Saving from Monkeys (26 page)

I could feel Elliot watching me carefully, no doubt dissecting the meaning of my flaming cheeks.
"Right, good point," he said eventually. "Here," I looked down and saw that he was holding my bag out to me. "Head out to the car, I'll give my mum exactly twenty seconds and then we're gone, OK?"

"Gone sounds good," I agreed, even as I thought he was out of his mind if he thought I was just going to obediently trot on out to the car and not do a bit of eavesdropping of my own.

Playing the part, though, I turned and started to walk down the corridor towards the stairs, only stopping and hurrying back when I heard the click of Mrs Sinclair's door closing behind her son.

I pressed my ear against the wood in time to hear Elliot's mum say crisply,
"I've just had an interesting conversation with Roxanne."

There was a beat of silence and then Elliot's stiff response came. "Most conversations with her are."

Cheeky monkey.

I'd just started to catch Mrs Sinclair's next words when another, much louder, voice spoke.

"Rox?"

I whirled around, my bag banging around my knees and my heart thumping madly in surprise at being sprung so clearly listening in.

"Ah, right...hello again, Mum," I said feebly, seeing her start towards me down the corridor. With a quick, but longing, glance at the closed door, I went to head her off.

"I was just coming to look for you,
" I lied when I drew alongside Mum, taking her arm and turning her towards the stairs.

"Really?"
My mother was nobody's fool, but she allowed herself to be directed down to the ground floor even as she said, "Because it looked to me like you were pressing your ear up to Mrs Sinclair's study."

"I thought maybe you were in there with her." Bit ironic really that I'd finally found out the truth and all I could do now was
lie. "But here you are so...yay," I finished lamely, but in what I think was a nod towards our recent make up conversation, mum let it go.

"Are you heading off, then?"

"Yep, just as soon as Elliot-" I stopped abruptly and then finished vaguely, "finishes doing whatever it is he's doing."

Mum was looking at me askance, but I refused to meet her suspicious gaze and instead led the way out of the front door and to the driveway beyond. Elliot's car sat waiting there for me and I found myself looking at it in an entirely new light now I knew why it had replaced his precious other car.

That Elliot had been willing to give up the mechanical love of his life in order to secure a bit of independence from his parents was really quite something. Once I got a few moments to myself to really think about it, and if I didn't kill him for hiding the truth about the money from me, I suspected I'd be fairly impressed with him.

Opening the boot, I stowed away my bag and then came round to face mum again.

"I'm sorry you couldn't come back for a happier occasion," she said as she pulled me into a hug and I resignedly succumbed once more to the guilt at the reminder of my infrequent trips home.

Still, Nan's death had given me serious perspective on a
ppreciating those you love whilst they were still with you, and I gave her a squeeze.

"Next time will be all about the living," I promised, feeling what I sincerely hoped were the last tears of the day pushing at the corners of my eyes.

After a few seconds we pulled back and shared our final goodbyes. Things between us were, if not great, than at least not much worse than they'd been when I'd first arrived.

As M
um headed back towards the house, I leant back against the car and wondered how successful Elliot had been with the whole 'no more than twenty seconds' thing. I didn't have to wonder for long, as he emerged from the front door just as Mum went to go inside.

They shared a few words, what I assumed were their own goodbyes,
then Elliot patted her on the shoulder uncomfortably and turned away. This was a far cry from the bear hug they'd shared when we'd first arrived and I wondered briefly whether they'd had their own awkward conversation.

I didn't get to think about it anymore than that, however as Elliot started jogging down the steps towards me.
"You," he pointed at me as he approached, "in the car now. Let's get the hell out of here."

"No arguments," I assured him, going round to the passenger side and barely having time to close the door behind me before he'd roared the engine into life.

We barrelled down the driveway and out of the Sinclair gates so fast I only just managed to catch a last glimpse of the house as I twisted around in my seat. I'd never been so keen to leave a place in my life, except...I looked across at Elliot and the opening line of
A Tale of Two Cities
had never seemed so relevant; it'd been the best of times, it'd been the worst of times. Or rather, as Nan would no doubt have preferred it, it'd been the worst of times, but the sex had been fantastic.

"So..." As we shot up onto the highway, leaving behind the Sinclair house, Nan's grave and all manner of familial disappointments, I broke the silence. I let the word trail off, though, waiting to see if Elliot would chime in and get the ball rolling.

"So...?" He copied me, clearly tossing the ball back. Fine then.

"Are we cool to talk about what you overheard between me and your mum?" I asked, going for the direct approach when it became apparent that gentle nudges weren't going to get us anywhere. "Or will you go insane and drive us off a cliff at the mere mention?"

He flicked a quick look at me before focusing back onto the road in front of us. "No cliffs between here and uni," he informed me.

"What a relief." I rolled my eyes, before continuing, "Right, cards on the table time then. How much did you hear?"

He took his time before answering, "Pretty much all of it."

"Well, I guess that's kind of handy in some ways," I suggested, forcing my hands to lie still in my lap even as they desperately wanted to start plucking nervously at the sleeves of my jumper. "At least I don't have to repeat myself."

Elliot ignored that, seeming instead to wait for when I was going to say something of substance. It wasn't as easy as that, though, my mind was all over the place. Although I'd guessed at the truth about a week ago, I hadn't had time to properly look at how I felt once again being the Sinclair charity case. Especially the Elliot-instigated Sinclair charity case.

