Sarah's Orphans (41 page)

“It will depend on a lot of factors, Sarah. I'm not going to lie to you. It's no small thing to permanently place children in a foster home, to sever that tie between kids and their natural parent. However, in this case, I personally can wholeheartedly endorse it. How the judge will rule…well, we'll find out when we submit the request.”

Judge Murphy pulled out another sheet of paper and studied it a moment. Then she said, “I have another motion from Sarah Yoder regarding Mateo Lopez and Mia Lopez. This motion is to place the children permanently in your home, and I see that it is approved and recommended by Mr. Cronin.”

She again pulled off her glasses. “Before I make my ruling, I'd like a few moments to speak privately with Sarah's brothers, followed by Sarah, and then separately with Mateo and Mia. I realize this may take a few more minutes than you had anticipated, but I believe it will be worth our time. Not to mention that doing this correctly is more important than doing it quickly.”

Everyone nodded in agreement, and then Sarah's brothers trooped into the judge's chambers. Sarah's heart began to beat more rapidly. She turned to
Mammi
. “Do you think that's
gut
or bad?”

“It's neither,” Tommy said, moving over to their side of the aisle. “Judge Murphy likes to give everyone involved a chance to express their thoughts in a less intimidating setting.”

“The judge's room is less intimidating?”
Mammi
asked.

“Well, at least you're not trying to be heard across the courtroom.” Tommy placed his hand on Sarah's shoulder. “Don't worry. She's a good judge.”

Mia began to hide her doll under the bench, and then inside
Mammi
's large shoulder bag, and finally in the bishop's lap. Sarah suspected she would attempt to hide herself next and was determined not to take her eyes off the girl. But then her brothers trooped out and the judge was calling her into chambers.

CHAPTER 74

P
aul had made an honest effort to focus on his work, yet he'd managed to spill the feed he attempted to put into the pigs' buckets, let the goats out of the pen, and stall the tractor twice. Finally, he decided he was creating more work than he was completing, so he had a quick lunch and took his fishing pole to the stream.

After he'd lost his bait three times, never once noticing that the line had been pulled, he gave up on that as well. Best to sit and think good thoughts for Sarah. Who was he kidding? Better to pray.

Paul had never experienced the crisis of faith that Sarah had struggled with, but neither did he consider himself especially spiritual. He prayed at church, thanked God for his food, and occasionally petitioned the Almighty regarding the weather.

But that afternoon, as he waited for the Yoder family to return, he found himself turning to God on his friends' behalf. He prayed that Sarah would remain calm and sure of God's plan. He petitioned God for the very best decision for Mateo and Mia. He prayed for safety as everyone traveled to Tulsa and back. Finally, he prayed that his feelings for Sarah would not be in vain, and that God would use him to somehow bless her.

When he could wait no longer, he walked over to the farm, hoping the exercise would use up some of his excess energy. He passed the
Englischer
's van as it was leaving, and he thought of retracing his steps.

“Now probably isn't the best time,” he muttered.

But he could no more turn around and go home than he could ask the sun to set an hour early. So he continued down the lane and climbed the porch steps.

No children in sight.

No indication of how things had gone.

Tentatively he knocked on the front screen door, resisting the urge to peer inside.

Mammi
opened the door. “Paul. Come in.”

“How did it go? What did the judge say?”

Mammi
's smile should have been enough to calm his nerves, but it was Sarah—walking out of
Mammi
's room with a relieved, “She's finally asleep,” that calmed any fears in his heart.

“Oh, Paul. I didn't know you were here.”

“
Ya
, he just came to check on us.”
Mammi
patted her pockets, and finding them empty looked temporarily befuddled. Sarah actually laughed. “I'll go and fetch a few of the oatmeal cookies you made last night. We can eat them on the porch.”

But
Mammi
was suddenly too busy to join them. She might have winked at him, but Paul wasn't sure. He followed Sarah into the kitchen to help.

“You don't have to feed me.” His stomach betrayed him with a loud grumble.

“Is that so?” Sarah added some cheese and crackers to the plate.

Since she wouldn't let him help, he stood with his back resting against the counter, arms crossed, enjoying the sight of her. The ache he sometimes experienced when he watched her resembled an actual physical pain. He'd made a miserable mess of showing her how he felt. The picnic and the flowers and the attempts to woo her with chickens and goats had all failed. Perhaps it was time that he speak candidly with her.

“Outside or in?” she asked.

“Here's
gut
.” He loved their kitchen. Loved the way it was filled with tantalizing odors. Enjoyed looking at the many chairs around the table and remembering the meals he had shared there. If he were honest with himself, it felt more like his home than the corner of the barn he was living in.

“Where are the boys?”

“Scattered. They couldn't get out of the van fast enough. Andy and Henry had work to do. I believe Luke is playing with the neighbor boy, though he promised me it wouldn't be video games.”

“Mateo and Isaac?”

“Still working on enlarging the chicken coop. They're making it three levels high this time.”

She sat beside him, close enough that Paul had to resist the urge to reach out and touch her face, run his fingers down her arm, kiss her lips.

Confused, he crammed two crackers and a piece of cheese in his mouth, and then he realized he couldn't say a word until he chewed and swallowed.

He didn't have to ask, though. Sarah told him about Tommy's recommendations, the judge's questions, and how she had called them separately into her chambers.

