Rough & Raw (Notorious Devils Book 2) (5 page)

I can’t stop my leg from shaking in the truck, or my fingers from twisting together with nervousness. I don’t want him to find me. Not yet, and honestly, not ever. Though I know that won’t ever come true. I have to file legal divorce papers, and he’ll know where I am after that happens.

I’ve looked up the process. It’s daunting, but I don’t want a damn thing from the man. Not spousal support,
nothing
.

However, I know that he’ll fight me with custody of Stella. He’ll probably win, too. The asshole. Rich lawyer asshat.

“I’m taking you to the next town, babe. Stop stressing,” Bates calmly states.

“You are?” I ask, turning to him.

“If he knows you’re gone, he’s on the hunt,” Bates says. I nod.

Yeah, he’ll be on the hunt, all right.
The hunt to bring me home and kill me
. His possession. His punching bag. His
whore
of a wife.

“He’ll hunt,” I whisper, turning to look out the window.

“He won’t get you. Either of you,” Bates grunts.

“He’ll get custody. He has money and his family is very influential. I’ll lose her,” I say, not turning away from the window, but instead watching the scenery pass by in a blur.

“Then we’ll fight. My
tigritsa
, you will fight for her.
We
will fight for her,” he says.

I whip my head around in surprise. “Why would you fight?” I ask in disbelief. She is not his daughter—she’s mine.

“No person should live with that monster, especially an innocent child. I will fight for her because she deserves to be with her mother, who will treat her with love and kindness. I will also fight for her because she is yours, and she makes you happy. Your happiness means everything to me, Brent,” he says, blowing me completely away.

I open my mouth to respond, but am interrupted by the sound of his phone ringing. I watch as he gives one-word answers and his eyes turn black at whatever the person on the other end is saying. Then, he turns slightly toward me and I gasp. He looks scary, mean, and rough—all rolled into one giant package.

“Got eyes on him. He’s home from the office, and apparently he’s called the police,” he grunts as he continues to drive.

“You’re taking on too much with us,” I murmur as he turns into a parking spot at Target.

“Never. Nothing is too much for my girls,” he mutters before he slides out of the truck.

I can now see past the hardness, the haunting from earlier. Sitting beside me, promising me everything I could want, is the Bates from my childhood.

My breath completely leaves my body.

Nothing is too much for my girls.

My girls.

Sniper

I walk into
Target
, my hand wrapped around Brentlee’s. She has Stella in her other hand, and I can’t help the feeling of pride bursting through my chest knowing these girls are with me.
They’re mine
. They were always meant to be mine.

Doesn’t matter that that piece of shit is Stella’s sperm donor—she’s mine. One look at her little, round face, and I’ve fallen hard for her. I take my hand from Brentlee’s and slide it to her lower back. She’s a bit fuller than she used to be, but still long and lean; her tits are a little bigger, and so is her ass.
Motherhood looks damn fuckin’ good on her.

I walk straight over to a cart and start to push it, but a little hand tugs on my leather cut. I look down and see Stella looking up at me with wide eyes.

“I wide,” she pleads. I can’t help the smile that forms on my lips.

“I’ll get her,” Brentlee says, but I bend down and pick the
malyshka
up and set her in the cart carefully. She rewards me with a big, bright smile.

“Okay, gorgeous, let’s get your sheets, yeah?”

“Yes,” she hisses as she giggles.

With one hand on the cart, I snag Brent’s hand with the other. Together, all three of us walk through the store.

I have never been one for shopping—
ever
. I fuckin’ hate it. With Brentlee and Stella, I thought I would despise it. Maybe later in life I will; but for now, I’m in awe. Stella is a ball of excitement. Everything she sees is new and she lights up every single time her eyes land on something she wants. Just one sweep down the little girl bedroom aisle and the cart is full.

“Bates, this is all way too much,” Brentlee says as she holds a purple lamp with hanging beads in her hand.

“It matches the bedding,” I shrug.

“Just keep a tally so I can pay you back once Fury puts me to work somewhere,” she mumbles.

“What I buy, you never have to pay me back for, Brent. I’m buyin’ it because I want to, and for no other reason,” I state before I watch her mouth fall open.

I don’t let her say another word. Instead, I just walk away.

“
Bates
,” she hisses once she catches up to me.

“Let’s get Stella some movies and then you need to get whatever it is you need. I know that little suitcase couldn’t even fit half of your bathroom shit in it. Don’t give me any lip, either,” I grunt as her hand goes straight to her hip, ready to give me some of that tigress she carries deep down inside of her.

“Thank you,” she whispers instead of bitching me out.

It’s not satisfying.

I want her attitude. At this point
, I fucking crave it
. I want her back to
her
. Back to the girl I remember; the girl who had fire in her eyes and said
whateverthefuck
she wanted to say, consequences be damned.

The rest of the shopping trip is quick. Brentlee fills the cart with lotions, creams, soaps, and a few clothing essentials for both her and Stella. She’s trying to be low maintenance, but I know her.

Brentlee likes expensive things, she always has. It has never bothered me, and it never will; but I’ll let her make this play for now. When she’s back in my bed, underneath me and completely mine again, then I’ll make sure that she knows she gets whatever she
wants
. Whatever she
desires
is hers. I’ll give her the fuckin’ world on a platter.

Fuck, I’m such a pussy.

I grin.

Only for this girl, though—always for this girl.

Brentlee

B
ates goes through a McDonald’s drive thru for dinner. I cringe at the thought of putting the salad that I ordered in my mouth, but Stella is as happy as can be with her chicken nugget meal and toy.

I look out of the side of my eyes as Bates takes a big bite of his burger and chews. Like a total creeper, I watch his throat work the food down and I find myself getting hot.

