Safari Moon (6 page)

Solo pulled her hands into his and gave her
his most pathetic look. “You have to solve my problem for me.
Please come with me. You won’t regret going with me.”

That line wasn’t new. “I
can’t.” Nyssa tugged her hands away. Even though her heart told her
to accept his deplorable last time offer, her mind screamed at
her.
No.

“Why not? Because Robert will object?”

With more conviction than she felt, she
said. “Yes. What Robert thinks is important. Even though he’s never
told me what to do, he wouldn’t like me running off to Alaska with
you. Pick one of your willing, eager, able women and go do what you
do best. Your grandfather will be pleased.”

“I won’t let anyone of those ladies near
me.” He shuddered.

Wonderful, she thought before she could stop
herself. Wasn’t this what she wanted? Solo to leave her alone? The
only way that would come about was if he found someone he could
love. As for her, she’d marry Robert and settle down. No more
adventures.

“You have to accept facts. Everything has
changed.”

He squeezed her hands gently. “You could
help, Nyssa, but you’re afraid.”

She wished he’d stop putting emotions in her
head. His perceptions were always right and it was disconcerting.
Plus, he made her want to prove him wrong. But she could hardly
stop him. Short of revealing even more truths about herself, it was
prudent to keep her eyes shuttered and her mouth closed. In a few
more minutes, he’d guess that she did like his hands holding hers,
and she wanted nothing more than to go with him.

Think of Robert. He makes you happy.
Robert’s safe.

But safe, conservative Robert would never be
so forward, would never presume she’d forego her plans to run away
on an adventure. And conservative Robert would never make her
tremble and make her pulse roar in her ears.

Concentrating on a mental image of Robert
helped. The picture gave her the courage to take her hand back and
fill both with boxes of bike gloves from the shop.

“I’m not afraid.” She recognized the lie and
felt the heat of her blush rush to her cheeks. “I don’t have any
advice for you.” She let the items she’d picked up fall to the
counter as she scooted around to the opposite side away from Solo.
Protected, she folded her hands on top of the counter then she gave
him what she hoped was a determined look. “If I were you, I would
pick up the phone and order the Colonel to print a retraction in
tomorrow’s paper.”

“That wouldn’t help me out tonight. I’m
afraid to go home because one of them might have found my cabin.
Besides, I already tried to call him and he’s vanished.”

“You gave up.”

He shook his head again, gazing down at
Nyssa in confusion. “You don’t believe that?”

“Solo, you’ve got to face reality.” Rather
than look at him she straightened the items, placed them in
alphabetical order before stacking them nonsensically. “I’m sorry
but you may have to live with this until you leave for Alaska.”

“You don’t have to hit me over the head. I
get the message. Our friendship doesn’t mean to you what it means
to me.”

His features were drawn back tight and he
didn’t look happy. When he shot her a last silent plea before he
slipped out the door, she thought, he really did look hurt.

When the little bell over the shop door
stopped ringing, she slumped down on the chair behind the cash
register thoroughly relieved. She couldn’t help herself. Disaster
in the shape of Solo St. John and his overpowering hold on her life
had been discouraged one more time.

Well, you’ve got what you wanted. He just
walked out the door and it doesn’t appear as if he’s ever coming
back.

So why did she feel the best friend she’d
ever had just left her for good.

***

The sound of clicking knitting needles hung
in the cinnamon spiced air.

"I'm knitting a baby blanket," Sarah St.
John said. Nyssa called her Grams because Solo did.

"Baby blanket?" Nyssa questioned, wrinkling
up her forehead in a frown of perplexity.

"I want to be prepared when the event
happens," Grams said softly with a little smile creasing her
face.

"Solo is planning a baby? Did I miss
something? Like a wedding?"

"No," Grams slanted Nyssa another hint of a
smile, one that held a great deal of mischief if Nyssa could
believe that of Solo's grandmother.

"Well, I guess you can't be too prepared,"
Nyssa muttered, shaking her head. She felt the hollow, empty lump
inside her grow to gigantic proportions. She couldn't--no she
wouldn't think of Solo married and with children--her Solo. She
knew the time would come, but she wouldn't ever be ready for
it.

"How is your, Robert?" The knitting needles
paused. Grams stared at her waiting for an answer.

"My Robert?" Nyssa cleared her throat. "He's
saving the world one small step at a time."

"Oh, really? How is he accomplishing this
magnificent feat?"

"He is prosecuting the men responsible for
the collapse of our economy. You know, the CEO who received a 5
million dollar golden parachute as a reward for his failure. Can
you believe that? Five million dollars and he helped run the
country into bankruptcy."

"All by himself?"

"He's not the only one…" Nyssa's voice faded
away as her thoughts ran to her own part in the company's
failure.

"Is that why you left that great job in New
York? The corrupt CEO's?"

"Nyssa rubbed the tense muscles on the back
of her neck, wondering just how much she wanted to tell Grams.

"Yes," she said slowly. "In part. I don't
like the greed and the dishonesty. I was going to testify. I
received death threats. My cat was killed…"

"Oh, my!"

"Oh my is right. I testified and my doctor
told me I had to get away. My health was deteriorating and I spent
all my waking hours looking over my shoulder, knowing I could be
murdered at any minute."

"Get away?" Grams parroted.

"For my health, I decided I wasn't going
back--ever."

The needles made soft cliking sounds. When
Grams pulled on the yarn the ball rolled across the floor. Her
calico kitty pounced. Silence pooled in the her gut then settled in
her heart.

"Do you love him, Robert?"

"I…"

"You've got to be sure. Marriage is forever.
Do you love him?" Grams persisted.

"Of course, I love him."

