Scornfully Yours (Torn Series) (2 page)

     Good point.  Yep,
why should I stay?

     Let’s see, because you’ll go mad and gaga without him? You’ve been living and breathing the scent of the very sexy Carter Mason for the last three months, how do you figure to survive without his ambrosial enticement?

     Fuck! Fuck! Can I really do it? It would go down in history, surely. I would be the first female to dump the hot jerk.
Hot
—but a jerk all the same!

     Carter’s not my first love. I’ve been in love before. His name was Lewis Grand and he was my high school sweetheart. It was cute and sweet, a total opposite to what I have with Carter. Lewis was accepted to Harvard to study medicine, but before college he planned to take a year or two to work with the underprivileged in Africa. Lewis was a great guy but we both agreed that a long distance relationship wouldn’t work for us.   I was devastated and so lonely when we broke up–we were together for four years and I wasn’t sure how to be single. The summer before college I became depressed–it was a dark, debilitating depression that kept me secluded from the world.  In my moment of darkness, I realized that I wasn’t mourning my relationship with Lewis, but the end of something that was sweet and comforting and familiar. By the time I started college, I was slowly pulling myself from the darkness and I knew that I was ready to try to start living–to be happy again.

      Lindsey talked me to attend my first college party–I was weary about going, but I wanted to try and
live. 
That’s where I met Carter. When I was with him, I slowly pulled out of my funk.  Dating him became a perfect solution to my loneliness–I didn’t need another serious relationship I just wanted something fun and jumping into bed with him seemed like the perfect thing to do.  Carter was great—and
hot damn
the sex! He takes me places that I didn’t know existed.  Lewis was good but compared to Carter, he was mellow and tame. But now my “perfect idea” has just become a perplexing quandary.

     After lunch, Linds had to get back to school for her class and left with a lot of unanswered questions from me. I wanted to know what was going on in that pretty little dark head of hers—but at times, she could be very closed off much like her brother. Like the good friend that I am, I didn’t want to push the issue and pressure her into answers, knowing quite well enough that she was conflicted as it is. I know that when she’s ready she will tell me.

      I was free for the rest of the day, so I decided to hit the beach and try to figure out my head.

     It was a warm glorious September afternoon and the beach looked heavenly. Santa Barbara was a nice little charming town that has a rustic Spanish feel to it. I have good memories in this town from trips with my family and friends growing up. That’s why UCSB was my first choice when I applied for college. It was close to home and at the same time, it gave me enough space to find myself and what I really wanted to do with my life. I grew up in Ojai, a mere forty-minute drive from here. My parents didn’t argue much when I decided to study nearby. I think they were more relieved that I didn’t plan to tag along with Lewis in Boston. My mom and dad adored Lewis, but they wanted their baby girl to stay close to home more than anything.

     I swiftly parked my car and opened my trunk to fetch a beach towel–living around here, having a beach towel and extra clothes are mandatory. With my purse and towel tucked under my arm, I trotted towards the shore and found a spot to lay out. Somewhere not too close to the buzz of people, but somewhere not too far either because my imagination tends to run wild–I fear getting stabbed to death or being kidnapped. Weird really, but I blame it on watching too many Bones and True Blood episodes.

     I sighed and lied on the beach towel. The sun greeted my face and I basked in its delightful warmth. I love the beach–it was the perfect escape from life.  Right now I wished that life was as easy as being here with the peaceful waves and the warm sand.  I just wished I could find the answer of what to do with Carter here.  

It was a good thing I was wearing a faded denim skirt and a fitted cotton sleeveless shirt. The sun’s rays were beaming down in a cloudless sky and I wanted to consume as much sun as I could before fall rolled in.  My tan makes my cornflower blue eyes more noticeable and I think that I look much better being tanned. As much as I loved being tanned though, I would never get an artificial one from a tanning bed.  I’ve got nothing against people who use them–some of them; however, go overboard and manage to look like an orange oompa loompa. I would
sooo
not look good as an oompa loompa so I’ll stick to the real thing.  I guess seeing those types made me weary about artificial tanning and not to mention the tanning beds and the cancer that went along with it.

     I sighed and lied on the beach towel.  The sun greeted my face and I basked in its delightful warmth.  I love the beach–it always makes me happy even when my life feels overwhelming–all my problems wash away with the ebb and flow of the ocean.  I just wish life would always be this easy.

     My ringing phone brought me out of my reverie. Grabbing it, I checked who the caller was.

    
Carter.

     Clearing my throat, I answered it. “Hey”

     “Hey. I just saw Lindsey and she said you two had lunch? Why wasn’t I invited? I would have loved to dine with my two favorite girls.” He drawled and I couldn’t hold back rolling my eyes.

     I’m your favorite girl,
for now
. I wanted to voice out but held my tongue.

     “Yeah, she wanted to have some girl time. What’s up, Carter?” I wanted to sound bored and irritated, but my voice ended up sounding breathy. 

     “Just wondering what you’re up to ‘coz I’m free for the rest of the afternoon. Feel like
coming over
to chill a bit?” His voice deepened when he said ‘coming over’. It’s basically his come-hither term for ‘let’s fuck.’

     “Um, I don’t know about that Carter.” I whispered. Sex would be a very bad idea. It would be like piling more shit on top of enormous pile of doo-doo.

