Saving Tatum (Trace + Olivia #4) (14 page)

He kissed the edge of my nose. “Never,” he vowed.

Chapter
Fourteen

Jude and I ended up back on the beach, lying on towels side by side. I’d been surprised by the words that left my mouth after our kiss, but even more shocked by his reply. Rowan had watched us emerge from the ocean with a knowing smirk before moving a ways down the beach with Trent.

It was still only Jude and I in this spot. From the lack of activity on the beach, I guessed it was private and reserved only for the people who lived here.

Jude reached over, lightly guiding his finger down my nose. “Still cold?”

I shivered. “What do you think?”

He chuckled, ducking his head. “I didn’t expect it to be that cold, I’m sorry.”

Closing my eyes, I let the sun’s rays warm me. “It’s okay.”

In fact, what had transpired between us once we were in the water made it more than okay. Just this morning I’d been livid to find out Jude was coming with us, then mad we had to share a room, but now that I’d given into the feelings I’d been denying I felt…happy.

Happiness had been absent from my emotions for a long time. On the surface, I wore a smile and never showed the struggles I dealt with on the inside. The fact of the matter was, I’d been hurt. I was damaged goods, and I hadn’t believed I was the kind of girl worthy of love—of being
saved
. But I was beginning to see that everyone is worth saving. It was strangely appropriate that the man I’d let break me, was the one to put me back together.

I didn’t know what tomorrow, or next week, or even the following month might hold for us, and I
wasn’t going to let myself overthink it. I was going to live in the moment.

Jude lay on his back, staring up at the clear blue sky. “Tatum?”

“Yeah,” I replied when he didn’t continue immediately.

“Can I hold your hand, or are you going to hit me for that?”

I turned my head and laughed at his serious expression. “I think that would be alright, and I really am sorry about that. It was an automatic reaction.”

“So…” He started, a slow grin appearing on his face. “Your first response to a guy kissing you, is to slap him? Interesting.”

He was never going to let me live this down. I really hadn’t meant to hit him. He knew that, but he also enjoyed my pain. Douche.

“Only one guy.”

“I’m the only guy to ever kiss you?” He brightened.

“No!” I immediately shut him down. “I’ve kissed other guys, but you’re the only one that I…you know…”

“Slapped?” He supplied. “Should I be honored that you like to hit me?” He winked.

“You make me sound like I’m abusive,” I pouted, feeling ashamed of myself and my behavior.

“Nah,” he propped his head up on his hand and stared down at me. “You’re just a tough girl.”

“Tough?” I wrinkled my nose. “That doesn’t sound very appealing.”

“Oh, trust me,” his brown eyes sparkled, “it is. It’s hot as hell actually. But you want to know a secret, Tate?”

I nodded and he lowered his head so his mouth was pressed against my ear. My body shuddered at the close proximity and the heavenly feel of his breath ghosting against my skin. “Even tough girls need saving.”

“Is that what you’re going to do Jude?” I quirked my head and squinted from the sun shining in my eyes. “Are you going to save me?”

“No,” he shook his head, his dark hair brushing my forehead. “You’re going to save yourself.”

He said the words with such surety that I couldn’t help but believe him. When I didn’t say anything he rolled onto his back and finally entwined our hands together. Peace flooded my body and I didn’t understand it. How could the man that had filled me with such torment not long ago, calm my body with a simple touch? It was mindboggling.

I rolled my head slightly to
the side, studying his profile—the elegant slope of his nose and the slant of his lips. I couldn’t believe I was thinking this, and he’d probably kill me if I said it out loud, but he was beautiful—inside and out. It was a shame that I was just now noticing it. I think a lot of people never saw what a magnificent person he was. He hid his true self behind cocky smiles and flirtatious come-ons.

“
You’re staring at me.”

“I’m not,” I hastily turned my head away.

“I felt your eyes,” he continued. “You were totally staring. It’s okay, look all you want. I know I’m quite the feast for your eyes.”

With my free
hand I smacked his stomach. My God he had abs of steel. I think I hurt my hand more than I did any damage to him. Not that I was really trying to hurt him. Although, I thought he needed a nice blow to his ego.

I squealed as he rolled on top of me and I found my arms pinned above me, pushed into the sand. His tongue slowly snaked out between his plump lips to moisten their surface. I thought he was going to kiss me, but he didn’t. I was learning that Jude rarely did what I expected of him. In many ways he was a mystery.

His dark eyes grew serious as he stared down at me and I found myself squirming as his hips dug into mine. I felt my body responding to the position—muscles tightening, pulse racing, and an overwhelming ache building inside me.

