Santa Fe Fortune (10 page)

Gwen’s heart beat like a leather drum in time to the music.

“Gwen,” he continued, “I know I’m not supposed to feel this way, not with you only being in New Mexico for such a short while, but I…” He turned his gaze on hers, cascading waves shimmering in the sunshine. “I want you to know how very special it is to me that you agreed to spend this time together.

“This is probably more than you want, more than you’re ready for right now, and I don’t mean to push you. It’s just that, Gwen. I need to be with you. Even if it’s just for now and nothing more. Does that make sense?”

She looked up at this beautiful man, standing radiant in the breeze, his brow knitted with uncertainty, and her heart did a million unexpected cartwheels.

“It makes perfect sense to me,” she told him. “Everything you said I agree with, Dan. What I’m saying is, I feel the same way too. I can think of nothing better than spending time with you.”

He took her other hand as well and spun her toward him with a wickedly handsome grin. “That settles it, then. We’ll just have to reserve the time on our calendars.”

“Consider yourself penned in,” she said, her soul dancing and sprinting in the wind.

Little lines tugged at the corners of his mouth as blue eyes crinkled.

“I’m relieved you didn’t say penciled.”

Gwen laughed with delight as he pulled her into a hug, her back pressed to his chest, her gaze facing the mountains. “Seen enough?” he asked, his breath tickling her ear. Shivers raced down her spine and shimmied to her tailbone.

“Of this view, yes,” she answered breathlessly.

“Good,” he said, giving her neck an affectionate nudge. “Then let’s have lunch.”

Gwen had to admit she was starved. Laying her heart on the line for Dan must have consumed quite a few calories. “Only if you’ll do me a favor,” she said coquettishly.

“Anything,” he said, turning her to face him. “Anything at all.”

“Order me an avocado margarita?” she asked with an impish smile.

Gwen smiled at Dan over her iced coffee and took a big bite of chocolate chip cookie. “This has been so much fun. I’m glad you suggested getting out of Santa Fe.”

They’d shared a delicious lunch at a chic vegetarian place, then had taken their time tooling around the small town just south of Taos Pueblo. Quaint boutiques and outdoor eateries lined the main streets of this tiny burg tucked up in the New Mexico hills. A burgeoning ski resort in winter, it was as sleepy as a summer sunset in July, random pockets of tourists mixing in with the laid-back locals. Dan set down his coffee on the art deco tabletop of the offbeat outside café.

“Gwen,” he said with a seriousness that took her aback. “I’ve got something I need to tell you.” There was a hesitation in his voice she hadn’t heard before.

Gwen felt her stomach wrench in anticipation. Whatever he was about to say couldn’t be good news. She felt suddenly ill, all jittery and nauseous as if she’d consumed too much caffeine. The trouble was she’d only taken one sip.

“Remember that day in the park when I mentioned Jocelyn?”

“Your sister?” she asked, headily confused.

“That’s right, my younger sister. The one who passed.”

He averted her gaze and hung his head, looking deeply ashamed. Seconds ticked by so slowly Gwen could hear the clatter of each cup and saucer cleared by the busboy.

“Dan? What’s going on?” she asked softly.

He stared straight at her then, blue eyes rimmed with sorrow. “I’m afraid that was my fault. All of it, my fault.”

Gwen leaned forward touching the arm of this kind, caring man. While Gwen hadn’t known him long, she sensed in her bones he wasn’t the sort to willingly inspire any kind of family tragedy. “But, how can this be?”

“She wanted to go riding. God knows there was nothing Jocelyn loved more than riding that palomino.” He almost smiled at the memory, but this time the tug at his lips was remorseful. “But my mom was plum set against it.”

“Against it? But why?”

He pursed his lips a moment before continuing. “Jocelyn wasn’t a regular girl. She was special, you know?”

“Like…disabled?” Gwen was floundering here and feeling as if they were wading into dangerous territory. She didn’t want to offend him by guessing wrong, but she did genuinely want to understand.

