Ruined (11 page)

She shook her head, blinking back tears as she pulled her arm away from him. His fingers left a trail of warmth down her skin, and the rage boiled over, screaming to be released.

“You talk about death here as if it's an achievement,” she spat. “Like it's something to be
celebrated
.”

“Sorry?” His eyebrows knitted together.

“Your father started all of this,” she said, the words tumbling out of her mouth, almost against her will. “He marched into Ruina and murdered their queen and everyone else in sight. He solicited help from the king and queen of Vallos and then didn't send Lera soldiers to protect them from the inevitable retaliation from the Ruined. You act like things are so beautiful and peaceful and wonderful here with your cheese bread and fancy clothing and beaches, but it's all built on the backs of the people you murdered.”

She took in a slow, shaky breath. She wanted to grab the words and shove them back in.

“Bit hypocritical, wouldn't you say?” he asked with a frown.

“Hypocritical how?”

“You killed the Ruined king in order to marry me. Doesn't that make you the same as him?”

She almost snapped that she hadn't killed anyone to marry him, though that was a lie. She'd killed Mary.

“That's different,” she said, and he let out a disbelieving laugh. “It is! The Ruined were invading Vallos, and your father said they would only help if I helped them. I did what I had to do to survive.”

“Maybe my father also did what he thought he had to do,” Cas said, his voice rising. “Why is it different for you?”

“It just is!” she said, throwing her hands up in exasperation.

“Forgive me if I'm not convinced by that argument.” He rolled his eyes.

“Are you really comparing your father murdering thousands of people to me—”

“Why is it that you get to set the rules for what is justified and what's—”

“I am not setting the rules!” she yelled. “I am saying that—”

“That what you did is acceptable,” he interrupted. “But when it comes to my father, he's a murderer worthy of contempt.”

“Fine!” She spread her arms wide. “I'm a monster. Is that what you want to hear? I've murdered people, and, if you want to know the truth, I'm not the least bit sorry. They had it coming.”

Cas had his mouth open like he was going to yell again, but he closed it, hesitating for a moment. “I wasn't saying you're a monster,” he said, his voice calmer.

She pushed her hands through her hair, a sick feeling clawing up her stomach. Maybe it was a lie to say she wasn't the least bit sorry. She thought about Mary sometimes. About that piece of hair dragging through the dirt as her dead body disappeared into the night. She wasn't sorry Mary was dead, but she wasn't totally
comfortable that she'd been the one to kill her.

The door swung open and the king stepped through, turning a glare from Cas to Em. “What are you two yelling about out here? A staff member told me you were screaming.”

“It's fine,” Cas said quickly.

“I hope you're educating your new wife about how we treat guests in Lera.” He jabbed a finger at her. “I expect you to at least be
nice
.”

“Nice?” she scoffed. “You ordered me to kill someone in exchange for marrying your son, put me into a battle as soon as I arrived, and between murderous hunters and Olso warriors who
might
be plotting something, I've rarely felt safe since I set foot in this castle.
Nice
isn't high on my list of priorities.”

The king turned so red he was almost purple, but he seemed incapable of getting words out. He sputtered, jabbed a finger at Cas for no apparent reason, and stomped back into the ballroom.

A sound like a laugh came from Cas. “I don't think I've ever seen my father rendered speechless before.”

“I should yell at him more often, then,” she muttered. “He could stand to be speechless occasionally.”

Cas laughed, clearing his throat like he was trying to hide it. He painted a more serious expression on his face. “I'm sorry my father asked you to kill the Ruined king to marry me. I objected, if that makes any difference to you.”

“It does. But I don't agree with what your father did in Ruina. You'll never convince me that he was right about that.”

“I don't disagree,” he said, startling her. He stared at the floor,
rubbing at something with the tip of his shoe. “He got me out of bed last night, to see the Ruined when they brought him in. I'd never seen a Ruined before.”

