Sacrificed (The Ignited Series) (17 page)

Nathan’s hand lifted slowly, to tuck a chunk of stray hair behind my ear. I loved it when he touched me, even something as simple as that. His tender side was something I would never grow tired of. Probably because I didn’t get to experience it often. 

“Do you remember anything?” he asked.

Aside from the horrible dream, which was crystal clear in my memory, most of the events from the last several hours were mostly a blur, with spots of clarity here and there. And those spots, I wished I could erase.

“Some of it.” I shifted, only to be reminded of my stiff joints. “How long have I been asleep?”

“A day.”

What I recalled had happened twenty-four hours ago? I sighed warily. No amount of time would take away the flashes of memory in my head.

“Start from the beginning. What do you remember?”

“I remember being mad at Micah. I wanted to hurt him. Callie took me to the bathroom to calm me down…” What I remembered then was something I immediately wanted to forget. I sprang up in a panic. “Oh, my God, Nathan,” I said a little too loudly. I cast a look over my shoulder at Callie. She hadn’t moved. Looking back at Nathan, I couldn’t keep the panic out of my v
oice. “I nearly hurt Callie. I
wanted
to hurt Callie!”

Nathan gripped my shoulders, pressed his face close enough to mine that I could see the tiny silver specks in the blue of his eyes. “But you didn’t,” he said firmly. “You fought it. That’s when you blacked out, wasn’t it?”

I nodded numbly. “I think so.”

“The same thing happened when you fought the urge to hurt Micah.” He wasn’t asking; he was
stating a fact. “You fought it, Kris. You can fight it. You need to keep doing it.”

“Nathan, I—”

“No, you listen,” he interrupted gruffly. “We’ve gotten this far, we’re this close, and you can’t give up now. I’m not going to lose you now.”

I’m not going to lose you now
. Despite the tone with which he said it, his words wrapped my heart in silky sentiment. It was the best kind of combination of tough-Nathan with tender-Nathan. Not the distant, dismissive one that boiled my blood, but the one I had fallen for.

If I’d had any lingering doubts, the look of utter determination in his stormy blues crushed them. I loved those eyes and…yes, I was in love with him.

“Say it,” he demanded. My heart nearly stopped beating as I wondered when Nathan had developed the ability to read minds. “I want to hear you say you’re not going to give up,” he clarified, saving me from burying my head in the pillow in mortification.

“I won’t,” I said softly.

“Won’t
what?
”   

Geez, he really meant business. I sighed and tried again. “I won’t give up.”

Only then did he loosen up enough to give me one of his almost-smiles. It was perfect—the moment, the setting, the soft shadows around us. If it weren’t for Callie sleeping beside me, it would have been the ideal moment to tell him how I now knew I felt about him and that I would do
everything
in my power to keep my promise to him because of that.  

As it was, Callie’s soft snore sort of ruined the moment. And, well, Mother Nature had something else in store for me anyway. 

Nathan must have seen the grimace on my face. “What’s wrong?” he asked.

“Nothing,” I said quickly, then amended, “I just, well, I really have to go to the bathroom.”

At least I’d found a way to turn the almost-smile into a full-on grin. With an amused nod, he stood, giving me room to slide out of the bed.

I was slightly mortified to see just how little I was wearing. I really hoped it had been Callie that had taken off my clothes and slipped nothing but an oversized t-shirt over me. As much as I would welcome a little skin exposing encounter with Nathan, I’d prefer it to be when I was conscious. Fortunately, my expanded bladder made it possible to overlook my lack of attire.

“I’m going with you,” Nathan said as he followed me out of the room. When I shot him a curious look over my shoulder, he added drily, “Not
in
the bathroom. I just don’t want to leave you alone yet. I don’t trust Gabby and Richie.”

Nor did he probably want to risk me having another run-in with Micah. As I took care of business in the bathroom, I wondered how much of that had to do with Micah’s safety and how much had to do with Nathan’s reaction to hearing why I’d been so angry with Micah in the first place. Did knowing Micah had kissed me, even if it was only in a dream, bother him the way it bothered me? I’d felt wrong when it happened, like I had betrayed Nathan by let
ting it happen. Technically, I had no reason to feel that way. Nathan and I weren’t together, even if I wanted that to be the case.

