Sea Breeze 03 While It Lasts (25 page)

             
My chest felt so heavy. Guilt. Pain. Sorrow. Loss. It all swirled together making it hard for me to take deep breaths. Was she right? Was I throwing Josh’s memory away because Cage York had an amazing body and
a
sexy smile? Had I become that shallow? Oh
,
God. Tears stung my eyes and Elaine pulled me back into a hug. “I didn’t mean to upset you
,
sweetie
. Sometimes a momma needs to help us find the right path when we veer off.  That’s all.” She smoothed down my hair as she reassured me.

             
“Now, let’s talk about other things.
More positive things.
Like what your plans are now that you’ve decided to drive that nice little Jeep again and start living your life. I want to hear all about it. You are going back to college
,
aren’t you? I mean you can’t stay here and keep going to the community college. You’re too smart for this place Eva.
Oh
,
and the guitar. Your daddy told me he came home to you playing the other day. I’m so proud of you.” I followed Elaine into the house but I didn’t fee
l like talking about any of thos
e things. I wanted to go hide in my room and cry. If wanting to be with Cage was so bad
,
why did it hurt to be told it was wrong? He was the reason I was moving on. Didn’t that count for something?

Cage

             
I’d sent Eva two text
s
and called her once. She still hadn’t responded
. The invisible fairy was back
but she wasn’t bringing the extra treats like the chocolate cake or strawberry pie. All I got was a thermos of water and an ice towel. Something was fucked up.

             
I couldn’t go looking for her and demand she talk to me. Her dad would have my ass thrown off the property. I’d lose my scholarship and I wouldn’t have Eva.
W
hat the hell could
I do? She wouldn’t talk to me.
Our last conversation had been when she’d brought me the chocolate cake. The only thing that I could come up with was something had come up with the lady that came by and she was busy with that. Even still
why the fuck wouldn’t she answer my text
s
?

             
I needed to go talk to
Wilson
anyway. Low
could
come get me tonight
as ea
sily as tomorrow for my day off
. I didn’t do anything between now and tomorrow morning. As much as I didn’t want to leave with Eva giving me the silent treatment
,
staying here would just drive me crazy. I pulled a clean shirt on
then
picked up my bag and threw a few things in it.

             
W
ilson
should be inside by this time. Maybe Eva would answer the door. I’d be able to see her face even if we couldn’t talk.

             
I headed up to the house.

             
The lights were all on which was odd. Even the outside floodlights were illuminating the yard.
The driveway was also full. Were they having a party?

             
I paused at the door as laughter and several voices drifted outside.

             
The door swung open and Jeremy stood smiling at me. “Hey, man. What’s up?”

             
“I need to talk to W
ilson
,” I explained
,
looking past
Jeremy
for any sign of Eva.

             
“Come on in. He’s at the table with the family.”

             
T
he family? Whose
family?

             
Jeremy led me inside and down a small foyer.
I couldn’t help but pause several time
s
to study
picture
s
on the wall of Eva when she was younger. She’d been beautiful her entire life. Pigtails had also been her favorite hairstyle for a really long time
.

             
“She was ten in that one. Just gotten braces and
was
really upset about it. Her dad couldn’t get her to smile so he called over to the house and got
me and Josh to come over
. When we got there Eva was perched up on top of that swing with unshed tears in her eyes and an angry scowl on her face. Josh stood behind the photographe
r and started telling her knock-
knock jokes and making funny faces.”

             
Her head was tilted to the side and she looked like she’d just finished giggling in the image. My heart tugged thinking about all the memories she had like this one reminding her daily of what she’d lost.

             
Jeremy started walking again and I followed him toward the large arched entryway where the sounds of voices and laughter were pouring out. Whoever was in there, they were having a really good time.

             
Jeremy stepped in in front of me, “Mom, Dad, Chad
,
this is Cage Y
ork. He’
s working for W
ilson
this summer. Cage
,
this is my family. Chad’s my cousin from Louisiana I told you about that I’m going to be rooming with.”

             
I hadn’t expected a full introduction. Apparently, neither had they.  I didn’t
focus on any one person.  W
hen my eyes swept over the table I recognized Jeremy’s mother as the lady
who
had come by the other day. Fear festered at what her arrival could have meant. She was Josh’s mother too. I didn’t like where my mind was going with that one. 

             
When
my gaze found
Eva
,
she wasn’t looking at me. Her head was down and she was fiddling
nervously
with her napkin
.
Fuck.

             
“Cage? Is there a problem?” W
ilson
asked.

             
I forced myself to look at W
ilson,
instead of his daughter.

             
“I didn’t mean to interrupt your dinner. I just needed to ask you if it was alright if my ride came and got me tonight?”

