Sea Breeze 03 While It Lasts (30 page)

             
Had Eva seen him? Was she okay? Why hadn’t she called or texted me to warn me?

             
“You will pack your bags and walk out to that little car of yours and drive away. You won’t tell her bye. You won’t even look her way. If you
so
much as blink an eye in her direction I will make sure you lose everything. I know all about your situation. You
want a future then you can’t l
ose your education. If you want to keep it then you’ll walk. Don’t kid yourself boy, if you think you can choose my daughter instead
,
you’ll never have her. I’ll go get that gun and I’ll put an end to it that way. You hear me?”

             
He wanted me to walk away from her? How the fuck was I supposed to walk away
from her? I couldn’t leave her.

             
“I won’t leave her.”

             
“The hell you w
on’t
. You won’t ever have her. I can pick up the phone right now and take away your world.”

             
Baseball was the only way that I would get a college education. I wouldn’t have another chance. I’d be working in a bar somewhere making
minimum
wage and tips for the rest of my life. Eva deserved more than that. She deserved a man who could take care of her.
But
fuck
if I was just going to leave her. I couldn’t do that. I may not be good enough for her but I was
gonna
damn well try my hardest to become worthy.

             
“I can’t hurt her and I will
not
leave her.
”

             
“You already did
hurt her,
boy. You already did. She was unstable and you took advantage of that. Eva won’t ever marry someone like you. She loved Josh Beasley. She adored him. She will never be happy until she finds another Josh.
W
e both kno
w you
ain’t
ever
gonna
meet tho
se standards. You are just a way for Eva to act out. You don’t mean anything to her
,
boy. Now pack up and go before I change my mind.”

             
W
ilson
slammed the door on his way out.

             
I sank down on the bed and dropped my head into my hands.
MARRY???
  Fuck, what did he mean by marry? I couldn’t get married. Eva would never think of me that way. I wasn’t the kind of guy a girl like her married.
He was right. I was Eva’s side thrill. She’d never said she loved me. She’d never said anything about forever. I would never measure up to Josh and Eva wanted another Josh. She deserved another Josh.
When Eva decided to get married she’d go looking for someone without a fucked up past and a criminal record.

             
Last night I’d made love to
a
woman for the first and last time. It had been amazing and I had a memory that would shape the rest of my life. Eva got her taste of the wild side. She’d move on soon enough. It wasn’t
as though
I was breaking her heart.
But damn
if I wasn’t ripping mine out of my chest.

             
With my duffel bag packed up
,
I headed out for my car. I didn’t look anywhere but straight ahead. I wouldn’t be able to leave if I saw her. She may not love me but I loved her
so damn much it wouldn’t matter. The closer I got to my car
without her calling
out my name
the more
I felt something inside me die.

             
Opening the car door
,
I threw my duffel inside and pulled out of the drive for the last time. Leaving my heart behind.

Eva

             
Where was he? After I
’d gotten a shower
,
I’d taken
extra special care in fixing my makeup and picking out an outfit that would make Cage crazy
,
I went downstairs to fix him a snack.

             
His car was gone. I walked outside and looked around for it. My heart started racing as fear settled in. Had something happened? Was he okay? Did he get in trouble for driving last night? I ran down to the barn and into his back room. It was empty. No sign that Cage had ever been
there
.

             
I turned around and found my daddy standing at the door.

             
“What
’re
you doing Eva?”

             
I didn’t care anymore. Daddy could get over it. I was twenty years old. “I’m looking for Cage,” I replied
,
daring him to ask me why.

             
“He left.”
             
My heart stopped.

             
“
What do you mean?” Had he needed to take his car back? Did he have a practice?

             
“Mack wanted him back. Said he’d done his sentence and he could come on back home. He ran outta here like he couldn’t wait to get away.”

             
No. No. Cage wouldn’t just run off. He wouldn’t go without telling me when he’d see me again. My phone. Had he called my phone?
             
I pushed past Daddy and ran for the house. I had to get my phone. I’d left it to charge in my room. Maybe it had been on silent and I’d missed his call. That had to be it because Cage would not leave me. Not after last night. He wouldn’t.
The last time when he’d worn the condom and come inside me he’d said he loved me.

             
He wouldn’t leave me. 

             
There were no calls on my phone. No text messages. Nothing.

