Rough Around the Edges (22 page)

When he emerged, his mouth tingling with minty flavor, he found Ally exiting the bedroom, dressed in the jeans and sweater she’d worn the night before. “I almost feel sorry for you having to go out with me today.” He motioned toward his face, succumbing to a wry smile. She was so pretty, and he looked like – well, a fighter.

“We don’t have to go out if you don’t feel up to it. We can have a day in. I have to go home to get a fresh outfit anyway – I could grab another movie and we could watch it here.”

“No, I want to take you out. We haven’t been seeing each other long enough for me to keep you holed up here all the time, and you watching me get my face busted doesn’t count as a date. We should go on a real one.” He couldn’t stay in just because of appearances, not when he was fighting every week. They’d never go out if he hid just because his face was busted up, and she deserved to go out.

“Suddenly you’re such an expert,” she said, smiling. “It was hardly a week ago that you said it had been a while since you’d dated.”

“I remember some basics.” He pretended to be thinking. “Like the fact that women like it if you actually do things with them besides sex.”

“What did you have in mind?”

“I thought we could go down to the Inner Harbor. Maybe get lunch there.”

“Sounds good. Maybe we could swing by my house first so I can change clothes.”

“All right. You know, you can bring a few things over here and keep them in a drawer if you want. That way you’ll have something to wear on the mornings you wake up here.”

Her silence had him second-guessing himself within seconds. Maybe it had been presumptuous to offer her a drawer. He hadn’t thought of it that way; he just knew he wanted her there and wanted her to be comfortable when she was. But maybe she’d been more disturbed by his behavior the night before than he’d realized.
“Unless you’d rather not. If you don’t want to make a habit of staying the night here, I—”

“No. I’d love to keep a few things here. It would be really convenient.”

The weight of the world dropped from his shoulders. He turned and headed for the kitchen before he could say anything else without thinking and scare her away.

* * * * *

There was a slight chill coming off the placid water, but the sun made the back of Ryan’s neck just a little too warm anyway. It was a nice day, a nice time to be outside, walking hand-in-hand with Ally. It was a good thing they hadn’t stayed holed up in the apartment, even if people did stare at his face. Who gave a damn, really? He didn’t, as long as Ally was okay with it.

She was looking at the water that lapped at the edge of the walkway, a faint smile tugging at the corners of her mouth, like she was reminiscing.

“What are you thinking?” He wanted to know badly enough to ask. Whatever she was remembering had to be pretty great to put that look on her face, and her happiness drew him like a moth to flame.

She spared him a glance and a grin before returning her gaze to the water. “When I was little I used to be terrified that I’d fall in and a shark would eat me.”

There was no railing or divider between the walkway and the water, just a short drop off to the rippling surface below.

“Did your parents let you watch
Jaws
or something?” He’d watched it as a kid and had gone through the obligatory shark-paranoia phase as a result.

“Not exactly. But my brother and I watched it anyway, when they weren’t looking. We got about halfway through the movie before we were caught. By then, the damage was done – I was terrified.”

“I didn’t know you had a brother.” Why hadn’t he thought to ask? There was no real reason for the ripple of surprise that passed across the surface of his mind. Yeah, Ally lived alone with her mother, but there was no reason she couldn’t have a sibling who lived elsewhere.

“Yeah, he’s…” Her fingers, which were interlaced with his, tensed a little. “We don’t talk anymore. You could say we’ve gone our separate ways.”

He nodded. “I know what you mean.” He hadn’t mentioned his brother, either.

“What – you have a sibling you don’t talk to anymore?”

“Yeah, a brother. And a whole family, really.” A heavy feeling entered his stomach, though it was empty – they’d decided to take a walk before getting lunch.

“You don’t talk to your parents?”

“I haven’t for quite a while.” The conversation was inevitable if he wanted to continue being with her. He wanted it more than he could remember wanting anything for a long time, so he focused on a cupcake wrapper bobbing on a rippling wave created by a boat and tried to enjoy the sunshine on the back of his neck.

“What are they like?”

His stomach jerked, prompting him to avert his gaze from the piece of floating litter. “They’re the type of people who think that the world was made just for them. They’re incredibly closed-minded and they don’t like it when anyone does anything that defies how they think things should be done, whether it’s good or bad.”

For a few seconds, Ally was so quiet he could hear the tiny waves lapping against concrete. There was no use sugar-coating his family situation, but had he sounded too harsh?

“Hey, see those?” She pointed toward a fleet of brightly-painted, dragon-shaped paddle boats that bobbed at the other end of the harbor, and just like that, the subject had changed.

“The dragons?”

“Yeah. My father took me out on one once when I was a kid. I’d been begging him for months to rent one. When we finally did, I was so scared I could hardly enjoy it.”

“Because you’d watched
Jaws
?” The thought made the muscles beside his mouth twitch. He tried to imagine what Ally had looked like as a kid. Petite, doe-eyed and wavy-haired, probably. Cute.

“Yeah. I couldn’t stop thinking about how a megalodon
would be able to swallow the paddleboat whole.”

“Megalodon?”