             
W
ilson
shrugged and nod
ded, “I don’t see why not. Sure
boy
,
go on. I’ll see you Monday morning.”

             
“Thanks,” I replied and
swung my eyes back
to
Eva. She still hadn’t lifted her head. I didn’t want to leave like this.  “It was uh, nice to meet y’all.” I didn’t wait for a response. I turned and made my way back to the door. I needed to get some fresh air and try real hard to get control of the panic settling in my chest.

             
The screen door slammed behind me but I didn’t flinch, I just kept walking. Reaching into my pocket
,
I texted Low to come on and get me tonight.

             
She
’d be at least an hour. Instead
of going back to the c
losed-
in space of my makeshift
bedroom
,
I headed down to sit in the swing under the
biggest
oak tree on the property. I rarely saw anyone out here. It was dark and I could stay hidden while I gathered my thoughts.

             
Josh’s mother had come for a visit and Eva hadn’t spoken to me since. What had been said? Had Eva seen her and realized what she was stepping do
wn from? Josh had the nice all-
A
meri
c
an family. I
,
on the other
hand
,
just had Low.  My momma hadn’t made me meals and washed my clothes. Hell, my momma hadn’t even taken me to the doctor when I was sick.
My half-sister and I hardly ever spoke. The last I heard she’d been busted
in a meth lab
with he
r latest boyfriend
and gone to prison.

Yeah, I had one fucking fantastic family to introduce Eva too. If she thought I wasn’t worthy now
,
without knowing all th
at messed up shit
,
then I didn’t stand a chance.

             
I dropped my head into my hands. Why had I let myself care? Why had I decided to
fucking
care about someone who wa
s so out of my damn reach? Girl
s like Eva didn’t want to keep me. They wanted to play with me for a
while and the
n
go find the boy their parents would approve of. I wasn’t the keeping kind. I’d learned at a young age that women didn’t keep me. When a guy’s
momma don’t
want him
,
why the fuck should anyone else? Something was wrong with me. Always had been. When I’d found Low
,
I’d held onto her and decided that since she was the only girl that wanted to keep m
e then she would be the one I s
pent forever with. I kne
w she’d never leave me. My fuck-
ups would never send her running away.
Then she’d found Marcus and he’d loved her
in
a way I never would. As much as I loved her I couldn’t love her the way it would take to be faithful.

             
Then came Eva. She’d shown me I could only want one woman and be damned happy about it.
Too bad tha
t just like the others she didn’t want to keep me. This time I hadn’t gotten rid of her before she could figure out I wasn’t worth keeping. I wanted too much. I
’d
hoped for too damn much.

             
Voices drifted across the lawn and I watched as Eva came walking out of the front door with Jeremy and his cousin. I could hear their laughter. The three of them walked out to Eva’s Jeep and the cousin opened her door and whispered something in her ear before helping her get inside. Pain sliced through me.

             
Jer
e
my climbed
in the back and his cousin sat in the passenger’s seat. Eva was going out. She was moving on. I had been a side distraction. 

             
My eyes stung and I hated the weakness tears represented. Fuck that. I wouldn’t cry. I
didn’t
cry. I also didn’t fucking beg. I knew what it felt like to beg someone to want you.
I’d been called a worthless piece of shit by my father
from the time I was five. Then again
by my mother when I was a teenager rebelling because of the life I’d been handed
.

             
I’d decided long ago if I was worthless then I didn’t have to live by anyone’s fucking rules. I’d make my own.

Eva

             
My phone chimed alerting me of a text message and I grabbed it praying it was Cage. 
He hadn’t come back yet and it was Tuesday. Daddy didn’t seem concerned and I was s
cared to ask him where Cage was.
I couldn’t show any interest in Cage.  But I needed to know where he was. He’d stopped texting me after Saturday night. He hadn’t called. I’d ignored him. I had to.  I was so confused.

             
The text was from Chad. He was driving me nuts. We’d gone out dancing Saturday night after Cage left. Daddy and Elaine had thought that was a wonderful idea when Jeremy suggested it. I had been stuck. Elaine’s hopeful expression as Chad pulled my chair out for me had been hard to miss. She had invited Chad because she was matchmaking.

             
Chad wanted to know what I was doing tonight. I wanted to know when he was going back to Louisiana so he would leave me alone. I typed that I wasn’t up for doing anything and left it at that.

             
Watching the barn for Cage to show up was making me anxious and nauseous every minute he didn’t come driving up. Had he quit?
Surely not.
He had his scholarship to deal with. I looked down at my phone and thought about texting him. I’d ignored his attempts at trying to contact me. Would he even respond?

             
I had to know.

             
Me:
Are you okay? Where are you?