Rough & Raw (Notorious Devils Book 2) (9 page)

“Yeah, I am,” I lie.

Kentlee doesn’t say a word. Instead, her eyes narrow and I know that she can tell I’m lying. She’s always been able to see right through me.

“Where’s Missy these days?” she asks, inquiring about my ex-best friend and my current sister-in-law.

“Married,” I say with a shrug.

Missy’s husband is as much of an asshole as mine, except he doesn’t abuse her quite like Scotty did me. No, Darren doesn’t hurt her with his fists or rape her. Instead, he withholds from her, all the things she loves. Money, freedom, and affection. I felt sorry for her for a while, when she would confide in me.

Then, I became brave enough to tell her of my horrors. She called me a liar. She didn’t believe that her brother would do any of the things I told her about. I didn’t even explain the worst of the things he did to me, yet she didn’t believe a word. I had the bruises to prove it, too. She refused to believe it. That was truly the end of our friendship. I haven’t spoken to her in over four years. Not even at family gatherings. I keep my distance and she does the same.

“You’re not close anymore, then?” Kentlee asks. I can tell she’s becoming frustrated with my one word answers.

“She’s married to an asshole. He’s not as bad as Scotty, but he’s still abusive in his own right. I confessed a few truths to her about my own marriage and she called me a liar. She was the last friend I was allowed to have. I haven’t spoken to her in over four years,” I all but yell in annoyance.

“Brent,” Bates’ low voice warns.

“No, Bates, I was prodding when I shouldn’t have been,” my sister admits before she turns to me. “All that shit’s done and over with now, Brent. You have a big, huge, group of family and friends now. You’re never going to be alone again, no matter what.”

I smile, like I should, and nod, as if I believe her. I don’t. I used to be popular. I was a mean girl in school, who slept around after Bates left. I’ve never had a true friend, someone I could count on through thick and thin. Only Kentlee, and I am the one who didn’t support her.
I’m the bad person here.
I’ll always be that mean girl deep down. It’s as if it is part of me. Once my true colors and my true actions take over, Bates won’t want me and none of the men’s wives will want the clubhouse whore as their friend. Which is exactly what I’ll end up being.

My fate was sealed a long time ago. Bates needs to see all of me for what I am. He’ll run before I even have to tell him to leave. That will be the easy part. The hard part will be watching him fall in love and make a family with a good woman he deserves. It’s going to kill me when it happens, but I’ll just do what I do best. I’ll fake it out, I’ll fuck it out, and I’ll drink it out. I’ll try to focus on Stella and being the best version of myself in front of her that I can be.

“
Tigritsa
, don’t,” Bates says as he wraps his arm around my waist and pulls me into his side.

“Don’t what?” I ask defensively.

“Whatever crazy shit you’re thinkin’, you need to stop it now. Enjoy today with our little
malyshka
and your family. Push the crazy shit to the back of your mind, just for today. We’ll deal with it later. For today, have fun,” he murmurs against my ear. My belly quivers at his words.

I want him so badly; I want to put all the crazy shit behind me. But I can’t. All that crazy shit is screaming loud and proud in my head. I still nod once and offer him a big, fake, smile.

The rest of the day is drama free. We spend it as a family, and it’s nice.

Too comfortable — but nice.

Too good — but nice.

Too fucking sweet.

My heart races at the thought of him, at the thought of being owned by any man again. I’m not even divorced and Bates wants a part of me, what’s left of me. I don’t have much left to give, and I’m not sure I want to give it to any man. Scotty didn’t just abuse me, beat me down physically and mentally, he ruined me. Completely and totally ruined me.

Brentlee

T
he zoo day ended up being awesome with the Duhart family. I couldn’t have asked for anything better to take my mind off of my current depressing situation. After the long day at the zoo, we packed up the kids and drove back to Bonners Ferry. The kids slept the entire way, and we adults enjoyed the peace and quiet. I could tell that Bates wanted to talk, he had things to say to me, but I couldn’t hear them. I wouldn’t hear them.

