Scarred Beautiful (13 page)

The moment the door closes, I exhale a shaky breath. The whole experience in the elevator comes crashing down on me, relief and something else mixing in my gut. Thank goodness Matt was there or else I don’t know how it would’ve turned out. I smile, thinking about the scary clowns. Matt may hide it well, but behind that composed exterior is someone vulnerable. I inwardly cringe, hoping that during our conversation he didn’t pick up on my uneasiness.
Scarred for Life.
He doesn’t even realize how that phrase fits me so perfectly. I can actually picture it on a movie marquee.

I snap out of my thoughts long enough to remember that I just agreed to go somewhere with him.
Me and my bright ideas
. It also jogs my brain that I need to call Peyton.

I dial her number and after five rings she finally answers. “Where the hell are you?!” she screams into the phone. “It’s almost time for our lunch break!”

“Geez, nice to talk to you, too,” I shoot back.

“Sorry,” she mutters, her voice softening, “I was starting to get worried.”

“We just got off the elevator. It was kind of crazy, but Matt managed to calm me down. He was really great, actually.”

“Realllly,” she responds, her voice taking on a seductive tone.

“Anyway, I only have a second. We’re skipping out on the rest of the conference today. Matt’s taking me somewhere and I need to get ready,” I explain, holding the cell phone between my head and neck, sliding my shoes off and shoving my skirt down my legs.

“Where’s he taking you?” she asks, and there’s a muffled voice in the background and then a giggle from Peyton, leaving me to assume she’s with Caleb.

“I don’t know, but he’ll be here any second so I have to go. I’ll call you later.” I click the phone off as she says goodbye, pushing the buttons through the holes of my blouse and tearing it off.

After undressing at warp speed, I run into the bathroom and do a quick swipe of my teeth with the toothbrush, unclasp my hair from the tie, and comb through it to smooth out the tangles. I dab some blush on my cheeks and a hint of gloss on my lips before making my way back out to the closet and yanking a pair of skinny jeans from a hanger. While I’m tugging them on, a green tank top catches my eye and I slide it over my head just as a knock sounds at the door. I grab my sneakers and open it, standing on one foot as I try to coax a shoe on.

“Wow, I didn’t realize you’d be jumping up and down when you saw me,” he jokes, and while he’s distracted by laughter I take a second to check out the low-slung jeans and tight white t-shirt he’s sporting. “So, you all set?”

“Yes. But I’d still like to know what we’re doing.” I close the door and we walk side by side to the elevators. Matt’s eyes veer to the left and casually roam my body, my skin prickling at his attention.

“Fran, this was
your
idea, wasn’t it? And it’s a surprise. You don’t like surprises?”

“I know, and I like surprises,” I reply, as we step in the elevator, “but I like to be prepared for them.”

“Huh?” Matt shakes his head, a bewildered look pricking the blue of his eyes. “Then it’s not a surprise, Fran.”

We make it down to the lobby and outside the hotel entrance, finally seeing the light of day, and it’s a glorious one. The sun is warm and bright, helping to counteract the goose bumps on my arms from the frigid air conditioning inside.

The valet brings the car up pretty quickly and Matt opens the door for me before crossing to the driver’s side. He climbs in and rolls down our windows, pushing a button to slide the roof open. I instantly tilt my head back against the seat so I can feel the sun beating down on my face.

He eases the car onto the side streets of LA and we ride in comfortable silence until I dangle my feet out the window and Matt finally breaks it. “Hey sugar, watch the shoes near my car,” he says, half-joking, and I emphasize the
half
because I don’t really think he’s amused.

“Lighten up, sweet cheeks.” I angle my head to look at him. “It’s only a car.”

“Sweet cheeks?” he utters, and then he laughs so hard he snorts.

By the time we make it to what I gather is Matt’s condo, I’ve got both feet hanging out the window and I’ve sang to the likes of Pink and Maroon 5
.
I think I even caught Matt bobbing his head a couple of times to the music.

