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“Okay. So, that’s what I’m always going to be
to you, isn’t it?”

I just couldn’t stop. I needed to push him
away before he hurt me anymore.

“I guess so…at least according to your text
message. So, tell me, Josh. What was it you were trying to do?
Forget about me by sleeping with Lynda?”

The look he gave me caused me to gasp.

“Oh. My. God. That’s it, isn’t it? You were
going to sleep with her just to...”

I couldn’t even finish my
sentence.
He was going to sleep with Lynda
to forget about me.

“No…I mean, yes…no, wait. I might have sent
her that text, but I wouldn’t have done it. Princess, I haven’t
been with anyone in months. I love you. I only want to be with
you.”

I felt like I couldn’t breathe. No…he doesn’t
love me. I can’t breathe.

I took a few steps away from
him. I leaned over, placing my hands on my knees. I needed my
parents.
Oh my god. Why did they leave me
all alone?

“Heather…baby, are you okay?”

Josh started to reach for me, and I jumped
back.

“No, you couldn’t possibly love me. Why would
you even think about sleeping with someone else to forget about
someone you loved? That doesn’t even make any sense!” I started to
laugh.

Josh stared at me with a strange look.

“Heather, can we please just go back to Jeff
and Ari’s place? Just to talk about this, please. I don’t want to
lose you.”

I looked up into his eyes, and my heart broke
in two. I was about to do the only thing I knew to keep my heart
from being broken anymore.

“You can’t lose something you never had.”

Josh took a step back away from me. He
started to shake his head.

“Don’t do this again, Heather. Don’t push me
away. If you push me away this time, I swear to God… I’m done with
all of this.”

My heart starting beating so fast, and my
legs felt like they were about to give out on me.

“I believe your date for the night is waiting
for you.”

Josh grabbed the side of the barn, like he
was trying to hold himself up. I instantly wanted to run into his
arms and beg him to take me back to Jeff and Ari’s house. I started
to take a step toward him when he looked at me. His eyes were
different. The look from earlier was replaced with anger. I stopped
dead in my tracks.

“I’m sorry that I made you feel that way,
princ, um Heather. I guess we’re clear on where we stand with each
other so….”

I just stood there and
stared at him.
Am I really going to just
let him walk away from me?

“Yeah, I guess we’re clear. Excuse me, I’d
like to find out how Ari is doing and what happened with Jeff and
Rebecca today,” I said.

I started to walk past him. When he took me
by the arm, I stopped and looked up into his beautiful green eyes.
I’d give anything to see him smile, giving me that dimple he had on
his right cheek.

“No matter if you believe me or not, I’ll
always love you,” he whispered.

I sucked in a breath of air. I couldn’t
move.

Josh leaned down and kissed me on the
cheek.

“Please come back to Jeff and Ari’s tonight.
I promise that I won’t bother you.”

With that, he turned and
headed back up to the house. The moment he left, I leaned back
against the barn and started to cry. I cried so hard that I felt
like I couldn’t breathe.
What is wrong
with me? Why did I just push away the only man, besides my father,
that I’ve ever loved, ever needed?

I tried to calm myself down. I was sure Ellie
would come looking for me if I didn’t come back right after
Josh.

Sure enough, I heard her call out my
name.

I looked up at her with tears streaming down
my face.

“Oh my god, Heather! What did he do to
you?”

I let out a laugh.

“He didn’t do anything I didn’t ask him to
do.”

“Heather, this is insane. What the hell is
going on between you two? Josh just walked up and grabbed Lynda. He
told Gunner that they would meet us at the bar. I thought you two
were working it out.”

It took me another minute or so to stop
crying and start breathing normally again.

“Shit, Ellie, I think I just made the biggest
mistake of my life, but I’m not sure. My heart is telling me one
thing, and my head is telling me another.”

“Take some deep breaths and just start at the
beginning,” Ellie said as she walked me over to two chairs.

I told Ellie all about how great Josh had
been with Matt all day and then about what had happened between us
before Garrett had shown up.