Now, it’s two days later and I have officially avoided him at all costs. It’s worked, too. He’s pissy and growly, but I can’t be near him.

At least tonight I start working at the clubhouse. I was under the impression it would be a daytime gig, maybe a big party here or there. Unfortunately, it’s Thursday through Monday
nights
, and then all day long on Wednesdays to take and order stock. I’m going to see these dirty men in all of their glory. I don’t know whether to be frightened or excited about all of that.

“Tammy’s gonna be here in ten, and I’m taking you down there tonight before I head to the club,” Bates calls out from the other side of the locked bedroom door.

I also don’t want to think about Bates working down at that strip club almost every single night. I know that there has to be freebies that come along with the views of naked women night after night.

I know he’s been with a lot of women; he has to have been. A member of the
Notorious Devils
and the manager of a strip club, no way is he not getting ass every other night of the week. I couldn’t keep him in my bed for long; and if I did, no way would he be one hundred percent faithful to me. No matter how much he thinks he loves me, no man could keep his dick in his pants with pussy laid out in front of him every night like that.

I shake the thoughts of Bates and women out of my head as I smooth down my tight tank top. It’s red and scooped so low in front, you can see the lace of my push-up bra peeking out of the top. My shorts are tight and hit just below my ass cheeks; and my shoes, extremely high heels that I borrowed from Kentlee’s cocktail waitress days. I leave my hair long and straight down my back, my make-up dark and heavy. If I’m going to work in a biker bar, I need to look the part.

I hear voices as I open the bedroom door before I slide my coat on. I don’t know this Tammy woman too well, but I don’t want to give her a heart attack in my skanky outfit, so I try to cover up as much as possible. Kentlee has told me a ton about her. She trusts her implicitly, and from the meeting I had with her, I can tell she’s a nice woman.

“Stella usually goes to bed around eight. She has already had dinner, but if she wants a small snack she can have something and a cup of milk…” I hear Bates’ instructions float through the house and it makes my breath hitch.

He already knows our routines. He helps tuck Stella into bed every night before he goes to the
Devils Club,
and he’s home each morning when she wakes up. He’ll be an amazing father to his children one day. I wish that they were children we would share, but that won’t ever happen.

“Hello, Brentlee, darling,” Tammy says as I walk into the room. I smile shyly, extremely uncomfortable in my outfit.

“I don’t have a phone…” I start. I stop when Bates holds out his hand and my eyes go to a brand new iPhone resting in his palm.

“Bates,” I murmur. He shakes his head.

“You need a phone, if for nothing other than you and Tammy to be able to stay in contact when you’re working.”

I look at him in surprise, but quietly take the phone from him. It’s slim and sleek, but in a floral hard case, making it feminine and …
me
. Bates informs me that he’s written my number down for Tammy already.

I thank her for all of her help and give her my own instructions before I give Stella hers, along with a big hug and a kiss goodnight.

I feel a pang in my heart as soon as the front door closes behind me. Bates wraps his hand around my waist from behind and lowers his head so that his lips brush my neck with every word he speaks.

“She’ll be fine, babe. I got a man on the house, she’s safe,” he says.

“A man? Where?” I ask as I look around in surprise.

“He won’t go anywhere near the house unless there’s danger. He’s here, watching our girl, keeping her safe,” he murmurs. I want to melt into a pile of goo at his feet. Sweet heavens, the man is too hot.
Our girl
. Dammit, I want him.

I pull away from him and unsteadily walk toward his beat up pickup truck without saying a word. I’m not mad at him, not really, I’m angry at myself. Why can’t I turn off those feelings for him? Why, after ten years, do I still shake when he’s near me? Why does my pussy clench and my legs want to spread at the sight of him?
Fuck, I’m never going to be able to move past him
.

A voice inside of me tells me I’m stupid, that having feelings for him, allowing myself to be controlled by him would mean repeating bad mistakes from the past—but that voice can shove it up her ass. That voice doesn’t remember what having Bates and then losing him felt like. I can’t go through it again. I would just rather not have him at all.

