Scarlet Awakening (Sweet Secrets #2) (9 page)

Chapter 16

Ella skipped ahead of me, her black flip-flops slapping the wooden boardwalk as she went. “I want some fries,” she called back to me, turning her head over her shoulder and smiling innocently.

“I’m not buying you any fries,” I responded. “You know that.”

She groaned and came to a standstill. “You’re stingy with your money.” She crossed her arms.

I laughed. “Sure am. Especially when you have your own money and you purposefully leave it at home.” She had the idea that she would save up as much money as she could from the money Dad had given us so that she wouldn’t be broke when school started.

“But I want some fries. You’re my older sister, you can’t let me starve.” She pouted, poking out her bottom lip, but I wasn’t falling for it.

“That’s what you said about the ice cream, the pizza, and the chicken kabobs I refused to buy you.”

She rolled her eyes. “That’s only because you’re saying no to everything. That slice of pizza was bigger than my head. It could’ve lasted me all day.”

“Yeah, well, if you’re so hungry then let’s go home.” I waved Grandpa’s car keys from their lanyard.

“I’ll pass,” she responded, just like I had predicted she would.

We’ve been trying to stay out of the house since Mom had caught us with her journal because she was still angry. She spends a lot of time in her room, and whenever she comes out to use the bathroom she has tearstains on her cheeks and puffy eyes. I truly didn’t realize she would be this angry. I understood her initial anger, but it was a week later. Why was she still so sad? My grandparents have been trying to get her to see her therapist, but she refuses to leave the house, so instead we called her doctor and got procedural instructions to follow on how to behave around her. We have to check in on her every hour so she knows we care, and so that we can keep an eye on her.

“Gabby!” a voice screamed from behind Ella.

Ella spun around and screeched when she saw three girls approaching her.

I only remembered the name of one of them, Trinity, who was standing in the middle with a huge smile on her pretty face. She had a flawless olive complexion, and long black hair that was always in tight, natural curls. She was tall, thin, and very friendly. I had been in the same grade as her two older sisters, Miya and Tammy. They were a nice family. Ella had been friends with them since elementary school, but they had gone separate ways in high school for a while before becoming friends again at the end of the year. I hadn’t known that she had kept in touch with anyone from our old life. I sure hadn’t.

“Hey guys!” Ella yelled, running to hug the girls.

“Oh-Em-Gee,” said the muscular girl on the right, who was grinning widely. She had a pretty chestnut skin tone, and muscular legs that were covered by a pair of athletic shorts.

“I knew you were back but I didn’t think we would run into you!” screamed the one on the left. She had smooth brown skin, and her hair was done in individual braids that were pulled up into a neat bun. She was nearly as tall as Trinity was, and was wearing a T-shirt that said,
‘I can’t hear it unless you cheer it!’

Trinity clapped her hands excitedly. “You have to walk the boardwalk with us. We’re looking for a new bathing suit for Tia.” She smiled at the cheerleader. “And Preshá wants to find a pair of pink knee-high socks for her breast cancer awareness soccer tournament this weekend.”

Ella glanced back at me with a begging look on her face. “Do you mind?” she asked.

I shook my head no. “Not at all. I’m going to find a spot on the beach right here, and sit for a while. Just come find me when you guys are done.”

“Thanks,” Ella called as they headed off, everyone talking at once.

I smiled as I watched them walk off. I was glad they had kept in touch, and I wished that I had kept in touch with some of my friends.

Once their group had disappeared into the steadily growing throng of people who filled the boardwalk, I found an entrance to the beach and went to find a spot to sit. The first thing I did after I sat down was scribble my name into the sand.

I had so much to think about with everything that was going on, and it seemed like I never had any time to just sit and think. I had been in San Diego for nearly a month now, and I had already run into two people from my past: Eleanor and Carter. My plans of lying low and going home without seeing anyone had been ruined, but I was also reminded of what life had been like here.

