Ryan's Crossing (10 page)

Brittney closed her eyes. “Okay. Who’s working tonight?”

“Nicole.”

“Thanks, Diane.”

“You’re welcome. And Britt?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m sorry.”

“Yeah.” Brittney hung up the phone and stood at the bottom of the stairs trying to gather herself.

“Is it Grace?” said Ryan.

She turned and saw him standing just five steps up. “Yes. Her kidneys are failing.”

Ryan breathed in deeply. “Are you heading out now?”

“Yeah. I’ve got to get to the hospital.”

“Let me tell everyone what’s going on and grab my coat.”

“Ryan…”

“I’ll follow you up there. Besides, I owe her a shake.”

Brittney smiled. “Yeah, you do. Okay.”

Ryan ran up the stairs. She could hear him explaining to their parents about Gracie making a turn for the worse and that they were going to see her. It wasn’t long before he was back down the stairs with her jacket and purse.

“You might want these.”

“Thanks.” She plucked her keys out of her coat pocket and led the way out the door.

“I’ll follow you into town, then find a place to get the shake once we get close. I’ll meet you at her room.”

Brittney nodded as she swung into the driver’s seat and started the engine. Hang on Gracie. I’m coming.

Brittney steeled herself as she walked into the room. As usual, there were no parents in sight. “Hey, Gracie.”

Weak from fighting the lymphoma, she barely turned her head on the pillow. “Hey, B. Where’s Ryan?”

“He stopped to get a chocolate milkshake.”

“He remembered?”

“Of course he did.” Brittney glanced at the nearly empty urine bag and picked up the chart. Less than 70mL all day. The monitors showed her O2 stats down to 75 and the EKG pulsed with longer, more erratic intervals.

“I brought you a picture,” said Brittney. She held up a three by five photo.

Grace’s face lit up. “You are beautiful! No wonder he likes to look at you.”

“Who?”

“Ryan.”

“What are you talking about?”

“When he was here yesterday, he looked at you a whole lot more than he looked at me.”

“Really?” Brittney couldn’t believe she was having this conversation with Grace. “How about we change the subject? How about you tell me what you saw today?”

“A new boy came in sometime last night. I think maybe he’s the same age as me.”

“When did you see him?”

“They took him for some tests this morning just after breakfast.”

“Can I come in?” said Ryan from the door. He peered with great exaggeration up and down the hall behind him, then in a stage whisper, he said, “I have contraband.”

Grace smiled at him. “What’s contraband?”

Brittney leaned in close. “It’s something you’re not supposed to have.”

Grace’s eyes lit up. “Is it chocolate?”

“Well, I wouldn’t swear to it,” said Ryan, bringing it from behind his back, “but it does have a suspicious brown color. And I believe I saw the very expert milkshake maker put an extra helping of chocolate syrup into it. Are you up to eating some?”

“Yeah.”

Brittney adjusted Grace’s bed up a little while Ryan opened the plastic spoon and pulled the lid off the cup. He dipped the spoon into the ice cream and offered Grace a small bite.

“Oh, yum. That’s really good.”

Brittney watched amazed at how well Ryan interacted with Gracie. Saving her from the embarrassment of admitting how weak she was, he patiently fed the little girl as much as she wanted. He had her laughing about a ridiculously dressed woman at the ice cream shop and a man in the lobby with a big nose. Before Brittney knew it, shift change was over, and Nicole was knocking on the door.

“How are things going in here?” said Nicole.

“Hi, Nicole,” said Grace.

“Hey, sweet girl. How are you feeling?”

“I’m a little tired.”

“Do you want your bed down a little?” said Nicole.

“No,” said Grace. “Not yet.”

Nicole got busy checking lines, wires and vitals, making notations on the chart, and watching the monitors. After a few minutes, she looked at Brittney. She didn’t need Nicole’s confirmation that Gracie was probably down to her last hours.

“I’ll be at the desk if you need anything, sweetheart,” said Nicole to Grace. Before walking out of the room, she closed the blinds on the hall window most of the way. “Just to give you some privacy,” she said to Brittney. “Call if you need anything.” Brittney nodded and watched Nicole walk out the door.

“You know what I miss?” said Grace.

“What?” said Ryan.

“I miss cuddling with my mom while we watch TV.”

Brittney swallowed hard as she walked closer to Gracie. Such a simple thing, cuddling. The loving touch of another person that most people took for granted.

“My mom’s not brave like you, B,” said Grace. “She scares easy.”

I’ve been right all along about this young mother, thought Brittney. She’s scared and weak, and instead of encouraging her, instead of loaning her some of my strength, I judged her. Father, forgive me!

“Don’t be sad, B,” said Grace. “You’re going to be okay.” She looked at Ryan. “You found someone who’s strong like you.”

Brittney looked at Ryan, the tears barely kept under control. He searched her eyes, asking unspoken questions, then reached out for her gloved hand. Brittney squeezed hard, relying for the moment on his strength.

Brittney came to a decision. “I’ll be right back, Gracie.”

Brittney walked out to the nurse’s station, pulled off her gloves, and dialed the number for Grace’s mom at the Ronald McDonald House. “Hi, this is Brittney Yager, one of your daughter’s nurses.”

“Yes?” said the young mother fearfully on the other end of the phone line.

“Ma’am, your daughter’s kidneys are failing.”

“I… I know.”

Brittney struggled to maintain her professionalism. “She may not live through the night.”

The quiet on the other end of the phone was only broken by small sniffles and the background noise of other residents at the Ronald McDonald house.

