Scarlet Feather (50 page)

‘Three months, like anyone.’

‘And will Tom agree to this?’

‘It’s the law, but he would anyway, I’m certain.’

‘We’ll have to move house. Waterview is so unsuitable for a child,’ he said.

‘Not yet, not for a baby… it doesn’t matter where a baby lives… Later we might think… ?’

‘But I have committed myself to work in my area, I’m not taking big insurance cases or conveyancing just to make money.’

‘We don’t need all that much money. We don’t need a big house like Oaklands, we don’t want one of those gigantic prams like you were reared in, we don’t have to go to a big expensive fee-paying school. Children don’t need all kinds of luxury or royal treatment, they need to be loved.’

‘We have had a good start. If we have a child, we must give that child a good start too.’

‘My mam and dad raised six of us in St Jarlath’s Crescent, and did so with no money and no problems.’

‘Well, hardly with
no
problems,’ he contradicted.

‘What do you mean?’

‘You are always railing that your mother had to go down on her hands and knees to scrub my mother’s floors and put up with dogs’ abuse while she did it.’

‘But I won’t have to do that, and neither will you.’

‘I suppose I’m just not ready,’ he said.

‘Neither am I. But loads of people haven’t been ready, and look at the great fist they made of it.’

‘I’m not a monster, why am I being made to feel like one?’

‘I’m not making you into a monster.’ She was gentle.

‘It’s just… it’s just…’ He couldn’t find the words.

She said nothing.

‘Listen, I haven’t even asked you anything about all this… How do you feel? Have you been sick… ?’

‘It comes and goes…’

‘And what do
you
want to happen?’

‘What’s happening now, for us to talk about it calmly and sanely without getting upset.’

‘What’s there to talk about… ? I mean it.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Let’s be logical, we didn’t want children, now you’re pregnant.’ It was very chilly, very clinical, the way he said it.

‘We have been missing each other a lot recently…’ he went on. ‘I misunderstood the depth of your feeling about the company, and I thought that you’d eventually see sense about it, come abroad with me because it was such a great posting… and you misunderstood. Once you were pregnant, you thought that I’d automatically come round to being delighted to be a father. We both got it very wrong.’

Suddenly she couldn’t help it any more, the remorseless logic, the working out where praise and blame were due. She felt the sobs coming on and couldn’t stop them. He watched her aghast as her shoulders heaved with the misery that went right through her. It was impossible to hear what she was saying; the words were drowned with all the sobbing.

‘Please, Cathy…’ He reached out to touch her. He hadn’t expected this, he had been trying to sum it up as accurately as he could. He had been struggling not to blame her and say that he felt a sense of betrayal. He thought it was unjust that he had been somehow bypassed on their bargain, but the rights of a birth mother were obviously more important, so he had tried to concentrate on the practicalities, and now judging by her weeping that had not been right either. He wished he could understand what she was saying. And Cathy wept and wept, saying the same thing over and over. He didn’t want the child. There was no instinctive, loving response to the thought of being a father. There was no way she could end this pregnancy, because even if she did, and suppose she got over it, she still would remember this day and how he had proved not to be a loving, caring, good person after all, only a selfish one determined to get all that he could achieve in his career. She wept more because she could not and would not believe this of Neil, the man she loved so much. He watched her, his eyes misting with confusion, he was doing his best for her, being as fair and just as anyone could be under the circumstances. His future was going to change because she had not kept faith and honoured straight dealing. He had agreed to go ahead with it, and then just sorting out a few details had reduced her to this state.

‘I’ve never seen you cry like this before. Please, please stop,’ he begged.

She made a great effort, and he passed her a box of tissues. She wiped her eyes and blew her nose.

‘I’m not saying anything out of any badness, I just couldn’t hear what you were saying,’ he said. She blew her nose again. Tentatively he offered her some wine and she drank it. He moved her hair out of her eyes and put his arm round her shoulder.

‘Cathy, hon?’

‘Okay. I’m okay now.’

A determination as strong as she had felt all those years ago in Greece came over Cathy. They had been through too much, conquered so many problems, they would not fail now. Not now that the best part, a child, was on the way.

