Screw the Fags
Resisting temptation has never been so much fun!
When Cosmo Rawlins makes a special request for his upcoming birthday, his toppy boyfriend strikes a deal with him: if Cosmo gives up smoking, Alasdair will buy him a car. What Alasdair doesn't realise, however, is that a week of keeping a close eye on his bratty submissive will test the very limits of his libido.
Warning:
written in British English, where "fag" has an entirely different definition than it does in the States.
Author’s note:
This is a follow-up short story intended to be read after the novel,
Screwing the System
. However, I know some readers won’t have read the novel yet, so I’ve done my best to avoid any spoilers should you then want to go on and find out more about how Cosmo and Alasdair first get together.
Praise for Screwing the System
Myles’ humorous and skilful portrayal of this unique and authentic couple will please a lot of her fans immensely and will warm up new readers for her other excellent work... She also proves once again that she’s capable of creating an unforgettable couple with an electrifying chemistry.
~ Janna at Rarely Dusty Books
A sexy, romantic read that immediately captured my attention kept me enthralled with it until I finished the last page. I loved everything about this book. Between the interesting, well-written characters and the intriguing story they told,
Screwing the System
has a permanent place on my keeper shelf.
~ Gabbi at Top 2 Bottom Reviews
One of the most enjoyable BDSM lite romances I have ever read… I really really loved how Cosmo and Alasdair were shown to be two people falling in love, stumbling along the way, both of them making mistakes and learning from them… I already reread it three times and without skipping a single sex scene, which is not something I do with too many books… Highly recommended.
~ Sirius at Reviews by Jessewave
Screw the Fags
A Screwing the System short
by Josephine Myles
Copyright 2013 by Josephine Myles
Cover Art by
Lou Harper
Thank you for downloading this free ebook. You are welcome to share it with your friends. This book may be reproduced, copied and distributed for non-commercial purposes, provided the book remains in its complete original form. If you enjoyed this book, please visit
Jo’s website
to find out about her other published works. Thank you for your support.
For Jamie, Lou, Angharad, Ione, Tam, Phil and Donna. Thank you all for the feedback on my early draft, and helping to make this a better story than I’d have been able to on my own.
Screw the Fags
“I want a motorbike,” Cosmo announced first thing on Monday morning, before taking another forkful of his omelette.
Alasdair sighed into his coffee. He’d known it would probably be a huge mistake to ask Cosmo what he’d like for his upcoming birthday, but he just hadn’t been able to think of anything suitably...
Romantic
wasn’t the word he was after. It was bad enough the lad’s birthday was this coming Friday. Valentine’s Day, no less. Alasdair might need Cosmo like he needed oxygen, but he wasn’t about to start getting all mushy with red roses, jewellery and the like. Not unless the jewellery came with a padlock.
No, he might not want to buy something romantic, but he definitely wanted to get Cosmo something suitably
dramatic
. A bike was dramatic, all right, but totally unsuitable. “There are plenty of bikes in the garage.”
“Yep. Your bikes. Which you won’t let me ride.”
“What do you call what we did at the weekend, then?” He’d taken Cosmo up to the top of West Wycombe Hill on his Honda Shadow and they’d cosied up under a blanket in the graveyard, watching the sun set. Too cold to get up to anything particularly kinky, but it was a good memory. The kind of recollection that snuck up and caught him unawares during his working day, making him smile secretly to himself and fire off a smutty text to Cosmo.
“That was you riding and me on the fucking bitch seat. I want to be in charge of a bike for a change.”
“They’re too dangerous.”
“But you’re allowed to ride one.”
“I’ve had years of experience. I don’t take any stupid risks.”
“Are you calling me a stupid risk-taker?”
Alasdair took a long sip of coffee, trying to compose his thoughts. It didn’t do to get Cosmo riled up before leaving for work. He’d learned over the almost ten months they’d been together that discord in the mornings meant he came home to an insolent brat, and while the ensuing punishment could occasionally be fun, he’d had other ideas for tonight. Ones which required a pliant and well-behaved submissive.
“I’m calling you exuberant and young. Accidents happen to even the most careful bikers. I don’t want to lose you that way. Couldn’t cope with it. Not again.”
Cosmo pouted for a moment, but it quickly melted into an apologetic smile. The veiled reference to Jon, the first love of Alasdair’s life, had obviously done the trick. “Yeah, okay, I get why you’re twitchy about it, but I really need some wheels. Taxis are all right and all, but I just don’t have the same freedom.”
Oh, Alasdair could see where this was leading. Cosmo in a car would be every bit as nerve-wracking as Cosmo in charge of a bike, but at least the chances of him surviving a crash would be somewhat higher. Small consolation, though. “You want a car.”
Cosmo’s eyes lit up. “That would be cool. I could carry my guitar then. I’d need driving lessons, though. Proper ones from an instructor. Don’t reckon either of us could cope with you giving them to me.”
He had that right. Alasdair would end up with more white hairs than brown if he got in a car with Cosmo behind the wheel. At least until the lad knew what he was doing, anyway. “I don’t know.”
“Please, Alasdair? Otherwise I’m just going to save up all my wages and get a bike. You know they let you out on the roads with just a few hours training? I could be a biker in next to no time.”