“And?” she prompted, expecting a fresh wave of anger. But the way his shoulders had curled in and his face had rearranged itself into a frown made her hesitate, made her want to hear what he had to say.

“And . . . it was impressive. And scary.” He glanced at her. “When you killed a Ruined, would you provoke them to use their powers first? To weaken them? Is that how you killed the Ruined king? What was his power?”

“He ruined the soul. Could make you see visions and believe things that weren't true.” She swallowed, the image of her dead father flashing across her vision. “And no, I didn't. I just snuck up on him. Attacked before he could react.”

“Did you see his other daughter? Emelina? Is she still alive?”

“I didn't see Emelina.” Her own name sounded strange, said out loud to Cas.

“My father wanted her dead too.” Cas swallowed. “But she disappeared after her family was killed. And why would you care about a useless Ruined? If she doesn't have any powers, she's not dangerous.” He seemed to be talking more to himself than Em.

“True,” she said with a hint of bitterness.

“I've always thought it was kind of harsh, to call them ‘useless.'”

“It's the most apt description,” she said.

“They can resist a Ruined's power, if they want, right? That
seems like something. I wouldn't mind having that ability.”

“The Ruined don't attack each other,” she said. “So that ability is just as they describe it—useless.”

He looked at the ground again, his face drawn. It didn't seem like Cas was bothered by long silences, or even noticed they were happening. She waited a few moments, until he started talking again.

“He isn't much older than me,” he said quietly. “I've been thinking about how I would feel if the tables were turned. If it were me, captured by the Ruined, waiting to die. I think I would be terrified. And really angry.”

“Angry,” she repeated.

“Because what did he do?” His voice was almost a whisper. “If I'm being totally honest, that's why I got mad at you when you said that about my father. I think you're right. We're executing all these people for a crime we think they
might
commit. We think they
might
be evil. They brought Damian in because he was trying to cross into Olso, which technically has nothing to do with us. What else has he done? Why does he deserve what they did to him last night?” He gestured at her. “If he was one of the Ruined who killed your parents, shouldn't you decide how he's punished?”

“Yes.” Most of her anger had evaporated, leaving a heavy feeling in her chest and a sudden desire to wrap her arms around Cas. “And if it were up to me, I wouldn't do anything like your father.”

He nodded, a sad expression on his face. It must have been painful, to realize your father was a monster.

She cleared her throat. “Are you going to tell your father any of what you said to me, or am I the only one brave enough to speak my mind to your father?”

He cocked his head to the side as he studied her. He took several quick steps forward, until he was right in front of her, and put both his hands on her cheeks. Her entire body collapsed in a heap when he touched her, and she couldn't stop herself from curling her fingers around one of his arms. His skin sparked and sizzled beneath her fingers. He was fire she could touch. She held on tighter.

“My father was wrong.” His eyes burned into hers. “You should never be nice.”

His gaze dropped to her mouth, and she thought for a moment that he might kiss her. But he noticed something behind them, and he stepped back as a staff member passed by.

She lightly brushed her fingers across her cheek, still searing from his touch. “I'll make sure to not be nice to you from now on.”

His lips twitched up. “Good.” He held out his hand and she slowly slipped her fingers through his. “Are you ready to go back in? We can go be not nice away from those hunters.”

She barely moved her thumb against his hand, returning his smile. “Let's do it.”

Em spent the evening avoiding the hunters, sticking to Cas's side as they moved around the room saying hello to governors, friends, and the king's advisers. Cas held her hand for most of the
evening, ensuring that she forgot everyone's name as soon as they said it. She had only a vague recollection of the evening, except for how Cas's skin felt against hers. She remembered every detail of that.

“I need to go talk to Jovita,” Cas said as the dinner began winding down. “She's been giving me that look for an hour.”

Jovita was jerking her head with a frown, indicating that she wanted to talk to Cas.

“She probably wants to complain about me,” Em said as Cas slipped his hand out of hers. “Tell you to get me in line.”