But did he feel that sort of tie to me that I felt to him? I knew I wouldn’t like to hear of him kissing another girl—dream or not.

By the time I finished and washed my hands, I found another reason to hate Micah. For not letting me hear Nathan’s response to hearing about the kiss. Fortunately, it wasn’t enough to send me into a Micah-hating Skotadi-driven killing spree. Regardless, I splashed some water on my face to cool myself down. Just thinking about Micah had a way of rising my blood pressure.

As I blotted my face dry and looked at myself in the mirror, what I saw immediately chilled the blood running thr
ough my veins. I leaned closer just to be sure, but there was no mistaking the tiny golden specks in my eyes. Contrasted by the black of my pupil, they stood out like tiny flames burning in the night. I’d once thought of Skotadi eyes as tiny portals to hell, and seeing the same flicker in my own eyes now only made that link all the more justifiable.

I would dig my own eyes out if I thought it would help. Instead, I screamed, and the only word that came out of my mouth was Nathan’s name. In an instant, he was in the room, cradling me as my knees threatened to give out under the weight of those two gold spots.

“It’s happening,” I sobbed into his chest.

He attempted to lift my face to his, but I wouldn’t let him, ashamed of what he would see in my eyes. Of course, he was a lot stronger than me, and ultimately succeeded. I reluctant
ly met his gaze and saw, from his lack of reaction, that this was not the first he had seen the gold flecks.

His jaw was rigid with determination. “We don’t
know what’s happening.”

Despite his assurance, the hope I had been holding onto crumbled. Despite his arms wrapped protectively around me, I knew that my fate would ultimately find me. Despite the words I’d spoken only moments ago, I feared that I would end up breaking my promise to Nathan.

Despite being a fighter, this was one fight I feared I would eventually lose.

C
HAPTER 16

I was surprised to find myself alone when I awoke in the morning, but not as surprised as I was by the smell of bacon that immediately hit my nose. If anything could stunt the despair brought on by the events of the last thirty-six hours, it was bacon.

Something about turning into a monster must have jump started my appetite.

After slipping on a pair of mesh shorts I found lying on the floor, I ambled my way to the kitchen and its tantalizing aromas. The array of food I found there was nothing compared to the deliciousness of the other sight before me: Nathan slaving over the stove, cooking.

So, he could bake
and
cook. In my opinion, nothing was sexier than a hot, tough guy that could toss around evil creatures effortlessly, and still knew his way around the kitchen. I paused in the doorway to savor the moment.

Catching a glimpse of me when he turned, Nathan paused and smiled with a hint of bashfulness. “Cooking breakfast,” he said with a shrug.

“I can see that. It smells good.” Glancing around me, I asked, “Where’s everyone else?”

Usually, when someone decided to make an actual meal, the rest of the house hovered like vultures, waiting for their opportunity to scavenge. To see no one, with the smells wafting from the kitchen, was unexpected.

“Actually, it’s just us,” Nathan answered as he turned back to the stove. I tried to interpret the undercurrent in his tone. Anxiety? Reluctance? Maybe timid, but why?

“Where did they go?”

I saw his shoulders rise and fall as he stood with his back to me. “To get more supplies and food. Stuff like that.”

I wandered farther into the kitchen, maintaining a casual charade despite the flip-flopping in my stomach. “So we’re alone?”

Because I was watching him closely, I caught the way his movements froze briefly before he continued flipping the bacon. “Uh-huh.” I detected an air of dismissiveness in his voice, like he was purposefully trying to be tough.

“You afraid to be alone with me?”

That question spun him around to face me. “Why would I be afraid of that?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” I sang. “Maybe because I’m a closet Skotadi, who apparently can snap at any moment.”

That earned me a chuckle. “No. I’m definitely not afraid to be alone with you because of that.”

Was there another reason that he would be afraid of me? The way he worded it, the way he said it, and the way he stood like he was prepared to run any second made me wonder. Was it simply being alone with me in this intimate setting that scared him?

“Why don’t you go shower and get dressed,” he suggested as he turned back to the stove. “By the time you’re done, breakfast should be ready.”

‘You scare the shit out of me, okay?’
he had told me a few weeks ago and suddenly it all made sense. He was nervous simply being alone with me…and it wasn’t because he was afraid of what I could do. Well, maybe he was afraid of what I might do, but not because it was harmful to his well-being. Perhaps harmful to his self-control.