             
Cage had left without a word.

             
Why? What had I done wrong? Had it all been just sex for him? Were all those sweet words something he told every girl when he had sex?
God
,
no.
I dropped my phone on the floor and let the pain assail me. I’d given my heart away to someone who didn’t want it. Even knowing that
,
I didn’t regret it.
I just wanted him to want me.
I just wanted him to love me too.

    
             
             
             
~*~

             
I took my guitar and headed for the barn. It was my daily routine. Daddy was bothered by it but I told him to leave me alone and let me handle this the way I wanted to.  I wasn’t innocent and full of dreams and fantasies anymore. All of that died with Josh. I understood that pain was real and sometimes things didn’t last. Sometimes you just had to enjoy it while it lasts and cherish it when
it’s
gone.

             
Opening the door to Cage’s room
,
I sat down on the bed and sat my guitar in my lap.
I’d hid from my music when I’d lost Josh. I needed it now.  There was so much I needed to express and this was the only way I knew how. I opened the new notebook I’d bought and the words I’d been working on covered the first page. I began playing the tune that I heard in my head and jotting down ones that worked better.

             
My time with Cage wasn’t something I ever wanted to forget. I wanted every emotion written down. The way it felt falling in love. Losing
yourself
to someone. Those were moments that I would always hold close.

             
Josh had always been in my life. I don’t remember actually falling in love with him. I just always loved him. He was secure. He was there for me and I knew it. We were a
part of each other.

             
Cage was so different. He’d shown me how it
felt
to want,
to need
, to surrender, to lose myself. He encouraged me to let go of my insecurities and be myself. Cage was free and wild. He was like a beautiful bird you could never own.

             
The words flowed out of me and I ignored the tears that streaked down my face.

Cage

             
“You won’t come to the party so I brought the party to you,” Preston called out as he walked into my apartment. Four giggling females followed him in
side
.
Shit
.

             
I slammed my beer down on the counter and glared at him from across the bar. “I told you I wasn’t interested.”

             
Presto
n had his arm around a redhead
and reached over and to grab
her tits. “But look at these be
auties.” He winked at me. “They’re
nau
g
hty little sorority girls. Our favorite kind.”

             
This was sick. I shoved off from the bar and pointed to the door. “Take
them somewhere else Preston. I’
m not in the mood.”

             
A blonde sauntered over to me and pressed her massive fake tits against my arm. “
Awww
,
don’t
be
so mean. I can make you feel so much better.” When her hand ran over my uninterested cock and squeezed I snapped.

             
“Get them the FUCK out of my apartment. Now.”

             
“Damn Cage. You’
re no fun at all anymore.”

             
I didn’t wait for him to take them out. I stalked back to my room and slammed the door then locked it. I’d met girls like those before. They didn’t take no for an answer.

             
“Can I at least use the guest bedroom? I can take care of all four by myself!” Preston called out.

             
“NO!”

             
I heard grumbling as they left. Once the
door closed behind them I lay
back on my bed and closed my eyes.

             
Eva. God
,
I missed her so much. I went to sleep thinking about her and
woke up every morning with the
reality that I’d never hold her again.

             
Did she think I just left her? Did she think I got what I wanted and left?
She’d given me her virginity and I just left. Fuck. How was I going to live the rest of my life knowing she thought I just left her?
She hadn’t called or texted me. Maybe she was relieved. Maybe in the light of day she realized she’d made a mistake. I’d told her I loved her. I hadn’t been able to hold it in. Other than Low
,
I’d never told anyone I loved
them
. 

             
I reached for my phone. I know W
ilson
told me not to contact her but I had to make sure she was okay.

             
Me: I’m sorry. I had to leave. I just want to make sure you’re okay.

             
I doubted she’d reply. But I had to try.

             
Eva: I’m sorry too.

             
What did that mean? She was sorry I left? She was sorry her dad gave me no choice? She was sorry she had sex with me?

             
Me: What are you sorry for?

             
Eva: Everything. 

             
I let my phone fall to the bed and I closed my eyes against the pain. 

             
             
             
             
~*~

             
“Come out of that room and get your butt in here,” Low called from my living room.  I really needed to hide the extra key in a better spot.

             
Rolling
over in bed
,
I stood up and dragged
myself into the kitchen.

             
“
What’re you doing here, Low?”