Scent of the Heart (22 page)

***

“Elizar!” Casey shouted. His voice echoed across the desolate landscape. What had been the spirit realm was in tatters. Casey could see no one wandering. In fact, he saw no one at all. There was a dark mass at the center of the area, undulating and pulsing like a heartbeat. Casey made his way toward it.

“So this is what you’ve become?” Casey asked, running a hand over the slimy surface and shuddering at the intensity of emotion that poured from it. “Seems appropriate. You’ve always been slimy.”

A gurgling sound ripped through the silence and forced Casey to step back. A head pushed from the mass and its dead eyes sought him out. The gaze sent shivers through Casey. He’d hoped to never again see the animal who had taken Hakiim from him.

“You’re not looking too hot, Kell. Death hasn’t been good to you.”

Kell appeared in death as he had at the end of his life. Jake had ripped his throat out after Kell had killed Hakiim, and spirit-Kell suffered from the same problem. He was unable to speak, but the hatred that burned in his eyes told Casey everything he needed to know.

“I’m guessing your master sent you because he’s not ready to face me himself. That’s fine. You were one of the people on my list anyway. Do you know what you cost me? You took the life of a good man. He was my friend. He could have been my father. And you took him from me.”

A smile formed on Kell’s face, and he gestured to Casey then ran a hand across his throat and began to stalk toward him.

“Yeah, I know. I’m next. Not really an original threat. By the way, I met your son. How someone like you made someone like him is something I hope the spirits will explain to me one day.”

Kell stopped mid-stride.

“You didn’t know, did you? How Elizar had his shaman use magic to allow you to impregnate a wolf that bore a litter. How he took the one he wanted and killed the rest, then tried to use that one to guard the very jar that held your spirit and allowed him to absorb you.”

The anger and confusion on Kell’s face was evident. Casey had struck a nerve, just as he’d hoped.

“Your son isn’t a shifter, but a pure, gorgeous wolf. His fur is black like yours. Elizar said that if he had been a shifter, you would have been killed and your son would have taken your place because Elizar knew you craved his power. He took your family, Kell, just like he’s taken everything else from you. It’s too late to turn back the clock and begin again, but you could try to make amends now. Get on the path to moving onto the next life where they may wait for you.”

Kell’s snarl was his answer as he launched himself at Casey, who sidestepped the beast as he shifted.

“You can’t kill me, you know. You don’t hold the power here. I do. I’m giving you the chance to do the right thing for once. Elizar used you throughout your life, even if it was by your choice. He’s using you in death, too. He’ll never let you go because your hatred gives him too much power.”

Kell spun and charged again, teeth bared. While he’d told Kell he wouldn’t be able to hurt him, Casey wasn’t exactly sure if that was true. The scrolls had said the spirits couldn’t harm the living but Elizar had. Casey wasn’t about to fall at the appetizer when the main course still lay ahead.

Over and over, he dodged Kell’s attacks, driving the wolf to a frenzy of snapping jaws. When he slowed for an instant, Casey grabbed him by his scruff and dragged him to the ground, then pressed Kell’s face to the dirt. He struggled, but Casey would not loosen his grip. He bent closer and snarled, “Surprised? I came prepared. Did you know that a shaman has certain powers over spirits? Yeah, I didn’t either. There are texts that say there’s a way to force you to cease to exist. No spirit form, no chance of ever moving forward, but that bit isn’t clear. It talks about something only certain shaman have, and I’d give anything to have that, because if I did, I swear Elizar would be no more.”

The wolf continued to struggle, but Casey held fast. He pulled a sachet from his pocket and held it before Kell. “Do you see this? I took every herb I could think of that wards against evil and spirits, then blended them together into this pouch. It took me hours to make it powerful enough to satisfy me, but I’m pretty sure this will do the job. I don’t know what’s going to happen to you, and to be brutally honest, I don’t care. I do this for Hakiim and all the lives you destroyed.”