Good knowing that he struggled with it as much as I did.

That fact managed to put a smile on my face as I followed his advice and took a much needed shower. When I emerged, the sun was shining bright, and I slipped into a pair of jeans and the cutest shirt I had. Nathan was just finishing up when I joined him in the kitchen.

It was already a turn on to know that he could cook at all, but I nearly gave him something to really be nervous about when I took a bite and
discovered that he could not only cook, but cook well. On top of that, it was nice to have an enjoyable moment with just the two of us again. This wasn’t the first time I’d missed the days it had just been Nathan and I, the days we’d spent in the cabin in the woods, but this moment brought about a pang in my gut I’d never felt before. For the first time, I wished for the ability to go back and relive those days, when things were tough, but easier than now, before I’d known the truth, before I had impending doom on the horizon.

What if we never got to enjoy another moment like this?

Far too soon, we finished our plates and started the cleanup. But then, that was nice, too. As I stood at the sink, Nathan brushed by me over and over again as he cleared the table and the stove, bringing me the dirty dishes to clean. We didn’t talk, but it was a comfortable silence, and preferred over the many heavy subjects we otherwise would have conversed about.

I almost forgot
about the events of the day before. Until I lifted the knife out of the soapy water.

I was immediately thrust back into the dream, looking down at the knife in my hand as it sliced through Micah. Though it had not been this knife—but a diamond-coated knife—in the dream, the emotion behind my actions gripped me. Though Micah was not here, there was another Kala here, and any Kala was as good as another.

I slanted my eyes in his direction as he wiped the stove clean. With his back to me, it would be easy. I could kill him before he ever knew what happened.

It was as if someone else’s hand lifted the knife in the air, poised and ready, and I struggled against the impulse to rush forward, to attack. My arm quavered in rebellion, the knife rattling in my hand.

The hesitation was long enough for Nathan to turn, to find me standing there with the knife raised. With one look into his eyes, the struggle over control of my body ceased. I opened my hand and the knife dropped to the floor with a clatter.

Nathan looked from the knife to me. His mouth opened, perhaps out of shock, or perhaps to say something, but I didn’t stick around to hear what.

I ran to my room, shut and locked the door. I backpedaled until the back of my knees touched the edge of the bed, and I sat down, unable to support my own weight any longer. Dropping my head into my hands—the same ones that a moment ago had not belonged to me, but to a dark force trying to overcome me—I screamed.

The scariest part was that I knew what I had been about to do, but those seconds whe
n the knife had been in my hand were only a blur. I barely remembered. All I knew was that I had been a heartbeat away from stabbing Nathan.

Though I prob
ably should have expected it, I was startled by a knock at the door. A moment later, Nathan’s voice carried through.

“Kris? You alright?”

I shook my head with a scoff. I’d nearly attacked him, and he was worried about me? Typical Nathan. Too blinded by his own need to help me to realize what I was becoming.

“Go away, Nathan,” I returned loud enough for him to hear me through the door.

He knocked again. “Let me in.”

“No!”

There was a thud and the door shook, either from a kick or a dropped shoulder. “I’ll break the door down, Kris,” he threatened. “It would be much easier for you to just let me in.”

When I didn’t answer, another hit vibrated the door, and another. I didn’t doubt that he would manage to break it down. I didn’t want him to. I didn’t want to see him, didn’t want to face what had nearly happened.

I didn’t want him anywhere near me, for fear of what I might do.

Then again, it would be nice to finish what I started…

“Nathan, stay away! Please!” I pleaded, gritting my teeth as I struggled with my inner demon.

With another hard hit, the door crashed open. Nathan appeared in the doorway, and the demon
won. With a snarl, I launched myself at him. He was quick, but not quick enough, and my arms encircled his neck.

It took him longer than it should have to gain the upper hand on me, most likely because he was trying not to hurt me in the process. I used that knowledge to my advantage, and managed to grab the knife he always carried with him from its sheath around his waist. Diamond-coated. Perfect. Just one scratch…

At the sight of the knife in my possession, he responded with the ferocity I’d come to expect from him. Life or death. He wasn’t gentle in trying to rip me off of him now. My legs wrapped around his hips as he tried to restrain my arms, and we toppled over together. My head hit the floor hard, briefly stunning me and allowing him to pin my arms down, the knife held ineffectively in my hand above my head.

