Seal All Exits (Tangled Web #3) (17 page)

Even Heather, he couldn’t be angry
at
her.  She had a look of defiance on her face, one he’d never seen, and that told him all he needed to say.  “Heather, I know you have a self-destructive streak.  I know you’re taking your hate for your father out on yourself, but you’ve got to let it go.”  He swallowed, because he felt like he was going to throw up, and of all fucking times.  He shook his head.  “You’re pushing me away because you know I can see through you.  You’re afraid of what you feel and you’re afraid of what
I
feel, but I’m asking you to trust me and take that journey with me.  Just do it.”  He blinked and swallowed again.  At least Mickey had had the decency to pause once more in his proceedings, and Kiefer could tell by the look on his face that his friend wasn’t quite sure what to believe.  He’d let Mickey finish what he’d started and then deal with the situation later, but he felt better having called Heather on her self-loathing bullshit.

“Anyway, I’ll leave you two to your business.  Just…find me later, Heather.”

He turned and left the garage, and—even though he knew he’d survive and he’d forgive her this indiscretion—he felt once more cold and alone…and questioned if he could spend the rest of his life this way, because he didn’t know that he could take it.

Chapter Nineteen

OH.  IT WAS something Heather knew she had to do…but she just
couldn’t
.  Not when she saw the look on Kiefer’s face.

More than that, though, had been his words.  Holy shit. 
Really?
  He was going to let her finish what she’d started here and
then
talk to her?

Mickey had cooled off and had put a little distance between them.  “The fuck was that all about?  You tryin’ to play me against my brother?”

Heather closed her eyes and shook her head.  “No.  I was…trying to prove something to myself.”

“Honey, you got a nice body and a cute personality, but I’m not tappin’ something that belongs to my bro.  Not gonna happen, no matter what.”

That had been the plan, but she couldn’t do it now, either.  She couldn’t hurt Kiefer, even if it had seemed like the best plan.  The problem, though?  He’d acted at first like he could work through it anyway, but…the last look he’d had on his face—he’d seemed forlorn, ready to give up, defeated, and—she needed to talk to him.  Now.

“No, you’re right.  Sorry to get you worked up.  I gotta go.”

“Whatever.”  Heather frowned at him and buttoned her blouse back up.  This guy was a little too rough around the edges for her anyway.  Although that might have made him a nice fuck partner, it would have been a temporary fix at best—like her quick sexual encounters had always been.  She didn’t need hollow.  She had to get rid of the empty bullshit, the meaningless stuff that made her feel great for an hour or a night but ultimately just contributed to her deep-seated negative feelings.  Her therapist had warned her about that and why she needed to leave it behind her.

She had the tools.  She’d practiced using them so many times before, but—like an addict—she’d find a way to talk herself back into the bad behavior for the temporary rewards.  She had to find a way to give it up, leave it behind for Kiefer.  And if he was no longer able to offer more like he had earlier, she had to—at the very least—apologize and ask if they could continue their friendship.

She left the garage.  Where would he have gone?  She started walking quickly.  She needed to talk to him now.  She was afraid that, the more time that passed, the less likely he would be to forgive her for being so damn stupid.

As she made her way through the front part of the house, she looked back on the deck.  No Kiefer.  She stopped by the kitchen and asked Katie if she’d seen him.

Katie turned from the stove.  “Um, a while ago…and, uh…”

“I need to find him.  Now.  Do you know where he is?”

“No, but—”

“Katie, my love, I can tell you want to tell me something, and you can later, but I need to find Kiefer first.”

“I—”

Heather left her friend.  Katie had looked guilty, but Heather knew that nothing Katie could have said would have changed what Heather was going to do.  She needed to talk to him, and she could find her friend later to smooth whatever she was agonizing over.

She could feel tears streaming down her face as she raced down the hall.  She ran to her room and flung the door open.  “Kiefer?”  No answer.  She bolted from the room, not bothering to shut the door, and continued down the hall.  She started calling his name.  “Kiefer?  Where are you?”  She didn’t know which room was his, but she knew no one else was in the house, because she’d seen them on the deck.  She knocked on all the bedroom doors as she made her way down the hall, continuing to call his name, but nothing.  She passed by all the other mysterious rooms until she came to the pool.  He wouldn’t be in there, would he?  But she opened the door anyway.

