Scrambled Babies (4 page)

Fred broke in.  “Well, if you did cry, what about?  I don’t see anything to cry about.”

Paeton turned to Fred.  “That’s because you haven’t changed the baby’s diaper.”

Fred stepped back to look at Paeton.  “Excuse me?”

“I can’t talk here, Fred.  Let’s get my bags, and I’ll talk to you in the car on the way to the hotel.”

“Car’s in the shop, honey.  We’ll have to grab a cab.”

“Oh, Fred, not again.  When are you going to get rid of that Jaguar?”

“Sorry.  I really can’t let go of that car.”  He tried again for some answers. “Paeton, for god’s sake—”

“Please, Fred.  You’ll have to wait a few more minutes.  Okay?”

“Okay, okay.  But I can’t imagine—”

Paeton’s mouth broke into a grim smile.  “That’s right.  Not in a million years!”

Fred expelled a huge sound of exasperation.  He dutifully rounded up Paeton’s luggage and led them to the cab area.  When they were pulling away from the curb, he turned to her.  “Okay.  Nobody can hear us.”

Paeton pointed to the cab driver.  The man in the ponytail turned his head.  “I can’t hear nothin’, ma’am. Know what I mean? That’s part of my job.”

Fred looked pleadingly at Paeton.  “Paeton, please tell me what is so damned wrong that even a cab driver can’t know?”

Paeton gestured toward the travelseat.  “Even you’re fooled, Fred.”

“Huh?”

“You can’t tell, can you?”

“Can’t tell what?  Paeton, I swear, I’m going to jump out of this cab right now if you—”

The cab driver turned his head again, his graying ponytail swinging in their faces.  “Please don’t do that, sir.  I have insurance, but—”

“You said you weren’t listening,” Paeton cried angrily.

“It’s a figure of speech, lady.  I just meant—”

Fred was impatient.  “We know what you meant.  Turn around and drive.”

“Okay, okay.  Jeez.  Some people.”  Fred had obviously injured the cabby’s feelings.

Paeton became resolute.  “Okay.  You want to know what’s wrong?  Fred—this is not Kelsey.”  Paeton thought she saw the cabby’s ears change color.  He certainly was listening, but she couldn’t hold it back from Fred any longer.

Madison
looked up from her video game. “That’s the very big secret, Uncle Fred!”

“It’s not Kelsey?  What do you mean ‘It’s not Kelsey?’  Then who is it, for heaven’s sake?”  He studied the baby.  He looked back at Paeton.  “Of course it’s Kelsey.  Paeton, to say I’m totally confused is an understatement.  Please explain what you are talking about.”

“Fred, this baby is not Kelsey.  Kelsey is a girl, and this baby is a—a boy!”  She choked on the word “boy.”

“Well, if it’s not Kelsey, who is it, and what the hell are you doing with a boy baby that looks exactly like Kelsey?”

“That, Fred, is our problem.”

“It’s also our very big secret.”

“Kelsey’s with too-tight-vest, Fred.”

 “Who?  Too-tight-vest?  Who the hell is too-tight-vest, Paeton?”  Fred sounded edgy.

“He’s the gentleman I mixed up the babies with.  I know she’s safe.”  She shuddered and swallowed back tears.  “It’s that she’s—”  Paeton formed two fists.  “She’s on her way to Hong Kong!”

Fred spit out his breath as if he’d been socked suddenly in the stomach.  “She’s what?”  He waved his arms around.  “Son of a bitch!  She’s with who?  And how—I mean, what—I mean, jeez, Paeton, how the hell did this ever happen?”

Paeton proceeded to explain, halting for control as she spoke:  the airport switch, too-tight-vest, and how the last thing she saw was this guy walking off with all the people going on flight something to Hong Kong.  She added in a hoarse whisper that she was certain Kelsey was safe with him.

Fred sat in a stupor, shaking his head and saying “Jesus Christ” over and over again.  Paeton had lost the will to tell him to watch his language.

“The thing that baffles me is that he hasn’t called the authorities.  At least if he has, we don’t know about it,” Paeton offered.

“And that’s a good thing.  A good thing.  Jesus Christ!”  He turned to Paeton.  “Why didn’t you?”

Paeton felt dazed.  She laughed weakly.  “Because I thought he would, I guess.  I wasn’t excited to have the world know I got on an airplane with someone else’s baby.  People are starting to recognize me.”

Fred looked dazed too.  “I agree with you there.  Talk about bad publicity!  Talk about explaining to the world.  This is incredible!  This is insane!  This is—” 

Paeton studied him intently.  “Well, what is it, Fred?  When the world finds out I boarded my plane with the wrong baby, will it be good or bad?”

Fred was shaking his head.  “Jesus Christ.  Yeah, I guess people have to find out, don’t they?”

“Fred, please.  Madison’s with us.”  Paeton renewed her clean-language-around-the-children credo.

“Sorry.  But you two don’t know your own kids?”

Paeton was getting flushed.  “Come on, Fred.  I told you about the identical seats and blankets from Bloomingdale’s.  The blankets
were covering
their faces just before the flight. And I already told you, we collided and set our babies down. In the confusion we each picked up the wrong kid.”

“Paeton, we have a real problem here.”

The cab driver turned around again, ponytail bobbing.  “I’ll say!”

“Will you mind your own business?”  Paeton put out her hand to smack the frolicking hair, but thought better of it.

“Okay, okay.  It’s that I thought I’d heard ‘em all, but this is a lulu!”  Fred folded his arms tightly across his chest.

