Scarred (Lost Series Book 2) (18 page)

I gave my beautiful beast the revenge she craved. And she gave me a beating heart. Fair trade.

Ethan

D
errick only stayed awake for the first hour. Then I had to give him an adrenaline shot to wake him back up. He woke up screaming, but I didn’t really give a shit. After a while I just stuffed his socks in his mouth and my ears got a break.

Through it all River was there with me. She didn’t laugh and call names. Instead she watched silently, with a single-minded attention. I knew she watched him receive the wounds that she had, stared at his face, and remembered when she went through the same thing. After a while, there wasn’t much left of Derrick to mess with, and he couldn’t make noise anymore.

Then River stood up.

“Send him to sleep, Pantera. Everyone needs release from their pain.”

I did it quickly, exhausted in so many ways and ready to be done with it all. I didn’t regret a moment of it. Derrick deserved to die the way he did, and he deserved to know what River had gone through. How many people in the world said that they’d like just a little of time with a rapist? Or wanted to be alone in their room with a murderer so they could get their revenge?

But how many people had the stomach to sit through it all?

If given a chance, who would run away from the opportunity to get their revenge? River hadn’t, and I saw what it did to her. Her eyes were hallow, that coldness seeping over her. And when she looked at me, she was smiling, a ghost of happiness on her face. I knew that response. When I couldn’t decide between loving the vicious shit I just saw or thinking I was a sick bastard for even doing it. And somewhere in between was the truth.

She needed to see it, to have that freedom, but now that the anger and need for revenge was gone, she had to deal with the fact that Derrick was dead. Truly dead. His soulless eyes would never blink again, and she was the cause, even if I was the weapon.

To add to that, she killed someone just barely hours before. Two deaths in one day swirling in her head. Their faces plastered to her retinas, their screams ringing in her head, and the memories couldn’t be erased. I tried to stop her from ever feeling this, but she needed to. Now I didn’t tell her I told her so, instead I took her shoulders and helped her stand.

When the adrenaline left her and her legs shook as she stumbled out of the room, I lifted her into my arms and held her tightly to my chest. I didn’t head upstairs at first. I called Pavel to me.

“Clear the halls, and make sure we have privacy within the main house. She’s diving.”

“The first ones are always the hardest.”

“Yeah, and I have a feeling these aren’t going to be the last if anyone hurts me again.”

“No, but then she will truly understand what she’s doing, and she’ll be even more dangerous.”

“I’ll agree with you there.”

Pavel went back upstairs to do what I told him, and I waited.

“I thought it was going to be easy,” she said to me.

“It is never easy, River. Taking lives shouldn’t be.”

“But I don’t regret it. I don’t even feel bad. It’s like a part of me just can’t seem to comprehend what I saw.”

“I didn’t say you would regret what you did. The ass deserved to die, but you grew up thinking that killing was wrong. You always thought that death was supposed to happen naturally. You have to let that part of you die. And sometimes it takes a very long time to happen.”

She lifted a bit in my arms and wrapped her arms around my neck. “You know all about that, don’t you Ethan?”

“First guy I killed was my best friend. The second one was the one who tried to kill Pavel in his sleep. The first death was accidental and ripped me up inside. It burnt a hole into my psyche. And when I killed the other guy? I didn’t regret it, it was for Pavel, but I saw Mikhail’s face, just for a moment, and I cried. For the rest of the night I couldn’t stop the tears from flowing. And then, one day, I didn’t see Mikhail’s face anymore when I killed and the tears stopped. I didn’t come back to life until you River.”

“Then are we dangerous together, Ethan? Having me may have brought you back to life, but do you regret that I didn’t pull you completely into the light? That instead I fell into the darkness with you?”

I saw Pavel at the top of the stairs and headed up. The house was quiet, the lights off. We were down there all fucking day. For hours, exorcising our demons. The only one that was still there was Leo, looking out the back window.

“He told me to go, but I told him you needed to make sure you were protected, and that someone was making sure things were going smoothly while you took care of business. I will stay. Go take care of your woman, and I’ll keep watch over the media, police scanners, and anything that may come up.”

“He’s going to start calling you little bro if you keep acting like this,” River said with a watery chuckle.

The tears, they were coming and she wouldn’t want anyone to see her like that.

“May not be such a bad idea. I will see you later, River,” Leo said. He never once turned around. He was a dark silhouette, and he looked enough like Mikhail to me that it almost hurt.

“Thank you,” I said. I didn’t expect Leo to respond. It wasn’t needed. Right now River meant more, and I’d have time to get to know the man that should have killed me.

By the time I reached the top of the stairs, River was shaking. When we were in our bedroom she was crying. It wasn’t those heaving sobs that wrecked her body. She cried silently, with barely any sound, and tears just streamed down her cheeks. All the sadness was in her eyes and her face was almost devoid of any emotions.

“I can’t—”

“Don’t try to stop. Don’t try to understand. Just let it go and let me take care of you.”

“I’m supposed to be there for you after you kill, not the other way around.”

“You are here for me, River. Right now I’m so worried about you that I can’t think about what I’ve done. You being River is just enough.”

I carried her into the bathroom and sat her down on the toilet. She slumped back against the cold porcelain while I turned on the bath water and made it hot. As it filled I dumped the vanilla crystals she liked to used so much lately that made her smell divine. Then I turned on the shower so we could clean up the stench and marks of the dungeon time. When we got in the tub, I wanted it to just be about us.

And I wanted to give her something that I never had before.

I stripped us both out of our clothes and helped her get into the shower. She sighed as she let her head fall back. Water cascaded over her face and my chest. The rivulets washed away what we did and brought us back to being just Ethan and River. We’d get dirty again, but for now, we needed something else.

