Scarred (Lost Series Book 2) (15 page)

“I believe you would,” he said. His rough hands gripped my upper arms, squeezing, his nails digging into my skin. “Don’t play this game with me, River. Not you.”

I knew what he was saying, what he was warning. I knew the end result would be worse than anything I was afraid of Derrick doing, and I wouldn’t be the sole recipient of his rage. If I turned my back on the monster, he would rain destruction on his enemies and friends alike, because everyone would look like a traitor then.

“I want a real wedding, Ethan Kendall. Fuck that shit we had before. And you’re going to wear a fucking wedding band, you understand?”

That smile. That dangerous, wicked smile on his face took my breath away.

“Yeah, baby. I understand. I understand entirely.”

He crashed his mouth into mine, hard enough our teeth clinked.

I loved the beast I created. Fucking loved her. But I couldn’t tell her. Why? Because loving her aloud meant I had something to lose.

Ethan

S
he blew my mind. Entirely. Completely. Because she was asking for my type of fucked up love, and I was watching her blossom in it. As I gripped her hips and slammed my dick inside her tight pussy, every thought but one obliterated out of my head.

She was mine.

I didn’t care about how we came together, or how what we had was violent and shady. I didn’t care that she read the letters where I poured my heart out to that bitch who turned on me. After just six months. All that mattered was the feel of River’s body swallowing me whole and the sight of her holding her knife in her hand.

My vixen.

Spreading my knees so I could angle my thrusts, I pushed into her as rough as I could. My balls slapped her with each pound. She cried out, and it nearly made my head explode. In this house where I kept the memories of my past, she melded herself to me. With her passion, her fight, her weakness… And her strength. She could stand up to the monster, and sink her teeth into it when she needed to.

She helped bring me back to life after I took one, put my soul back in place, and anchored it to hers so I knew my way back. I was fucking waxing poetic, but I couldn’t deny it. So I fucked her the way she deserved, because this was our way of making love.

“Arch your back,” I demanded. She did, immediately, without question. Perfect.

Time to give her a present for being so good.

I got up on the balls of my feet, so my knees were on either side of her ass. Then I leaned over her until I could wrap my fingers around her throat. I put my weight down on that hand, forcing her cheek harder into the bed under her. Massaging her ass with my free hand, I wondered just how red I could get it before she came all over me.

The first slap rang in the air and River sucked in her breath. Her fingers curled into the bedspread, and the knife in her hand cut a neat line in the material. Fuck it, I’d buy a new one later. The second strike hit the opposite cheek and she cried out, tears gathering in her eyes.

“You want me to stop?” We both knew I wouldn’t.

“Stop hitting like a bitch,” was her reply.

Shit, I loved this woman.

I didn’t hold back, on fucking her or smacking her delectable arse. I watched it ripple under my hands, redden like a juicy new apple. She screamed and cried through it all, but her pussy was milking me, weeping pretty fucking tears all down my thighs. The wet sound of our bodies coming together was the quietest thing in the room, but I heard it every time. It stroked my desire, pushed my pleasure up.

Her tears made me hot. Her screams asked for more. That perfect cunt of hers pulled me deeper, and I didn’t want to let go. But as perfect as the moment was, I couldn’t get the words out that would throw her into the sun. Couldn’t force those three fucking words out that would seal the deal.

Because if I did so, I’d be letting her know I was shackled to her until death. A flimsy piece of paper making her my wife didn’t mean shit compared to her digging her claws into my bruised heart. The pricks of her love touched me far deeper than some empty vows ever could. To say it out loud, to admit that she was everything and more to me, exposed me to a death I feared more than anything.

She could try to leave, and I’d have to destroy the one thing I loved more than anything else, and I’d die in the process.

I wrapped my arms around her and shifted my other hand from the back of her throat to the front. Holding her body to mine now, I could do so many things. My finger pressed against her pulse and I felt it jump.

Yeah, baby, you know what’s next.

As I closed my fingers tighter, cutting off her air, she squeezed my dick like a vice. It felt so fucking good. With my other hand I pinched her nipples. Played with them. Twisted them and raked my nails over the tips. Back and forth, back and forth, while I pummeled her pussy. She couldn’t scream anymore, but I watched her face. Kept an eye on her as a blush washed over her features.

Kept watching as I slapped her clit and sent her flying. She froze, her entire body locked up as I fucked her, thrusting in and out of her until my balls felt tight. Just a bit more. Her eyes glazed over, but I didn’t let her throat go. Just a bit more. The build was right there in my stomach, spiraling down into my groin. Fuck, I was going to come. She let go of the bedspread and clawed at my hand, an involuntary reaction losing the ability to breath. Her gaze swung to mine, wild and frightened.

And that was the catalyst, the moment.

Pleasure blasted through my body, up from my balls and out of my dick. I bathed her insides with my come and forced my fingers to relax on her throat. That crazy woman I loved? What did she do? She wrapped her arm around mine and gripped my hand in both of hers. She planted butterfly kisses all over my fingers.

Like she was telling me, 'it’s okay.'

Fuck, I wished I could give her the words. Those three words that would let her know she won me over. That she claimed me as her own, and that she would never truly have to fear me.

But I couldn’t. I was too fucking afraid to.

