Ruin (11 page)

Tell me you want me. Tell me you need to spend the night with me again.

"I should go," was all he said. "Before the storm comes." His gaze finally lifted to mine and I was shocked by what I saw in his eyes. He looked...haunted.

I started shaking. I hugged my arms and tried to give him a reassuring smile, but I couldn't.

He walked off toward the counter and handed Mr. Barrett the harness bag. He paid then waved at me. I nodded back and watched him leave.

"Kate," Mr. Barrett said. "You okay?"

I nodded. "Yeah. Thanks. I better go."

"Say hi to your mom and dad for me."

I left the store and walked home. Dark clouds gathered in the south, a smudge in the sky.

The sun still shone over Winter, however, and I lifted my face to it.

I wouldn't cry. Not this time. It took several deep breaths before I had my heart under control and could be sure my tears wouldn't spill.

Well. It would seem I wasn't over him. It was laughable that I thought a few days away would be enough. I'd never felt like this with anyone else. Never felt such soreness in my heart, and happiness too. Never been so eager to see someone again and to take his hurts away. Never wanted someone else's arms around me as much as I wanted Ben's. Never believed in love at first sight.

Guess I'd been wrong.

I walked home and interrupted Mom's vacuuming. "Doing anything today?"

"Vacuuming," she said with a well-duh look on her face.

"I mean after that."

"There's a storm coming. It's best to stay inside. I'll check on the Goodmans beforehand, make sure they have everything they need." Mr. and Mrs. Goodman were our elderly neighbors.

Nice people but difficult to talk to because they were both deaf as posts. "We could play a game of Monopoly when I get back if you like."

Monopoly? Really? "That's okay. I think I'll visit Jane."

She inspected the vacuum head and pulled out a clump of fluff that hadn't been sucked up.

"Visit Jane or visit her lodger?"

"Does it matter?"

She sighed. "Honey, you hardly know him. Nobody knows anything about him. Your father said—"

"I don't care what Dad said!"

"Your father said that this Ben character is hiding something. I don't think you should associate with him until we know what it is."

"And how are you going to find out what he's hiding? Interrogate him? How about you put him on the rack? You could probably find one in town, this place is ancient enough."

She sighed again. "Kate, don't be like that. We're just worried about you."

"I don't
want
you to worry about me."

"Then just stay home."

"Home is boring."

The front door opened and Dad walked in dressed in uniform. Great. Good timing. Now I had to contend with both of them. He took one look at me and Mom then said, "What's wrong?"

"Kate's going to the Merriweather house to see that boy."

"He's not a boy!" I shouted. "And I'm also going to visit Jane. She is my friend, remember."

"I've just spoken to Bob Barrett," Dad said, dropping his keys on the hall table. He hadn't raised his voice, hadn't spoken in any tone other than his normal, casual one. "He told me he saw you talking to Ben Parker in his store."

"So? Last time I checked, there was no law in talking to guys in hardware stores."

Dad's fingers stilled on the hall table. His lips turned bloodless, a sign his patience was wearing thin. Well, damn it, so was mine. "Bob said you two looked...like a couple," he said.

I threw my hands in the air. "What is this, the Inquisition? Fine. I'll tell you what you want to know. I slept with Ben. There. Happy now?"

Mom gasped. Dad just glared at me. I'd expected to see disappointment in his face, but there was only a flash of anger. Dad rarely became angry. I waited for him to say something, but it was like waiting for a volcano to explode. You never knew when it would happen or how bad the damage would be. The wait was excruciating.

His nostrils flared. He thrust his hands on his hips. "He made me a promise," he said through clenched jaw.

"He promised not to hurt me, and he didn't. In fact, I was the one who came on to him. So what do you think of that?"

"Don't be ridiculous."

"You think it's ridiculous that a girl can come on to a guy?"

"I don't think
you
could do that."

It took me a moment to recover. I wasn't sure how to take it at first. Should I be relieved or worried? "Dad, I'm not the good girl you think I am."

"Did he talk you into it?"

Mom gasped. "Or did he...?"

"No! For fuck's sake," I muttered.

