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“Just promise me that everything is gonna be
okay, Jeff. Please just tell me that it’s all going to be
okay.”

“I promise, baby. Everything is going to be
better than okay.”

I held Ari in my arms while she slept. I
wanted nothing more than to protect her from ever hurting like this
again. Tears rolled down my face as I thought about how I was the
one who had hurt her, causing her pain yet again. I made a promise
to myself right then that I would never hurt her again. I’d die
before I’d ever cause her any more pain.

Sleep slowly started to take over my body
until a part of me panicked about Maggie walking in.

I finally gave in and closed my eyes.

CHAPTER
THIRTY-SEVEN

ARI

I could feel the pain before anything else.
Slowly opening my eyes, the first thing I saw was the morning sun
shining in through window. Then, I looked up to see Maggie standing
above me.

“Good morning, Ms. Peterson.”

“Ari. Please call me Ari. Ms. Peterson is my
mother.”

Maggie laughed and helped me to sit up
some.

“I’m about to leave, Ari, but I wanted to
give you your breakfast if you thought you could eat
something.”

I hadn’t even thought about food until that
second. I was starving.

Smiling at her, I was just about to say yes
when Jeff came walking in the door with a handful of bags.

“Good morning, baby! I went and bought you
some of your favorites,” Jeff started to set it all out on the
small table under the TV.

“I got you a cinnamon twist, a chocolate
cream-filled donut, an apple fritter…well, I got two of those
‘cause I wanted one, too! Let’s see…I got a ham and cheese
croissant sandwich, two sausage kolaches…oh and two cream
cheese-filled koloches because I know you love those.”

I loved over at Maggie. She was just staring
at Jeff now as he put all the food on the table. I tried not to let
out a giggle for fear of my ribs hurting. When Jeff looked up at me
and then at Maggie and back at me, the look on his face was
priceless. I let out a laugh and did my best not to show how much
pain I was in.

Jeff gave me a goofy smile. While he took a
bite out of an apple fritter, he winked at Maggie.

“Do me a favor, Jeff Johnson; please don’t
ever come back to this hospital again. Please,” Maggie said.

Jeff started to laugh. He walked over to
Maggie and gave her a hug.

“Oh, come on, Nurse Hard Knock. You know you
love me. You let me sleep in the bed with the love of my life all
night.” Then, he shoved the apple fritter in her face.

“You want a bite, Maggie?”

Maggie started to laugh as she pushed his
hand away. “No, I do not want a bite of your half-eaten apple
fritter.” She pushed Jeff off to the side and smiled at me.

“Good luck with this one, honey. The doctor
will be in soon to talk to you, Ari. The next nurse on duty is
already starting your discharge papers so we should have you out of
here in no time.”

“Thank you for everything, Maggie.” I said
with a smile.

Jeff said good-bye to Maggie
and walked with her out into the hall. That bastard left all the
goods on the table out of my reach, and I was starving.
Damn it.
I started to
slowly get out of bed. When I stood up, I felt a terrible pain in
my stomach. I bent over too fast, which caused my ribs to hurt. I
cried out in pain. Just at that moment, Jeff came walking back into
the room.

He was over by my side so
fast that I swore it was just like that scene in
Twilight
when Edward
saves Bella from being crushed by a swerving van. I had to start
laughing, which caused me to cry out again.
Jesus, if this is what bruised ribs feel like, I pray I never
break them.

“Baby, what are you doing? Do you need to use
the bathroom or something?”

“No! I need something to eat, and you walked
out with Maggie and left me hanging.”

Jeff helped me back onto the bed and then
walked over to the table. He reached into the bag and pulled out an
orange juice for me. He brought it over with the other apple
fritter and a koloche. Then he just sat there, smiling at me.

“What the hell are you smiling at?”

“Were you hungry, baby?”

“Yes, yes, I was. I haven’t had anything to
eat since yesterday before the…the um...accident.”

I felt the blood literally drain from my
face. I had forgotten about it for a whole two minutes. Now, the
memories were back, and it felt like someone was sitting on my
chest. I couldn’t breathe.

Jeff walked over to help me stand up. He
gently took me in his arms. “I love you so much.”

Then, the doctor walked in.

“Ms. Peterson, how are you feeling
today?”