Casey yanked Kell’s head to the side and shoved the packet into the hole in his throat, pressing it deep inside. Then he released his grip and Kell got back up on his feet. For a moment nothing happened, and Casey worried that he’d done something wrong. Kell began to stalk toward him, eyes gleaming, then he stopped in his tracks and those same eyes went wide as Kell began choking violently. He clawed at his throat, and when he couldn’t dislodge the packet, he shifted back to human form and tried to reach it with his fingers.

“Burns, doesn’t it? It’s cleansing you. I’d like to think it’s a way to purify you to move on, and for your sake, I hope so. As far as I’m concerned, I don’t care if it heals you or destroys you. Know that your son is going to be looked after and treated as best as Jake and Zak can. You gave him life, but you could never have provided him with anything else.”

Kell’s fingers tensed, and he fell to the ground, his body quaking. Flames began to spread over his body and Casey could not pull his gaze away as they consumed the man who had done so much damage to so many people.

“Be worthy of the next life, Kell.”

Then he chanted some words he’d found on an ancient scroll and Kell exploded in a ball of fire and energy. Casey turned his attention back to the oozing mass and smiled.

“Showtime, Elizar. Round three. Fight.”

Casey walked the outside perimeter of the mass, uncertain how to deal with it. He could try to put a sachet inside, but he didn’t want to touch it. He remembered the awful experience of nearly being absorbed by the damn thing the last time.

“Is this all that’s left of you, Elizar? A formless black blob. That must really piss you off. You almost had everything, but my mate’s sacrifice tore it away. Your life has been nothing but a series of disappointments. I can only imagine how angry that must make you. First Zak killed you, then Sev’s parents made a bargain to keep you from what you wanted, and finally Sev himself denied you what you thought was your birthright.

“I want to say I’m doing this for him, you see. Nothing would make me happier than to tell you it’s for noble reasons. For him and Hakiim and everyone you hurt, but I have to be honest; this is mostly for me. The best outcome is that we kill each other. It would be nice to move on. I hope Sev is there waiting for me, but even if he isn’t, you took anything I had to go back to.”

The mass shuddered and Casey imagined it was Elizar laughing at his pain.

“You thrive off pain, I know. Because you were such a miserable piece of crap in life, you need it in death. I have to wonder what your childhood was like. Did your parents not love you enough? Or maybe they could see the evil in you and threw you out. I can only imagine the shame you brought to them. Or were they the first ones you killed?

“I guess it doesn’t matter, because one way or another, it ends today. Or it would if you were man enough to face me.”

“
Caaaaaasey…”

Fingernails on a chalkboard could not have freaked him out more. The voice was ancient and worn, and seemed to come from everywhere. The mass shuddered again, then seemed to fade slightly, as if seen through a thick plate glass window. A man appeared from nowhere, and Casey turned his attention to the newcomer.

“If we’re on a first name basis, don’t you think I should know who you are?”

“We do not interfere in lives unless we believe they have gone off the path that has been set for them. You have strayed. You seek retribution, and that is not our way.”

“Not our way?” Casey screamed, his hands flailing in the air. “Who are you to say that?”

“Search your heart. It will tell you who we are.”

Casey knew, but didn’t want to admit it. It was easier when he thought them to be superstition, even if he’d always believed they were real.

“If you want to talk to me, at least have the decency to let me see you.”

The air around him shimmered and coalesced into a vaguely familiar form. “Will this satisfy your need?”

Casey stepped closer and peered at the figure. “You remind me of my grandfather.”

“Perhaps I was at some point,” the old man said, a knowing grin playing on his lips. “Tell me, why do you wish to destroy Elizar?”

Casey couldn’t bear to look at the man, so he turned and began pacing. Anything to avoid the gaze that he knew saw inside his heart.

“He killed Hakiim, then he took my heart mate from me. Does that mean nothing to you? You say it’s not our way, but then maybe you should explain to me what is. Because from where I’m sitting, all I see is a murderer you allowed to get away with what he did for decades. Now you sit in judgment over me, but where were you for all those years he wantonly killed innocent children? Did you step in and save them? No. Or is it that you have no real power and are just goddamn figureheads?”

“You know of our power. People make their own paths. Hakiim knew where his would lead him, but he still followed it. Tsvetok willingly sacrificed himself to save others. Is there a greater good than that? Will you follow their noble path, or will you instead take that tread by Elizar?”