Brittney continued to reach out to her. “Wouldn’t you like to come sit with her for a bit?” Brittney paused, waiting.

“Okay,” said the mother at last. “I’ll be right over.”

When Grace’s mother arrived, Brittney helped her into the isolation garments. They walked into the room and found Ryan sitting close to Grace’s head, watching cartoons with her. Grace barely turned her head to see who had entered her room.

“Mommy,” she said weakly. “You came back.”

“Why don’t I help you crawl into bed beside her?” said Brittney softly, guiding the hesitant woman forward and willing her voice not to crack.

The mother looked at Brittney gratefully with tears in her eyes. She nodded. “Thank you,” she whispered.

As Brittney carefully held lines and wires, Grace’s mother crawled into the bed and reached out for her daughter. “Come here, baby.”

Brittney gently covered the two up with a blanket and then faded into the background with Ryan.

Chapter 15

RYAN GRATEFULLY SIPPED THE COFFEE
Nicole brought him. Standing outside Grace’s room, he watched as Brittney said her final goodbyes. The sweet child died at 11:43pm, content in her mother’s arms.

Brittney walked out, rubbing her eyes.

“Want some coffee?” asked Ryan.

“No,” said Brittney in a low, tremulous voice. “I just want to go home.”

“Come on. I’m driving you home. No argument. I’ll come up again tomorrow and bring you back here to get your car. I want to stop in and see Josh anyway.”

Brittney just nodded.

Ryan put his arm around her and guided her to the locker room where they shed their isolation gear. Then he led her down to the parking lot and put her in his Mustang.

At her condo, he walked her to the door. “Are you going to be okay tonight?”

She sighed. “Yeah.”

“Call me in the morning when you wake up.”

“You need sleep too.”

“B, this is non-negotiable. Call me.”

“Okay. Thank you… for everything.”

“You’re welcome. Good night.”

Ryan watched her go in, then got back in his car and started for Crossing.

Well, at least that situation’s resolved. Maybe not a great ending, but at least the stress of not knowing is over.

Ryan thought about Brittney’s concern and care for Grace. She’s quite a woman. Smart, compassionate, quick-witted.

Pictures of her came to Ryan’s mind without effort: curled up on the porch swing, laughing during the card game, talking with him in the kitchen. Thoughts of settling down in one place had never been in Ryan’s top priorities. But Brittney is worth considering. The thought almost surprised him. Is this part of Your plan, God?

Ryan mulled over this for a few minutes. “This sure would be easier, God, if You spoke to me like You spoke to Gideon.”

You have not because you ask not.

The verse echoed through his mind. Ryan hesitated to ask God for much of anything. “You’re not Santa Claus.” And I don’t want to seem greedy.

Ryan waivered until thoughts of his sister came to mind. Rachel-Amber seems so relaxed with her relationship with You, God. She talks about You like she really is Your daughter. I guess that’s a key difference. She’s accepted the gift of being Your child. I’m still stuck on the fact that You are God. Ryan sighed.

“Okay, my dad wants to be someone I go to for advice so I’m guessing You do too. Can you please tell me what to do with my career? Should I stay in McWilliam? Or move to Portland? Or some third option I’m not considering right now? Like the clinic in Crossing. Is that a viable option?”

Ryan waited for a moment to see if something would happen. “Well, I guess even Gideon had to wait until morning for his answer.”

Ryan woke up in the morning to voices downstairs in the hardware store. He rolled over onto his back, rubbing his face. Ugh. I feel awful.

A knock sounded on his door. “Yeah?”

His Mom peeked in. “Ryan, honey. I’m sorry to wake you, but Daniel is downstairs with Eleni.”

“Who?” Ryan opened one eye to look at his mom.

“Sorry, honey. Daniel is the cook over at the diner, and Eleni is his four–year-old daughter.”

Ryan closed both eyes again. “Okay. Cook and daughter. Got it.”

“Eleni’s hurt, and there’s no one at the clinic yet. Word’s gotten out about what you did for Joshua the other day, and, well, he’s wondering if you’ll take a look.”

Ryan groaned. “What time is it?”

“About 9:20.”

“That late? What time does this clinic of yours open?”

“Usually 9:00, but sometimes the doctors don’t make it down until later. Especially around weekends.”

Ryan searched through his groggy brain to remember what day it was. “It’s Monday, Mom.”

“Yes.” From the tone she used, it was clear she wondered what difference that made.

Is Monday really considered “near” a weekend rather than the start of the work week? He looked at her. Apparently so, since she’s still looking at me. “All right. Tell them I’ll be down in a minute.”

“Thank you, honey.” She closed the door.

“Mom!” said Ryan.

“Yes?” She opened the door just a crack.

“Can you get me some coffee, please? The stronger, the better.”

“It’ll be waiting on you.”

“Thanks,” muttered Ryan. He sat up in bed and ran his hands through his hair. What a way to start the day. He grabbed a pair of jeans and picked a clean t-shirt out of his suitcase, sliding it on as he walked down the hallway.

“You look like morning sunshine,” said Thomas with a mischievous smirk.

Ryan looked at his dad and raised one eyebrow. “Thanks. Coffee?”

Thomas pointed to a cup on the counter. “How’s the child?”

Ryan clenched his jaw. “She died about midnight.”

Thomas grew solemn. “Sorry to hear that, son.”

“Yeah. Me too.” Ryan looked into his coffee for a moment and then took a couple of gulps before heading downstairs. He saw a man and child standing near the back of the store with his mom.