“Are you sure about this?” He breathed softly. There was a vulnerability in his eyes that I’d only ever seen when he was around his grandpa. “About us? Or am I going to wake up in the morning and find that you’re gone?”

“You really think I’d run away?” I replied, wiggling my hips, which caused him to hiss sharply between his teeth.

“Honestly? It wouldn’t surprise me. You’re afraid of your own feelings,” he lowered his head, brushing his nose against my neck. My eyes closed
and a pleased hum resounded in my throat. There was still a voice in my head telling me to push him away, but I was done listening to it. “It’s okay to be scared, Tate,” he nipped my earlobe, the heat of his body wrapping around mine like a blanket. “I’m scared too.”

“You are?” I breathed, my voice so soft the wind nearly carried it away.

I felt him nod, his hair tickling my neck. “I’ve never felt this way about anyone, but you,” he confessed. “It’s always been you.”

His behavior with other girls suggested otherwise, but I didn’t say any of that. While my problems had caused me to isolate myself, it was clear whatever haunted Jude caused him to seek comfort in the arms of another—a naked female, specifically.

His words made me wonder if maybe he really did see something different in me.

Maybe a part of me hoped I
was
different. It wasn’t about taming the bad boy or any nonsense like that, but it was nice to feel…I don’t know…special. I’d never been the girl to stand out, not even during my brief stint as a cheerleader. I’d always been okay with blending in with the crowd. But the way Jude looked at me sometimes made me want to be anything but a wallflower. He awakened something inside me I’d never thought existed. I wasn’t quite sure what it was. I just knew he made me feel alive.

“I haven’t scared you, have I?” He asked when I was quite for a while. His finger twisted in the long locks of my long hair, which had fallen loose
from the confines of the braid.

“A little,” I admitted.

“Don’t be afraid.” His lips brushed my forehead and my lashes fluttered. “Let’s just explore this crazy thing between us for a while and see where it goes.”

“You mean, until you get sick of me.” I stated.

“Pretty girl,” his lips descended lower, closer to my mouth but mostly on my cheek. “I could never tire of you. If I was going to get bored with you, don’t you think it would’ve happened long before now?”

He was right. Jude had been making advances towards me since we were in high school. Our
college campus was large enough that I’d thought he’d gone away for school and hadn’t seen him on campus the first two years. It probably helped that we studied two completely different majors. In fact, I wouldn’t have encountered him again if he hadn’t become friends with Rowan. I’d been beyond livid when he’d shown up at the library one day where Row and I had been studying. From that moment on, he’d picked right up where he’d left off in high school with trying to get in my pants.

“That’s a good point,” I agreed, curling into his side. He was so warm and comforting and I almost never wanted to leave his arms.

I’d always been fiercely independent and it scared me to be falling so hard and fast for someone. Especially Jude.

“If I’d really only w
anted to fuck you all this time I’m pretty sure you slapping me would’ve been a
huuuuuge
turn off,” he continued, laughing so his chest shook, causing my head to bobble up and down where it rested on his shoulder.

“My mom would shove soap into your mouth for that statement,” I dead-panned, refusing to laugh or acknowledge yet another mention of the ‘slapping incident’.

“Sounds like a kinky lady, must run in the family.” He rose above me, smirking.

“Juuude!” I shrilled his name and reached up to lightly beat my fists against his chest in jest. He caught my hands before they could any damage.

I found my hands pinned above my head once more. “Do you want me to spank you, Tatum?” There was a hint of amusement in his eyes, but his tone was almost stern.

“Only if you want me to cut your balls off while you sleep,” I smiled sweetly.

Something changed in his eyes and he opened his mouth to say something, but promptly shut it. He released my hands and stood up, offering me a hand. “What do you say we go for a walk?”

A walk with Jude on the beach? It sounded grossly romantic, but I guess we were a couple now…wait,
were
we a couple? This was all so confusing.

He kicked off his shoes, letting his feet dig into the sand. I did the same and then took his outstretched hand. We started walking down the beach and everything about the moment felt strange to me. Jude hummed pleas
antly under his breath, a small happy smile on his face. Every once in a while he’d look down at me and his smile would widen. Shouldn’t that have been me? Shouldn’t I have been the one looking foolishly…I shut down that thought. Love and Jude in the same sentence was not something that should ever be used. Regardless, I felt like I should’ve been the one beaming. Not that I wasn’t happy, but let’s face it. This was
Jude.
He could have any girl he wanted. Heck, he
had, had
every girl he wanted, but he was suddenly choosing
me
to have a relationship with?
Me
? The
me
who had hated him for the last seven years. It honestly made no sense, but I couldn’t help believing that the most confusing things can turn out to be the simplest things in the world. I hoped that’s what being with Jude would be like. Simple. Easy. Uncomplicated.

