Scratch the Surface (Wolf Within) (16 page)

“I’m not pleased with him,” Allerton stated, his mouth grim. “I know it wasn’t easy for him to confront Colin Hunter, but it’s been over three years and he has you now.”

“Me?” I couldn’t help but laugh a little. “I’m not anything to him like she was. You can’t compare us.”

“I’m not comparing you, I’m merely pointing out that he is not alone anymore and he has to let go of a past that is as dead as she is.”

I shuddered again and wrapped my arms around myself. He frightened me with his intensity and I was very glad he wasn’t angry at me.

He got to his feet and moved toward the door. He paused and said, “If you weren’t offering him pity, what were you offering him?”

“Love, actually,” I admitted because the man saw right through me anyway.

“He really can be an incredible idiot,” murmured Allerton before he opened the door.

Chapter 9

I must have fallen asleep. I’d gone upstairs after Allerton left the room and lain down on the bed because my head hurt. I could smell Murphy’s cologne in the pillow case where I buried my head and it was oddly soothing.

The next thing I knew Murphy stood there next to the bed and the shadows had shifted in the room because the sun had moved in the sky. I’d been asleep for hours and, from what I could hazily tell, it was nearly nightfall.

“Councilor Manning is going to have a fit if you don’t come down and eat dinner with us, you know,” Murphy told me the minute he was aware I was awake. “She’s been baking bread all afternoon and a cake too, I think. Plus she made some sort of gourmet dinner the spare three seconds between. You hungry?”

My stomach growled at the thought of bread and cake and a smile twitched the corner of Murphy’s mouth.

At some point during the day he must have showered and shaved, and he was dressed in a different pair of jeans and one of the cashmere sweaters I’d given him for Christmas—the beige one with the navy blue accents at the collar and cuffs.

I slid off the bed and went to the mirror above the dresser to peer at myself, careful to avoid brushing against Murphy. I looked like hell.

With a sigh, I picked up the brush and tried to calm my wild blond hair. On the plus side, the knot on the back of my head no longer seemed so exquisitely
there
. On the minus side, Murphy wouldn’t stop staring at me and his expression was somewhere bad between frustration and shame.

“I’m on everybody’s shit list today,” he remarked without a trace of a smile.

“I told Jason the truth about what happened.” I sounded defensive, and sighed.

“Jason?” Murphy cocked a sardonic grin at me as his eyebrows raised halfway up his forehead.

I flushed unaccountably. “He asked me to call him Jason.” The brush trembled in my hands as if I’d done something wrong, perhaps betrayed Murphy somehow.

“Well, he sure as hell hasn’t asked me to do that,” drawled Murphy. “But then I’m not in line to be his next mistress either, am I? Kathy Manning look out, Constance Newcastle is up and coming.” His voice dipped derisively on the last word of the sentence and I could feel the hot blood of shame burning my face. How could I have been so dumb, to have missed the truth? I’d never felt as though I were a real Advisor and if Murphy was right, I wasn’t.

“Kathy Manning is Allerton’s mistress?” My mind boggled for a moment, but then I was frequently slow on the uptake. Now I started playing back moments that had passed between them and I could see it. I could definitely see it. And, if that part were true, then, of course, the other part was too—the part where I was next.

“But Allerton has a bond mate,” I protested, even though I knew, and what’s worse, Murphy knew, that meant next to nothing.

Murphy’s lips drew back into one of his sardonic sneers. I hadn’t seen one of them directed at me in months, not since we’d bonded. One night could change everything, though. “A lunatic bond mate, sure. You don’t know that? He hasn’t tried that line out on you yet? About how his bond mate went insane after the death of their stillborn son and since she’s got all the money in their relationship, he considerately didn’t sever the ties but instead has climbed to practically the top of the Great Council, taking understanding mistresses along the way to ease his suffering and loneliness? And now you’re the next one in a long line.” Murphy still smiled, but it was the kind that was cold and sharp as a knife in the ribs.

“No, that’s not true. That’s not the truth!” I struggled to breathe but it felt as if there were a twenty pound weight on my chest slowly crushing me to death.

“Why don’t you ask Kathy Manning? She knows she’s on her way out. You can see it all over her face when she looks at you.” Murphy grinned at me and, for a moment I allowed myself to believe I was having a nightmare but I knew damn well I wasn’t.

Every second I’d ever spent alone with Allerton flashed before my eyes. Where I’d once seen fatherly concern, now all I could see was patient lust, going as far back as the investigation into Grey and Elena’s deaths when he’d singlehandedly saved me. Not just because he’d thought something strange was going on in the Pack, but because he’d wanted me and he’d set me up so I’d owe him and be obligated to him.

The money in my bank account he’d said I’d earned as an Advisor was really just payment for services yet to be rendered. I somehow doubted Murphy’s bank account had swelled as much as mine, and I had been too stupid to see it for what it really was.

I bowed my head as both shame and self-loathing swept over me.

Now it was clear why Colin Hunter had been so arrogant to Murphy. He’d been laughing at him and so had the rest of my former pack. No wonder Murphy had been so humiliated.

I chewed at my lower lip and turned back to the mirror. I had to do something with my hands so I started brushing my hair again. I couldn’t even see myself in the mirror because of the goddamn tears.

A terrible thought tore a devastating hole inside me. I felt panicked and trapped and wanted to run away but I couldn’t even move.