The sun was behind the mountain now, but it wasn’t dark outside yet, and the dim light flooded the room.  And there he was, his legs hanging over the edge of the pool where he was dipping his feet in, the bottom part of his jeans wet.  He was holding a notebook, just staring at the page.  “Kiefer!”

He looked up but said nothing.  He looked unbelievably sad.  She ran to him.  She could hear one of her nannies’ voices in her head, warning her to not run by the pool at their house when she was growing up, but she knew her family hadn’t cared if she’d fallen.  No, they would have cared that they would have had to take time out of their day to have her wounds cared for.  But Kiefer was different…and Kiefer’s heart was more important than any damage she could inflict on her body.

She reached him and got down on her knees, taking his face in her hands.  “Oh, Kiefer.  I’m so sorry.  I—we—Mickey and me…we didn’t actually do anything.”

“What was that then?”

“Well…I
was
going to…I wanted to—”  God, she couldn’t even say it.  She’d been such a shit.

He nodded.  “You were trying to hurt me, trying to push me away.”

“Yeah.”

“But you guys didn’t?”

“No.  I think Mickey hates me now…”

Kiefer shrugged.  “He’ll get over it.”

“I just—I…”  The tears were streaming then, but she had to say it.  “Yeah, I was trying to push you away because I don’t deserve you.  I don’t deserve love, and you deserve better.”

“Bullshit, Heather.  You deserve to be happy, just like anybody else on this planet.  And I know you…and I love you, and if you promise to fight your—addiction or whatever it is, I promise to stand by you.”

That was it.  The tears were uncontrollable.  That this man—this incredibly sensitive and sweet soul—was willing to help her climb the insurmountable mountain of her madness beside her told her everything she’d ever felt for and about him was true.  She could trust him.  She’d never felt like any man was worthy of her trust before but Kiefer…he was gold.  He could be her everything, and that was what she wanted and needed.  She tried to talk but the words wouldn’t come out between her sobs.  He knew, though.  He pulled her close and held her as the tears fell, until she was swiping at her cheeks.  Then she felt his hand underneath her chin, urging her face up to his, and when she looked up, he kissed her, a sweet kiss that hooked her soul and reinforced the knowledge that her heart belonged to him.

Then she was able to spit out the words.  “I love you, Kiefer.”

He smiled.  “I know.”

She laughed then, in spite of what a wreck she felt like, and the endorphins flooding through her body felt good.  “How Han Solo of you.”

He laughed then too and held the notebook up so she could see it.  “Katie gave me this.”

Heather blinked. 
Oh.
  It was her poem from in the library.  “How?  When?”  The words stopped again.

“I found her after you left your room and then she said she knew who the poem was about.  We had a long talk about you, and I’m sorry I did that behind your back, but Katie said she knew you had struggled with some things for a long time but she didn’t know what they were or that they were so bad.  And she said, when I came to her, she knew then that the poem you had written was about me and that I needed to see it.  After that, she felt really bad that she’d shared it with me.”

“But?”

“You really think I could read that poem and not know that you feel the same way about me that I do about you?  ‘I want to find a way/ for you to fit in my life.’  I think that pretty much tells me all I need to know.”

She felt a warm feeling flood through her body.  “Okay, so we try…but what if I fail?”

“Why do you think you will?”

“Because I’m so weak.”  The tears started spilling again.

“Weak?  Are you kidding me?”  She leaned her forehead into his chest and let the sobs continue.  “Heather, you’re one of the strongest women I know.  To become who you have and not lose who you are inside…to continue to be so sweet in spite of what you’ve been up against—that’s strength.”

His words just made her cry all the more.  She stayed in his arms until she had cried herself out and then said, “So what now?”

He smiled.  “I say we take it slow, day by day.  We ease into it.  You make sure you’re comfortable with it all.”