Instead I buried my face in her back, kissing what flesh I could. The only gentle touches I knew how to give. When I felt her body tremble I knew that, for now, it was enough. I slid out of her and got out of bed. The floor was cold on my feet so I hurried to the bathroom to get a washcloth and soak it in warm water. After cleaning myself up I brought it to the bed and cleaned her as well.

She flinched when I touched her, her gaze swinging to me in surprise. I smiled at her softly, saying in actions what I couldn’t convey with words. Diamonds. Her tears looked like diamonds when they pooled in the corners of her eyes. And I realized she loved me, maybe much longer before the moment I realized I could love her.

“I’m not planning the wedding, but I’ll get Gwen to come help you,” I told her.

“Gwen?”

“Pavel’s sister. She’ll know what to do.”

I caught her just as she jumped in my arms with an excited squeal. “Thank you!”

“I didn’t do my job correctly if you can move that much.”

“You could always try again,” she said. She smiled, and it was a bit cruel and a shitload of sexy.

I was a goner.

* * *

“Do you really think Derrick is going to come to the show, if you can get it pulled off?”

I rubbed my eyes, a little tired after spending the last three hours fucking an insatiable woman. Now I could barely pay attention to the movie we were watching while we ate.

“He’s obsessed. Obsession doesn’t stop overnight. He’s careful now because his contact inside is gone, and the one that was supporting him in the vors is out too.”

“But you can’t just create an art viewing and think he’s going to show up.”

“I can if I make sure it’s in territory that doesn’t belong to any of the families, and for all intents and purposes it doesn’t look like you are there with anyone. I can’t leave you entirely, he wouldn’t believe that, but if he thinks you are weakened enough, he just might.”

“The plan is to call a few people you know, get me a viewing in like New York somewhere, and then actually have me go alone?”

“New York is typical, and not a good location. A lot of ties there, and too much red tape. He may not believe you could get a showing there so easily. But maybe something smaller, in Nevada, or New Mexico. Somewhere plausible, and not so far away. Derrick only has to think Pavel is going with you. He won’t know you will have an attachment.”

“I don’t care about the attachment. You are going and that’s enough. As long as you’re there, I know I’m okay. And, Ethan?”

“Hmmm?”

“I want to be there when you kill him. I want him to know it’s because of me that he won’t be walking the face of the Earth anymore.”

I laughed, yeah she would ask for that. And yes she was going to go. That was her right. She wanted revenge against Derrick even more than I did, and if I was taking his death on myself, she could at least be there to see it happen.

“Do you want him to go slow?” Whatever she wanted I was going to give to her.

“I think he should have the same scars I have, even if they don’t have time to heal over.”

She told me all about the things he did to her. Marked every wound she had and made sure I knew how she got them. Her story was burned into my mind. I couldn’t say I was disappointed by her choice in his ending. Actually, I loved it. Fucking loved it.

“So we will need space and time,” I told her.

“Bring him home. No one will care about his screams there. Besides, you’ll have to deal with the fallout after that.”

I liked the way she said home. Liked how it wasn’t my headquarters, and the gym was my heart. Now home was somewhere she was, and the gym was my dream realized. I liked it. More than I could say.

“Leo will take care of it,” I said, to answer her point.

“Mikhail’s brother?”

“Yeah,” I said, but had to clear my throat before I could continue. “He’ll make sure the officials on our side will stall the investigation, there won’t be any evidence and things will go smoothly. Derrick actually did us a favor bringing a vor into the mix. Now we are all working together to remove the stain from the family. And his father may find himself in a similar predicament if he makes too much noise.”

“Most parents wouldn’t give a shit about the consequences when their child was involved.”

“Most wouldn’t. But some have a limit.”

An image of River, ripe with my child, came unbidden to my mind. She would be a mother who’d kill to protect her children. I didn’t doubt it. I wondered, if we ever had children, how much more dangerous she would get.

“I wouldn’t give up,” she said, as if she were answering my thoughts. But her expression was sad.

“What’s wrong?”

She snuggled deeper against me and was quiet for a moment. “I won’t ever have kids,” she said finally.

“How do you know?”

“An abortion gone wrong. It messed me up inside. Got a pretty bad infection and had to have… Let’s just say I don’t have the right stuff anymore to be a mother.”

“His?” I asked.

“Yeah. He said I was trailer park trash, and he couldn’t have someone of my stock having his kids. When he got married, she’d have his children. He took me to Mexico, and that was it.”

Everything I saw was red. Washed in a red haze. That son of a bitch. Fucking cunt. I’d make him feel everything. I would destroy him slowly, piece by fucking piece. Take everything away from him like he’d taken from her.

My woman would never have kids. Never bring children into the world because that shitty wanker didn’t think she was worth it. My woman. My
wife
was worth more than any woman in the damn world, and he tried to obliterate her. How she came back from it all, I didn’t know, but I was humbled that it was with me.

“You don’t have to give birth to have children,” I said, making up my mind. It didn’t matter. We had a fucked up life, but if we decided, somewhere down the line that we wanted more, we would.

“Adoption?”

“Yeah, there are plenty of kids out there that deserve having a great mother. We don’t have to think about it now, or ever, but I’d do it for you.”

She kissed me, and I tasted her tears. This time they were sweet, so sweet.

“The choice, Ethan. Just having the choice is what matters.”