It hadn’t been all bad. I was so lost and caught up in how Eleanor had treated Ella, and the problems between my parents, that I hadn’t realized all of the good. Carter and I had been really good friends, and not just a couple. I had two other close friends, Maryam and Sara, who I hadn’t spoken with since weeks before I left for Virginia. We had a huge falling out, and looking back I realized how stupid it was to throw away friendships like that. The argument must have been so minor, because now I couldn’t even remember what we had argued about; I’d been in a bad place and had let my emotions take over. Maryam and I had known each other since kindergarten, and had met Sara in middle school when her family had moved here from Spain. Her mom was an author who traveled in order to get inspiration for her novels. I had a few signed copies of her books, and pictures of Sara, Maryam, and myself as my only reminders of our friendship other than my memories.

We used to do the same thing that Ella was doing now—walk the boardwalk together, and shop. Every Saturday night was spent watching movies at each other’s house. Maryam always hosted the best movie nights though. Her mom was a great cook, and she had no siblings to constantly annoy us during the movie, unlike Sara and me. I wonder how they would react if I told them about the twins. Honestly, with the way I treated them, they probably wouldn’t care.

I bit my lip and dug my toes into the sand. In the distance there was a middle-aged man with a rotund beer belly who was throwing a Frisbee for a golden retriever, and I was instantly reminded of Carter and ultimately his question from the day before. He wanted to have another shot at us, but it had been so long since we were together that I didn’t even remember how to be a part of a couple. Everything was so easy before because we were friends. So with the extension of our friendship status into a couple status, nothing changed between us except the addition of showing affection.

Carter, being the athlete that he was, could eat constantly and we spent a lot of time hanging out at this little diner not far from our school named Neece’s Place. The owner, Mrs. Neece Jackson, was an old black woman who made it a habit of learning all of the names of her regular customers, who she always referred to as her extended family, in addition to her six kids who had all worked in the diner at some point. She knew that we were high school students, and she often gave us milkshakes on the house. Neece’s Place had an old style diner theme, with a main jukebox that consisted of old style songs. According to Carter and me, she had the best burgers and shakes in San Diego. That was where we had our first date, and it was unforgettable. He had spoken with Mrs. Jackson, who was a romantic herself, and had gotten permission to have our usual table set up with candles after hours so that when we arrived we were the only ones there. We both ordered burgers and fries, and then shared an Oreo shake. I couldn’t think of anything more thoughtful.

Carter was close with my family too. My parents liked him, and Ella had wanted him to be her boyfriend before he was even
my
boyfriend. Whenever we had a family outing, Carter, Maryam, and Sara were all invited along. They were my family too, in my eyes. My family had always been close knit. We did a lot of stuff together. Grandma would pack huge lunches, and we would all go for family picnics at the beach, with Ella and I bringing our closest friends along for the fun. That was before everything went haywire.

Now, I’m single, my best friend lives across the country, and my family has been split up. If nothing had changed, and we’d never moved away, then I would’ve eventually attended a college in California like I had planned when I was younger. I had always wanted to attend the University of California in Los Angeles, UCLA, as an art major, but now I had other options. I could stay in Virginia for school if I wanted to be closer to my dad. I could go to school with Violet even.

I really missed having someone to hang out with, and laugh and joke around with. Violet would be able to help me in this Carter situation right now, but we’ve both been busy. She’s spending the summer trying to work things out with Blake since she hasn’t fully forgiven him yet for cheating on her with Ella. We’ve been texting back and forth, but Violet also knows that I’ve been digging into my mom’s past to find out as much as I could about the twins. She’d told me to keep her updated on what I found, and after I met the twins for the first time I had sent her pictures of Taylor and Cameron and she’d freaked out. She called and we talked for an hour about the twins, and how Ella and I found them. I hadn’t had a chance to tell her everything about Carter and me. The most I had told her so far was about our past together and how I had bumped into him. She was annoyed at first that I never told her about him, but she quickly got over it. The next time we talked I was going to fill her in on everything. I couldn’t wait to see her at the end of the summer. I had so much to catch her up on.

