Sea Breeze 03 While It Lasts (26 page)

             
I held my phone in my hands and waited.

             
The silence in the room was
deafening
. I could hear my heart beating. With each second that ticked by without a response my stomach twisted tighter into the coil it had been in since Elaine had told me how
disappointed
Josh would be in me. I didn’t want to disappoint Josh. I didn’t want to make a mistake. Cage had been a way for me to heal. He’d been fun and exciting. Nothing felt bad and wrong when we were together. I knew he would be gone soon. I hadn’t kidde
d myself into believing we had
anything long lasting.

             
After several minutes and no response I dropped my phone onto the bed and
lay
back on my pillow.
Was he going to leave my life just like that? No goodbye
,
just disappear?

             
A warm tear trickled down my cheek. For the first time in eighteen months my tears weren’t because of Josh Beasley.

             
             
             
~*~

             
I decided to go get Cage’s sheets and wash them. I could ask Daddy if he was coming back with the excuse that I needed to know if I should put the sheets back on once I cleaned them.

             
The barn door was open when I stepped outside Wednesday morning. Hope surged in my chest. I wanted to run
toward the barn but I couldn’t.
Daddy was around here somewhere.

             
Once I got close
,
I stopped and took a deep breath before I walked inside. If he was in there I had to explain things. I wasn’t sure yet what I was going to say.
Telling Cage that Josh’s mother didn’t approve of him wasn’t exactly a wise idea
. Cage didn’t seem like the kind of guy that would take to being told he was less than worthy with a shrug. If I wanted to get rid of him that would be a really good way to do it. And I definitely didn’t want to get rid of him.

             
Cage stalked out of the barn with a scowl on his face. He had a straw hat
tilted back on his head
and his shirt wasn’t yet soaked from sweat. He was gorgeous.

             
He halted when he saw me then his face turned hard and cold before he continued past me and threw the shovel and tool box into the back of the truck. I tried to speak but my words got stuck in my throat. I didn’t know how to talk to this Cage. The one with the cocky smile and sexy swagger was gone.

             
He sta
lked back by me and
headed back into the barn.
I was frozen. What did I say? Would he yell at me if I tried to explain? Did he even care? Had I been written off where he was concerned? Oh
,
god.
Was I now just one of the many he’d toss away and forget?

             
He came back out of the barn with his hands full of feed and a can of motor oil. His eyes didn’t even flicker past me. I really did feel invisible
,
now.

             
Once he threw the things in his truck he headed for the driver’s side door and jerked it open. He was going to drive off. I had to say something.

             
“Cage?” I croaked out.

             
The only reason I knew he heard me was
that
his shoulders tensed but he didn’t look back and respond.

             
“Cage, please,” I begged
,
hoping that would at least get him to look at me.

             
His grip on the door was so tight his knuckles were white.

             
“Don’t,” he replied in a flat emotionless voice before sliding inside and slamming the door behind him.

             
He pulled out and headed south without once making eye contact with me. My chest felt like it was going to burst. I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream. I wanted to run after him and demand he talk to me.

             
This is what it
feels
like to care about someone who doesn’t feel the same.

             
I’d only known how it felt to love someone who loved me just as
fiercely
. I’d never known rejection. I’d never wanted someone who didn’t want me. The longing didn’t go away with rejection.

             
Numbly
,
I went inside the barn and headed back to his room. I would still wash his sheets and towels. He needed clean things.

             
I opened the door to his room
.
T
he mattress was bare and
a set of clean sheets were
stacked on top. Beside them sat a stack of clean folded towels and
washcloths
. He’d taken his things to Low. She’d
washed
them for him.

             
The sorrow only grew. She’d never have to feel the ache from Cage’s rejection. He loved her. He always would. Just like Josh had loved me without question. It had been unconditional. I hated Willow because
she had something I never would:
Cage York’s unconditional love. Did anyone else have that? I knew they didn’t. He never spoke of family. Low was his family. She was all that mattered to him. What
must
that
feel like?
I picked up his towels and put them on the small shelf beside the shower. Then I went about making up his bed for him. I hadn’t been able to clean his sheets for him but at least I could do something. I wanted to do something for him.
Even if he no longer wanted me.

Cage

             
She’d made my bed. Dammit.  Why was she doing this? I worked hard to wash my head of her and flush her out of my system for three very long days.
A lot of whiskey and women.
It hadn’t worked. The only way I’d been able to perform was to close my eyes and pretend it was Eva. Calling out her name hadn
’t gone over well with the girl
s who had been sober enough to realize I wasn’t mentally with them.