Fuck,
even his throat turns me on.

How am I going to live with him and not throw myself at him?

I’m a lost cause. Destined to be beholden to a man the rest of my life. Taken care of and owing men, never being independent.

I don’t want to be that, though. I want to be a woman Stella can be proud of. That is another reason I can’t just hop into bed with Bates. I don’t want to be that woman who hops from man to man. I want to be a better person.

Even if I strip at the
Devil’s Club
, I want not only Stella to be proud of me, but I want to be proud of myself. Stripping isn’t the best feel-good job I could have, but it will put money in our bank account and it will help me be able to afford a decent lawyer—which I’ll need if I stand a chance at fighting Scotty Corbin.

“Eat,
tigritsa
,” Bates murmurs. I turn back to my warm salad. It will probably make me sick later, but I’m starving, so I eat.

The hour drive back to Bates’ country home goes by quickly. Once we are back, I get to work, washing Stella’s new Elsa bedding. Then, I begin to put all of our purchases away. Bates brings all of my bathroom items into the bedroom and drops them on the bed.

“I’ll just take these to the other bathroom,” I mutter. He wraps his hand loosely around my bicep to stop me.

“This is your room and your bathroom,” he says.

“No, I told you, that’s not happening,” I state firmly. Bates just smiles and shakes his head.

“I know it’s not happening—
yet
. But this will still be your space, Brent. I’ll take the couch for now. Better if there’s another barrier between you and that asshole anyway,” he says, his eyes completely focused on me. Too focused.

He can see too much of me.

How badly I want him, how lost I am, and no doubt how hurt I’ve been.

I nod, unable to speak. I spend the rest of the evening with Stella. I get her room all put together and I bathe her and read her a story before I tuck her in for the night.

“Mama?” she asks as I am standing up from her new bed.

“Yes, sweet girl?”

“I wike Bates. I wike it here. Can we stay foreva?” she pleads with wide eyes before she yawns.

“We can stay as long as you like, sweet girl,” I whisper, trying to hold back my tears.

“Good,” she mumbles before her eyes close and she passes out asleep.

I leave her room as I wipe the tears from my eyes.

I walk into the living room, heading toward the kitchen for some water, when I hear Bates on the phone.

“They’re mine, brother. I’m claimin’ both of them. That fucker can try to get them, but I’ll just gut him if he even attempts to take them from me,” I hear him growl. I press myself against the wall, trying to disappear.

Claiming us—
this is the second time he’s said it. I don’t know exactly what it means, but I think I do, and I’m sure it’s not what I want right now. Maybe not ever.

“Thought I’d be okay with it, but the more I think about it, I can’t handle that shit, brother,” he says before he drops the phone on the coffee table a few seconds later.

“C’mon out,
tigritsa.
”

I step away from the wall and into the living room.

“You don’t want me stripping?” I ask.

Instead of answering me, he takes my wrist gently with his fingers and tugs me into his lap. I shiver when his fingertips run up my spine and tangle in my hair.

“Thought I could be okay with men watching you as long as you came home to me. I can’t. Just thinking about any man seeing your gorgeous body makes me want to murder and maim,” he explains, his eyes dead serious and focused on mine.

“I need to work, Bates. I need money. I need independence,” I explain. He nods in understanding.

“I know you do. I could take care of you, but you wouldn’t be happy with that. Baby, I want you so fuckin’ happy you couldn’t imagine being in any other man’s bed the rest of your life,” he murmurs as his nose slides along mine.

I feel that way right now.

I’ve always felt that way with him
.

I have never been as happy in my entire life than in this man’s arms. At fourteen years old or today. It is as if time stood still for our bodies, our hearts, and our souls.

I just wish I could allow myself to have him, and to keep him.

“What will I do then?” I ask on a shaky breath.

“At the clubhouse we always need someone to clean and run the bar. Get orders together, serve the guys, and clean up. You’d be the safest there, surrounded by brothers constantly,” he says as his eyes stay focused on mine.

“Cleaning and running the bar, that’s all I would have to do for them?” I ask.

I have images of me having to
service
them in other ways running through my head. I know that they keep women around whose whole job is to screw them. At least that’s the rumor I’ve heard throughout town.

“You askin’ if you have to fuck them?” he grinds out through clenched teeth.

I don’t answer. Instead, I stare at him, waiting for an answer.

“You think I would really hand you off to be fucked by dozens of guys when I just told you I couldn’t handle anybody else
seeing
your naked body?” he balks.

I shrug, avoiding his penetrating gaze as I look down at my shoes.

“Baby, any of my brothers even looked at you funny, I’d lay them out. Nobody will ever touch you but me, ever again,” he murmurs, tugging on the back of my hair to tip my head back so that my eyes meet his.

“Why do you still want me? I’m a mess,” I admit. He grins.

“Because you’re my
tigritsa
. You aren’t ready for more yet; you’ve made that clear, and I’ll wait for you. I’ll always wait for you,” he breathes. His hot breath fans my face and I know that if I leaned in just a few inches, our lips would touch.

I can’t do that, though. Kissing him would lead to me spreading my legs for him. I can’t
. I won’t
. No matter how badly I want it.

“What if it takes years for me to be able to be yours again, Bates? What if I never heal?” I ask, voicing my fears.

I don’t know that I can ever trust another man again. I don’t know that I
want
to ever trust one again.

“Then I’ll wait forever.”

I don’t respond. I can’t. It is all too much. Instead, I choose to ignore his words. I’ll deal with them…
never
.

“What will I do with Stella?” I ask as I stand and straighten my shirt.

“LeeLee can watch her can’t she?” he asks.

“I don’t want her in danger. He’ll know exactly how to get to her, and he could hurt Kent in the process,” I explain as I chew on my bottom lip.