Mom gasped again and Dad said, "Mind your language around your mother. We'll have none of that talk in this house. If you were younger, I'd wash your mouth out with soap."

"Well I'm not younger," I spat. Rage boiled inside me. I'd had enough. Enough accusations.

Enough living up to their ideal of me. It wasn't fair on me and it certainly wasn't fair on Ben. "I'm twenty-one. I shouldn't even be here! I should be having a vacation with friends on the beach. I was invited, you know, but stupid me said I had to go home to Winter and my parents. And this is the thanks I get! Lectures and accusations. Ben is a good guy. He made a promise to you that he wouldn't hurt me, and he kept that promise."

"Not as far as I'm concerned," Dad growled.

I shook my head. Mystifying. They were stuck in this backwater, and the world had moved on around them. They didn't get it and no amount of shouting would make them. "Then that's
your
problem. I'm going to visit him, and you can't stop me."

"Go to your room!" Dad pointed toward my door. "And stay there until you've thought about your behavior and are ready to apologize."

"I'm not twelve anymore! You can't keep me here against my will." I held up my hands in surrender. I was over this conversation and over them. "I hate this place. And sometimes...sometimes I hate you both too."

He stared at me in stunned silence. I'd never spoken to my parents like that. Never disobeyed a direct order and never ever told them I hated them. Maybe it was too harsh, but right then, I did hate their stifling attitude. It was burying me alive.

"Kate," Mom pleaded, tears in her eyes.

My heart softened a little, and I blew out a long breath. "Don't." If I gave in now, if I took back what I'd said, they'd never take me seriously. They needed to learn that I wasn't a child anymore.

I didn't go to my room and pack anything, I just left, grabbing my handbag on the way out.

I walked into town and bought some meat at the butchers and groceries from the little supermarket then begged Mr. Phillips the store manager to drive me to the Merriweather house. I would have walked, but I had too many things to carry and the dark clouds were massing overhead.

He helped me take the bags into the kitchen then drove off. I gave Jane a hug, and she knew right away something was wrong.

"What is it?" she asked.

"I had a fight with my parents."

She sighed. "I suppose it was inevitable." She peered into one of the bags and pulled out the meat. "Your Mom still gave you all of this anyway? That's good of her."

I didn't have the heart to tell her I'd bought them. She liked my parents. In her eyes they were good people, not backward and xenophobic. I didn't have the energy to discuss it with her.

"Is Ben around?" I asked.

"On the roof."

"He should come down. The storm's about to break. I'll go look for him." I left before she could stop me.

It had already begun to rain. The smell of damp earth hung in the hair, an oddly delicious smell that made me pause and draw in a deep breath. The city never smelled like that. I'd forgotten how much I liked it.

I walked around the perimeter of the house until I found Ben. He was standing at the base of a ladder, the harness on the ground at his feet.

He looked up at my approach. "Kate!"

"Hi." I tucked my hands into the back pockets of my shorts. I'd worked out what I wanted to say to him in my head, but I couldn't get any of the words out. I suddenly felt awkward, pathetic. I hated it. I wanted to return to that comfort zone where we could just be together, not speaking, and it felt good. Right.

"What are you doing here?" he asked. His damp hair clung to his forehead, and the shirt stuck to the contours of his body. He looked totally hot. Would he let me dry him if I offered?

"I came out to make sure you were off the roof. It's raining."

His eyes turned smoky and dipped to my breasts. "I noticed."

I looked down. My bra showed through my white T-shirt, and my nipples showed through that. I didn't try to cover them up. I didn't feel the need. He could stare all he wanted.

"I have to take these back to the stables." He picked up the ladder and went to grab the harness.

I got to it first. "I'll take it."

He hoisted the ladder up and ducked his head into the rain. It was coming down harder, the raindrops splashing through the leaves. We walked faster, but by the time we reached the stable block, we were both wet through.

Ben leaned the ladder against the wall inside, and I set the harness down next to it. He shook his hair and droplets sprayed around him in an arc, some landing on me.

"Sorry," he said when he realized.

"It's okay. I'm already wet."