‘When I told you I had something to tell you… what did you think I was going to say?’ she asked, sniffing a bit.

‘I don’t know,’ he was evasive.

‘Please tell me.’

‘Well, I think I believed you were going to say to me…’ he hesitated.

‘Tell me.’

‘ I thought you were going to say you’d decided to leave Scarlet Feather and come with me wherever I went,’ he said.

And outside it was dark in the garden and the smells of cooking came from downstairs.

The man who was watching the premises thought that he had got lucky. The big guy who owned it was letting himself in. At this time of night, at a weekend. They had been totally right, it was, of course, all his own doing; he was going to do further destruction now. He crept up to the window to see it begin before he called for back-up. These insurance cases were all the same; they had to have heavy proof. He kept in the shadows; he wanted to watch it begin, but he didn’t want to be seen himself and there might be more than one of them.

Marcella lay on the bed in Stoneyfield. He would have to come home sometime. So he hadn’t wanted to go out to lunch; maybe she should not have suggested it to him. But he wasn’t going to stay out all night, every night. This much she knew. Where would he go? He was too proud to go round to Ricky’s studio apartment. He would never go to his parents in Fatima. He wouldn’t want to go within a million miles of Joe at this time. He would come home. When she woke later and he still wasn’t there, she began to worry. He was so headstrong, but he’d never have done anything foolish. Marcella couldn’t sleep any more. She went out on the street and walked until she saw a cruising taxi. She asked it to leave her in a street near the premises, then she walked quietly down the lane and opened the gate into the cobblestoned yard. There was a man in a parked car outside, but he didn’t seem to take any notice of her. She looked in at the window and, peering in the very early dawn, she saw a figure lying on the divan. Thank God. And how foolish of him. They would have to talk sometime; why keep putting it off? She rang the bell and he didn’t stir. She could see that his eyes were open but he made no move. He must have known she was there. ‘Tom,’ she called. ‘Please, Tom, don’t leave me here. Tom, let me in.’ He never moved. ‘There was nothing else I could do,’ she cried. And then finally,’I never betrayed you. I told you everything, I was so honest with you. I can’t understand why you won’t talk.’ After half an hour, cold and frightened, she left and got another taxi back to Stoneyfield.

The man who had been watching the premises was mystified. That big guy had not gone in to break the place up, he had gone in to sleep on a sofa, for God’s sake. And what was more peculiar still was that one of the most beautiful women ever seen in Dublin had  been hammering on the door trying to get in. Any normal man would have let her in straight away. This guy was weird.

Tom got up an hour later, went to Haywards and made the bread. Was it only two days since he had been in this building? Making the Saturday morning batch; clearing up after the fashion show while still half drunk and shell-shocked. It seemed like for ever, and yet he realised that he was only talking about a mere forty-eight hours. He was afraid that Marcella might try to confront him in the kitchen, but she wouldn’t risk it. She couldn’t afford a public scene so shortly after her triumph. It was strange, that whole business last night.

Back at the premises he was surprised to find Cathy already there.

‘Was Neil delighted?’ he asked.

‘Yes I think he was,’ Cathy said.

‘Of course he was, anyone would be delighted to be having a baby with you,’ Tom said.

‘Yes, well, he was startled, that’s for sure.’ Cathy didn’t catch Tom’s eye.

It obviously hadn’t gone well, this announcement. It was so much less than he had expected, Tom felt he should say something. ‘I suppose it was a bit of a shock as well,’ Tom was soothing.

She looked at him thoughtfully. ‘Yes, it was a bigger shock than I realised.’

‘But he’ll be delighted when the shock bit dies down,’ Tom reassured her.

‘Of course he will,’ Cathy said with a smile.

Tom might be right. Neil could well become excited about the baby. Eventually. He had been so kind last night in Holly’s after her weeping fit, so gentle, and he had put away the interrogating manner. They had talked long and calmly last night, and got up very early to drive back through the sunshine of County Wicklow,getting to Dublin well before the traffic had started. Neil had driven leaning over to pat her arm occasionally. Yes, when the shock died down, as Tom said, it would be fine.