“Like shit. I still say my ribs are broken,”
I said, as I looked over at Jeff.

Dr. Ross glanced over at Jeff.

“Jeff Johnson, Ari’s fiancé,” Jeff said as
they shook hands.

“Ari, we’re going to let you head on home. I
need you to take it easy for the next twenty four hours. Get lots
of rest and be sure to watch for a fever.”

“You are going to go through a range of
emotions. Anger, sadness, grieve. You need to allow yourself time
to grieve the loss of your child, both of you.” Dr. Ross glanced
back over toward Jeff and gave him a slight smile.

He also told us he would like for us to wait
two months before we tried for another baby. Jeff squeezed my hand
and I felt the tears building in my eyes.

Do. Not. Cry.

Standing up to leave, Dr. Ross shook Jeff’s
hand again.

“Please let me know if there’s anything else
I can do for y’all. If for any reason you start feeling worse, my
personal cell phone number will be on your discharge papers. Or if
you just need to talk to someone, I’ve been where you both are. I
know what you’re feeling. It will get better.”

I was fighting the tears like there was no
tomorrow. Jeff was squeezing my hand so hard that I was pretty sure
he was going to break it. I looked down at my hand and back up at
him, and he must have noticed it because he immediately loosened
his hold.

My whole body started shaking and Jeff moved
in closer to me. After the doctor walked out of the room, I lost
it. I didn’t think I’d ever cried so hard in my life, and I
couldn’t seem to stop. I turned and put my head on Jeff’s chest. My
side was killing me, but I didn’t even care.

“I lost our baby, Jeff. Oh my god...I
couldn’t even take care of her. I lost our baby…I’m so sorry.”

Jeff held me and just kept repeating over and
over, “It’s not your fault, baby. It’s not your fault.”

I continued to cry on his chest.

“Ari, I love you so much. This isn’t your
fault, baby, so please don’t cry. We can try in a couple of months
to have another baby.”

I pulled back and looked up
at him. I started to shake my head.
There’s no way I can do this again. What if I lose the next
baby? What if I’m not meant to have kids?

“Stop. Stop this right now, Ari. I know what
you’re thinking. This was an accident, and that’s all. It was not
your fault or my fault. It just wasn’t meant to be yet, baby.”

I put my head back on his
chest and tried to calm myself down.
We’ll
get through this together. We can make it through this.

***

The moment I got into Jeff’s
truck, I smelled her perfume, and I almost threw up. I knew he
brought her to the hospital, I knew he stayed with her while the
baby was born, and I knew the baby wasn’t his.
So why am I so pissed off at him all of a sudden?

He jumped in the front seat and must have
noticed it, too. He rolled the back windows down. “Do you want to
stop anywhere to eat before we head back to Mason?”

I just wanted to get home I shook my head.
“No, let’s just go home.”

Jeff handed me his cell phone and said that
Ellie wanted me to call her.

“Hey, Ells, how did last night go? Did y’all
have fun?”

“Fuck no, I didn’t have fun. Heather got
trashed, Josh got trashed, and they were both hanging all over
other people on the dance floor. It was a mess. I ended up having
to drive Josh’s truck back to y’all’s place. Lynda begged Josh to
let her stay with him, but thankfully he wasn’t that drunk. I’m
pretty sure Heather would have killed him if he did that.”

“Um, I’m pretty sure I would have killed him
if he did that in my house! What the hell is going on with Josh and
Heather?”

I looked over at Jeff. He rolled his eyes. I
had to smile because those two reminded me of Jeff and me once upon
a time.

Ellie filled me in on
everything that went down between Josh and Heather.
Good lord. What was wrong with those two?
I was going to have to have a long talk with
Heather in a few days. I wasn’t sure why she was pushing Josh away
when everyone knew she cared for him.

***

Jeff and I drove in silence for most of the
way before I started to fall asleep. I finally stopped fighting my
weariness as I drifted off to sleep.

I had a dream that Jeff and I were walking
along the river. Holding hands, we were swinging a little boy
between us. We were laughing, but then I stopped laughing when I
saw a little girl standing in front of me. She looked so sad, and I
asked her what was wrong.

“You let me go.”