“Jocelyn had a rare condition, cystic fibrosis.”

“The lung disease?”

 
“Manageable but very serious. Most sufferers don’t live beyond thirty.”

He paused a moment, letting the weight of that sink in.

“My dad was of the opinion, go on, let her lead a normal life. My mom was very protective.”

“What did you think?” she asked softly.

“I…agreed with my dad,” he said, struggling for the words.

Gwen met his gaze with tenderness. She could see these were difficult admissions for him, perhaps even ones he’d shared with very few other people.

“Like I said, Jocelyn loved to go riding, but our mom would never let her. She was worried the activity might spur an attack.”

“Did it?” Gwen asked sincerely.

“Sometimes. But Jocelyn said it was worth it. My dad said,
‘Let the girl do what she wants. It’s her life anyway.’

“I used to help her tack up her horse. We’d sneak into the barn, and I’d get it all ready. There was so little I could do for her…”

“I’m sure you didn’t mean her any harm.”

“Of course not. She was my baby sister.” Dan set his jaw, meeting her gaze. “I loved her like no brother could. She was smart, funny, irreverent…” His voice trailed off, lost in emotion.

Gwen reached out and touched his hand. “I’m sure she knew that.”

“She died when she was riding, Gwen. She was practicing a jump but fell off.”

“None of that was your fault!” Gwen protested, her heart brimming with sorrow for him. How could someone as good, as kind as Dan believe he’d had anything intentional to do with that?

“My mom was heartbroken. She and my dad fought about it afterwards. He rode off and left his family behind him, unable to cope with the stress.”

Gwen ached for Dan having lived through this. How many years had he carried the burden of this guilt regarding circumstances that were so much beyond his control?

“You were only a teenager. You didn’t want for any of that to happen. Sometimes bad things do. It’s the world that we live in.”

“I know,” he said gravely. “Believe me, I understand it’s a world that you’ve lived in too. Life isn’t always fair, which is why I thought I should tell you.”

“Tell me what?”

“The gene for cystic fibrosis is hereditary. This isn’t just about Jocelyn or my dad running out. This is about the sort of man I am and what I’m from. I’m afraid it’s not much of a future to offer anybody.

Dan set his jaw and turned away, emotions roiling across his rugged face. “This is one reason I’ve kept myself so careful about getting involved. Really, up until you, it’s been two years since I’ve seriously cared…”

“Dan,” she said, stopping him and taking his hand. “Where you’re from doesn’t dictate your future. Jocelyn’s death was an accident. Deep inside, you must understand that. What happened to your parents was beyond your control. Many couples can’t weather the loss of a child. I agree your dad was wrong to run out, but then so did mine and for no particular reason, other than growing tired of the responsibilities of raising a family.”

A hardness etched across Dan’s brow. “That was a terrible thing for your dad to do. It was wrong of both our dads. I would never abandon my family.”

“I know you wouldn’t,” she said, meeting his gaze. “That’s not who you are. That’s who they were. The three of you are different.”

Dan looked in her eyes, his expression worn. He’d just dumped a heap of tragic family history on Gwen. Adding his speculations about Elena on top of it would be too much. As much as he’d tried to push Elena’s startling confession from his mind, it kept sneaking back up on him, casting a weighty stone into the wellspring of happiness he was building with Gwen. This was the price Dan paid for letting a stunning woman get the best of him yet again. If nothing else, one good thing had come of his unfortunate Albuquerque encounter. He’d learned something about Elena once and for all. When that woman wept, she shed nothing but crocodile tears.

“I’m not sure if having kids is in the cards for me anyway,” Dan said after a beat.

Gwen studied him with compassion. “I don’t know much about cystic fibrosis, but I’m familiar with other hereditary diseases. It can’t be a hundred percent chance?”

“There are very few full guarantees. There’s prenatal testing you can do, but to what end? Would you want to have that choice put to you, Gwen? Whether or not to end the life of your unborn child because it might be imperfect?”