“You look like you’re worrying,” Jude spoke, his voice husky and deep like his throat was dry.

“I’m not,” I said quickly.

“Come on, Tater Tot. I know you better than that.”

I stopped suddenly and he did too. He loomed upon me from his towering height. Even though I wasn’t short by most people’s standards Jude still made me feel small and dainty.

“Do you know me?” I asked, shielding my eyes from the sun. “Tell me Jude, do you really
know
me?”

His jaw clenched painfully tight, and a muscle ticked.
Something about my question had made him angry. “I know that you say your favorite color changes depending on the day and where you are, so right now I’m going to venture to guess that it’s blue,” he nodded his head towards the ocean. He was right. “I know that your eyes light up at the mention of my Pap. I know that you love that house more than you’d care to admit.” He thrust his fingers in his hair, getting heated. “I know things about you that you haven’t even told me.” I opened my mouth to protest, because what could be possibly know, but he plowed on. “I know that you want to ride one of the horses on the farm—I’ve seen the way your eyes linger on them when they’re grazing. I know you loved your brother and wanted to blame me for every bad thing to happen to you, but you also know in your heart I had nothing to do with it.” His chest heaved as he struggled to get enough air. “I know from the far off look you get in your eyes sometimes, that there’s a lot you keep inside. I know you struggle to feel accepted, to feel like you belong. I know that you never talk about your mom and dad. I know you watch me when you think I’m not looking, but Tate,” he cupped my cheek, “I’m always looking at you.”

I swallowed thickly and my body leaned into his touch. My heart raced and my palms dampened with sweat.

I felt like a frightened, cornered animal.

And then I did what I did best.

I ran away
.

Chapter Fifteen

Sand kicked out behind me as I
ran. My feet sunk down into it making it hard to run fast, but I tried.

It wasn’t good enough
.

Jude caught up to me
easily and we fell to the ground as he tackled—yeah, he full on tackled me to the ground like we were playing football. Sand got all over our clothes as we rolled around. There was nothing sexy or playful about the motion. “Let me go,” I protested, trying to wiggle away from his grasp.

“No,” his tone was stern. He was bigger and stronger than me, so it didn’t take much effort on his part to subdue me. “Look at me,” he growled when I turned my head away from him. I could feel moisture stinging my eyes and the last thing I wanted was for Jude to see me cry. Talk about mortifying. “Tatum,
look at me
.” His voice softened, pleading with me. I couldn’t stop my head from turning. “That’s my girl,” he smiled. My heart still raced in my chest, but its beats were slowing. “I told you I was afraid of you running away, and then you go and do it. Way to bruise a guy’s ego,” he teased, but there was an uneasiness in his eyes like he was still worried if he released me I’d flee. All fight was leaving my body. I hadn’t even been trying to get away from
him
. It was my feelings I was running from. They were a jumbled, twisted knot inside me. I couldn’t untangle them and even begin to sort the mess. I didn’t understand what he saw in me. I’d seen enough of his true colors to know he was an amazing man, but me? I had no clue who I was or what I wanted. I dwelled on the past too much and I didn’t talk about my feelings. I kept everything bottled inside me until I exploded—like when I threw the McFlurry at Jude. May that Oreo McFlurry Rest in Peace.

I took a shuddering breath as he said, “Talk to me, Tate.”

“I don’t know how to talk to you,” I breathed, my chest rising heavily with each breath. “I don’t know how to talk to
anyone
.”

His dark brows furrowed together. “You’re talking right now.”

“Smart ass,” I muttered.

“I’m not asking you to tell me every secret you’ve hidden away in that pretty head of yours,” he smiled, like he was trying to reassure me. “I’m just asking you not to run away when your feelings get to be too much.”

“You sound like a girl,” I stated, glaring at him.

He bellowed a laugh at that. “Well,” he grinned crookedly, “one of us has to be the level-headed, honest one in this relationship, and since you’re clearly not ready to share a lot of things with me, I guess I’m that person.”

“There are things you’re not telling me,” I stated, because I knew it was true deep down in my gut.

He bowed his head, strands of dark hair falling in his eyes. “That’s true, but at least I don’t run from what I feel.”

I winced. “Touché.”