For me, it’s impossible not to be carried away by the melody and lyrics. Music has always been a big part of my life and has gotten me through some pretty hard times. There’s a song for my every mood and I always marvel at how you can go without hearing a song for ten years, yet once you hear it again, you can recall every single word as if you just listened to it yesterday. Every single memory the song jars is raw and vivid, as if you’ve stepped back in time, the feelings bleeding out all over again. I touch my hand to my belly and wince at the analogy.

When I look up from my thoughts, I suddenly don’t feel like I’m in Kansas anymore. Matt’s condo looks like a Tuscan villa in Italy with three stories, loads of windows, a clay tile roof and cream slab exterior. There are various trees surrounding the property and a two-car attached garage. I don’t know what I pictured, but this definitely wasn’t it.

“Wow, this is really nice, Matt,” I remark, taking in the luxury cars parked in each of the driveways.

“Thanks. I like it here. I’m close enough to work, but far enough removed from the craziness of the city,” he says, opening his door and coming around to the passenger side to help me out.

Out of the corner of my eye, I spot two little girls playing hopscotch and smile. “I used to love to play hopscotch!” I say excitedly, as Matt stops and watches them, too. “Gabby and I used to play a lot, except instead of rocks, we’d use Jolly Ranchers.”

“Jolly Ranchers, the candy?” he asks, as if I’m speaking another language.

“Yup, the one and only. We’d use those and when we were done playing, we’d eat them.”

“So after you’d jumped all over them, you ate them? That’s kinda unsanitary,” he comments, screwing up his face in mock disgust.

I laugh at his shocked expression. “When it comes to Jolly Ranchers, anything goes. So, do I get the grand tour?”

“Later.” He smiles warmly. “First we’re going to let loose. You’ve been telling me I need to work on that, right?”

“Well, yeah.” I raise a brow and place a hand on my hip. “What have you got up your sleeve, Dixon?”

He ignores my question and walks over to the side panel of the garage, pressing a four digit code into the console, prompting the first door to open instantly. Inside sits a red motorcycle accented with black and silver, shined and polished to perfection, the word ‘Ducati’ scrawled in large, white letters on the side. My eyes bulge from their sockets just in time for Matt to turn around and catch the terrified expression on my face.

“You have a motorcycle?” I gulp. “We’re not taking the car?”

He chuckles, striding past me and pulling two helmets down from a wooden rack. “No, little spark, we’re gonna grip the open road.”

The lump of fear in my throat makes it harder for the next words to find their way out of my mouth. “My ass would rather grip the front seat of your car.”

Matt raises an eyebrow, an amused smile crossing his lips at my rather sexual innuendo, albeit unintended, and proceeds to walk the bike out even as the fear starts to eat me alive. He places the helmet on his head and then spins around to put one on me, tightening the strap under my neck before tapping it three times. “Cute.”

He hooks one leg over the bike and sets his other foot on the pedal, crooking his finger at me. “Hop on and wrap your arms and those sweet little legs around me,” he says with a devilish grin.

“You know,” I comment, tapping my foot lightly on the pavement, my arms folded across my chest, “you seem a little too happy about this, and….” I stall. “I can’t believe you own a motorcycle anyway!”

“Why not, us tight-asses can’t have motorcycles?” he asks, seemingly offended, but then he continues. “If you must know, the CEO bought it for me after I landed two big clients. It’s certainly not something I would buy for myself and I barely ride the thing.”

“So why now, then?” I ask, picking at my thumbnail, curiosity getting the better of me.

“Honestly?” He looks away from me and into the distance. “I don’t know. I just wanted to ride with you.”

There’s a subtle pleading in the tone of his voice when he says it, like he’s trying to break free and he needs me to help him do it. It’s been a long time since anyone has needed me for anything so that alone pushes me to choke back the fear and let go.

“Okay.”

“Great. Let’s do this.” He turns back, giving me a megawatt smile, showcasing his perfect white teeth and deep dimple.

I take a huge breath before I climb on, grabbing onto Matt’s arm and throwing one leg over before situating myself. Encircling my arms around Matt’s waist, I lean in with my head close to his shoulder and inhale his clean, fresh scent. It has a calming effect that all but disintegrates the moment he kick-starts the engine and it roars to life. I force my eyes closed and say a few silent prayers.