His attention focused on my breasts again, and this time his cheeks colored. He thrust his hands in his pockets and looked out the stable door. The sky had darkened since our dash from the house. Despite being early afternoon, it looked like dusk.

"We should get back." He hadn't even gotten the last word out when the steady rain became a torrent. It crashed onto the stable roof, sounding like a freight train hurtling toward us. It dripped through the gaps between the beams and plopped onto the tools and equipment. A drop splashed my nose.

Ben took my hand, and we moved further back where the smell of old leather was strong.

"It's drier here," he shouted above the rain.

I sat on an upturned crate and indicated he should sit next to me. He pretended not to notice. At least I was pretty sure he was pretending. He'd been staring at me when I patted the crate.

It had grown a little colder and being wet, I shivered. I looked around for a blanket, but there was nothing to throw around my shoulders. Ben sat down and put his arm around me. He may have been damp, but he was warm. I sighed against him.

"Better?" he said. He didn't need to shout now that he was close. I could hear him clearly and feel his voice rumbling through my body, all the way down to my toes.

I closed my eyes and nuzzled into his throat. The pulse of his blood matched mine. My breasts rubbed against his chest, pebbling my nipples. I lifted his damp shirt and rested my palm against his ridged stomach. He sucked in air between his teeth.

"Are my hands cold?" I asked.

He shook his head.

I looked up at him and a shiver wracked me, not from the cold, but from what I saw in his eyes. Hot, hungry desire. His hand stroked the side of my breast, his other hand held me against him.

"I've missed you," he said.

My throat tightened. I fell into his gaze. It was so intense and full of a range of emotions, I couldn't begin to untangle them. "I've missed you too," I managed to say.

He let me go to graze his knuckles down my cheek while his other hand continued to stroke my breast through my damp T-shirt. It sent a rush of tingles down my spine, along my limbs. Made my heart race and my breath ragged.

I cupped his face and rubbed my thumb along his hard jawline. I wanted to kiss him, hold him, fuck him, but more than that I just wanted to look. I wanted to drink him in because I didn't know if this moment was going to last. I needed to commit every piece of that divine face to memory.

He heaved in a deep breath and closed his eyes. "I shouldn't have sent you away," he said, voice thick and gravelly. "I thought it would help me get over you. I thought I could conquer my feelings for you. I
needed
to conquer them, Kate. I needed to set you free. I didn't want to be responsible for..."

I could barely think let alone speak, but I managed to whisper, "For what?"

He couldn't have heard me over the rain driving into the stable roof overhead, but he answered me nevertheless. "For this." He pressed his hand to my ribs underneath my breast. Near my heart.

My heart swelled until I thought it would burst. "What made you change your mind?"

His hand moved to cup my breast. His thumb stroked my nipple, sending a thrill through me. "I don't want to conquer this anymore. I want to
feel
again. Being with you helps me do that."

I wanted to ask him more. Wanted to know why he'd stopped feeling, and if this meant he was going to stay longer in Winter. But the way he teased my nipple with his thumb pushed all sensible thought away. Small waves of pleasure washed through me, spread to every piece of my body, leaving a trail of burning desire behind.

I couldn't stand it anymore. I needed to feel his hands all over me. Needed to feel him. He must have needed it too. He removed his T-shirt then helped me remove mine. The damp cotton stuck to me, but we got it off and my bra soon followed.

He dipped his head and licked my nipple. I groaned and tilted my head back, arching my back up. "More," I murmured. He sucked one into his mouth. A jolt of something like lightning went straight to my inner thighs. A muscle throbbed there in eager anticipation.

"Kate," he murmured against my breast. "I adore you."

"Take me, Ben. Here. Now. I can't wait." I fumbled with the fly on his jeans until he stood and undid it himself. I got up and shucked off my shorts as he removed his jeans and kicked them away.

We were both naked, but neither of us paused to take in the sight of the other. Primal, urgent need consumed me, and Ben too if the dark swirl in his eyes was any indication.

I clasped his arms near the bird tattoo and relished the power pulsing there. He grasped my waist and pulled me to him. Our bodies slammed together. Our lips connected brutally. It was like we needed to devour one another in order to be close enough to find satisfaction.