Gwen’s head and heart swirled with confusion, the whirlpool of emotions threatening to drag her under. What a heart-wrenching scenario that would be for any potential new parents to face. “I honestly don’t know what I think. I’ve been lucky, I guess. I’ve never had to deal with anything like that.”

Dan’s lips drew into a thin line. “Given the choice, I’d venture most women would prefer not to have to.” He appeared distant, as if recalling an unpleasant memory.

“Well, maybe most women aren’t smart enough to think things through. It seems to me that when a couple is in love and longing to build a family, there are many ways to work things out. Anyway, I believe that all children are special gifts, don’t you? Just look at Jocelyn and the joy she brought to your life.”

Dan studied her for a prolonged beat. There appeared to be a million thoughts racing inside him, but Gwen couldn’t decipher a one.

“For a Carolina girl, you’re an awfully wise woman,” he finally said.

Gwen flushed at the compliment, understanding that things had deepened between them. Dan had opened up to her in unexpected ways and she was honored he’d felt he could trust her.

“Thanks for telling me about Jocelyn. Seeing as how our time together is so short, you really didn’t have to.”

“Precisely why going for quality over quantity is my aim. Since we’ve agreed to take this next little bit to get to know each other, I thought maybe we should begin by dispensing of secrets.” He glanced at her wedding band, and Gwen felt her face burn hot.

After Dan’s sincere confession, she felt like a big plucky chicken refusing to give him fair play in return. But Dan had worried over events that were really out of his hands. What did it say about Gwen that she hadn’t even found the guts to deal with something on her own finger? Would he think her emotionally inept in accepting a marriage that failed, or worse yet, extra loopy for feeling she had to find just the right spot to shuck its golden albatross?

“I want to tell you, I do,” she said hoarsely. “And I will, very soon.”

It was a long, slow descent toward Santa Fe, the mountains opening up into the deep, craggy canyons of the Rio Grande River. Dan had taken this way home on purpose. He knew the perfect spot where he hoped to take Gwen and finally kiss her. Kissing that woman was long overdue, and Dan intended to make good on his earlier promise. He’d been incredibly impressed with how poised Gwen had remained in taking the news about Jocelyn. She’d listened intently and had absorbed his difficult story, offering insight and compassion. Elena and her hysteria be damned. There was clearly a woman who could love him better. Dan’s throat swelled at the thought of the “L” word. The truth was he thought he’d sealed his heart off so it would never head in that direction again. But the more time he spent with Gwen, the more that restless stallion beat against the gate. And man, when Gwen smiled at him, didn’t it itch to bolt into open pasture and run free.

Gwen surprised Dan with a shout, causing him to slam on the brakes. “Wait! Stop here!” she cried. “Pull over, please!”

Dan veered onto a wide shoulder on the road and downshifted, putting the car in park.

“Gwen, all you all right?” he asked.

“Can we park here a moment?” she asked with a hopeful blush.

Park? She wanted to park? This wasn’t precisely the place he had in mind, but it clearly was no less beautiful. Dan surveyed their surroundings, noting theirs was the only vehicle within sight. “I’m sure that’s fine.”

Gwen stepped from the SUV onto a craggy ledge overlooking the Rio Grande. It was a spectacular sight, swelling as it flowed downhill from the southern edge of the Rocky Mountains. Up river, kayakers conquered white rapids, their paddles gleaming in the sunlight. “This is perfect. Absolutely perfect,” she told him, her face beaming. She twisted the ring on her finger, more sure than ever. Now was the time, this was the place—in this beautiful New Mexico wilderness with this wonderful man. She looked up into Dan’s questioning eyes colored like the azure sky above them.

“You know why I haven’t taken this off?” she asked, holding up her hand. “Because I was scared, afraid of what I’d be without it. You see, all my life I’ve defined myself by someone else. I was Elizabeth’s daughter, Marian’s sister, Robert’s wife… And Robert wasn’t much of a husband.”