I sat for a while longer just thinking about my past and future, and watching the beer-bellied man toss his Frisbee to his dog until they left. By the time Ella came back, I was ready to go, but also dreading being stuck in the house for the night with the possibility of having to face my mom.

Chapter 17

As soon as we entered the house we knew something was wrong. The sound of my mom wailing loudly was the first thing I heard. It was followed by my grandmother’s voice as she tried desperately to calm her down, but to no avail.

Ella and I shared a curious look before we locked the front door behind us and followed our mother’s pained cries up the stairs. Once inside the hallway I was able to see Grandpa standing in Mom’s doorway with a horrified expression on his worn face. He must not have ever experienced one of her panic attacks like Ella and I had. She gets all worked up, and sometimes it even goes so far that she has trouble breathing. Dad used to wrap his arms around her tightly, and hold her while smoothing down her hair until she calmed down. I didn’t think about what she did now, because I had assumed they had stopped when her depression problems had subsided.

Apparently they hadn’t, unless something in particular had sent her over the edge.

Ella and I approached the doorway, gaining our grandfather’s attention. “What happened?” I asked, just loud enough for him to hear me over my mom’s wails.

Grandpa shrugged. “Your grandmother and I were downstairs and she just started freaking out. We ran up to see what was wrong and she was crying, and having a full-blown panic attack. Your grandmother has been trying to calm her down for a few minutes now.” His eyes were wide as he spoke.

I took in a deep breath of air, physically preparing myself for anything as I stepped into the bedroom. Mom was standing near her bed, breathing so hard that she was almost panting as she cried and tried frantically to speak, but her words weren’t forming coherent sentences. The only pieces I could make out were, “He,” intake of a shaky breath, “called,” exhale of shaky breath, “and th-they they w-went,” before she started crying harder. Her cheeks were flushed with red blotches, and wet with tears. Her green eyes were red rimmed, and her hair was frizzy. The first word that came to mind as I looked at her was frazzled.

I came closer until I was standing next to Grandma. She was talking in a shaky voice that made me aware of how nervous she was. She had her hands out in a surrendering motion as if she was afraid Mom was going to leap and attack her at any moment.

“Christine, you need to sit down and relax. Once you’re calm you can tell us what’s going on, and we’ll help you,” Grandma said.

“Y-you c-can’t help me-e-e,” Mom managed, raising her hands to grip them in her hair. Strands came loose from her ponytail, making her look even more unkempt.

Grandma nodded furiously. “How do you know that we can’t help you unless you ask?”

Mom squatted down, balancing on the toes of her feet and hunching her back over so that her head was resting on her knees. She looked so lost and helpless that my heart broke for her.

“Let me try, Grandma,” I said, gesturing for her to back away and give us some space.

She obliged instantly, moving to the doorway where everyone else stood with wide eyes.

I squatted down next to Mom, placing a hand on her shoulder. She jumped a little, and tilted her head upwards to meet my gaze. She instantly began crying harder. A memory of my dad with his arms wrapped around her tightly came to mind. He used to talk in a soothing voice, hold her tightly, and then stroke her hair when she calmed down. I could do that.

I leaned forward and wrapped my arms around her body, which was convulsing from her violent sobs. I shifted so I was kneeling, and rested my head on her shoulder as I hugged her tightly. “It’s going to be okay, Mom. I don’t know what it is that made you sad, but we can work through it. We’ve gotten through stuff before, haven’t we? We’re a strong family. You’re strong.” I hugged her so tightly that my hair and shirt were growing damp from her tears. She continued to cry, but her head was now leaning on my shoulder. I continued to talk in what I hoped was a soothing tone. “Remember when I was younger, and I used to have bad days? You would always tell me that life is full of ups and downs, and when you’re down, you just have to find a reason to be lifted up. Then you would tell me all of the reasons why I should’ve been smiling instead of crying.”

Mom sniffled in response. I noticed a lull in her heavy breathing, and her sobs seemed to be less powerful, but I still heard and felt her crying.