      I wanted to kick myself (if I could) for falling for the man.
I mean
—come on, Emma! I scolded myself.

     Where the hell was your brain, huh?

It was probably somewhat brain dead and blown out of proportion from mind-numbing orgasms.

As much as I loved Lewis when we were together, I always wondered what it would be like to be with someone wild and unrestricted–someone without limits or boundaries and hadn’t much care in world or cared what others thought. Carter fit the bill and I was sucked into his world the moment our eyes clashed. I was screwed—in more ways than one. Literally.

     He grunted on the other end, frustrated.

     “I haven’t seen you in two days, Em. TWO DAYS. This is the longest I haven’t seen you.” Carter started to sound adamant and irritated.

     I guess two days without sex can really make a man grumpy?

     “I’ve been…busy,” I said hesitantly, but he wasn’t buying the crap I was spewing.

     “
Busy?
You’ve been busy? Get real, Em. We both know you haven’t been busy. Why don’t you come over? Maybe it’s high time we talk.”

    
And here it is
….

    
Doomsday is here.

     I waited a beat or two before I replied, “I’ll see you in an hour.” Yeah, an hour would be enough time to come up with some kind of a plan and recharge my battery–probably. This might be the most difficult task I’ve ever done in a long time.

     “In
an
hour and not a second longer, got it? If you keep hiding away from me, I will scour the entire campus to look for you.” He was heated. Carter was angry and his underlying threat was quite clear. My time was up and it’s time to face the music and dance.

     “Got it,” I responded and quickly ended the call.

     I knew Carter had a mean temper.  He wants to see me pronto and I needed to show up; I didn’t doubt for a second that he wouldn’t follow through with his threat.

     He was notorious for his bar fights and his road rage. One time we were stopped at a stoplight and when the light turned green the driver in front of us didn’t move because he was too caught up in his
phone conversation.  Carter didn’t even blink twice before he got out of his SUV, cussed the guy out and managed to make him look so frightened, he was almost on the verge of tears.

Yep, the man had a problem with his temper.

I didn’t want to push his buttons further to see how far he’d take that temper of his.

“I can usually tell if a man is emotionally unavailable by my instant attraction to them.”

-
Author Unknown

     After another forty –five minutes, I decided it was time to leave. I gathered my belongings and headed out to see Carter.

     Carter bought a four bedroom villa that overlooks the beach. His friends, Brody and Cooper, rented rooms from him. It was quite close to Main Street, where all the action happens–located on the strip were bars, clubs, restaurants, and all types of stores.

     I parked my car just outside his house, killed the engine and took a deep breath.

     “Showtime,” I muttered under my breath as I opened my car door.

     The guys never lock the main door. I’ve asked several times as to why that was but they all shrugged me off. These boys were reckless and they always wondered why some of their things always go missing? Like cell phones, laptops, ipods and whatever paraphernalia there was known to man. These guys grew up in Montecito after all. Money wasn’t really a big thing to them.

     Even though my parents were both doctors and we didn’t lack of money, they never failed to instill the value of it. They taught me how to be responsible and how to spend my money wisely.

     The guys never locked the main door so I turned the doorknob and pushed the white heavy door opened. The house was actually quiet for the first time since I’ve known the trio. They usually had a crowd of people lounging and hanging around.

    
Where was everyone?

     “Good of you to finally show up!” Carter announced atop of the landing, only wearing a pair of cargo shorts. His tanned, sculpted torso and abs were out on display. His dark hair still had droplets of water in it like he just came out of the shower.

     I salivated like a bitch in heat.

     Fuck, this is not going as planned!

     “I’m five minutes early. What more do you want?” I asked, in a mere whisper. The emptiness of the house made my whisper quite loud.

     He slowly took his time coming down the stairs, using his usual lazy, care-free swag as he walked towards me. It sucked! The man didn’t even try to look hot. He just is. Like air equals breathing, water equals drinking. Carter Mason equals SEXY-ing. It’s ridiculous and quite absurd. I hated him even more that he held this kind of power over me.
Clearly
, I am more than mystified on how I let this happen.

     His lazy saunter ended him in front of me. All in his
almost
bare naked glory. He stood a foot away as he studied me quietly. “What more do I
want
, Emma?” Parroting my question back, “I want you to be honest.”

     He wants honesty? Right, then I’ll give it to him…somewhat.

     “I don’t think I can do this with you anymore.” I managed to whisper and found his gaze penetrating, never leaving me.

     “
Why
? What’s changed? You were more than fine the last time we were together. If I correctly recall, you were
more
than fine. You were insatiable and didn’t want me to leave your side. You even followed me in the shower, what was that you said?
Oh right
, because you missed me. So, from that type of adoration to ‘I don’t think I can do this anymore,’ tell me,
what’s changed?
”

     My brows furrowed.

     Fuck! Damn it, was I really that pathetic the last time we were together? That’s sickening.

    
What do I tell him?
I’m panicked and I can’t conjure any reason at the moment other than the real truth–and I’m not a raving idiot–I’m not going to confess my undying love and humiliate myself.

     “It’s just not working out, Carter.” God, that’s the best I could do? I really suck at this.

     He moved a little closer. “That’s not really telling me much, Em. Do you just expect me to let you go?” He snapped his fingers, “Just like that?”