"That's odd. I could have sworn you loved,
Solo."

"We're too different."

"Balderdash."

"Grams."

"The only think you don't love about Solo is
his money."

"There is that," Nyssa admitted. "Really,
it's not fair for you to invite me here and then question my
motives or my love for Robert. Even if I told you I loved Solo, I'm
not an empty headed bimbo."

"He only dates women like that because he
doesn't think he can love you or that you will have him. You've
always set such a high standard."

"I've never heard anything so crazy."

***

“I don't like your buddy Solo St. John. Why
is he hanging around and what does he want from you? He has money…"
Robert's voice faded.

“Do you know what you implied?” She tried to
keep the doubt from her voice. “Do you want a wife or a trophy? I
thought we understood each other but now I’m not sure I even know
you.”

“I’m sorry. It's just that I'm suspicious of
everyone like your Solo.” Robert pinched the bridge of his nose
between his thumb and index finger. “I didn’t think you wanted to
ever see him again. I thought we shared a common purpose. You have
to consider all the little idiosyncrasies of marriage and the
sacrifices we’ll each have to make. You know what the tabloids
would do to me if they saw you with him.”

Nyssa shot to her feet, bumping the coffee
table in front of her. “I haven’t heard one sacrifice you’re
willing to make. But I haven’t asked you to change your life or to
give up on your dreams.”

“Sweetheart, relax. I don't want you to give
up anything except St. John. He represents everything and everyone
I'm fighting against. He has more money than a lot of the men we're
trying to put behind bars.” Robert encouraged her with a smile and
a shrug of his shoulders.

Nyssa tried to calm down. She knew he wanted
to make her happy and as usual Robert had been right. She didn’t
want him to sacrifice what he believed in because she couldn't say
no to Solo. Yet she knew Solo would always be a part of her life.
There had to be a compromise in this somewhere, but she couldn’t
figure out where. No matter how she looked at the problem, she was
the one who always gave in. Yet he was the one with his reputation
on the line.

“I'm just asking you to be discreet. There
is a higher cause.”

“I know, but I left New York so I could be
free. And now it seems, I've fallen back into the same scenarios. I
know it's not the same but Robert, I just don't know if I can do
this again. I don't want to have to always be looking over my
shoulder.” She was acting obtuse now and she didn’t like the
feeling but--but what?

If only Robert didn’t always have an answer
for everything, an answer that made sense, maybe she could calm
down. But she didn’t want to calm down, not when her emotions were
in turmoil.

“I have waited so long to have my day and to
see these men get what they deserve. I don't want my case
undermined in any way ."He gave her a smile that should have made
her feel better. But it didn’t. It made her feel pretty darn low
and very small-minded.

“I’d like to get this taken care of before
we’re married. One less thing to do and all,” Robert said.

“But the wedding is a long ways off. I feel
as if I'm losing a part of myself..”

Robert looked away. "It's only for a few
more months."

“No it isn't. It's a lifetime. Neither one
of us is going to change. I don't want to change you, Robert. I
believe in what you are working for with all my heart. I just don't
have the energy to be part of that.”

“Sorry, sweetheart. I guess I forgot about
you.” His smile was firm.

Nyssa chewed her fingernail, a habit she’d
thought she’d given up when she moved back. “Thank you, I think,
but I'm not sure where we are going to go from here.”

“Let's just take one day at a time--and
agree to always talk to each other--honesty, you know. Let's not
ever lie about our feelings." Robert told her in an even unhurried
tone. “Plans for the wedding--your tours--it will be the most
hectic year of your life. I want you to have help.”

“I don’t want help. If my life will be more
hectic than what I endured in New York, I don’t want any part of
the wedding.”

“If you like, we can hire a wedding
planner.”

“But...”

“Trust me. It will all turn out fine.” His
teeth flashed white. The bright grin was the one he used when he
wanted to win over the people.

“Robert--”

He gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. “I
have to go. I’m meeting mother. She’ll have the guest list. Smile,
it should have a hundred people we can cut.”

She groaned. “I thought we agreed on a small
wedding,” she tried for a light tone, but she sounded a little
bitter.

“Sorry, sweetheart. She knows all the old
timers in Bend and most of the new arrivals. Mother didn’t want to
offend anyone.” He hugged her close and gave her a little peck on
the forehead.

“They’d forget about the slight in a couple
of months.”

“I know you didn’t mean that. Love you. I’ll
call. Let you know all the details.” The door closed on his last
words. Robert was gone, vanished in a whirlwind that reminded her
of all the times she'd rather forget.

Nyssa lowered herself to the couch then let
her head fall into her hands. She massaged her temples in a fervent
attempt to stop the headache that was ready to explode.

Tonight with Robert was like a nightmare.
She felt petty when they argued over his campaign and all he wanted
to accomplish. Guilt swept through her. She was being selfish. If
that wasn’t enough, she felt terrible about leaving for a tour one
month before the wedding date. But she’d already agreed to the trip
in Greece, agreed months before he asked her to marry him. She had
done research, booking the hotels and inns. She had pedaled the
entire journey and made sure the distance and the terrain each day
would never be too much for the cyclists. During her lunch hours,
she’d poured over volumes on Greek history so she’d have
interesting trivia to tell the group. Damn, damn, and double
damn.

Robert had his life mapped out. Sometimes
she wasn't sure if there was room for her. Sometimes she wasn't
sure if she wanted to be part of his life and his dreams.

The effect of her calming speech lasted less
than a minute. “I'm going to be a good wife.” She threw her armful
of clothes onto her bed. “I’m a coward, a slob, an exercise
nut--and can’t forget a man I have no future with. How am I ever
going to change when I don't want to change?”