She turned and started to
walk away from me. I yelled for her over and over again to stop. I
started to run, but then fell. I was holding onto my
stomach.
Oh my god…the pain is
unbearable.

Then I heard Jeff.

“Ari, baby, wake up. Ari...wake up.”

My eyes flew open, and I felt like I couldn’t
breathe. I looked around; we were stopped and parked outside of our
house. I needed out of the truck now.

“I have to get out. I can’t breathe,
Jeff!”

The next thing I knew, the door to the truck
was open, and Jeff was carrying me out, heading up the stairs to
the porch. He opened the door to find Josh and Heather standing
there, looking at us. I took one look at Heather and could tell she
was very upset.

“Heather, what’s wrong? “ I asked.

Jeff carried me right by the two of them. As
we headed into our room, I turned around to see her following
us.

“Heather, can you pull the covers down for
me?” Jeff asked as he walked me around to the other side of the
bed.

“Really, Jeff, I’m fine. You can put me down,
baby. I’m fine.”

Jeff slowly started to set me down on the
bed. My ribs were killing me and I tried so hard to not show how
badly I was hurting.

“Ari, do you want me to make you some tea?”
Heather asked, looking from me back up to Jeff.

“Oh, thank you, Heather. Then, will you
please sit with me for a bit so we can talk?” I looked at Jeff and
tried to let him know that I wanted to be alone with Heather for a
bit.

“If you got this, Heather, I think I’ll go
check on the horses,” Jeff said. Leaning down, he kissed me and
then moved his mouth over to my ear. “I love you so much. Rest,
baby. Don’t get upset okay?” he whispered.

I nodded. “I love you, too.”

I heard Heather in the kitchen. She was
talking to someone, but I couldn’t tell who it was. I slowly
started to get up to make my way to the bathroom. I stopped by my
dresser and grabbed a pair of sweats and a Longhorn T-shirt. Ugh, I
felt like shit. I decided a shower was just what I needed.

***

When I stepped out of the shower, I saw Grace
standing there, waiting for me. She gave me the sweetest smile and
my heart melted. I was so happy that Ellie had Grace in her life
now. She needed a mother figure, and Gunner’s mom just seemed to
love Ellie.

Heather was sitting on the
bed, looking at me. I could tell she’d been crying.
She looked like shit.

“Um, I just decided that I needed a shower,”
I said.

Grace walked up and took my arm and guided me
back over to the bed. Passing by the sink, she grabbed my hair
brush.

“Come on, baby girl. Let’s get you off your
feet. You need to not push yourself too much for the first few
days. The more you relax, the better it will be. It will get
easier, Ari. The pain will go away…well, not all the way, but it
will dull.”

I looked over at Grace and gave her a weak
smile. I didn’t want to be cold-hearted, but I just wanted to tell
her that she had no idea how I was feeling.

“You can say it, Arianna.”

I looked at her, shocked. “Say what?”

“I know you want to ask me how I know that
the pain will go away or maybe how I even have the right to tell
you that it will get easier.”

I glanced over at Heather, who was looking at
Grace with the same shocked look on her face that I was sure I
had.

I had to clear my throat to get the question
out. “You’ve lost a baby before?”

Grace lowered her head and then looked back
up at me. “Yes.”

“Oh, Grace, I’m so sorry.” Heather and I both
said at the same time.

Grace let out a little laugh and then reached
for Heather’s hand. Pulling her over to sit down next to us.

“I was twenty-one and four months pregnant.
Drew’s dad was out in the field for a few weeks. I woke up with a
terrible pain in my stomach. I didn’t have anyone to call. My
mother and father disowned me after I went off and married Drew’s
dad. I tried to just push on for most of the day. Gunner was just
barely over one at the time. But when I saw the blood...”

Oh. My. God. I couldn’t imagine carrying
your child for four months, and then...

“Grace, I’m so sorry. That must have been
terrible for you,” I said.

Grace let out a sigh and wiped the tears from
her face. “Ari, it doesn’t matter if you’re a few weeks pregnant or
a few months pregnant; the loss is still the same. You have every
right to grieve and miss that child. You will never forget her, and
your mind will wonder and think about what might have been. But you
will move on, and you will find that joy again. I promise you,
sweetheart. You will find that joy again.”