Ruining Me

Copyright © 2012 by Nicole Reed

Published by Nicole Reed

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This book is a work of fiction and any resemblance to any person, living or dead, any place, events or occurrences, is purely coincidental.  The characters and story lines are created from the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. 

Find out more about the author and upcoming books online at
www.nicolreed.wordpress.com
or
www.facebook.com/RuiningMe
.

Cover art by
Jes Richardson
at
https://www.facebook.com/#!/jesrichardsonphoto
.

©Depositphotos/Rudyanto Wijaya

Two years ago I learned the hard way how every moment of our lives define everything we are and everything we will be.  These moments either bind us deeply with reality or sever
s
us from
al
l the ties that bind us to it and in those precious seconds we
decide which path we will choose.  The path of life or the path of death. 

My
path has been chosen and my
time on this earth is limited.  I know this with every
single
breath I take, with every sunrise a
nd sunset I see.  I have total control of it.  It will be
my
choice
, m
y time
and m
y decision, but today is not that day. Today I look around me at the same sight I
have
see
n e
very morning for the past four years. 
The same brick building that I stood staring up at my
f
reshman year of high school. 
The sign on the front reads
Jackson
Heights
High School
. 

Looking
up at the massive
two story
building I can
honestly
say that I will not miss it.  At all.  It's my first day as a
s
enior.  By all accounts it should be the best year.  The one you have waited
for since that first day you stepped into the hollowed walls of a school building, but I’m not t
he
same girl I once was.  Now I see my
old
best friends
,
Molly and Reed
,
sitting
on the entrance steps
laughing
. 
Turning
back to the parking lot
I spot
JT
Higgins
, my
ex-boyfriend
, laughing and kissing
the one that
replace
d me
,
Staci
e
Courtman, while
leaning
against
his
shiny red Ford
truck. 
I guess we have all moved forward.

Turning back, I look towards Molly.  Her red hair shines brightly in the morning sun almost like it was on fire.  I notice that she is glaring at me and then proceeds to lean down and whisper to Reed.  He raises his dark eyes and stares at me.  His look is challenging me to walk towards them.  Looking down at my fee
t
, the pain consumes me, because I know I’m not the only one remembering how close we once were.  Our parents had all been friends in college and we all grew up on the same street. 
“
Thick as t
hieves
”
my Dad used to say. 
There is
not a childhood memory that I have that doesn't include them both.  My heart starts hurting and my eyes glisten with tears I didn’t think I could
still
shed.   

Taking a deep breath, I compose myself. 
It's a muggy hot
Georgia
morning
and if I stand here knee deep in memories any longer I may melt. 
Even in a yellow barely there t-shirt and blue jean mini (just long enough not to get me sent home) and a pair of yellow low top
converse
,
I’m
starting to sweat or as my southern grandmother would say glisten.  At least I pulled my long dark hair up in a
ponytail
this mornin
g and since I don’t wear make-up
, only lip gloss,
nothing is sweating off. 
 

Walking toward the steps I
hear a deep voice from behi
nd me
.

"Hey
James. Wait
up."

Yes,
I have a
boy’s
name
.  My mother named me after her grandfather who raised her
, but all my friends have always called me Jay.
I turn to see Caleb Myers smiling
at me.  Cal and I also go
way
back to kindergarten. 
Bonding over food because
I used to feed him my lunch all through elementary school
and somehow in his mind this equated that I was forever his best friend.
 
Now he is
a two-hundred
pound
plus (mostly muscle) big teddy bear. 
Cal
is one of the s
tarting
o
ffensive
l
inemen
for t
he Jackson Heights Bulldog
Football team
.  He is
also
the on
e person that I still talk to
for the
only reason that
Cal
doesn't give up easily.  When everyone else got tired of the cold shoulder and my bitchy ways a
nd left me alone
,
Cal
kept coming back for more.  After
a while
, I got tired of being mean to him and decided that I would just have to get used to
the big guy
.
 
Cal
threw his massive arm around my shoulders and gave me a
sloppy
we
t kiss on the cheek.

"
Geez
Cal
, h
appy to see me?"  I couldn't help smiling
. 
 

"Yeah Girl
,
it's been a long hot ass summer and we are finally
s
eniors.  Rule the school and all that shit.  Now tell me
how much you
missed
me.
"

I chuckle because I did miss him.  I ignored his
hundred
million text
messages
and
calls
this past summer
. 
Choosing again to keep
only
t
o
my
self
w
hich
is
pretty much the
same as what I did last
year. 
 
My motto was n
o lake
, no parties and no people.
 
My smile fades as I glance up at him. 
He look
s
serious all
of a
sudden. 
Cal
t
akes
his hand and gently lift
s
my chin
to look i
nto my eyes
.

"Jay
.....
I’ve been thinking and I need to get this out.  T
his is our last year in high school.  You can change things, it's not too late
.
"
 
I
try to
grab
his hand to tug
it away from
my
face, but he holds tighter to my
chin
.
 
"Don't do this...don't
continue to
push everyone away
,
"
h
e
says as his
eyes plead with m
ine
.

The look of pain that I see there is heart breaking and it takes my breath away.  Somehow it’s
like he knows my secrets
and my
i
ntentions. 
Shaking my
head
, I
force
his hand from
my face
.

“You don’t know what you are talking about
Cal
.  Just leave it alone,” I say to him.

“It doesn’t have t
o be this way Jay.  Everyone misses you and we want the old you back.”

“We?
  A
s in your best friend
JT
?  I don’t think so
Cal
.  He was just making out with his new girlfriend in the parking lot.  It really looked like he was missing me,” I r
espond
sarcastically.  Pain laced my voice. 

“What Jay?  You want him begging at your heels even after you’ve screwed everyone else but him?”

My eyes almost bu
lge
out of my head. 
Ca
l
looked shock that he
had
said that to me and before he could say anything else I turn away.  Walking up the front steps to the school, I pass by
Molly and Reed and through the front doors. 
P
ush
ing
the tears back as I've pushed
them
all away.

I don't know what it is about the first day of school. There is so much anticipation in the air you can taste it
and e
ven I
am not immune. 
Keeping my eyes down I walk
directly to my first period class. 
I
’
m one of the first
students
to arrive for homeroom.  My teacher,
Mrs. Davis
, glances up when I walk in a
nd
she smiles at me.

"Well, Miss James Stevenson.
  How was your summer?"

"Fine,"
I
answer and smile back. 

Walking to the
back of the class
room, I
grab a desk
and drop my book bag beside it
.  Pretty soon the class starts to fill up
and the gossip of the summer begins
. 
I notice when
Cal
walks in the class room, but
thankfully there are no seats near me available. 
Bowing my head, I grab my notebook and beg
i
n to get ready for class. 
I've learned that keeping to myself is easier if I just avoid looking at anyone.  Mrs. Davis
finally
starts talking and before I know it the bell rings
and first period is over
.
  I’m able to slip out without having to talk with
Cal
.