“Hold on tight, little spark,” he says, and I can hardly hear his voice over the rumble of the bike.

We take off like a bat out of hell and a loud yelp escapes my throat. Matt laughs over the thundering sound and I squeeze him tighter for fear of my body flying off of this godforsaken vehicle and onto the LA highway.

“You okay?” he yells, and I have to shut my eyes from the force of the wind pounding our faces.

“Yeah,” I scream back, finally relaxing a bit since Matt seems to have good control over the bike, which is surprising for someone who doesn’t ride much.

The scenery on the way to wherever we’re going is just breathtaking: miles of captivating beaches, camel-colored sand, and an endless landscape of blue sky. I’m not sure how much time goes by when we finally pull into what looks like a lagoon—a small body of water surrounded by sand and tall grass. There are a few people scattered here and there but for the most part it’s quiet and peaceful.

Matt jumps off the bike first, removing his helmet, then takes my hand to help me down. He unhooks the strap, his blue eyes never leaving mine, and I find it hard to look away. “So, what did you think?” He pushes my now matted hair away from my face, his hand lingering between my cheek and my ear, sending a shiver through me that doesn’t go unnoticed. “Cold?” he asks.

“No.” I don’t know what I feel but it’s definitely not cold. If anything, his touch shoots a warmth through me that’s unsettling, mostly because I don’t know what to do with it. There’s a part of me that wants to lean into his hand but I hold back.

“I really enjoyed the ride,” I say quickly, trying to ward off this strange sensation. “It was actually pretty freeing. I didn’t get the fascination before but I think I do now.”

“I liked it, too. More so because you were wrapped around me,” he teases with a sparkle in the steel blue depths of his eyes, earning a shove from me.

“Ass.”

“I like it when you’re forceful,” he says, stumbling, before placing his hand on my lower back and leading me to the sand. “Sit.”

“So, why here?” I look around, barely noticing any sound except for the water rippling along the shore.

“I used to come here a lot after my sister died. It’s a good place to think. Plus, it reminds me of a small reservoir in Connecticut my family spent time at when we were growing up.”

Thoughts of New York wander through my head and make me smile. “I have a spot I go to in Central Park when I want to think or just reflect on things, too. There’s a bench that pretty much has my name on it now and a musician who’s always at that same spot playing his guitar and singing. I like to sit and listen to him, get lost in the music. It helps me sort through things sometimes.” I shrug. “I think everyone needs a place they can escape to….” I pick up a rock and toss it, watching it skim across the water. “Where I grew up in Northern California there was a playground across the street from my house and I’d always go sit on the merry-go-round when I was upset, especially if someone had teased me.”

“Oh no,” he says sympathetically, surrounding his head with both hands and shaking it, “the dreaded teasing which no child can escape. What were
you
teased about?”

I let out a sharp laugh, my head falling back. “What wasn’t I teased about? I’ll never forget the things they said to me.”

“What kinds of things?” he prods, huddling closer to me, but continuing to stare out at the water.

“It’s so embarrassing. They used to call me ‘big fanny Fran’ in third grade.” I bite the inside of my cheek. “I kind of always had a big butt.” My face heats at the memory of Gerald Windmeier chasing me around the playground screaming it and challenging the other kids to say it ten times fast.

Matt bumps my shoulder, a teasing grin lifting his lips. “I can’t confirm or deny unless you want to do a couple of twirls.”

I scrunch my nose and feel the wrinkle on my forehead popping out. “Fat chance.”

“That nickname really doesn’t suit you though,” he says thoughtfully, “I would’ve called you….” He cocks his head to the side, taking a second to peruse my face. “Sunshine.”

“Sunshine?” I cast him a quizzical look. “Why sunshine?”

He tucks a wind-blown strand of hair behind my ear, the blue in his eyes connecting with the green in mine. “Why sunshine? Because the light in your eyes causes your whole face to beam…so yeah”—he smiles—“sunshine.”

I wrap my arms around my knees as my gaze dips down, a shyness enveloping me. “That’s the nicest thing anyone has said to me in a long time.”