There was no question.  When she’d arrived at Katie’s and discovered Kiefer was the guy she’d been intensely attracted to at the bar—but Kiefer had been her best friend online for years already—she’d drawn a line.  She didn’t want more—or so she’d thought.  But she was finding that Kiefer had a way of making her see that he was worth the effort, worth her time, and his presence amplified the hollowness that had been her life before.  She no longer wanted to go back to the way it was.  There was one issue, though, and she didn’t know where Kiefer stood.  “I don’t need to ease into it.  This week took care of that for me.  But I need to know that this will work for
you
, Kiefer.  I mean…you now know my secrets.  You’ve seen what I’m capable of.  Can you even trust me?”

Kiefer beamed at her, his light a beacon in her world of darkness.  “We
all
have flaws and scars, Heather.  I love you enough to want to help you past them—just like you’ve done for me.  I don’t think you realize how you’ve changed my life.  I hadn’t felt anything deep or lasting for anyone since my grandpa.  I’d learned to just take people at face value and not expect shit from them.  I lived day to day and never expected anything more.  And you’d think fame would help, but that just made it worse.  You’re surrounded by fake people, people of no substance, people who just want to use you for who you are, and it makes you feel worse.  It makes you feel alone.

“And that’s the difference.  I don’t feel alone when I’m with you.  I feel whole…and that’s why I don’t want to lose you.”

Heather blinked.  She felt the same way—that Kiefer somehow completed her.  Another tear dashed down her cheek and then fell onto her breast but she wasn’t paying attention to it.  Her eyes, her mind, her thoughts, and her heart were all focused on the man holding her, the man who promised that life from here on out was going to be very different from all that had come before.  She nodded and touched his cheek.  “I’m just afraid—”

Kiefer touched his finger to her lips.  “No way.  It’s you and me.  There’s no room for fear.  You got problems, yeah, but have you ever had anyone beside you to help you through them?”

The buoyancy this man made her feel—like she was light, able to scale any wall, like nothing was insurmountable—told her everything she needed to know.  “No.”  Could she do it with someone by her side?  “But I’d like to give it a try.”

“That’s all I needed to know.”  With that, Kiefer kissed Heather with a passion, fire, and love to rival the ages…and somehow she knew she really would have the strength to conquer the world as long as he held her hand through it.

A Note from Jade

Hello, friends!

So...you know I like realism.  Heather and Kiefer not recognizing each other at the beginning of the story is something I struggled with, and one of my beta readers also had an issue with it.  I discussed it at length with several of my betas and tried to "beef up" the hows and whys, but I wanted to write this little note to say that I realize some of you will still take issue with it.  For that, I'm sorry.

Bottom line, though--it was the way the story began in my head.  There was no moving forward for me without that first scene.  It lets you know of Heather's problems right off the bat without giving you the details you get later.

I hope most (if not all) of you love the story as it is and, if not, I hope you love it in spite of it. 

--Jade, November 2014

Other books by Jade C. Jamison:

The Tangled Web Series

Tangled Web

Katie Logan has had a secret crush on her best friend Johnny Church since high school, but he’s never looked at her the same way. So when Johnny—now a famous rock-and-roll guitarist—comes home to visit, Katie can’t bring herself to tell him she’s engaged to be married. She should have, though, because she soon discovers that maybe the attraction is mutual…

Everything But

High school English teacher Erin Lancaster is stuck with the unwelcome job of filling in for the injured cheerleading coach, but she wants to back out when she discovers she has to be auctioned as a date during the annual spring fundraiser. She’s horrified to find her rock star crush Riley Schultz, former frontman of Spawn, will be playing emcee for the event, but she’s even more shocked that he also happens to be the highest bidder for her affections, and sparks fly when she discovers that maybe their attraction is mutual.

Riley’s been in the music business long enough to know that true love is not in the cards for him, but the cute blonde he’s dropped a wad of cash on would be a welcome distraction during his vacation. He has no idea there’s more to her than meets the eye.

Will one week together be enough for them to quell the flames, to enjoy everything but?

Punctured, Bruised, and Barely Tattooed

Companion Novel

Kory McCallister has had her eyes on tattoo artist Stone Bowman for quite some time—so long, in fact, that no other guy will do.  Stone pushes every turn-on button Kory has—he’s tattooed from head to toe; he’s hot; he’s funny and charming; and he’s also mysterious. So when Kory’s friends dare her to ask Stone out on a date, she can’t believe she actually finds the guts to do it.
More surprising?  He takes her up on the offer.
She discovers that, while his past might not be quite as dark or mysterious as she’d imagined, it’s bigger than she’d expected, and it’s something she will need to contend with if she decides she wants to keep him around to color her life for good.

