Scattering Like Light (9 page)

My thumb hesitated over the green button as I caught a glimpse of the time. It was too late to be calling someone I probably didn’t know. I deleted the number and lobbed the phone back on to the desk, sitting back and looking at the ceiling. I would worry about that tomorrow, as I had more immediate things to think about: how to bring Callum over and save him from an eternity as a Dirge.

I smoothed the stone in the amulet, catching a glimpse of the tiny layers of gold, which made flecks of light deep inside. It was almost impossible to explain the feeling that it gave me, the feeling of power and strength. I stretched my arm out experimentally and concentrated on the beautiful bracelet, thinking back to what I had done to Lucas. Then I had pushed – shoved – with my mind while our amulets had been connected. I tried pushing again, thinking
about getting the energy needed to help Callum escape. A strange coiling sensation slowly grew along my arm, and as I watched the amulet began to glow.

Startled, I let my arm drop, shaking it as if to get rid of a persistent fly. The strange glow disappeared immediately.

“Wow,” I couldn’t help breathing out loud. As I sat there looking at the amulet an extraordinary feeling of calm settled over me. And with that sense of calm came a clear and absolute knowledge: I could save Callum and all the other Dirges. I just knew it.

I was worrying too much about what happened to Lucas. We might never find out and spend the rest of our lives fretting about it, getting more and more frustrated and never risking bringing Callum over. But now I was positive: I knew that if I tried, he would end up exactly like Catherine. The only difference was that instead of using the power in my memories to make his escape, I was going to channel that power through the amulet.

I felt as if an enormous weight had been lifted from my shoulders. My decision was made and I couldn’t help smiling to myself. The only question left was when to do it.

I was still sitting on my futon looking at the amulet when the tingle in my wrist announced Callum’s arrival.

“Hi,” he said hesitantly.

“You came! I was about to call you before it got too late.” I started to lever myself up to move to my desk.

“No, don’t move. We can talk here. You look comfortable.”

I settled back in my seat. “If you want. I do prefer looking at you though.”

Callum coughed in a strangely self-conscious manner. “Did you do something with your amulet this evening?”

“Why? Did you feel something?”

“About five minutes ago my amulet glowed briefly. I think some of the others did too, so I came right over to check everything was OK. Have you been up to something?”

I couldn’t tell where he was so I had to assume he could see my face, which I knew was going red. There was no point denying it. “I might have given the amulet a little test, I admit. But it was only for a second.”

I could hear Callum’s sharp intake of breath. “So it
was
you? Really?”

“Of course. Why would I lie about it?”

There was a sheepish edge to his voice. “I wasn’t sure if I believed you before, about what happened with Lucas. I thought it was just a coincidence that he disappeared when you pushed your amulet on to his.”

“Callum, I know I can channel the amulet’s power, and I know that it’s going to work, and I think we could do it anytime we like. We just need to decide what we want to know before we try. Would you rather wait for proof or just go for it? After all, Lucas could have been swept away in the river and never found again. We could spend the rest of our lives searching for an answer that never comes.”

“I know,” he sighed. “I’ve been thinking that too.”

“But it’s up to you,” I whispered. “I’m not going to force that one on you.” I reached up to try and find his face but couldn’t. “Where are you, Callum? Let me see you.”

“I’m right here,” he replied in a strangely gruff voice, and I felt a soft touch on the side of my face. “Are you sure about this?”

“I know it will work, I just know it.”

“No, that wasn’t what I meant. Alex, are you absolutely sure
that you want me to come over? I’ll have no memories, no money, nowhere to go, so I’ll be entirely dependent on you. You need to really want this to happen, I couldn’t bear to be a burden…”

“Will you stop it! You’ll never be a burden, and we’ll work out the rest when you’re here.” I paused for a second but he didn’t say anything. “Honestly, Callum, I don’t know what else I can do to convince you that it’s you I love, no one else. What else can I say?” I needed to see his face so I grabbed the mirror off the desk and found him beside me, staring pensively out of the window.

“I love you so much, Callum. Let’s not waste any more time like this.”

Finally he turned towards me, the beginnings of a wry smile on his face. “You can be very persuasive when you want to be, can’t you?”

I laughed, relieved.

“So how do we do this?”

“Umm, as far as I can tell, we need only each other and the amulets, and to make sure that the river isn’t too high. I guess that we should check out the tides and the recent weather reports. I don’t think there is anything else much we can find out.”

“Did you ever find out what the inscription meant?”

“Oh yes, it means
death of memories,
or something like that. I think it just describes the function of the amulet.”

“How did you find that out?”

My heart sank. “I, umm, I asked someone who had been studying Latin.”

“Who was that then?” He smiled at me at last. “Who do we need to thank for that?”

I couldn’t tell another lie, as tempting as it was. “Max,” I whispered.

There was a long silence. “Max?” he said eventually.

“Yes, he’s just done Latin A level,” I blustered.

“You shared our secret with Max?”

“Of course not! I just asked him to translate the words!”

I could see Callum become very tight-lipped, and for a moment I thought he might disappear again. He continued to look at me with disappointed eyes. Finally he spoke. “It’s getting late, and I have to get back to St Paul’s. You must be tired too.” He paused and raised his free hand as if he were about to stroke my hair, but dropped it before he touched me. “We’ll talk more tomorrow, if you want to.”

I really, absolutely had had enough, and the words exploded out of me before I thought about their effect. “Don’t you
dare
speak to me like that! I’ve just told you – proved to you, actually – that I’ve got the power to help you, and all you can do is whinge about a conversation with someone unimportant when I was on holiday!” I glared at him, but before he could speak I carried on. “I mean, how much do you want this? I thought that you wanted nothing more than to escape. Why are you making it so difficult?”