“Tonight will probably be tame,” Bates says as we drive toward the clubhouse. “No big parties, just a regular Thursday night. I won’t be here, so if anybody says or does anything to make you feel uncomfortable, just call me or Fury and we’ll be right down.”

“I’ll be fine,” I say, staring out the window.

“I don’t think you realize what these guys are like,” he says. For some reason, I am overcome with anger.

“Are they guys that like to fuck anything with a pussy, mouth, or ass?” I ask. The truck swerves to the side of the road and Bates slams on his breaks.

“Brentlee,” he says, his tone harsh and sharp.

“I know what kind of men they are, Bates, because they’re like
every
man. They want to fuck and be fucked hard. They want to come, and drink, and have a good time without some bitch nagging at them. It’s fine. Don’t worry about me. I’ve probably seen and done everything they could do. I’m not worried, so neither should you be,” I announce before I turn my head to face the window again.

This is over between us. Whatever crush he has on me needs to end. I need to make sure it’s decimated.

“Look at me,” his voice is low and deep, rumbling throughout the cab of the truck. I refuse his request. I can’t look at him. He’s too handsome.

I feel his fingers wrap in the back of my hair, and then they tighten before he forces my neck to turn my head toward him. It burns. It fucking hurts. He’s never been this rough with me before in my life. I choke back the tears and try to keep my spine straight and my body taught, ready for whatever is to come next.

“Whatever the fuck you’re thinkin’, fuckin’ stop that shit right now. I’ve given you days to pull away from me since Boise. You’ve had your time to stew and come up with stupid shit in your head. Stupid shit that ain’t gonna work. You’re mine, Brentlee. Every single one of those fuckers knows you’re mine. You try anything fuckin’ dumb, and they’ll all rat your ass out,” he announces. I should be scared. The haunted look in his eyes should terrify me, but for whatever reason, it doesn’t.

“I’ll do whatever I want, Bates. I’m tired of being told what to do,” I breathe.

“I’ll spank your ass, Brentlee. I’ll spank that perfect fuckin’ ass of yours if you do anything stupid tonight,” he warns.

“You’d hit me?” I murmur.

“Never.”

“You just said you would,” I say. I try to shrink back, but his grip in my hair is too tight.

“I said I’d spank you. I would never hit you, babe,
never
. I’d paint that pretty ass a nice shade of pink, but you’d be begging to come, not begging me to stop. So please, don’t fuck up tonight. You’re not ready for that yet,” he murmurs right before his lips press against mine in a hard kiss. He then releases me and takes off down the road again, as if our conversation didn’t just happen.

My chest is heaving as I breathe heavily, and I stare at Bates’ profile in the moonlit truck cab as he drives toward the clubhouse. I press my thighs together, trying to alleviate the ache he’s given me. The thought of being bent over his knee while he spanks my bare ass is too much. I know Bates would never hurt me, so I also know that this spanking he’s promised for a later date is going to be shit hot.

Luckily, before I can think too much more about it, we pull into the clubhouse parking lot.
Thank goodness
. I hurry out of the cab of the truck and quickly make my way toward the door. Bates’ long legs catch up to me, and he throws his arm around my shoulders before he yanks me close to his side. I feel his beard tickle my ear.

“Remember what I said, Brentlee. Don’t do anything fucked up tonight. I’ll have eyes on you, my
tigritsa,
” he whispers before he lets me go and opens the door for me.

The room is smoky and smells like booze, cum, weed, and cigarettes.
I’m going to go home smelling like a brothel every single night
. I shiver in disgust, but I try not to let it show. I’m grateful for the opportunity. Truly, I am.

I know that I said I would strip, but in all honesty, I don’t think I could do it. This is scary enough for me. I slip off my coat and shiver when all eyes glance in my direction. I feel naked enough in my tank and shorts, no way could I literally be nude.