Other reads:

Bullet:

An Epic Rock Star Novel

What if you discover the man you want is toxic?

She’d tasted a little bit of heaven with him, and now they’ve gone through hell and back, but can their relationship take anymore?

Valerie Quinn is a naïve college freshman when she meets on-the-rise rock star Ethan Richards.  He’s an idealistic, handsome, reckless young man, but he’s captured her heart.  She doesn’t give up on him and eventually his walls crumble down.  By the time Valerie has given herself to him completely, she discovers he’s damaged and may be beyond help.  Can she save Ethan and their relationship before he implodes, or will he self-destruct and take her with him?

Then Kiss Me

Casey Williams has left a loveless marriage and is trying to rebuild her life. She finds that, even though you can never go home again, you can find lust again, and she finds a love interest in Scott, her coworker. She also discovers his secret, that he’s a drummer for a heavy metal band, and falls hard for him…just in time to find that, between his questionable friends and psychotic maybe-ex-girlfriend, he might not be the right guy for her. But her heart beats like a drum for him, and she finds herself willing to play with fire to get closer.

Quickies

Sexy Short Stories and Other Stuff

Quickies is a collection of miscellaneous words that really don’t fit elsewhere and certainly can't stand alone. A mixture of poetry, short stories, and bite-sized nuggets, Quickies is full of small stuff that won't consume an entire day of your life but that you'll enjoy just the same. Stories like “Drawn to Him” and “Dancing on Air” are hot and sexy...and fun. And there’s also a bonus for fans of Jade's book Bullet—all the stories she wrote for fun for blogs (as well as one deleted scene) are also collected in Quickies. So enjoy Quickies...because sometimes you want it slow and steamy, but other times you want it super-hot, nasty...and quick!

The Nicki Sosebee Series

The character Nicki developed out of Jade’s need to read a strong heroine, and do we mean strong! Nicki has a sailor mouth and can keep up in that department with her rough-and-tough best friend, Sean Ramsey. And don’t get her started talking about sexual freedom. She’s all about it. Granted, it stemmed from a lost opportunity at love (with said best friend), but she appreciates sex as much as any man ever thought of.  She’s still finding her way through life too, but she’s figuring it out.

Got the Life (Nicki Sosebee #1)

Nicki Sosebee wants her first headline, but she doesn’t want it to read “Reporter found dead.”

Nicki Sosebee has been working low-paying jobs ever since she finished school, but now that she’s older, she wants more. She’s a novice reporter trying to learn the ropes. Just as she’s getting her career goals on track, though, her love life gets worse and worse. Sure, she has no problems picking up good-looking guys for brief flings, but relationships? Out of the question. Maybe it’s because Sean, her gorgeous best friend, just can’t see her as more than a buddy. So when Sean encourages her as she pursues her first headline-producing story, Nicki realizes that her life’s pretty sweet…if only she can live long enough to see tomorrow’s front page.

Finger Bang

Orgasmic Meditation?  Therapeutic?!  Kaylee Baker is horrified when her girlfriends suggest a trip to artsy Boulder, Colorado, to check out the latest craze.  What her friends don’t know about Kaylee is that she is a little repressed, bordering on frigid, and the idea of a complete stranger bringing her to orgasm—therapeutic or not—is horrifying.

Blaze Donahue has admired Kaylee from afar for quite some time, and part of the reason he’s kept his distance is because he’s had no indication that she might even be interested.  But when he’s given the opportunity to offer her his own version of OM with no strings attached, he makes an offer she has a hard time refusing.

When there are undeniable sparks between the two, Kaylee runs, afraid of the overwhelming feelings she has for this gorgeous, sensitive guy.  Blaze feels compelled to convince her otherwise but wonders if he’ll be able to crack through the ice surrounding this sweet girl.  Can they find true love or will it just be a one-time O?

And more!  Jade just won’t shut up!