“Hey, you!  Watch where you’re going!  You went past our hotel,” Paeton shouted, leaning into ponytail’s ear.

“Sorry.  A quick U-turn, and we’ll be okay.”  The driver spun the cab into a pitching U-turn.

“Not listening!  Right!”  Paeton muttered under her breath, holding onto the strap above the door.

To Paeton’s amazement, the cab and all of them screeched up unscathed to the hotel entry. The hotel bellman let them out and pulled Paeton’s luggage out of the trunk.

Fred charged nervously ahead.  “Let’s get to your room and check TV to see if anything’s been reported.  And then we can get on the phone and—”

“And what, Fred?  Call the police?”  Paeton was having trouble keeping her legs working.

Fred ignored the remark.  They reached the hotel desk, and Paeton registered in silence.  When they entered Paeton’s suite, Fred raced to turn on TV.  Paeton joined him as he scanned the channels searching for something about the baby-switch.  He shook his head.  “Amazing!  Nothing!  Not a blessed word about it!”  He turned to Paeton with a strange look on his face.  “Why hasn’t he reported this craziness?  Does he want to keep your child?”

Paeton felt goose bumps.  “Fred, what are you talking about?  How can he want to keep Kelsey?  I have his baby.  Doesn’t he want his baby back too?  How about his wife?  She must be frantic.”

“Maybe he doesn’t have a wife.  Maybe he figures he’s halfway to Hong Kong—wait a minute!  He’s got to stop in San Francisco.  No plane flies nonstop from New York to Hong Kong.  We can call the San Francisco airport and ask them to find—”

Paeton’s laugh betrayed a change from fear to futility.  “A guy with a too-tight vest?”

“No, dear.  A guy with a baby in a travelseat decorated with tiny animals and matching blanket, exactly like this one,” and he pointed at the guilty seat.  Fred was already moving to the phone.  “I’ll figure it out as I go along.  What was the flight number?  Oh, never mind.  There’s only one flight coming in from New York connecting to Hong Kong.”  Paeton started to speak, and Fred waved her off.  He brought up the number on his cell and clicked on it. He waited to be connected to San Francisco International.  “Yes, is there any way I can reach the head flight attendant for the Global flight that just came in from JFK connecting to a flight for Hong Kong?  Yes, it’s extremely urgent.  Thank you.”

Fred paced as far as the telephone wire would permit.  Paeton sat bedraggled in an overstuffed leather chair.  Madison was getting to know the scrambled baby.

“Thank you.  Yes, could you tell me if you noticed a man in a three-piece suit traveling with a baby in a travelseat with zoo animals on it?”  Paeton saw his face fall.  “There was no one on your flight traveling with a child.  You’re certain?  I know you know your job, it’s that I was positive—no infant on the flight.  Okay, well, thank you for your trouble.  You too.”

Fred hung up grimly.  “Well, I guess the good news is that she’s not going to Hong Kong.”

“Right!  And the bad news is we have no idea where Kelsey is.”

Paeton realized that until the babies were in the right hands, she needed to ensure Madison wouldn’t say anything to anyone about the mix-up.  Maddy was such a good child.  So far she had been fabulous in that department!

“Maddy, could you come here a minute, please?”

“What is it, Mommy?”

“It’s about Kelsey, honey.  I know you’re upset about her not being with us.”

“But you said she was okay.  Right?”

“Oh, of course, she’s—” and Paeton had to swallow back a sudden urge to break down, “okay, but we can’t tell anyone about what happened.  They wouldn’t, uh, understand.  It’s simply something private, something that only we can know about.”

“I already know that, Mommy. I know it’s a very big secret. I’ve been keeping it, right?”

What a wonderful girl!
  “Yes, it’s a secret.  And I know you are really good at keeping secrets.”

Maddy nodded her head.  “I am.  Remember when we had that big party for Daddy?  I never told him.  Right?”

Paeton took the six-year-old in her arms and hugged her tightly.  “Right, baby.  Then this will be another secret we can keep.”

“Okay, Mommy. But I already knew that.”  She went rather bored back to her game.

Thank god I have such a wonderful, bright child!
 

Ring!

Paeton jumped a mile at the phone ringing in Fred’s jacket pocket.  Then she realized there was no way too-tight-vest could have Fred’s cell phone number.

Fred pulled out the smart phone.  “This is Fred.  Yes, Martha.  Yes, I can do that.”  He lowered the phone and put his hand over the mouthpiece.  “It’s Martha Phillips.  Her Velvet Arrow editor is giving her a bad time.  I have to hop over to the office for a little while.  Okay?”

Paeton nodded assent.

“Martha?  I’ll check the file and get right back to you.”  He slipped the phone back in its place.  Fred took Paeton’s hands and squeezed support.  “This is the craziest situation I’ve ever been a party to.  But, as you said, he’s got to be as frantic as you are.  Hang in there.  I’ll be back as soon as I can.”  Fred turned to Madison.  “Maddy, why don’t you come with me.  I’ll take you downstairs to play with the other kids in the child center.  Or do you want to take a nap?”

Madison
shook her head.  She put her hand in Fred’s.  “No, I don’t need a nap, Uncle Fred.  I’d rather go play.”

Paeton knew Fred had a good idea.  She needed to be alone.  The boy baby meanwhile had drifted into a peaceful slumber, and Paeton could have some quiet time.  “Thanks, Fred.  Good idea.  Have fun, Maddy.”