Scandalous: The Senator's Secret Bride (12 page)

“I’ll keep it in mind.” John pulled back the curtain and his eyes met mine. I watched the relief wash over his face, color filling his pale cheeks. Without thinking, I smiled, caught in the strong, stern beauty of his gaze.
 

“John,” I croaked.

“Thank God you’re okay.” He walked over to my side, sitting down in the blue plastic hospital chair next to my bed and taking my hand in his. “They’re, uh, getting you fluids right now. And I think, hopefully a snack.”
 

“John... I was going to tell you. I just couldn’t on Saturday. I couldn’t do it. So much had gone wrong—”

“Is it mine?” His voice had changed in cadence, taking on that cold tone he had when I entered his office for the first time.
 

“What kind of woman do you think I am? Do you think I’m sleeping around?” I snatched my hand at him. “You’re certainly good at making assumptions. But that is one thing I knew about you already.” A look of hurt crossed his face, his eyes dark for a moment.
 

“I don’t think you’re any kind of woman. I just... I just wanted to know.”
 

“Yes, dammit, it’s yours. I haven’t even been on a
date
since I started at The Washington Foundation a year ago.” He smiled and reached out for my hand again. I stiffened, but I let him hold it, comforted by the warmth of another person. The door opened, and a nurse appeared, pushing a portable ultrasound machine. She set it up beside the bed, looking over at us several times with curious glances. I guess it wasn’t every day she saw an older man in a full suit with a young black woman he claimed was his wife. I put my hand over my mouth and stifled a giggle, drawing a raised eyebrow from John.

“Nothing. I just still feel a little strange.” My pulse started to pound as she set up. I knew this was the moment we found out whether or not my episode had triggered a miscarriage. Whether or not the baby was even alive. I looked over at John and saw the same fears reflected in his eyes.
 

What if it was gone
?
What if it
wasn’t?

“Miss... Smith?” The nurse looked between us again. I nodded. “If you’ll scoot down to the edge of the table, we’ll get you set up for it. It’ll feel a little cold, but it’s very necessary to find out how your pregnancy is going after today.” I nodded and clutched John’s hand tight as I scooted down. The nurse helped me get into position and warmed up the ultrasound wand, placing it right where it needed to be. I looked over at her screen, craning my neck. The nurse moved the ultrasound wand, and we could hear nothing but static. I knew we were supposed to hear a heartbeat. I squeezed John’s hand and looked at him.

“Oh, there we go. This little one was just hiding.” I heard a muffled
thump-thump-thump
sounding hard and fast over the monitor. My breath hitched in my throat and tears sprung to my eyes. I looked up at the screen and saw a tiny body, only weeks old, its arms and legs just starting to form. It twitched, the tiny arms moving ever so slightly. “Looks right on track for eight weeks. You can barely see those little tiny arms. But I don’t know. I think it’s pretty cute. If you’d come last week, we would have just seen a tiny little blip with a heartbeat. They start to grow so fast.” The nurse cleaned up her equipment and rolled out of the room. John looked at me and smiled broadly.
 

“Well isn’t that something?” John grinned from ear to ear, the joy overtaking him.
 

“Oh John,” I said, my voice faltering. “I didn’t tell you... in part... because I wasn’t sure. I mean I’m not sure. About any of it. About getting married... about...”

“About the baby? Sonia.” He let go of my hand, the joy on his face fading in an instant.
 

“John, I didn’t know this would happen. I didn’t know you would find out. And I still think it’s best if I go work for Janice.”
 

“Are you thinking of terminating this pregnancy?” His voice was flat.
 

“I don’t know, John. I was thinking about adoption, too. It’s not a stable world for a baby to come into. The political world. With a dad who might not be there.”

“I would be. And you would be too. You’d be a wonderful mother,” he said, his voice almost breaking. “But I won’t make your decisions for you,” he said, getting up and moving towards the door. “I’ll call Kelly to take you home.”

“John—”
 

“I still think the best course of action is the marriage contract. It will ruin you to go work for Janice, and you know it. And Janice will ruin me if she finds out about any of... this.” He gestured to me, his expression blank. “You have time to decide about the pregnancy. But in the meantime, we need our bases covered. I’ll expect you to take the day off tomorrow. And please, eat something. You can come into the office on Wednesday, and we’ll discuss plans for the marriage contract. It’s a good plan, Sonia. No matter what you decide.”

