RUIN - Part Three (The RUIN Series Book 3) (4 page)

I opened my mouth to respond just as the waitress showed up with our food. It's a diner. I should have expected that it wouldn't take more than a couple of minutes for her to return. The entire philosophy of the place is fast food. I take one look at the murky darkness of my soup and decide that my stomach will thank me later if I don't indulge. Noah dives into his food with full force, taking mouthful after mouthful with barely a chew in between. His mannerisms almost match Ben's each movement, as he ate lunch in front of me in a bistro not more than a few weeks ago.

"I saw Ben yesterday," he says as he swallows. "He asked Ron to arrange it."

I take a deep breath to rein in my crumbling emotions. I had no idea. There's no way I could have known that Noah and Ben spoke. The last I heard Noah was open to giving Ben another chance. I was actually in route to arrange a meeting between them when I'd been sidetracked by the overheard confessions of Ben and Parker. "Your father arranged it?" I ask in a quiet voice.

"He said Ben called him from Boston on Saturday night. He was torn up about you and about me." He cocks a brow. "He told Ron it was urgent that he speak to me."

"That's why you texted me so many times," I whisper as much into the air between us as at Noah.

"I texted you more than twenty times, Kayla." He sighs audibly. "I wanted to know what happened in Boston. I wanted to know what you told Ben about me before I saw him."

The answer to that is simple. "Nothing, Noah. We never got around to talking about you other than…" my voice trails. This is where I'm supposed to tell Noah that Ben was following me to watch our secret meetings.

"Other than what?" He leans forward waiting for me to respond.

"I heard him say something to Parker about you," I begin because it's where I need to start emotionally. I'm not going to throw Ben's devious behavior in Noah's face without some warning to soften it.

He motions towards me with his fork. "Ben told me about that. Christ, that's fucked up, Kayla."

It's all fucked up. All of it is. Even this part of it where I'm sitting in a diner listening to Noah tell me that he knows more about my situation than I ever wanted him to. I'm humiliated that I cared for Ben. I'm ashamed that I gave my heart to Parker and I'm hopeful that I can escape this dinner with some of my dignity still in place.

I only nod in response because trying to find words to express how I've messed up my life isn't possible right now.

He wipes the paper napkin over his lips before he places his large hands on the table. "Ben followed you twice when you and I met."

"I know." My eyes dart from his face to his hands. I didn't know that it was only twice but considering the fact that Noah and I only met a few times, it makes perfect sense.

He smiles but it's fleeting and within a blink of my eye it's vanished. "So you know why he followed you?"

I know that Noah likes to draw people out of their shells without revealing too much of himself. Whether he's consciously aware of it or not, he's doing that to me now. I just want him to tell me what he discussed with Ben. "He wanted to see whether I was getting through to you, I guess," I say it stiffly. "He was using me to try and reconnect with you."

"Who told you that? Ben or Parker?" His head tilts to the right. "Which one told you that?"

"Ben said it when I heard them talking," I begin and then stop to take a drink of water. I dart my tongue over my bottom lip before I continue, "I heard Ben say that he followed me and that he could tell I was getting through to you and…" I stop again because confessing to Noah that Ben was going to hand me back to Parker on a silver platter once he and Noah were on better terms, stings too much.

"Ben told Parker you were his again when he got me back." Noah's eyes meet mine and I see a soft understanding there. He knows so much more than I thought he did. Judging by what he's told me so far, Ben has shared almost every detail of the exchange in Parker's apartment with him. "He only said those things to keep that asshole away from you. He knew Parker was a son-of-bitch."

I catch my breath to hold back an unexpected sob. I shouldn't be surprised that I'm this emotional. I've been holding everything in for two days. I wanted to cry when I'd checked myself into the small hotel room in Boston but as I sat in the bathtub there for more than an hour, nothing came. I was numb. I am numb. I've been that way since I heard Ben and Parker talking about me.

Noah reaches across the table to grab my hand. "You should have called me, Kayla. I would have come there. Alexa and I would have been on the next flight to come get you."

The words touch me so deeply that I weep aloud. "I didn't know that."

"We are your family." His large hand cradles mine tenderly. "We will always be your family. Tell me you know that."

I nod without raising my gaze from my lap. "I do know that, Noah."

"We need to talk about Ben, Kayla." His tone is smooth and direct. "I need to explain what's really going on."

I want someone to. I need someone to and if that someone is Noah Foster, I'm all ears.

"I didn't choose Sadie to be my matron-of-honor because I love her more than you." Alexa sits down on the edge of the bed in the guestroom of the apartment she shares with Noah.

He'd brought me back here in a cab after we'd finished our dinner. It was important to him that Alexa be part of our conversation.  She'd insisted that I spend the night at their place after he called to tell her he was bringing me over.  I was grateful for the chance to sleep in this bed again. I feel safe here and a part of something that matters. I feel truly as though I'm with family.