“Look at me, Kris!” he demanded.

I shook my head violently in refusal. He leaned down so close I had no choice but to look at him. His eyes burned into mine, pleading, desperate. Familiar, those eyes I could look into all day long. Eyes that belonged to someone I knew to my core that I had fallen in love with.

My hand wavered. The knife slid from my grasp and fell to the floor.

I melted under Nathan’s weight as I found my true self once again. His grip on me softened, and his hands slid up my forearms, across my wrists, until his fingers intertwined with mine. We lay like that, with his thumbs tracing delicate circles on my palms, until both our breaths slowed, steadied.

Only then did the reality hit me. A tiny quiver that started in my lips spread outward until my entire body was trembling, not from an internal struggle for control, but from a wave of emotion too powerful to contain. Wordlessly, Nathan shifted and guided me up until I was resting on his lap, his arms wrapped securely around my middle, and I buried my face into the warm spot between his neck and shoulder as the tears came.

He was one of the reasons I was fighting this battle, and was the one person fighting for me even more than I was fighting for myself. Protected in his arms now, I remembered why I could not give up. He believed in me, and I must believe in myself.

But never again would I put Nathan in danger, nor would I let him endanger himself for me. This had been too close, and I feared it would only happen again. I had to do something to protect the ones closest to me. 

The question was what?

When the answer came to me later, I danced around it, toyed with it, tried to find another way. Ultimately, I knew it was the only thing I could do to keep everyone I loved out of harm’s reach. Out of
my
reach.

I waited until I was sure everyone was asleep. I’d packed my bags after dinner, stuffed them under the bed. They and the books I’d been studying were all I took with me now. I half expected Nathan to be positioned outside my bedroom door, standing watch for Gabby and Richie, but he wasn’t, and I slipped outside without meeting resistance. I felt guilty, but had no choice but to take the Tahoe. 

There was only one place I knew I could go, and I punched the address into the GPS.

I drove through the night, and didn’t stop until the sun started to rise. I managed to get a few hours of rest in a hotel outside of St. Louis, before setting off on the second leg of my trip. I hoped to be where I was going by nightfall.

It took longer than I’d anticipated, mostly because I struggled just to stay awake the last few hours. I got a second wind when the Rocky Mountains appeared in front of me, and I knew I was close. Shortly after midnight, I pulled to the curb in front of a white ranch house on a nicely maintained, tree-lined street. The GPS announced that I had arrived at my destination, and I couldn’t have been more relieved.

Several cars were parked along the curb in front of the house, in the driveway, and even a few were angled awkwardly across the front yard. When I turned off the engine, I heard heavy base coming from inside the house
, and knew that this was the right place.

A party. I had to be at the right place. I would expect nothing less of Alec. 

My nerves slowed me when I reached the stoop, and I had a fleeting thought that maybe Alec wasn’t there. Or maybe he was too far gone to help me. Or for me to help him.

There was only one way to find out. I couldn’t go back now anyway, so I knocked on the door.

A tall, tanned, extremely good-looking blonde that looked like he belonged on the beaches of Malibu, not the mountains of Colorado, answered the door. He took one look at me, and raised his eyebrows in intrigue. Even with several feet separating us, I could smell the alcohol on his breath. Or maybe it was the house itself that reeked. It was hard to tell.

I groaned inwardly, but put on my sweet face. “Is Alec here?” I held my breath as I waited for the guy to tell me he didn’t know anyone by the name of Alec.

Instead, he mumbled something that sounded something like,
“It figures”
before turning to shout, “Hey, Alec! Girl at the door asking for you!”

He walked away, leaving everyone with a clear view of me as I stood in the doorway. A cluster of scantily clad, heavily made-up girls looked up from a game of poker being played on the coffee table. Someone, though it was hard to tell
who with all the people crammed into the room, whistled from the back. Smoke filled the small space, and I suspected not all of it was cigarette smoke. I had been to my fair share of parties, but this one made them all look like an eight year old’s birthday celebration. I wanted to run and hide from all the curious stares.

Then I saw him, working his way through the crowd on his way over to me. He passed Malibu Guy, and laughed at something he said. When he looked up and saw me, his smile faltered. By the time he reached me, his face had morphed into a mixture of disbelief and anger.