Callum was staring at me, open-mouthed in shock, and I realised I didn’t want to hear his excuses. I whipped my arm away from his, folding them both tightly across my chest with the amulet tucked out of sight. “I don’t want to talk about it any more now.
You
come and talk to me tomorrow when you’re ready.” I turned away from the mirror so that I didn’t have to look at him, my heart racing and the blood pounding in my temples. When I glanced back a few seconds later he had gone.

I spent the night pacing the room, worrying about the effect of what I had said on Callum. It was harsh to speak to him like that when he lived in constant misery, and I knew that I shouldn’t have snapped, but sometimes he made it really quite hard. I tried not to think about how much of my mood was down to my feelings of guilt.

It must have been well after three in the morning before I finally stumbled into bed and into a restless sleep. When I woke I automatically reached for my pocket mirror, waiting for the now-familiar tingling sensation in my wrist. I wasn’t going to be the one who called first, but I didn’t have to wait for long.

“Morning,” I said carefully.

Callum sighed heavily and finally looked up, dark circles under his eyes. “I’m sorry, I’m behaving like a complete idiot. It’s all just been a bit of a shock, that’s all.”

I reached over, using the mirror to check exactly where he was, and gently touched his mouth, immensely relieved that he was back. “These are the only lips I want to kiss, and I want to kiss them properly as soon as possible. Can I come to the dome later? We can make plans there as well as anywhere, and then we can get on with it.”

He gave me a brief, lopsided smile that didn’t quite reach his darkened eyes. “I suppose I could see what I can do.”

“If you can get the Golden Gallery shut I’ll leave you in no doubt about who it is I love, I promise you.” I stroked his face, feeling the whisper of something insubstantial.

Without another word Callum moved closer and in the mirror I could see he had wrapped me tightly in his arms. As usual I could only just feel it. “Don’t let’s argue,” I said softly, leaning in towards him. “Life is difficult enough without making it worse.”

“That’s true.” I felt his mouth move against my hair. “I’m sorry, really I am.”

“Me, too.” I smiled at him as I sank into his arms, my heart filled with longing and hope.

The dome of St Paul’s Cathedral was the only place where Callum appeared to be real, and then only to me. Previously he had been able to ensure that the gallery was closed for maintenance on each of my visits by influencing the dreams of the guy in charge. I wasn’t hopeful that he would be able to do it at this time of the morning. After Callum left I was getting ready to leave when I spotted the folded sheet of paper on the desk. Who was sending me such strange notes? There was only one way to find out. I reached for my phone and tapped in the number, shutting my bedroom door carefully before I pressed the call button. The phone rang once before clicking to voicemail.

“You have reached the phone of the Reverend Waters. I’m sorry I can’t take your call right now, but please leave a message after the tone and I’ll get back to you.”

I snapped it off instantly, dropping the phone on to the futon as if it would contaminate me. Her again! What on earth could she want?

Reverend Waters worked in St Paul’s, and she had spoken to me after my terrible visit to the top of the dome when Catherine had the amulet. I had been in a bad way and she had tried to help, but at the time I wasn’t about to start explaining about Callum to a complete stranger – I’d have been locked up. I had seen her on other visits to the cathedral too, but had always managed to avoid talking to her.

How did she know where I lived? And what on earth could she want with me? As I made my way into central London my mind kept circling back to that question until I came up with the only possible answer: she had seen me ignoring the “Closed” signs up to the Golden Gallery and I was about to get into trouble for trespassing. I couldn’t afford for her to stop me, not when I was so close to patching things up with Callum. And after we had talked and sorted out what we needed to do, I was going to bring him over. If she wanted to confiscate my annual pass after that, then I couldn’t care less.

I jumped off the bus at St Paul’s and looked around. There was no sign of Reverend Waters but I didn’t want to risk walking into the building without checking out things properly. I sat on the steps in the sunshine and pulled out my little pocket mirror, ready to call Callum and find out about the dome.

As usual the Dirges were drifting around the crowds, picking up a fresh happy memory here and there. I saw a man with a bright-yellow aura suddenly become the focus of activity. Two Dirges started to converge on him from different directions and there was a brief tussle between them before one of the dark, hooded figures shoved the other out of the way and passed their amulet through the little light. The light immediately blinked out and, as I watched, the man’s expression grew puzzled. Whatever it
was he had been enjoying remembering, it was gone forever.

Sighing, I looked away. However unfair it was, there was no way that I could condemn the Dirges for what they did. This wasn’t their choice. It was the only way they could make their existence bearable.

“Hey, that’s a big sigh. Are you OK?” Callum’s arrival was, as usual, preceded by the strange tingling in my wrist.

“I’m fine. Just watching a couple of your colleagues scrapping over a particularly juicy memory. I can’t believe that you have to live like this. It’s all so wrong!”

“Tell me about it,” he said with feeling.

“No luck with the dome?” I guessed.

“None whatsoever. The usual guy is off, and his deputy is much less susceptible to my suggestions. I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault,” I said, trying to hide my disappointment. It was going to be much easier to convince Callum that I meant what I said if I could actually hold him close. We were back to square one. I reached for his hand and squeezed. “I can still climb up there. Granted, it won’t be as good as when we’re alone, but we could be together for a little while. Worth a go?” I gave him my best winning smile.

“It’s always worth a go to me,” he said, finally returning my smile. “You ready?”

I hesitated for a second. “I need you to do me a favour first. There’s a vicar in there,” I gestured over my shoulder towards the cathedral, “and she wants to talk to me. I really don’t want to talk to her. Can you see if the coast is clear?”