“By the way, y’all better keep your doors
locked. Garrett just walked right into Jeff and Ari’s place without
even knocking. I was naked for Christ’s sake!”

Ellie was laughing her ass off, which was
just pissing me off even more. “What the hell is so funny?”

“I’m so sorry. I don’t know if I’m in shock
from what happened between you and Josh or the fact that Garrett
did the same damn thing to Jeff and Ari the other day!”

I told Ellie about Josh’s text message to
Lynda and then Josh’s explanation about it.

How he kept trying to say he wouldn’t have
done it. Then, how he told me he loved me and would always love
me.

“Holy hell, Heather. Josh told you he loved
you?”

I nodded my head as I felt another tear roll
down my face.

“Heather, did you ever think that maybe Josh
is telling you the truth? I mean, I’ve heard Jeff and Gunner talk
about how they’ve never seen Josh go this long without hooking up
with a girl. I’m not trying to say he was right, thinking about
sleeping with Lynda to forget about you, but…he is a man. Their
thinking is pretty fucked-up to say the least.”

I let out a small laugh. My heart was
screaming for me to go to Josh and beg him to be with me, but my
head was telling me something all together different.

“Ells, do you honestly believe that a guy
like Josh is really interested in a girl like me?”

“What the hell does that mean, Heather? A
girl like you? You’re beautiful, funny, and smart as hell. Yes! I
do believe a guy like Josh would be lucky as hell to have a girl
like you.”

“My heart wants him so badly, but my head
tells me that he’ll never be true to me. He’ll never be happy with
just me.”

“I don’t believe that for one minute. Just
because he was a player in college doesn’t mean that he can’t find
a girl to love and be with just her. Deep down inside, Josh is a
sweetheart. Did you know that he’s a Big Brother? He meets with his
little brother at least once a week and pays for all of his sports
at school because his single mom can’t afford it. He’s also helped
build three Habitat for Humanity houses, and he’s helped his dad
make all the pews for their church. He told Gunner and me that his
dream is to make custom furniture and take over his dad’s business
someday. He has as straight head on his shoulders, Heather. He just
needs to find that right girl to round it all out.”

I sat there in a state of shock. I didn’t
know any of that. Josh had never once mentioned any of those
things. My heart was hurting even more.

“I just wish my mother and father were here.
They would tell me what to do.”

Ellie looked at me, and then stood up and
grabbed my hand pulling me into a hug.

“Oh god, Heather. I know how much you miss
your parents, baby, but I promise you that they would’ve told you
this has to be your decision. Only you know your heart, Heather. I
know how much you depended on your dad and how much of a rock he
was for you. But, baby, you need to know that you can do this on
your own. You can’t be afraid to let someone else into your heart
because you’re afraid of losing them.”

I pulled back and smiled at my best friend.
Then, I thought about Ari.

“How’s Ari?”

“Come on, we’ll talk on the way to the bar…or
as Gunner keeps calling it, the honky-tonk.”

Hooking our arms together, we started back
toward the house.

Gunner was leaning up against his truck,
talking on his cell phone. He didn’t look very happy.

This whole damn day just sucked.

As we got closer, Gunner hung up and looked
at Ellie.

“What’s wrong?” Ellie asked Gunner.

He pushed his hands through his hair.

“That was Jeff. He just needed to talk to
someone. I guess Ari’s been crying nonstop, and Jeff is doing
nothing but blaming himself. I’d really like to go into Austin and
give Rebecca a goddamn kick in the ass.”

“Maybe we shouldn’t go out. I mean, with Ari
in the hospital and Jeff so upset…Gunner, maybe we should go back
to the hospital.”

“I asked him if he wanted us to and he said
no. He and Ari really need to be alone. Come on, let’s get going.
I’ve got two beautiful women I need to take dancing tonight.”

Gunner held open the doors for Ellie and me
to get into his truck. Leaning in, and helped Ellie buckle her seat
belt, and then kissed her and told her he loved her.

My heart swelled at the love these two had
for each other.

Will I ever find that kind of love?

A part of me knew I already found it…

And then let it go.