"Sadie and you are so different," she continues without waiting for me to respond. "She needs me in ways you don't, Kayla."

"I know that she does, Lex." I reach for her hand. "You've known her a lot longer than you've known me."

"That's part of it, I guess." She twirls her index finger over the fingernail of my thumb. "It's more about how strong you are. I admire that about you."

She's never shared that with me. We've complimented each other the way close friends do when one is feeling battered by the world. I did it when she had her heart broken in Paris by Beck, an artist who had swept her off her feet and into his bed. She'd done it for me when I was passed over for an internship during my junior year of college. She was ready to march down to the office of the company I wanted a placement with to give them a speech about why they were making a mistake they'd regret.  We've always had each other's backs. It goes without saying.

"Noah told me about what happened at your apartment in Boston the other day." Her hands leap in unison to her chest. "Kayla…" her voice stalls as tears fill her eyes.

"No, Lex, don't." I reach up to cover her hands with my own. "I was okay. I handled it."

She shakes her head from side-to-side so violently her earrings crash softly against her neck. "You were there all alone after that. I would have come. You should have called me."

"I needed time to process it all," I say quietly. I really did. I needed the silent solace that my own company brought me. I needed that yesterday too. That's why I turned off my phone before I headed back to the airport and I didn't turn it back on until this morning. I wanted my own selfish way to escape the overwhelming pain I was feeling after listening to Parker and Ben talk about me.

"Noah is waiting for us in the other room." She stands and runs her hands over the smooth lines of her pencil skirt. "We'll help you through this together."

I take her outstretched hand in mine, pull myself off the bed and follow her towards the understanding I need.

***

"Ben told you that?" I inch forward on the edge of the comfortable leather chair I sat in when Alexa and I joined Noah in their expansive living room.

Noah leans back, his arm resting on the back of the couch behind Alexa. "He said it."

"Do you think he meant it?" I'm not sure where the question comes from other than a curious need to know. Noah isn't the person to ask about the intention behind Ben's words. The two haven't spoken more than a few times in the past decade. The fact that they spent more than an hour together yesterday isn't helping me in my belief that Noah doesn't know Ben much better than I do.

He looks at Alexa before he pulls his gaze back to my face. "I think he meant it."

"Ben actually told you he cared that much about me?" I'm mincing words because repeating back what Noah just said to me is overwhelming.

He moves Alexa's hair back from her face before he runs his finger over her cheek. "Ben told me that he's never been in love, Kayla. He told me that he's feeling things for you he's never felt for any woman before."

It's impacting me in a way I don't want it to. "Noah…I mean, Alexa…" I stammer, trying to find a starting point. "When you found out that I was seeing Ben, you told me he wasn't good for me."

"Noah did say that," Alexa jumps in as she rests her hand on his thigh. "Things have changed since then."

"I've only ever been in love once," I offer as much to remind myself as them. "Parker's love was toxic. I never really mattered to him. I think I was just filling in his time. I was his go-to when no one else wanted him."

Alexa's bottom lip quivers as she listens intently to what I'm saying. Sympathy isn't my end goal. I don't want that from either of them. I'm done feeling sorry for myself too, but I'm cautious. I have to be. If I jump off the cliff of uncertainty that I'm perched on and fall into the belief that Ben is feeling intense things for me, I'm just setting myself up for another emotional fall. I can't do that. I'm still nursing the wounds Parker gave me.

"I think Parker loved you, Kayla." Alexa leans forward a bit to make her point. "I think he really wanted you back when he asked you to move back to Boston."

"It doesn't matter anymore," I say it with a small smile. "I know that Parker is my past. I also know that I heard things that he said to Ben and I still don't understand it all."

"Kayla." Noah grabs tightly to Alexa's hand, pulling it into his lap. "Ben explained all of that to me."

"Tell me," I push quickly. "I want to understand it, Noah. I need to."

He nods before his eyes dart to Alexa's. "Parker was caught up in something with some girl named, Elsie."

It's still only been two days since I first heard Parker share her name with me. Hearing it come from Noah's lips is surreal. "Ben told you that?"

His jaws tenses. "He said that Parker talked about her non-stop for hours the first night they met. They hung out at a bar by your place getting wasted together."

"I still can't believe they met on the street in front of my place." I don't mention it for any reason other than to reiterate what I've been feeling internally. "Ben didn't come over to my place a lot."

"Ben said he left your place that night because you wanted to tell Alexa about him and he freaked. He thought he'd lose you right then."

"It was that night?" I cock a brow. "That was the night Ben and Parker met?" I remember the night vividly. We'd made love in my bed and then I'd pushed him to tell Noah about us. He'd refused and in my desperate need to stop hiding my relationship with him, I'd told him that unless he did it, I was going to Alexa to tell her everything. He'd run out of my apartment after that and apparently right into Parker.

"He said he needed a drink and Parker looked like he could use a friend so they went to the bar together."  Noah crosses his long legs. "That's when Parker started talking about Elsie."