“It’s an extinct species of giant shark. That’s what the shark in the movies was inspired by. I also wanted to be a marine biologist when I was a kid.”

“Even though you were afraid of sharks?”

She shrugged. “Yep.”

“That’s still more practical than what I wanted to be.”

“Which was?”

“A ninja.” That aspiration had lasted until about age seven, but for a couple years, he’d been downright passionate about it.

“A marine is a little bit like a ninja.”

He nodded. “Maybe that’s it – maybe I chose the Marine Corps because it was the branch that used swords in their advertising. Like a subconscious thing.” When he’d been a kid, it had been the throwing stars that had really caught his attention. None of those in the Marine Corps, though he’d learned to throw grenades.

Yeah, real life was a bitch.

“What, there are no marines in your family?”

Laughter was his automatic response, but it came out half-choked by derision. “No. Definitely not.” It was easier to picture his relatives paddling around in an undignified dragon boat – something they’d never do – than wearing combat boots.

Silence crept over them again, the edges stripped away by the light noise of the water, boat motors whining in the distance and other people out enjoying the sun. Strip buildings full of shopping and entertainment loomed nearby. Gradually, they drifted toward one.

“Is there somewhere specific you want to eat?” He turned to Ally when they stepped inside a building full of shops that catered mostly to tourists. He’d walked along the water before on his own but had never bothered to check out the shopping or dining.

“There’s a pizza place in here that’s pretty good.”

He took her word for it. Hell, he would’ve eaten cardboard if she’d wanted to. He was no gourmand, and there was no way any food found in the mall was going to compare to the pleasure of her presence.

They settled into a booth and ordered a deep dish pie to share. By the time it arrived, his stomach was cramping with hunger pains inspired by the aromas drifting from the kitchen.

“I almost forgot to tell you,” she said when she was halfway through her first slice, “Cameron wants us to go on a double date with him and his girlfriend.”

“Really?” Ryan took a long sip of his ice water. “If you want to go, that’s fine with me.” Cameron was pretty friendly when he wasn’t trying to drill things into him during training sessions. The invitation wasn’t a huge surprise.

“I guess it would be all right.” She drank too, silent moments ticking by as her slender throat rippled with the effort of swallowing. “It’s just that I know Cameron expects you to keep competing in his events. And I know you told him you’d fight again this coming Friday.” The anxious, tentative look in her eyes bored right through him, leaving him feeling hollow.

It was the only look he’d ever seen on her face that he couldn’t stand. He loved studying her face, whether she was smiling, thinking, sleeping or even wrinkling her nose at him. He could even tolerate her looks of concern, just not when she looked like she was about to flinch, like she expected him to lash out.

Was he really that volatile; was that how she saw him?

The tomato sauce lingering on his tongue turned bitter, overly-acidic. What was there to say? Nothing.

“I don’t know why I brought it up. I know you’re going to do what you want. I just hate the thought of you getting hurt.”

“I know you do.” He knew it and he hated it, hated carrying the burden of her concern. He’d shoulder it if that was what it took to be with her, but it sucked when she brought it up and looked at him like that. It was like her eyes saw right through him, cut straight through the nothingness inside and asked him to stay that way – empty, unsatisfied. Useless.

Was it stupid that his only use, his only real purpose in life was walking into a ring or cage and coming out the victor? Maybe. But that was who he was, and if the past year had taught him anything, it was that he was stuck with himself, whether he liked it or not. She was, too – at least, as long as she wanted to be.

“I wish you wouldn’t fight this Friday.”

“But I’m going to.” He forced himself to hold her gaze, to watch the spark of hope flicker and die. It hurt to watch her expression fall like that, but she needed to know he wasn’t going to give in – he
couldn’t
give in. The sooner she accepted it, the better.

“I can’t stop fighting, even if it would be safer for me not to. I just can’t, Ally.” His words didn’t really explain anything – even he knew that. Giving up on reasoning, he reached across the table and took one of her hands in his. “Don’t look so sad.”

She did anyway.

Chapter 13

“Fuck the wedding, Manny.” The sound of Ally’s voice traveled through the small house and to the halfway open door, cutting straight through Ryan’s chest. She sounded like her throat had drawn tight, like she was on the verge of tears.

What the hell was going on? Ten or fifteen minutes ago she’d slipped out of the Mustang, where he’d parked at the curb in front of her house. She’d promised to come right back. He’d noticed another car parked on the streetside, but it was halfway between her house and the next one and he’d assumed it belonged to the neighbors.

He’d waited in the Mustang, ready to accept a few of her outfits and take them back to his place to store them in one of his dresser drawers. She still wanted to keep some things at his apartment, even after the tense exchange in the pizza restaurant.

When she hadn’t returned to the curb after a few minutes, he’d wondered. Wondered if she’d changed her mind, if she didn’t want to see him anymore after all. He’d had to swallow his pride and call upon his courage to approach the house.

Now, the sound of her voice cut him in half, exposing the core of selfishness his worries had been revolving around. Clearly, she had a problem, but it wasn’t with him. A man’s voice drifted from inside, too.