‘We decided that we wouldn’t tell anyone about it yet.’ she explained to Tom. ‘So you see…’

He understood immediately. ‘So the two clairvoyants you work with will keep quiet, is that what you’re saying?’

For a bit. I would be grateful. And Tom, thank you
so
much for sorting Simon and Maud out on Saturday. Dad left a message on our machine about it; you really are a hero.’

‘He’s such a shit, that man Mitchell.’

‘Oh, don’t get me started on him, I’ve never wanted to hit anyone quite so much.’

‘It’s monstrous that they should have those children, but don’t get
me
started on that either.’ He paused, and she knew he was going to say something important. ‘And since you don’t ask, which is very good of you, I haven’t seen Marcella since Friday and I might sleep here a couple of nighIs, if that’s all right with the company.’ He spoke lightly, but she could see his pain. Quietly, she put her arms around him.

Eventually, she said, ‘That’s fine with the company. Let’s open up the e-mails and see what we’ve got.’

He moved away as she started up the computer, more grateful than he could ever say at her understanding and lack of questions at this raw time. Then he heard her scream.

‘God Almighty, I don’t believe this!’

‘What is it?’

He came running. Together they read that Marian was throwing the whole wedding party on their mercy for a rehearsal and a recovery party because Harry and his stupid relations had not thought that you needed to book anything in Dublin. Sleepy little backwater Dublin, where nobody needed to make reservations. And they had to be booked into somewhere classy for a dinner and a lunch at the height of the tourist season, and they had to find the places in just under three weeks.

‘It’s impossible,’ Cathy said. ‘That’s all there is to it. Great stupid eejits.’

‘We’ll have to cater them all ourselves,’ said Tom. ‘It’s just as simple as that.’

‘Now you’re the one that’s mad! We can’t do that.’

‘Why not? It’ll make us some badly needed money, and it will take our minds off other things,’ he said.

Walter was furious that they had played in the shed.

‘It wasn’t playing, it was dancing,’ they said defensively.

‘That’s my shed, stay out of it,’ Walter ordered.

‘I didn’t know it was your shed, Walter, honestly, I thought it belonged to all of us,’ Simon said.

‘Yes, well, you know now, and give over this dancing business, it’s really annoying Dad. He might go away again.’

‘Not over our dancing?’ Maud was wide-eyed.

‘No, but he keeps saying that old Barty’s gone to England, and he might follow him.’

‘And would he?’

‘He just might.’

‘And what about Mother?’

‘Mother’s been away with the fairies for days now, you must know that,’ Walter said scornfully.

‘And would her nerves get bad and she’d go to hospital again if Father went away?’ Maud wondered.

‘You can bet on it, so try to cut down on the dancing where anyone can hear you, will you? Okay?’

‘Sure, Walter.’

‘And no whinging and whining to Sara, either. It was quite bad enough asking that Tom Feather to stick his nose in on Saturday.’

‘We didn’t ask him, honestly,’ Maud said.

‘Muttie rang Cathy and he took the message, that was all,’ Simon said.

They were so obviously telling the truth that Walter left it. ‘The only hope of keeping this place going at all is not to tell Sara long stories, do you understand?’

‘Yes,’ the twins said doubtfully.

Hannah Mitchell telephoned her daughter in Canada.

‘No, Ms Mitchell has taken a long weekend with her partner.’ ‘Oh, she’s a partner in the company. Now isn’t that wonderful,’

Hannah said.

‘No, I mean she and her partner have gone to their chalet on the lake.’

‘And when will she be back?’ Hannah asked. She knew nothing of any chalet on any lake.

‘Tonight I guess, tomorrow they’re both back in the store.’ Hannah hung up, delighted with this news, and couldn’t wait to spread it around. There had been so little about Amanda to boast about recently; in fact, so little communication at all.

Neil called into Oaklands on Monday at about six o’clock and told them about the conference in Africa. Hannah listened impatiently until she got a chance to deliver her own good news from abroad.

‘Did you hear, Amanda has been made a partner in that bookshop,’ she said.

‘That’s pretty big. When did that happen? Did she say?’ Jock was pleased.

‘Well, no, I didn’t catch her herself, I called and they said she and her partner were taking a long weekend, and she must have got some kind of executive chalet by the lakes.’