“What did she ask your
bruders
?”

“If they resented having two more in the family. I think she doesn't truly understand what it means to be Amish.”

“Or maybe she comes from a small family herself.”

“Maybe so.”

“Mateo and Mia?”

“If they were happy, how Mateo liked school, whether they were ready to move forward.”

“And what did she ask you?”

“If I was sure. How I felt about taking on so much responsibility. I…I found myself telling her about Brian and how it had, well, unsettled me. She said it's normal to have that kind of fear, especially for new moms.”

“
Ya
. I remember one of my sisters-in-law refusing to allow her newborn into a buggy. She was determined to stay home with that child rather than risk an accident.” Paul hadn't thought of that in a long time. “We hadn't had a buggy accident in years. In fact, our community in Indiana has both the triangles and the lights on the back. I suppose it's normal to feel protective of one so young.”

“Judge Murphy said the same thing. She said it doesn't matter that Mateo and Mia are older. Part of my mind still thinks of them as newborns.”

“And you asked her about the permanent placement?”

“I did.” Sarah finally met his gaze. “She's going to consider it, and we return in six months.”

“Is that
gut
or bad?”

“Tommy assures us it's normal. She's very careful regarding her responsibility to do what's right for the children.”

“Surely they would be better off knowing they're here permanently, that their life isn't going to change again.”

“Mateo and Mia are doing well right now. She assured me that slower is better as far as change goes.”

“I suppose.”

Paul suddenly realized that Sarah was staring at his shirt. He looked down to see if maybe he'd spilled something on himself.

“What?”

“Your button.”

“Oh.
Ya
, that fell off last time I washed it.”

“But—”

“So I sewed it back on.”

“You sewed it wrong.”

She leaned closer to examine the offending button. “You sewed it from the inside out.”

“I know that—now. But at the time, it seemed right, and then later, when I put the shirt on, I didn't have time to fix it.”

Her laughter spilled out and across the kitchen.

He wanted to be offended, but it was impossible to be anything but happy when Sarah smiled.

“So you're mocking my sewing skills.”

“
Ya
. They are worse than your dishwashing.”

“Oh, they are, now?”

“You need a wife, Paul Byler.”

She said it in jest. He knew that when she clamped her hand over her mouth, but he couldn't resist teasing her, couldn't resist testing the waters.

“Would you know anyone interested in the position?” He pulled her hand away from her mouth, held it between his, and then he kissed her softly on the palm.

“Ewww. That's disgusting.” Isaac shoulder-bumped Mateo, who was standing beside him in the doorway to the mudroom.

“Tell me about it.” Mateo rolled his eyes. “I saw Andy kissing Emma after church on Sunday.”

“I do not get it.”

“I don't want to get it.”

The boys grabbed a couple of cookies from the plate and made their way back outside, discussing whether to use goat fencing or chicken wire on the chicken coop.

Sarah jerked her hand away from him and jumped up, declaring she needed to be preparing dinner.

But Paul thought he detected a slight flush on her face, which he took to be a good sign. Now all he had to do was figure out a way to court her.

CHAPTER 75

F
or Sarah, the months of fall passed like a train barreling down the tracks.

In September Mateo and Isaac returned to school, this time without Luke, who had officially graduated at the end of May. Rather than take a job at one of the restaurants in town, he opted to work with Andy. Their brother needed the help because the work on their farm had increased as they'd gained animals and planted winter crops. Plus, there was the fact that Henry wouldn't be around as much. He had decided to apprentice with a member of their community who had a small engine repair shop. Moses Miller's place was on the east side of their district, and he was of the opinion that there was enough work for Henry to hang out his own shingle on the west side of town.

“I have a lot to learn before I can do that,” he'd assured everyone when they had their weekly family meeting.

“How will you get to the Millers' each day?”
Mammi
asked.

“Walk to town and catch a ride with Frank Meeks. He delivers orders for Rebecca and Joseph. I asked when I was in town yesterday, and Rebecca says that he starts on the east side and works his way back toward town. He can drop me off in the morning. In the evenings, I'll either catch a ride with Moses or walk home.”

“Even with a ride, that will be a walk of two miles each way,” Andy pointed out.

“It's not a problem.” Henry bounced a tennis ball to Mateo, who sent it back. “Except maybe when it snows.”

“We'll deal with that problem when and if the time comes,”
Mammi
said. “For now, it sounds like you have a
gut
plan.”

In October Sarah received her first letter from her mother. She sat staring at the envelope, unsure if she wanted to open it, convinced it could only hold bad news.

“You won't know until you read what she has written,”
Mammi
said, and then she'd convinced Mia to follow her out to the garden to check on their gourds. Her latest project was to hollow them out and turn them into bird feeders. So far they'd sold several dozen on weekends when they opened their produce stand.

Sarah walked to the utensil drawer, fetched a knife, and slit the envelope. Then she sat down and smoothed the single sheet out with a trembling hand. So many different emotions were running through her heart that she could barely focus on the words in front of her. She closed her eyes, whispered a prayer, and tried again.

Dear Children,

I suppose that you know I am with my aenti in Sarasota. Mammi has faithfully written me once a week and kept me up to date on how you are. Please thank her for me. When I didn't have enough courage to call, to reach out to you, she eased my worries and soothed the ache within my heart.