I hoped I still remembered how to do it.

Once we were out of the shower and that water was off, I turned off the water running in the large garden tub. Steam rose off the top, and I could smell vanilla in the air. After I helped River slide into the hot water I went in search of the thick tapers Pavel kept around the house for when we had power outages. He usually kept them in every room to make sure no one was ever trapped completely in the dark.

After I found a few I headed back into the bathroom and lit them. The counter around the sink would be covered in wax by the time we were out of the bath, but oh well. Now we were surrounded by flickering candlelight as the harsh overhead light went off. It was the best feeling in the world to slide into the tub behind her and wrap her in my arms.

Her hips we nestled against my balls, her back to my stomach. I pushed her head back so it rested on my shoulder. Then I kept my hands soft. Each glide was meant to entice, to draw her back to me. To stop the tears from flowing. The water swirled around my hands, rippling against her breasts, as I stroked, learned her body in a way I hadn’t before.

Her skin was the smoothest I’d ever felt. Her breasts were heavy in my hands, the nipples pretty, dusky nubs I wanted to lick and tease. And then I played between her legs. I couldn’t feel her wetness, but I glided easily over her pussy lips, teasing the hole. It was hard to go slow, to remember what it was to go easy. But I did it for her. For the twisted woman in my arms that loved pain, but needed me to love her more right now.

Nipping my way over her neck, I loved the sound of her moan as she gripped the sides of the tub. It wasn’t enough. I wanted to taste her, feel her moisture, suck on her until she screamed for me. I lifted her from the water and sat her on the edge of the tub, the wall at her back.

“Ethan?”

I shook my head. I wasn’t in the mood for talking. Plus it was rude when my mouth was full. It only took moments to kiss my way down her stomach and find the prize I was looking for. The first swirl of my tongue over her clit had her back arching. She tasted sweet and tart at the same time. Her scent enveloped me. Using my thumbs I opened her lips wider and moved my face from side to side until my lips completely surrounded her clit. Then my fingers were free.

I sucked her, flicking my tongue over and over, as my forefinger teased that pretty fucking hole I loved to fuck so much.

“God, Ethan, yes.”

That’s what I wanted. I pressed my finger into her, and curled it upward toward the top of her pussy. Her soft tissue parted around my finger, and let me press against a slightly smooth area deep inside of her.

“Fuck!”

That’s it, baby
.

I pushed another finger inside of her and used my hands to give her some margin of roughness. She rocked her hips, pressing her pussy into my mouth. Her fingers tunneled through my hair and she gripped the strands strong enough to sting. I kept going. Her juices ran over my fingers and drizzled down. With my other hand I used my thumb to play with that tight bundle of skin that blocked the entrance to her ass.

She sucked in a breath, but she smashed my face harder against her. I nipped her clit, lightly, just as I pressed my thumb in to the first knuckle. Her wetness made the motion seamless, and it was sweet to feel her ass clench around me. I pumped my fingers together, taking her pussy and ass. She screamed louder, her breath coming in short, hard pants. A flush spread over her skin and her titties bounced prettily for me. I watched it all, taken away by her pleasure, the way she threw herself into what I did to her.

Fucking perfect.

I pushed harder, sucking more and flicking my tongue faster. I ignored the ache, the way my fingers wanted to cramp up. This was for her, and however long I had to go, I didn’t care. I pushed my thumb all the way inside of her ass and she clenched, her muscles spasming.

Almost there.

I added another finger inside of her pussy and moved faster. I worked her, watching, waiting. Until she was coming, silent, head tossed back, and mouth wide open. I played with her clit until she was running from me, pushing at my face, and buckling over.

Only then was I done.

My dick was harder than a spike, ready to take her, needing her. I sank down back into the warm water and pulled her over me so she straddled my cock. Then I helped her lower on it, slowly. I fucking wanted to come right then. Her muscles were so fucking tight.

I lifted my hips, sinking all the way into her. And then I was gone. Lost to everything else but the way she felt, her taste on my tongue, and racing toward a fucking nut. She rose and fell over me, holding onto my shoulders for balance. The water sloshed out of the tub, but I didn’t give a damn. It was too perfect, too right.

I needed a little more.

I forced my gaze to travel over her body. The way she bit her lip, how her eyes were half-mast as she watched me. I watched her breasts jump, and her hips play with the surface of the water. Everything was a catalyst, drawing my balls up higher and higher.

Fuck!

I exploded, throwing my head back and gripping her hips. I forced her down hard on my dick, making sure she took all of it. My hips flexed and relaxed, small little pumps that shot my pleasure up higher and higher. I felt drained by the time I was finished, my body limp and useless.

“You drive me crazy,” I said. I could bare catch my fucking breath.

“You like how I drive you crazy.”

More like loved.

“What?” she asked.

“What?” I asked her, confused.

“What did you just say?”

“That you drive me crazy.”

“No after that.”

Had I said that out loud? Maybe I had. It might not be that hard to tell her how I felt about her. Maybe it was exactly what we needed. The last little barrier that needed to be removed before we could start our life. I looked at her and saw the tears gathering in her eyes, and the eager way she watched me.

She wanted it as much as I wanted to give it to her.

“I love you, River.”

“I love you too, Ethan.”

“I’d kill for you again.”

“I know. I’d kill for you again.”

“I know.”

I wrapped my arms around her and held her. So maybe we were fucked up. But we were fucked up together. Bad luck to anyone who decided they were bold enough to get in between that.

By the time we were done, there wouldn’t be a body for anyone to find.