“John, I’ll do it if you think it’s the right thing.” I sat up in the bed. I wanted to reach for him, to pull his hand to mine again, to repeat that moment where both saw the heartbeat of our child, the tiny moving arms and legs. Even if I wasn’t sure what I was going to do, something in me wanted to reach for that comfort, to pull him close and hold him, tell him that I’d be the woman he thought I was. That I’d be as
good
as he seemed to think I was. “Tell me to do it and I will. I’ll show up on Saturday morning, and we’ll sign the contract. If you think this is what will protect you—”

“I think it’s what will protect
you
, Sonia. And maybe me. Though if Janice finds out about the pregnancy and those pictures leak, I just don’t know. But it’s something that we can try. It’s one thing that might work, short of you leaving the campaign.”

“Okay,” I said, sinking back into the hospital bed.
 

“Okay, you’ll think about it? Or ‘Okay, I’ll be there on Saturday morning?’”

“Okay, I’ll be there on Saturday morning.” I sighed and closed my eyes. “If you think—“

“I think it could work. At the very least, it’ll be a band-aid when the pictures come out. And they will. It might even make Janice wait on that front. I don’t know. She’s unpredictable.”

“Fine, let’s get married.” That weight came back to my body, like there was something holding me down with a giant, awful hand. “And where shall we honeymoon, John? What on earth will you tell Sabrina? Isn’t she under the impression you’re dating?” I laughed, but it came out more like a sob.
 

“Sonia, you know I’d—”

“You’d give it a try. I know. After the election,” I said, turning my head to the side and opening my eyes to look out of the window. A few weeks ago, I’d been a normal, respectable woman. And here I was, signed into the hospital under a fake name, carrying the love child of a politician. “I think I’d better get some sleep, John. I’ll see you on Wednesday.”

“You can take Wednesday off too.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it, John. We have an election to win, remember?” I closed my eyes again, longing for someone to come and hold me, someone to tell me it would be okay. I heard John sigh behind me, but I kept my eyes closed and drifted off to sleep.
 

When I woke, the room was empty, and I was all alone.

October 5, 2016

Five Weeks until Election Day

I spent the next day eating and resting in my apartment, trying not to think about John... or the baby. Now that I’d seen it though, I could
feel
it. Not like it was moving, really. More like a heavy presence, something real, inhabiting my body and making it into a vessel, a home. I found myself touching my belly, humming softly.
 

It was all so complicated. A wedding, so quick, kept secret… and for what reason? Would it help us… or make everything worse?

On Wednesday, I went back into work, just like everything was normal. When I got in, I walked back to his office and knocked on his door.
 

“You can come in,” he said. I walked in to see John, looking more rumpled and less positive than usual.
 

“Hey, Sonia.” A shock of his thick, wavy hair fell over his forehead. If I was that woman in the bar, the woman who first saw him, I’d walk right up all over again. Even with all this knowledge, all this disaster, the secrets and the hidden desire, the pain we’d caused each other. Despite the sadness in his eyes and the exhaustion that showed on his face, I’d be still curious to learn more. It occurred to me then that I’d make the same mistake over and over. No matter what.
 

“Are you okay… with everything?” I sat down. “It does seem like the best thing we can do, if you really think it’ll prevent Janice from acting. At least for now.”
 

“It does protect us, for now. I really believe it will throw her for the time being. As long as she doesn’t concoct something else.” John ran his fingers through his hair. “You know, we could announce the thing. Make it a big deal. A big romance, a beautiful baby to look forward to.” Adrenaline flooded my body, firing through my every nerve ending.

“I think we should keep it a secret.” The words rushed out of my mouth, my pulse racing. “Right now, I
know
it’s the best thing for us to get married. But I’d prefer it secret. For now, that is.” I bit my lip. A shadow passed over John’s face.

“If you decide about the baby—”

“I’m not there yet, John,” I said. “We’re stuck between a rock and a hard place. I’d really rather no one know. Like I said, I could go work for Janice, decide about the pregnancy in due time.” I thought about Janice, those icy blue eyes, her thinly veiled threats. My stomach turned.