“You are not buying a bike!” Oh God. Cosmo was looking at him with the kind of puppy dog eyes that made him want to slap a collar on the lad’s neck and order him onto all fours. He drew the line at tails and leather ears, though. That was just weird. “Look, I know you’re a responsible adult. Well, an adult anyway. And I know you could just go out and get a bike by yourself. But that isn’t how our relationship works, is it? You need to ask for my permission before major purchases. However, I’ve listened to your case for having some transport of your own, and I agree that you probably do deserve some wheels.”
Cosmo’s face lit up.
“But, there will be conditions.”
“There’s always conditions with you.” Cosmo rolled his eyes and pushed his plate away before leaning back to fish his tobacco tin out of his pocket. Alasdair eyed it with resentment. He hated the way those nasty little cancer sticks made his kitchen reek, and he hated the idea of what they were doing to Cosmo’s lungs.
A smile spread slowly across Alasdair’s face.
“You look like you’re planning some kind of sadistic challenge for me.”
“Oh yes. I most certainly am. And if you pass it I will gladly buy you a car and all the driving lessons your heart desires.” Alasdair’s grin spread even wider. This was perfect. If he was going to have to accept one more risk to Cosmo’s well-being, then at least he could partially mitigate his worry by getting rid of one of the others.
Cosmo frowned. “I’m not going to like this, am I?”
“Not for a moment.”
“Did I ever tell you you’re an evil bastard?”
“Frequently. I’ve been taking it as a compliment.”
Cosmo glared at him, but when Alasdair raised his eyebrows he dropped his gaze to his cigarette paper, his lips screwing up into his gotta-know-now expression. Good. Let him wonder. Alasdair watched him slowly teasing the strands of tobacco out and arranging them, before rolling the paper up dexterously.
Alasdair stood and moved to the sink, rinsing out the dregs before adding his mug to the dishwasher. “Enjoy your cigarette,” he said on his way to the kitchen door.
“Huh?” Cosmo sat with the lighter poised, but he hadn’t yet lit the thing.
“Enjoy it.” No wonder Cosmo looked like his eyes were about to bug out of his head. Alasdair didn’t think he’d ever wished him that. “You really should make the most of it, because if you want that car, that’s the last one you’ll ever smoke.”
Cosmo leapt up like his arse had been spring-loaded. “What? No. You wouldn’t. Oh, you fucking would as well, wouldn’t you? Alasdair.
Boss
, please, don’t make me give up the fags. You remember what happened last time I tried.”
Cosmo’s hand clutched at Alasdair’s shirt, untucking it from his trousers, but Alasdair didn’t think it was because he was feeling horny. He took hold of Cosmo’s shoulders and pulled him into a tight hug. “I think last time you weren’t sufficiently motivated. Plus I think that pretend cigarette whatsit was counterproductive. This time you’re going to do it cold turkey. The nicotine should be out of your system within a week, and in the meantime it’s just a case of finding something else to do with your hands and mouth.”
“I’ll get fat.” Cosmo’s face was the picture of morose self-pity. “Everyone always says that happens when they give up. You wouldn’t want me all lardy, would you?”
“You won’t put on any weight because you’re not going to be substituting with food either. We’ll find something better. I’ve got some ideas.” He really did as well, because helping Cosmo to stop smoking had been a pressing concern ever since they’d met. He just hadn’t wanted to push too hard. One thing he’d learned from living with the lad was if he came down too disciplinarian and strict, Cosmo had a way of digging his heels in. No, Alasdair had been forced to be more cunning. To play Cosmo at his own game.
He liked to think it had made him a better Top.
“You really mean it, don’t you?” Cosmo whined, but then his expression turned devilish. “But how are you going to know whether or not I’ve just smoked myself silly while you’ve been at work?”
“Aside from the smell? Hmmm... good point. Right. You’ve got ten minutes. Pack up what you need for the day. You’re coming with me.”
“You what?” Cosmo pushed himself back and fixed him with a killer glare.
“You’re going to come into work with me every day until you’ve got this habit beat.”
“You really don’t trust me, do you?”
“It’s not that. I trust you not to lie to me, so I know you wouldn’t bullshit me if you did trip up. But I don’t want any falling off the wagon this time. I want you to get it right. I want that
thing
”—he pointed at the now crumpled-looking rollie in Cosmo’s hand—“to be your last one ever.”
“Ever!”
Alasdair relented a little at the crestfallen expression on Cosmo’s face. “That’s not the only reason I want you with me. I can help support you. Keep your mind off it. And it would be nice to have you around the office. Spend some more time together. Give you more of an idea of what I do for a living.”
“You just want a handy slave there to give you foot rubs and blowjobs on demand, don’t you?”
“Not a bit of it.” Alasdair smirked. “Not on demand, anyway. I’m rather hoping they’ll be freely offered as homage to your Lord and Master.”
Cosmo muttered something that sounded extremely uncomplimentary under his breath, but Alasdair chose to ignore it and instead put his boss-man hat on. His imaginary one, anyway. He didn’t actually wear a hat to work, as his collection of leather caps would hardly co-ordinate with the bespoke suits. “Come on. Chop, chop. You’ve only got eight minutes left to get your stuff together now. Better be quick.”
Cosmo looked for a moment like he wasn’t going to back down, but then he threw his hands up in the air. “Fine. Okay, whatever. I’ll come into work. Jesus H Christ. This car better be worth it. I’m expecting a diamond-encrusted steering wheel now, you realise.”
“I’ll see what I can do.”
“And a seat that massages you while you drive. And televisions in the back for any passengers. No, wait. No passengers. I want a two seater convertible. That’ll be much better. One that hovers so you can go up and over other cars if they get in your way. Do they exist yet?”