Say Hello to the Broken-Hearted (7 page)

“I have been missing you all day too…doing house chores have never felt so fulfilling.’

“Oh yes! I so know what you mean.” They laughed.

A brief silence sooth the atmosphere then John finally asked.

“Yesterday while we were making love, and I sucked your breast they tasted differently sweet. I have never had that before Karla.”

A look of despair conjured on
her face and one could tell from her eyes that she had drifted into deep thoughts. Thoughts that required every synapse inside of her brain to be processed and analyzed.

“I have something to tell you John…” she sighed.

“Ok, I am all ears.” John assured.

“I don’t know how you will take this, but promise me, you
won’t leave me because of it.”

“Karla what are you talking about?” The maize was more complicated than he first thought.

“Just promise me…please.” She begged.

“Karla, I know you
have been through a lot and I accept you for the person you are. None of us is perfect. I am never going to leave you. I already made that promise when I said I love you.”

“A few weeks ago, I had sex
with Joseph,” She began and wiped the tears from her eyes. John had braced himself and already an unpleasant look surfaced his face. “He usually pulls out when he is about to finish but that night he didn’t.”

“OH MY GOD, YOU ARE PREGNANT”

“I was pregnant…not anymore.” She replied under a sad tone.

“I don’t understand! What do you
mean?” John exclaimed furiously, “You are still lactating Karla!”

“Please! Just let me finish ok!” she cried, “…A
few days later I did a pregnancy test and it came back negative. So I thought everything was fine. “She said and wiped the cold from her nose. “But then I missed my period and I started feeling sick every morning. So I went to the doctor. They carried out the test again and this time it came back positive. My worst fears had become a reality. I started feeling the same pain and grief I did when I watched my father die on that hospital bed. I wasn’t ready for a baby” She cried.

At that
point John was devastated. Having more questions than answers but could not find the will or the strength to speak. Dumbstruck…he relaxed the driver seat and covered his face.

“At first I was delighted at the thought of being a wonderful mother and Joseph was just as excited. He gave me his reassurance and security that he would be a great father and stick by me through it all
, but bewilderment later had its way. I am only eighteen with my whole life in front of me. I still want to explore the world and live an adventure. Being a mother would not afford me that. Also, despite the fact that Joe would have been a terrific dad, he turns fifty-one this September.”

“I’ll
pretend I didn’t hear that.” John thought.

“…what
kind of family would that be?” She asked, “How would that look?”

John didn’t answer, so she continued.

“Joseph agreed that it would have caused a strain at a time like this. Financially mostly. That was good enough reason for me. If I went through with it, that would have been his fifth child and I would have been his third baby-mother. That didn’t sit well with me either.”

“You had an abortion?” John finally found his voice, raised the seat and stared at her with risen eyebrows that yelled disbelief under a slightly scornful yet relieving tone.

She nodded her head and suddenly began screaming at the top of her voice.

“I am not a murderer!!! I am not a murderer!!! I am not a murderer!!! I am not a murderer!!!”

John quickly let the windows up to prevent anyone from hearing, and then embraced her in his arms offering a well needed gesture of comfort.

“I am sorry…I am so sorry Karla.” John sympathized, holding her tight with her head against his shoulders.

The sobbing didn’t stop. The tears soaked his shirt as she drowned in the devastation.

The silhouettes of cotton swabs, steel utensils, blooded towels and sheet and the faceless man in white that wore gloves, were still very vivid in her mind.

“I –illed  tha- baby! I murde- it John!” was all he made of what she was uttering in between the cries.

He raised her head back, wi
ped the tears from her eyes and held her cheeks.

“Listen to me! Hey! Listen to me. You are not a murderer ok?” John assured her, “Stop that kind of talk. There are many women in this world who have done same and they have dealt with it and later went on to living happy fulfilling lives with wonderful husbands and kids. You did the right thing Karla. Being a mother is a huge responsib
ility and you weren’t ready. If it’s any consolation, if you had gone through with it, we would not have met each other. We might have never known what unconditional love is, right or wrong?”
She nodded and removed the tears.

“I love you Karla, and in due time I will buy you a diamond ring and make you a wife before I make you a mother… you hear me?”

A smile lit her face as she finished dispelling away the sorrow.

“I would like that very much” She replied and assured him another hug.

“I love you too John” She whispered over his shoulders.

The sadness had defused and a stiff silence prolonged for a little over ten minutes, when John finally broke the glazer.

“You said your boyfriend Joseph is fifty?”

“Fifty-one
this September, he looks half his age nonetheless.”

“What he looks like isn’t a cause for concern. It’s the fact that he could pass as
your…”

“My father?
I know…it doesn’t bother me at all.”

“And his children?”
John asked, “How old are they?”

“The oldest child, Antony is twenty eight, the other, Craig is twenty five.
Shena is his first daughter who is twenty two and the last one, Maria is the same age as I am.”