“Would you let me get you in line?” Cas asked with a laugh.

“Oh, definitely not.”

“That's what I thought.” He grinned at her over his shoulder as he walked away, and she couldn't tear her eyes away from him until he was halfway across the room. A piece of his shirt had come untucked in back, and she wanted to grab it and pull him back to her.

She cleared her throat and pushed the thought away. She was being ridiculous. She had bigger things to worry about than Cas and his adorably rumpled clothes.

She glanced over at the hunters' table. Roland had left for the night, but Willem was still there, his cheeks red from the wine. His brow furrowed as he stared at something across the room.

He was staring at Aren.

An icy hand grabbed her heart. He was looking at Aren as if he recognized him.

Aren noticed his gaze but was obviously trying to pretend
he hadn't. He turned to the right, saying something to the guard next to him. He caught Em's eye for half a second, and she could read the fear in his expression. He recognized Willem too.

Aren stepped away from the line of guards, scratching the side of his face as he strolled out of the room. He was clearly trying to be casual, but Em recognized the stiff line of his shoulders.

Willem stood and followed him.

She instinctively reached for her sword but found nothing but her dress at her hip. She suddenly hated the stupid dress.

Cas was still talking to Jovita, and the king had moved across the room to flirt with a pretty woman. Em watched as the hunter pushed open the doors and disappeared through it.

She walked as fast as she dared, hitting the doors several seconds after Willem had slipped through. She pushed it open slowly, peeking out. Willem was rounding the corner to her right, headed for the back of the castle.

She took a step forward, her shoes clicking against the stone.

“Em—Mary.” Aren's soft voice came from behind her, and she whirled around. He peeked out from behind a corner.

She rushed down the dark hallway to him. The sounds of the dinner drifted away. The curtains were drawn over the windows, and the lantern across from them wasn't lit. If she knew Aren, he'd extinguished it himself.

“You know that hunter?” she whispered.

“I ran into him a few months ago. I killed his two buddies. He got away.”

“He's been drinking, and he didn't look like he was sure.
Maybe he'll give up when he can't find you.”

“Or he'll tell someone his suspicions.”

Footsteps pounded the floor, a dark shape suddenly appearing around the corner. The figure came toward Em and Aren until she could clearly see Willem's furious face.

“I know you.” He reached for the dagger on his belt. “I
know
—”

Em grabbed his arms, twisting them behind his back before he could find his weapon. Aren grabbed the dagger and pressed it to Willem's throat.

“It needs to look like an accident,” Em said quickly. “A murder will make the entire castle suspicious.”

Willem sputtered as he fought against Aren's hold on his throat.

“Get out of here,” Aren said, jerking his head at Em. “They can't find you with us.”

Em opened her mouth to protest, even though she knew he was right.

“I have one more round before I can . . .” A laugh echoed through the hallway, and Aren and Em's heads snapped up to find the source of the male voice.

Willem opened his mouth, a squeak escaping. Em clapped her hand over it. Aren slammed his hands against Willem's chest, pushing him flat against the wall with the dagger jabbed into his throat. Willem kicked his leg, bucking his body wildly. Aren narrowed his eyes at the man's legs, using his Ruined magic to make them go limp.

Willem tried to yell, the noise muffled by Em's hand. She pressed down harder.

“Em, get out of here,” Aren breathed.

“Stop. I'll be there in a few minutes,”
the male voice said, closer this time.

Two guards appeared at the end of the hallway. Em stilled, not even daring to breathe. She recognized one of them.

Galo was the one who'd just spoken, and he smiled at the guard in front of him, oblivious to the three people only a few steps to his right.

The other guard grinned, leaning forward to plant a kiss on Galo's lips. He said something Em couldn't hear, then turned to walk away, throwing a smile at Galo over his shoulder.

Galo laughed, ducking his head as he slid his hands into his pockets. He began to turn to the right, in the direction of the dark hallway. Em sucked in a breath.