“So here are some reason why you should smile instead of cry. First off, I love you. So does Grandma, and Grandpa, and Ella. We all want to see you smiling.”

“I-I love you t-too,” she said, gasping as she spoke.

“I know. Want some more reasons?”

She didn’t respond for a moment, then she nodded her head, causing me to smile. I felt like the roles had been reversed, and I was happy that I could make her feel better. “Well, you’re healthy, you’re alive, you always have Ella and me, both of your parents are healthy and alive, you aren’t starving, and you were born a winner because you beat out all of the other sperm and penetrated the egg first.”

Just like I was hoping she would, she let out a breathy laugh. I pulled away and looked at her face. She was still crying, but nowhere near as bad as when I first walked in. I offered her a smile, and stood up. My knees were hurting like hell in that position. Once I was standing, I reached down to help her up. She took my hand and let me pull her to her feet. Then she wiped the tears from her cheeks with the backs of her hands despite the fact that she still had tears falling from her eyes.

Ella entered the room, approaching us hesitantly. “What happened?” she questioned. I tossed her a glare. I didn’t want Mom to start freaking out again by remembering what had set her off. We could talk about that later.

Mom started shaking a little as she said, “John called me, and h-he said that you two went and saw the twins.” Her tears increased. “Why would you go see them? You girls j-just d-don’t understand.” She began stumbling over her words again, and I placed a hand on her shoulder to comfort her.

“What don’t we understand?” Ella asked.

I scowled at her, saying, “Leave it.” Then facing my mom, I added, “You don’t have to answer that, you should relax and we can talk about it later.”

In response to my statement, Mom shook her head. Her sobs grew heavier. “The r-real r-reason that we c-couldn’t k-keep the twins is b-because I thought t-that it w-w-would be wrong to t-take them from J-John. He’s their b-bi-biological f-father.”

Ella and I nodded simultaneously.

“We understand,” I said.

“We know,” Ella spoke.

Then, like I hadn’t wanted, she broke down again. Her tears came faster and heavier. She shrugged my hand off of her shoulder and began pacing back and forth. She looked angry now, mixed with sad. Her breathing was shallow and quick.

“Y-y-you,” she said, stopping and staring at Ella and me. “Y-you r-r-read m-my-my j-j-journal,” she stuttered, looking completely distraught.

She was probably angry now that we had reminded her we had read her journal and already knew her secrets. We knew the twins weren’t adopted, but instead that full custody had been given to their biological father, John.

She started shaking, and she was crying harder than she had been when we entered the room.

“Mom, please calm down,” Ella said. “What can we do to make you calm down?”

Mom’s mouth was open but only the sound of sobbing and wailing came out.

“Please, Mom,” Ella begged. She looked like she was on the verge of tears herself now. Her face was now a vibrant shade of red. “I’ll stay with you if you want. I’ll-I’ll go to school in California for a year and keep you company.”

She continued to wail, but she looked toward me. It was as if she was asking me to stay too. I didn’t want to, but she looked so devastated, and she looked like she really needed me here.

I felt tears well up in my eyes as I said, “I’ll stay too if you want.” I just wanted to calm her down, but it wasn’t working.

She started to freak out even more, and then she was breathing so quickly that she started to sway. I didn’t know what was going on.

She tried to talk, but all that came out was a shallow breath of air before she fell backwards with her arms out at her sides. Ella screamed, and I rushed forward just as Mom hit the back of her head on her bedside table, causing a loud banging noise and the lamp to fall off and shatter as it hit the ground not far from Mom’s face.

I dropped to my knees next to her body as she laid out on the floor. To my horror, there was blood beginning to pool around her head. My grandparents rushed forward with me, and Grandma screamed before Grandpa told her to call an ambulance.

As I hunched over my mom’s body, my vision blurry with tears, all I could think about was how she wasn’t as stable as she had appeared to be, and about what I would do if I lost her. If she makes it through this, maybe the best thing for her health would be if I made good on my statement and actually did come to live with her for the year.