“Sonia. I care about you—more than anyone I’ve met in a long time. I have to say that I even, if you could call it that I—” The words were about to form on his lips. I couldn’t have that, not
love
weighing down on my decision.
 

“John, don’t.”

“What if it’s true? What if it’s something beautiful that we’re both missing because of this damned election?”

“It’s better if we go into this—if we go into it at all—without our feelings clouding our judgment.” He looked away from me and out of the window to the busy street outside.

“Sonia, this is
for
the election. But it’s also for us. For the possibility of something greater for you, me… for the baby. When Kelly brought this idea up, I was
excited
. To think about being with you, to think about winning this election and having you beside me.” We both watched as cars rolled past on the street. He wouldn’t meet my eye.
 

“John. I care about you too. I’m attracted—very attracted—to you. And I believe in what you believe in. But don’t you think you’re getting carried away? Maybe you’re making it all a little more romantic than it actually is.” He sighed, the sound of a man with a heavy weight on his mind.

“Sonia, I don’t want you to be branded as a mistress, called names, dragged through the mud. You’re not a mistress, to me. You’re so much more. I called it off with that Sabrina woman.” He looked at me again, those blue eyes intense and searching. “The baby—the pregnancy—makes it all feel more important. Like we’d
miss
something huge if we didn’t take this seriously.”

“I don’t even know if I’m keeping—”

“You’ll make a good decision. I’m sorry I was…” He paused. “Horrible. I’m sorry I didn’t stay with you. I’m
scared
. And you know what’s crazy? I’m
scared
I’ll lose you, Sonia.” I swallowed hard. Those deep blue eyes locked on mine.
 

“How could you lose me, John?” I sighed. “You’ve never really had me. Not even now, with all this big romantic talk. We’re two one night stands and a whole lot of chemistry.”
 

“Give me a chance. Let me in. This is more to me than an arrangement, more than a contract—even if it’s not the way things are
supposed
to go.” I ran my fingers through my hair, and shook off the hot flush rising over my body.
 

“Giving you a chance. That makes everything more complicated. Are you sure you want that?”

“I do. I’ll be away for the rest of the week, but I’ll be here Saturday morning. I’ll still be ready. And if you want to give me a chance… we can do this. Get to know each other—after we’re married.”
 

“Maybe, John. We’ll see.” The adrenaline kicked in, my nerves firing over time. A man—a man I desired—had
proposed
. It wasn’t a fairy tale, no. It wasn’t the romantic dinner after months of dates and conversations. But the words he had said were simple, kind, romantic—focused on me and on the life growing inside of me. For all of my insecurity about John, for all of my fears, he sat in front of me, wanting to prove me wrong.

“That’s good enough for right now. I’ll take a solid maybe.” He stood and walked over to me, then leaned down. His closeness made the warmth spread through me, the desire threatening to take me over and send me into a tailspin of need. He pressed his lips against mine, softer and more tender than on our rushed nights together. He brought his fingers to my cheek, sweeping them down to the nape of my neck. My hair stood on end, chills rushing up my spine.
 

“Did that kiss make your maybe any stronger?”

“Mmm,” I moaned, pulling him back to me, kissing him hard. “A little. Maybe I need a little bit more convincing.”
 

“I need to be out of that door right now. But I’d take you right here in my office.” I grew wet at the thought of him, sitting in his office chair, growing hard and ready for me. Never had a man fulfilled me like he had—never had a man paid such close attention to my pleasure. He brought a hand to my increasingly sensitive breast and brushed a palm over my nipple. Aching desire coursing through my body, I stood and pulled him to me with his tie.
 

“You drive me fucking crazy. Why did you have to go and make this complicated? I could have quit, dammit. But you won’t let me. You want to make me your
wife
instead.” The word felt sensual, sexual on my lips. A wife, growing with child, ready and willing for this man and power whenever he wanted. Whenever
I
wanted. “We’re both crazy,” I said. He grabbed me by the waist, his hands roaming over my breasts, cupping them, teasing my nipples through my silk shirt and bra. He fell back into the chair, pulling me on top of him. He hiked my skirt up around my hips, grabbing my ass. He slipped his fingers inside my panties, finding my clit and moving the slickness over my sensitive button.