“And that doesn’t bother you, the fact that you and his last child is the same age
?”

“At first it did, but not anymore. Maria and I understand each other.” She replied.

“You’re not friends?”
     “I wouldn’t necessarily call it that…as I said, we have an understanding.”

“Ok then.” John remained calm and civilized. “What about his parents?”

“What about them?”

“Well, do you get along well with them?”

“His father passed away in two thousand and seven. I never met his mother.”

“You have been with the guy for what? A year and a half and you have never met his mother!!” John’s voice incr
eased a couple decibels, carrying an alarming and disbelieving connotation.

“He always leaves me behind or drops me off at my house whenever he is visiting his mom. No big deal.” She pretended not to hear the rise in his pitch just to avoid an argument she definitely did not need. But he was pushing it.

“No big deal!! The guy is obviously ashamed of you Karla and that doesn’t bother you?” He wanted her to break up with Joe at God’s speed.

“This is it!” He thought.

“What do you want me to do John huh?” She started shouting, “Show up at her doorstep one day with a big smile on my face and say,”

“Hey I am Karla, your fifty year old son’s woman. I know
I and your granddaughter are the same age, but Joe and I have much more than a father-daughter relationship, ok mother?”

“That doesn’t sound good John, not to me! I’ll save myself the embarrassment.”

“No Karla, No!” John reiterated, “It’s not about being embarrassed. It’s about loving you. Accepting you for who you are and appreciating what you’ve got despite what others might say.”

That touched her. She knew he was right, but was too afraid of admitting it.

“John let me ask you this. Would you take me to your house right now, bring me in front of your mother and say,

“Hey mother, I want you to meet Karla
Steelburg, my woman who is also my cousin. Dad’s cousin’s daughter…and by the way we are in love.”

“…would you do that John?”
Without thinking he replied.

“I’ll take you home right now. Just to prove to you how different of a man I am, how much I value what we have and the sacrifices I am willing to make!”

A wave of surprise dangled her face. Perplexed at his response, but she believed him. She knew every word were true. Just wasn’t sure if in that very moment she was dreaming or not.

“Karla you deserve so much more, I don’t think you realize
that you are special, smart and beautiful. You can’t let the memories of your struggles hold you back from aspiring for more. Yes you need to remember where you’re coming from so that you don’t make the same mistakes. But you need to learn to face your fears, take the risk and never look back. Do you understand what I am saying?”

She gazed at
the road ahead beyond the windscreen and nodded her head.

“I am so glad I met you John. You have made such a difference in my life already. Everything is starting to
make perfect sense now. It’s like all the pieces of the puzzle are all coming together now.” She turned to him and said, “I love you John, as my friend, my cousin, lover and confidant. I am fortunate to have you in my life.”

“I love you too Karla…everybody deserves to be happy.”

“Yes, I know that now and that’s why as much as it will hurt Joseph. I’m going to tell him goodbye. I hope he understands it’s best for the long run.”

“I am glad you see it that way and thank you.” He hugged her and smiled.

“…but John, there is only one thing left.” She said over his shoulders.

“What is it Karla?” He subtly asked.

“Joseph promised to send me back to school and buy me a car. He is going to transfer the funds in a matter of days. Please…can you hold on a little bit longer?”

He hesitated with a repl
y. A bit disappointed but nevertheless, he was very understanding.

“Ok…I will wait but not a day longer.”

“Thank you so much John.” She uttered and tightened the embrace.

“I love you.” Came out simultaneously, followed by light giggles.

“I have to go now John. We are about to set up for a party later. Make sure you are there.”

“I will be there.”

“Great, see you later. She opened the door and said, “By the way, you and Joe are the only two that knows about the abortion. Let’s keep it a secret ok?”

“Sure no problem.”

“Thanks, bye.”

“See you later love.”

Chapter 9

“Let
me have a light beer please?” John Steelburg ordered over the music to the bartender Andrew Steelburg.

He wasn’t in the mood to drink. He came to the bar expecting Karla to be over the counter serving
, but he hasn’t seen her since he got there. John walked to the steps of the house and looked down into the crowd of about seventy people chattering and dancing to the beat of contemporary Reggae music. Still no sign of Karla anywhere on the patio. Her phone rung to voicemail and Andrew had given certainty that she wasn’t in the house. Maybe he knew where she was, he just didn’t want him to know.

“Where could she possibly be?” He thought.

He had reached the bottom of the bottle thirty minutes later. The disk jockey had changed the sub-genre of the music. The rhythm was still Reggae, but the lyrics were about love.

You never see it coming

and the next thing you know

u
nconditional Love

unconditional
love

She
isn’t looking for no diamonds

a
nd digging for no gold

j
ust somebody to love

u
nconditional love

Whoa
first of January

Said
you starting over

your
hearts been in remission

a
kin a new beginning and

i
t’s been six months since you got

s
ober

t
aking a new position

t
o make a better decision
        then you head to the corner store

a
nd forget what you went for