CHAPTER
THIRTY-FIVE

GUNNER

On the way into town, Ellie filled Heather in
on everything that had happened with Ari and Jeff. I still couldn’t
believe how crazy Rebecca was. Thank God Jeff found out now before
he got attached to the baby.

“I knew she was lying. I knew it! What the
hell? Did she really think that Jeff wouldn’t ask for a paternity
test?” Heather asked.

“I know, Heather. Believe me, I’ve been
thinking about it ever since Jeff told me. A part of me wants to
just drive to Austin and beat the shit out of her.”

I had to let out a laugh. I could picture
Ellie walking right into the hospital room and knocking the shit
out of Rebecca.

“So, let me see if I got this straight.
Rebecca slept with Jason, while he was still dating Ari. Rebecca
got pregnant, but she slept with Jeff one night when they ran into
each other at Rebels. Then, Crysti overheard someone talking about
the wedding, but she thought Jeff and Ari getting married.”

“Yep, she called Rebecca, and Rebecca
panicked. Her last-ditch attempt to get Jeff back was to tell him
the baby was his. I guess she told Jeff that she had thought she
would just be able to have the baby and then call him afterward.
Her little act of fake contractions today though did her in. She
practically tried to have him removed from the hospital.”

“Wow…what a nutcase. I feel so sorry for that
baby.”

By the time we got into town, heading into
the bar, Heather had filled Ellie in on what happened with Josh. My
head was spinning from how fast the two of them had talked.
Snippets of what they had talked about were replaying in my
head.

“Oh no, he didn’t text her that!”

“Oh my god! He told you that?”

I need a fucking
beer.
I just wanted to forget this day ever
happened. My heart was aching for Jeff and Ari. I wanted to kick
Josh’s ass for what he did to Heather. I was worried about my
father.
Shit.

I walked up to the bar and ordered three
beers. By the time I walked back to the table and set them down, I
knew something was very wrong. I looked at Ellie and Heather. They
were both just staring out at the dance floor. Heather looked like
she was about to start crying.

“
Cookie Jar” by Gym Class
Heroes was playing, and I was having a déjà vu moment.
Do I want to turn around and look?

No…but I did. I immediately
saw Josh and Lynda dancing.
Oh
fuck.
They were all over each other while
Josh was kissing her.
I’m going to fucking
kill him.
He already had a beer in one
hand, on his way to getting drunk. The way he was grinding into
Lynda was enough to piss me off.

I turned back around and saw
Ellie looking at me. She mouthed
do
something
to me.
What the hell am I supposed to do?
Lynda was an adult, and Josh and Heather weren’t
together.
So, what does Ellie want me to
do?

Heather was still staring at Josh and Lynda.
Then, she looked over at Ellie and started laughing.

“What in the world could you possibly find
funny about this, Heather?” Ellie asked.

Heather shook her head and shrugged her
shoulders. “I was just thinking that this is the perfect song for
that asshole. It’s pretty clear to me that he has moved on, so
maybe I need to do the same thing.” Then, she picked up her beer
and started to down it.

I looked at Ellie as I sat down.

“Aren’t they going to want to card Heather
and me when they see us drinking these beers?”

“I’ve been coming here for years. They don’t
even as for my ID anymore. Country-living, Ellie.”

“Huh, I’m gonna have to remember that when we
have kids,” Ellie said as she took a sip of her beer.

I threw my head back and
laughed. Then, I leaned over and gave her a kiss.
I love this damn girl.

***

As the night went on, Heather and Josh were
both trying to drink each other out of their minds. The two of them
were getting wasted and not giving a shit about it. Heather was
dancing with every guy who asked, and Josh and Lynda looked like
they needed to get a fucking room.

“Gunner, I’m worried about Heather. She’s
really getting drunk, and you know she doesn’t drink this much very
often. Maybe we should leave now,” Ellie said, watching Heather
talk to the DJ.

“Yeah, I’m thinking it’s about time to go as
well. I think you’re going to have to drive my truck, sweetheart,
since you only drank one beer. There’s no way I’m letting Josh
drive with as much as he has had to drink.”