“Will I have to shift with him too? I will, won’t I? Sleep with him and shift with him, and I don’t want to do either. I’m scared to shift with other people. He’ll make me, won’t he, and my wolf doesn’t know his and I don’t know what she’ll do. She’ll want the words for things and maybe his wolf will want to do other things. I don’t even know how to ask him not to make me. Oh God, how could I be so stupid as to not even think I’d have to pay for the things he’s done for me? He sat there with me yesterday and told me how much money he’s putting in my bank account and I thought it was because I was his Advisor, but we were having two different conversations, weren’t we? I don’t understand how I could have missed it, but it’s all there when you point it out to me.”

Tears of shame and humiliation poured down my cheeks and I couldn’t breathe. Through the watery prisms of my tears, I saw Murphy’s expression change and all the sarcastic anger was gone and, for a moment, he was the man I thought I’d known.

I dodged past him and locked myself in the bathroom. I had to get a grip and to think, and what I didn’t need was any more confusion and false friendship.

“Please, Stanzie,” he called through the door. “I’m the idiot, not you. I’m frustrated and pissed off at myself and I used you as target practice. Please come out and let me talk to you face to face. I can’t stand this. I don’t know what broke between us but I want to fix it.”

“Why? Because Allerton told you to?” I whispered through the crack in the door. I was pressed against it, my palms splayed out on the wood, my cheek mashed to it and I thought he might be in the exact same position, our hands and bodies reaching out to each other through the barrier of the door, but I was damned if I’d open it. Damned.

“No,” he said with a groan.

“Is Kathy Manning his mistress? Don’t lie to me, Murphy.”

Murphy swore under his breath. “Yes, she is, but that doesn’t mean you’re next on his list. I’m just...I’m jealous, Stanzie, don’t you get it?”

“Jealous. Fuck you, Liam. You fucking liar.”

“Liam,” he whispered. “Since when do you call me Liam?”

“Since I don’t know who the fuck you are.”

I heard him leave the room and waited a few moments before I went to the sink and splashed cold water on my face. The tears had stopped, burned away by fury, but now I was numb.

I put on makeup and jewelry, avoiding the necklaces and rings Murphy had put in my Christmas stocking, and went downstairs.

* * * *

The three of them were in the Colonial dining room. A gleaming oval table of mahogany was set with off-white place mats and the Blue Willow dishware from the night before. Taper candles flickered, casting circular shadows on the ceiling above. A small crystal chandelier was set on the dimmest setting, barely illuminated.

Councilor Allerton got to his feet when I entered and gallantly pulled out the chair next to his for me.

I sat, acutely aware of his hands hovering near my body as he pushed the chair in, then he sat and poured me a glass of red wine. The wine goblets were thick pebbled glass, cobalt blue and expensive.

“I hope you’re feeling better, Stanzie.” Kathy Manning beamed at me as she passed me a platter of roast beef. All the pieces were perfectly sliced, pink and juicy. I took one and passed the platter to Allerton, who took three before passing the platter to Murphy. Their eyes did not meet. Allerton was solicitous to me, but for Murphy he had nothing but cold contempt.

Bowls of mashed potatoes, French runner beans and gravy traveled around the table. Homemade bread was piled in silver baskets lined with white cloth napkins.

I took some of everything but couldn’t eat. My throat felt about as narrow as the eye of a needle. I wanted to drink the wine but thought that would choke me too.

I played with my food instead of eating it and nobody said anything. We sat there in silence broken only by the sounds of silverware striking china.

“When can I see Grandfather Tobias?” I asked after I’d given up all pretense of playing with my food and pushed my plate away.

Allerton eyed it and then raised his gaze to mine. “You’re not hungry, Constance? Does your head hurt?”

No, just my fucking heart
, I wanted to say, but I didn’t.

“My head’s much better,” I said instead.

“Then why don’t you eat?”

“If you don’t like roast beef, there’s some seafood casserole left from last night. I could heat it up for you?” Kathy Manning gave me a sympathetic smile.

I looked at her and pictured her naked in bed with Allerton. I thought of Allerton’s insane bond mate and how I would never be able to look at the man himself and think of him being charitable and good, only empty and driven, filling his hours with Council business and an ever-expanding parade of mistresses.

“I’m sorry. I’m not hungry,” I whispered.

Murphy had managed to eat maybe half a slice of roast beef and three or four mouthfuls of mashed potatoes. He’d crumbled a piece of bread onto his plate and he was on his fourth glass of wine.

His pale cheeks had taken on a low, alcoholic flush but his eyes were clear and miserable, not clouded by wine at all. He looked at me then looked away.

“Can I see him tonight? I’d like to go back to Boston. I’m not comfortable here in Connecticut anymore. It’s not my home.”

“You can see him tonight,” Allerton told me, “but I’m not sure you’ll be able to leave tomorrow. It’s snowing now and the roads are unsafe. I’d prefer it if you and Liam would stay here for a few more days.” His blue eyes bored into mine. “There’s also the matter of settling Tobias Green. Have you made a decision regarding your role in that yet?”

Murphy stopped reaching for the wine bottle, his hand arrested in midair. Kathy Manning smiled at me again and I couldn’t tell if she meant to offer empathy and encouragement or was some sort of fucking ghoul.

“I want to talk to him first,” I said carefully.

“What do you mean settle him?” Murphy sounded pretty convinced he knew damn well what it meant.

“Exactly what you’re thinking, Liam,” said Allerton in a glacially smooth tone. “You surely didn’t think he was going to Florida, did you?”

“No, I figured he’d be going to hell, but not that she’d be the one sending him there.” Murphy’s eyes narrowed. “How can you even ask her to do such a thing, Councilor? Can you not see how all of this is affecting her and now you want her to kill the old man on top of it? How are you going to have her do it?”