“If there’s anything Pap taught me, it was that being a man doesn’t mean burying your feelings. Yes, it means being a leader and protecting the ones you love,” he smoothed my hair off my forehead, “but it also means you embrace what you feel in your heart. He taught me not to hide
my emotions, to accept them all.”

“Your grandpa is a wise man.”

“He is,” Jude agreed. “So, what do you say, are you ready to accept your feelings? To embrace this unknown rocky road ahead of us?”

No.
That wasn’t the word that left my mouth though. “Yes.”

His smile widened. “No. More. Running.” He reinforced each word with a kiss to my forehead, the end of my nose, and finally a light kiss to my lips. He jumped up and pulled me up with him. “That walk was shaping up to be a bad idea, but I think we had a good talk.” He slung an arm over my shoulders.

My heart skipped a beat. “I’m scared,” I admitted, needing to tell him. “I’m scared to death of what I feel for you, of how you affect me. I feel like I’m falling.”

“Ah,” he breathed, “don’t you know, falling is the best part of flying.”



Rowan cornered me in the bathroom before I could get it locked and jump in the shower. I knew it was only a matter of time before she sought me out. She found me sooner than I expected, and I’d been planning to use the time in the shower to figure out what to tell her.

“What the hell happened today?” She whispered just in case someone was listening. She lowered the lid of the toilet seat and sat down.

I shrugged.

“Tatum,” she said my name sternly, the same way she said her son’s when he was in trouble. “Tell me. I’m your best friend.”

“I-I don’t know,” I shrugged, again. “We kissed and…”

“And?” She prompted.

“It was amazing.” Those darn butterflies erupted in my tummy again as I relived the kiss in the ocean. I was convinced no man could kiss like Jude. He was a master.

“I need more than that,” she waved her hand in a gesture for me to go on.

“We laid on the beach, talked for a while. That was about it.” No way was I telling her I’d freaked and Jude had chased me down. Besides, I felt like everything we’d talked about should be kept between the two of us.

“Are you guys dating now?”

She wasn’t going to leave this alone, but I hadn’t expected her to. I knew she’d wanted something to happen between the two of us for a while. Nothing would have ever happened betwe
en us if it wasn’t for my paper, and being forced to work with him. I was beginning to think Rowan had turned me down on purpose so that Jude would volunteer and we’d be forced to spend hours alone together. If that had been her plan, it had worked magnificently.

“I don’t know what we are.” I nibbled on my bottom lip nervously. We certainly weren’t boyfriend and girlfriend, and we’d never been friends. “I don’t think there’s any label out there to describe us.”

“Well, I knew that already,” she laughed, pulling her long hair over her shoulder. “You and Jude…that has unique written all over it. In a good way,” she assured me. She stood and patted my shoulder. “Well, I enjoyed our chat.”

Before I could reply, she opened the bathroom door and was gone. Almost immediately it opened again. Jude stuck his head in and narrowed his eyes. “Was I missing out on some smoking hot girl on girl action?”

My mouth dropped open and my short fuse got the best of me. I bonked him on the forehead with the heel of my hand and his head disappeared. I slammed the door closed before he could finagle a way back inside. “You’re disgusting!” I called through the door.

His cackling laugh was his only reply.



That evening Trent decided he wanted to have a bonfire. It seemed really silly to go through all the trouble if it was only the four of us, but everyone else thought it was a great idea. I had to admit once it was done it was really pretty. I liked watching the way the fire moved, like it was dancing.

As the four of us sat around the bonfire huddled under blankets—Trenton and Rowan under one, and Jude and I under another—I felt relaxed. None of my worries and stress from the afternoon lingered. Poof. It was gone. The delicious s’more I was eating might have something to do that, as well as the soothing motion of Jude’s hand rubbing up and down my arm to keep me warm.

“You know,” I looked around the empty beach, “it’s really weird that we’re like the only ones here.”

“It’s private,” Trent explained, confirming my earlier belief. “People coming for spring break haven’t arrived yet, it’s still a bit too early.” Shivering from the cool air, I agreed with the ‘too early’ part.

Jude brought me closer against his warm body. He was like my own personal space heater.

“You want another?” He asked, leaning over to grab the box of graham crackers.

“I’m still eating this one!” I protested, trying to wipe marshmallow from my mouth.

Jude’s eyes zeroed in on my mouth. Before I could guess what he was about to do his mouth was on mine, sucking it away. He let my lip go with a pop and then licked his. “Got it.”

Sweet baby Jesus. One minute I wanted to slap hi
m silly and the next my hormones were in overdrive. I’m pretty sure
I
wanted to lick him in that moment. Could you get drunk off sugar? Because there was definitely no alcohol in my system, but I was feeling loopy.