One thing I did know for sure, however, was that there was no way I wanted to be discussing it back at uni. I felt strong and intelligent there, like I never had at home and I'd be damned if I let that side of myself be drawn into this. Yes, it all got a bit confusing when I thought about how 'confident uni Rox' couldn't actually exist without 'pathetic charity case Rox', but still, my mind was made up. Sort this out now, protect myself later.

Of course, underlying all this was the fact that, only this morning, Elliot and I had said our final goodbye to Nan. I wanted answers, but I refused to let myself lose sight of the trauma still so fresh for both of us.

With all of this in mind, I gritted my teeth and said, with a brittle cheeriness,
"OK, I'm going to go through what I think happened, just to get my head straight."

"I'm not sure that-" Elliot started to say, sounding distinctly underwhelmed by my idea and I frowned at him.

"Just...shhh," I told him crossly. Couldn't he see I had to focus all my attention on not yelling at him? "I need to get this out."

He turned his attention to overtaking a truck, his mouth pinched in a hard line, and I began.
"I made an agreement with my mum, the day she told me she had savings that could help me with uni, to not get involved. She asked me to just concentrate on my education, and let her take responsibility of the financial side of things. I thought this was the worst idea ever, but as it was her money, did as she asked and butted out."

I crossed my arms across my chest, annoyed at the part that came next. "You, it transpires, didn't. I guess you got the information about the uni accommodation when you were tossing up whether to live there or a swanky off-campus studio."

Careful
, I warned myself,
watch the bitterness levels
. Accordingly, I injected a bit of lightness into my tone as I continued, "When you heard about where I was going to live, you presumably thought to yourself 'what-ho, I know what our lowly housekeeper is being paid and there's no way in hell it's enough for her daughter to live amongst others of my creed'."

This seemed to hit a nerve and Elliot repeated incredulously, "My
creed
?"

I ignored him.

"Being as you are the sort of chap who, as Nan pointed out, 'fixes things' you decided you needed to help. So you talked to your mum, spinning her some 'it is the responsibility of such as us to give back' speech, she talked to the uni, where she admits she still has contacts, and sorted it all out." I was breathing quite quickly by the time that was out, but Elliot had gone so still it was hard to tell if he was breathing at all.

"So, I just have a couple of questions," I pressed. "Firstly, how did I
find out about all that the first time?"

For a moment Elliot stayed frozen, but then he shrugged disinterestedly. "You didn't say. You just turned up and went feral."

I gave this a little bit of thought, but then accepted it. Unfortunately I could just see myself flying over to his place and launching into a rant without any explanation about what had tipped me off. Maybe I'd seen a copy of Abi's lease agreement and done the maths, or something. I reluctantly let it go, and asked my second question, albeit with a quavering hint of trepidation.

"And how did we get from me shouting at you to having sex? Even for me, that's quite a leap."

I saw one side of his mouth quirk in a humourless smile. "You wanted my attention," he said with a bit more a spark, "so you sat on my lap and pulled your top off." I gave a little squeak of outrage, but he just continued, "you weren't wearing a bra so sex was just one of those natural progression things."

"
Natural progression
," I repeated in disbelief. "Well that's just..." a lot of words that could finish that sentence ran through my head, but with great force of will I managed to finish with, "
fine
."

Any loosening up that Elliot had done when he was talking about me taking off my top was immediately forgotten. The tension in the car was suddenly so thick it caught in my throat.

I gave a little cough to try and clear it and added, "OK, um, that feels like everything's mapped out. Have I missed anything?"

"The part where you've completely lost your mind, maybe?"
Elliot growled and there were so many layers of frustration and anger present in that one sentence that I found myself gulping.

"
Fine
?" He continued. "
That's
how you want to react to that? What's this? Your new 'arguing with the grief stricken' etiquette or something?

The sun had dipped down behind some hills in the distance as I'd talked and it wasn't as easy to see Elliot's expression anymore. Honestly, though? I didn't need to.

"Don't be fake with me," he snapped, smacking a hand against the steering wheel as I stayed silent. "Last time you found out I was even
thinking
of using Sinclair money for something for you, you completely lost your mind. What happened to you setting fire to my TV? What about where I can shove my rich boy guilt?"

I recognised my words from when he'd invited me to Papua New Guinea and shifted uneasily in my seat. Still, if that's how he wanted it...

"Don't get me wrong, Sinclair," I said quietly, holding it together with a great deal of effort. "I'm pissed." I thought about it for a moment and then corrected myself. "No, that's not even it. I'm
embarrassed
. Humiliated. Not just for me, but for my mum too."

He cursed, apparently no happier now I'd stopped being so upbeat. "That wasn't how it was supposed to be, Rox," he said uncomfortably. "No-one wanted to humiliate you."

My shoulders tensed so hard they actually shook a little bit, but I clutched desperately at my cool. "I know," I said through gritted teeth. "I know that wasn't what you
wanted
, but it's how it ended up. And if my mum ever found out..."

"That won't happen," he said fiercely, risking another quick look at me so I could see the fervent belief in his eyes, dark as it now was, as he repeated, "I won't let that happen."

I restricted myself to a simple, "Good," not sure I had the fortitude to add much else after his impassioned assurance.

"Rox-"

What was it about the way he said my name that made me go all wobbly? Whenever he said it like that I instantly wanted to talk over him because what he was going to say was likely to be absolutely terrifying. This time was no different.

"Look, the money's actually coming from your mum," I said quickly. "And she's made it pretty clear that there's nothing I can do about it until I've graduated. I just wanted to make sure you and I both knew what was what. Beyond that, it turns out I actually really don't want to talk about this with you."