             
The corner of my quilt was pulled back for me and a plate of f
ood sat on the table beside it covered in foil to keep it warm. I just had to make it until Saturday night. Then I’d be gone again for three full days. Coach had decided I needed to start working out with the team Sunday through Tuesday. I was just supposed to work here Wednesday through Saturday now. W
ilson
had given Coach Mack a good report and I was being rewarded for good behavior.

             
When
Eva had
pleaded with me earlier I’d almost cracked. The only thing that kept me from turning back to look at her had been the image of her with the other guy. She’d let him touch her and help her into the Jeep. He hadn’t been snubbed. He was good enough. I couldn’t do this with her. Being someone’s dirty little secret hadn’t bothered me until now. I didn’t want to be Eva’s secret. Things had been different with her. I’d felt something. It had been re
al. It had been more.
So much more.

             
I took the foil off the plate and the smell from the meatloaf and corn hit me. I was ravenous. The image of Eva fixing my plate and carefully wrapping it and bringing it out here to me tugged at my chest. Damned if this wasn’t going to be hard.
Luckily,
I’d le
arned at an early age that self-
preservation was the only way to survive with your soul intact.

             
Or maybe I’d lost my soul already. I doubted God let someone like me keep any gift from him. It was highly likely I’d been born without one.

             
             
             
             
~*~

             
The lake water was getting warmer with each smoldering hot day. It wa
s still cooler than the hundred-
degree heat that had gotten so thick it made it hard to take deep breaths. I ducked my head under the surface and soaked my hair
,
slicking it back off my face.

             
The sound of a car door slamming caught my attention as I surfaced. I spun around in the water to see Eva walking toward me. Shit. What was she doing now? I’d done everything I could think of to make her leave me the hell alone. Her long brown hair was flying free down her back and her flat tanned stomach was bare. The
little red halter-
top she was wearing wi
th them damn cut off shorts sent
my blood pumping.

             
I should turn my head away and ignore her but she was so damn beautiful it was hard. I
hadn’t allowed myself to
stare at her in over a week. She stopped at the bank and started pulling her halter top off. What the fuck? A red lacy bra was covering up her tits and although I should be relieved
,
it wasn’t any better than the bare things. It was fucking sexy as hell. When her hands went to the snap on her shorts I opened my mouth to stop her but she began shimming out of them
.
A
pair of matching red lace panties with very little coverage caused me to get choked on my tongue.

             
“You are going to talk to me,” she demanded
,
stepping into the water. I wanted to argue with her but she was walking into the water with red fucking undies on. I couldn’t form words.

             
“Where were you?” s
he asked as she closed the space between us.

             
I couldn’t forget. I couldn’t break. She had the power to break me. No one had ever been given that power, ever.  Eva could do it. If I let her in any further she could completely destroy me. I was weak where she was concerned. I couldn’t be weak. She’d rejected me already. Why was she so damned determined to talk to me now? I didn’t get rejected. I was the one who rejected. I didn’t give someone a chance to decide I wasn’t good enough.

             
“I don’t reckon that’s your fucking business
,
now is it
, sweetheart?
” I drawled in a bored tone.

             
She stiffened and stopped her
approach.
Good. If
she got too close I was going to
grab her and forget all about how she didn’t think I was good enough for her. She was ashamed of me. I held on to that thought as her
plump tits played peek-a-boo with the water. Teasing me.

             
“Why are you being this way?” she asked.  The hurt in her voice put a crack in my wall. I had to get away from her before I made a mistake.

             
“I’m just being me.”

             
She frowned, “This isn’t you. You’re not cold and mean.”

             
I clenched my hands into fist
s
under the water to keep from reaching out and pulling her sweet little body up
against
mine and getting one more taste of her.
One more memory to keep with me when I left.
  She’d rejected me. She would only do it again.

             
“What
ya
want, baby? You want me to take care of that hot body you’re out her
e
advertising?
‘
Cause I don’t mind making it feel good. You can come all over my finger
s or are you ready for me to bu
ry myself inside you now? You want to know what it’s like to fuck a bad boy? It’s pretty damn good
or so
I’ve been told. I
always have ‘
em
keep coming back for more.”

             
“Cage don’t do this,” she choked out.

             
“Don’t do what? Tell you the truth about me? You had me figured out all along. It’s why you want to keep me your dirty little secret. I’m used to that, Eva. I’ve been
lots
of women’s
wild
thrill.”

             
“Stop it, that isn’t who you are.”

             
I took a step toward her and my heart hammered against my chest painfully.
The tears that filled her eyes were all I could handle. I hated myself as the ugl
y shit poured out of my mouth.  “Yeah
,
baby
,
it is. But don’t you worry. I’ll be fine.
I got rejected by you
and more came running.
S
everal
hot little sorority
girls
made me feel all better this weekend.”