“We’re
nothing
alike!” Casey shrieked.

“I believe Kell would differ. What you did to him was no less harsh than any punishment Elizar had ever doled out. You ask why we did nothing, and we believe you deserve an answer. Since time immemorial, men have prayed to the gods to save them. The answer has always been the same: No. We do nothing not because we are cruel, but because man would never have crawled from the primordial ooze if he did not have to overcome something. No one grows if they are given everything. It may seem cruel, but it is the way of the universe.”

“Then the universe sucks. These people begged you for aid. They needed help, and you turned your back on them.”

“Did we? Are you so certain of that? Your friend Jake had dreams of terrifying events. Hakiim told him those never came to pass, and that is the truth. Why did those events never occur? Was it happenstance? Or was there a nudge in the proper direction that enabled his caretakers to save the Alpha and his Protector? Were those who watched the Protector simply lucky that you provided him with exactly what he needed to keep his humanity? And what of you, Shaman? When you met Hakiim, do you think it coincidence that he recognized your abilities? Or were there forces at work before that?

“You may think us cruel, but we never abandoned our charges. We care for them, and we grieved with them at the loss of life. Dark times are coming,
Caaasey
. Will you be there to help your people, or will you instead satisfy your blood urge and abandon them in their hour of need?

“Your Alpha understands duty. It must come before self-service. It is a hard lesson to learn, and Zakiya has had to withstand much loss in order to realize it. Where does your duty lie,
Caaaasey
Scott? Is it to your heart or to your people?”

“So what am I supposed to do? Walk away and let him continue using my people as his personal life force? How can I leave, knowing that I would be abandoning them to an eternity of this leech?”

“You are so young, Shaman. There is so much you have yet to learn. Would that we could return Hakiim to you so that he could provide you guidance. Unfortunately you must travel this path without his aid.”

“And my heart? Can you return that to me?”

“Your heart is where it’s always been. You are simply blinded by facts as you perceive them, not necessarily as they truly are. Always remember, with age will come wisdom.”

Casey heard the edge of anger to his voice, but he refused to be cowed. “I won’t leave Elizar here to continue feeding. I can’t. It might cost me my soul, but you’re asking too much.”

“No one would ask that of you. It is expected that you stop him.”

“But you said—”

“We said vengeance is not your path. Justice is another matter entirely. Though the two need not always be different; it matters what’s in your heart. With Kell, you could have simply destroyed him, but you offered him the opportunity for redemption. You gave him a choice. Will you do this with Elizar, or will you simply destroy him in the vain hope that it will heal you?”

“He killed Sev!” Casey cried out, stalking angrily away from the spirit.

“Did he? Or did Tsvetok choose to follow his own path? Answer me this,
Caaaasey
Scott: did Elizar strike him down?”

He turned and opened his mouth to argue, but then caught himself. He took a moment to clear his thoughts and calm his anger. “No. Sev made his choice, even knowing what it could cost him and his family. He chose to sacrifice them in order to save everyone else.”

“Your heart is most noble, Shaman. Why would you think you are bereft of that?”

Casey grabbed his hair and tugged. “I can’t feel him anymore. There’s a hole where he was. I’m empty.”

“Is that so? You feel nothing? Yours is a heart that has no feelings, either for itself or others? Elizar himself provided you with the truth, but you have yet to discern it.”

Casey stopped in his tracks. The words caused his heart to stutter.

“Please,” Casey whispered desperately, “if you ever do anything for me, tell me what you’re talking about. I’ll get on my knees and beg you if you want.”

“No, that is not necessary. But answering your question is something we simply cannot do,
Caaaaasey
. You must look inside to see the truth that your heart is where it’s always been.”

He knew his heart beat, because without it, he would be dead. But there was a hollowness that seemed to be insurmountable. He ran his fingers over his chest, surprised when he encountered the tether that he used to save himself and Jake when Elizar tried to—

He spun to face the old man. “The tether. It’s the goddamn tether, isn’t it?”

He got a kindly smile in return. “What is your link to this life,
Caaaaasey
?”