I managed to keep my tongue to myself and finished my s’more as Jude warmed a marshmallow until it was gold
en, then slathered the goo on the waiting graham cracker. He added the chocolate and top cracker, before taking a huge bite.

A bit of chocolate sat in the corner of his lip and I reached over, wiping it away with my finger. I popped my finger in my mouth, licking the sweetness away. Jude watched me with hooded eyes, clearly getting turned on.

Yep, you could definitely get drunk on sugar. At least that’s what I was going to blame my actions on. It was easier than accepting them.

I felt like we were in our own little bubble, like the blanket wrapped around us was our shield. “This is nice,” I admitted, laying my head on his sturdy shoulder.

“It’s more than nice, it’s amazing,” he breathed and his sticky lips pressed against the top of my head.

I was falling hard and fast for Jude Brooks. It was scary. I was also fighting it tooth and nail.

I didn’t want to fall in love, and certainly not with him.

But matters of the heart aren’t easily won by the brain. In fact, they’re never won.



“Tatum?”

My name echoed through the dark room. When I didn’t reply, it was joined by, “Are you awake?”

“Yes,” I breathed, my voice almost shaky.

A moment later the sheet of the bed I slept in was lifted and a warm body pressed in behind me.

“What are you doing?” I asked, but didn’t move.

He wrapped an arm tightly around my body. “Sleeping.”

“Sounds more like talking,” I whispered, snuggling closer to him. He felt so good wrapped around me.

“Always the sarcastic one.” His lips pressed a kiss to my neck where the skin met my shoulder. “I couldn’t sleep by myself knowing you were in the bed beside me. It felt like cruel punishment not to sleep with you in my arms.”

“I’m tired,” I yawned, snuggling closer against him.

“Then go to sleep,” he whispered against my skin and I felt his smile rather than saw it.

“Then stop talking,” I growled as he wound one of his legs around mine.

“Night, Tater Tot.”

“Night, Jude.”

I finally fell asleep, and it was without a doubt the best night of sleep I’d ever had.




When I woke up, I thought I was suffocating. I couldn’t breathe from the body wrapped around mine like a boa constrictor. Jude was literally holding me so tight that my airways were blocked. I elbowed him in the ribs, and he released me…a little.

I hadn’t moved more than an inch until his arms were wrapped around me once more and I was glued to his chest.

“Jude?”

No reply.

“Jude?”

A grunt.

“Juuuuude?”

“What?” He growled, his voice thick with sleep. He was kind of delicious sounding first thing in the morning. “You’re squishing me and there’s something poking me.”

“He’s just happy to see you,” he chuckled. “I’m happy to see you too. You’re pretty in the mornings. I was a bit afraid you might look monstrous,” he said as he released me and propped his head up to look at me.

“That first comment was uncalled for,” my cheeks flamed. I couldn’t help it that I’d never slept the whole night with a guy and I didn’t know these things. “Secondly, I’m offended that you’d think I’d be anything but a beaming ray of sunshine in the mornings.”

He laughed, using his other hand to wipe sleep from his eyes. “You’re so cute when you get mad.” Cute? I didn’t think any girl on the planet liked to be called cute.
“You know,” he grinned, “I’m really starting to think you’re a virgin.”

I bristled at that. It wasn’t that there was anything wrong with being a virgin, it was just that…I don’t know…Jude had certainly been around and I didn’t want him to think that I was waiting for someone special…that
he
was someone special. “I’m not a virgin,” I growled. I might as well have been. I’d only slept with one guy and that had been in high school. We hadn’t really dated, just fooled around. It wasn’t one of my prouder moments. I’d been young and without anyone, and found myself seeking comfort in the arms of a guy. A guy that turned out to be a real prick. Thank God he had gone away for school and I didn’t have to look at him anymore.

“I wish you were,” his eyes darkened. “I’m a selfish bastard and I want to be the only one to kiss you,” he reinforced his words by pressing his soft lips to the skin of my shoulder, “to touch you,” he glided a finger over my cheek, “to see you,” his eyes dropped to the swell of my breasts peeking out from the top of the tank I wore.
“To hear you,” he murmured, his hands ghosting along my stomach, causing me to let out a soft moan.

The feelings he stirred inside me were indescribable. I felt like we were moving way too fast, and we were, but my God I didn’t care anymore. Sensible Tatum was gone and in her place was a girl I didn’t recognize, but I kind of liked her. I liked feeling happy and wanted. I’d just never thought it would be Jude to make me feel that way. Life never goes according to plan, though.