"I'm sorry, Kayla." Alexa leans forward. "We don't have to talk about her if it's too much."

"It's fine," I say with my eyes closed. It has to be fine. It's my reality. "Parker told me all about her."

"I can't believe he asked her to marry him."

My eyes pop open at Alexa's words. In the big picture of my messed up life, there's very little reason to correct her but my need to hold onto any lingering bit of pride that I have wins out. "Parker told me that there was some confusion about that. Apparently Ben thought Parker wanted to marry Elsie, but it was me he wanted to marry."

Her eyes shoot so quickly to Noah's face that I don't get a chance to see anything within her expression. He nods slowly at her as if to encourage her to share something that she's unwilling to let go of.

"Alexa?" I whisper her name wanting her to turn and look at me again. "Lex, what's wrong?"

"Parker didn't buy that ring for you, Kayla." She pushes a puff of air out between her lips to curb her emotions. "He bought it for Elsie but she turned him down."

It was inevitable that I'd end up back here. It's the third time today that I've stood on the street in front of his building. I should have gone to the hospital but I don't trust myself to keep it together when I see him. The things I want to say to him aren't meant for others to hear.

"Kayla?" His voice is behind me. It rises above the noise of the pedestrian traffic that is filling the late afternoon air. "Is that you?"

I turn quickly to face him. It's only been a few days since I saw him in Boston but he looks different. He hasn't shaved and the beard that covers his jaw makes him look less polished and put together. He actually looks more like Noah today.

"You look flushed." His hand leaps to my cheek. "Are you feeling okay?"

I nod slowly even though the gesture itself is a lie. I'm not okay. I haven't been okay since Noah told me about all the text messages that Ben had shown him on his phone. Text messages that he'd shared with Parker about me, and about Elsie. They emphasized everything Noah and Alexa had told me.

"You've spoken to Noah, haven't you?" His hand moves to my shoulder. "Do you want to come up to talk?"

I only nod again because I'm fearful that if I open my mouth at this point, the only thing that will escape it is a whimper.

He guides me through the lobby of his building before he jabs his index finger into the elevator call button. He makes small talk with a couple who exit the lift when it pops open. I dart around them wanting to avoid the meaningless chatter.

He reaches to cup my hand in his after he presses the button for his floor. He doesn't say a word to the man who raced to get into the elevator before the doors closed. I'm grateful for the silence. It's helping me sort through my tangled thoughts. I watch the lights on the control panel bounce around as the car starts and stops on three floors before we reach our destination.

"I just need to call the hospital once we're inside." He fumbles with his keys as he holds firmly to my hand. "I'll make it quick."

"Take your time," I offer back as we step over the threshold into his apartment. My chest tightens as I take in the now familiar place. I didn't think I'd ever be back here after hearing him school Parker on the details of their supposed agreement. Now, I'm staring at the desk where he fucked me senseless within moments of my arrival one night. This is the place where I started to fall for him.

"I just need to check on a patient I admitted a couple of hours ago." He kisses my hand before he lets it fall to my side. "She wasn't being cooperative when I left. I want to make certain she's doing better."

Of course he does. It's who he is inside. It's that natural need of his to take care of everyone in the world but himself. "I'll wait in the other room for you."

"This won't take long," he calls over his shoulder as he dashes down the hallway.

I walk through the foyer into the large living room. I settle down on the couch and pull my phone from my purse. I run my thumb over the screen, reading a brief text message Alexa sent me earlier about the final fitting on my bridesmaid dress. With my own life being in freefall mode the past few days, I'd forgotten her wedding. The barrage of short text messages she's been sending me all day reminding me to help her with the ever present details of her to-do list, have jarred me back to the reality of honoring my commitment to help make her special day with Noah as perfect as it can possibly be.

I tap out a response telling her I'll be at the dress shop on time tomorrow after I'm done at work. I scroll through my other messages before noticing one from Parker. I delete it without reading it. I won't open myself up to him again. Parker's promises hold no weight for me.

"I'm sorry I had to do that." Ben's voice calls to me from the edge of the hallway. "Work is never ending for me."

I stare at him as he enters the space. The arms of his dress shirt are rolled unevenly and pushed up above his elbows, showing off the firmness of his forearms. His navy pants are wrinkled and the belt's end hangs loose. At first glance he looks disheveled and careless but I know it's only a reflection of his commitment to his patients. He's worked hard today. The evidence is there in the tightness of his jaw and the wrinkle of his brow. He's concerned and he's anxious and his need to call the hospital so soon after leaving there is proof that being a doctor is more than his job. It's an integral part of him, just as much as being Noah's brother is.

"Sit with me," I whisper as I pat the cushion next to me. "Please, Ben."

He's there in an instant, tossing his phone on the table as he lowers himself next to me. He pulls my hand back into his before he closes his eyes and brings it to his mouth.  "Thank you for coming here, Kayla. Thank you."