SEAL'd Perfection The Complete Collection: A Navy SEAL Romance (26 page)

I gave myself a minute to breath, collecting myself, before going into the living room to join Jax in whatever new game he’d made up in the last five minutes. I needed to put away all the drama and focus on enjoying the time with my son, especially since there was so little of it anymore.

Jax and Mickey had made short work of ripping off the cushions from the couch and chair, turning them end to end on the floor to make a wall. I laughed and squat down beside him. “What’s all this?” I asked, ruffling his hair.

“It’s a castle!” He squealed, obviously delighted with his achievement. His proud voice and puffed out chest melted away the rest of my anxiety and enabled me to shift into playtime mode with Jax as we spent the rest of the afternoon playing princess and dragon in the living room.

It wasn’t until dinner time that the happy bubble that had formed to insulate my heart, took a hit. I set down a plate of chicken fingers for Jax, and was about to fix a plate for myself, when I heard Jax’s little voice asking me a question. I poked my head around the corner. “What did you say, sweetheart?”

“Where’s my friend?” He repeated, his little hands up in the air, as though pointing to the empty chairs on either side of his.

I knew who he was talking about without even asking, but for whatever reason, couldn’t help from asking, “Who?”

“Friend Jace!” He shouted.

He hadn’t asked about Jace in a while, and as I studied his puzzled expression, wondered what had made him think to ask about him, when I saw the leather jacket hanging on the opposite chair from his. Jace had left it behind the morning he left. I’d kept it in the bedroom for the first few weeks, finding comfort in the scent of it, but had moved it to the back of the dining chair a few days earlier in an effort to stop thinking about him so much.

Not that it had worked. No, not even close.

“Jace is on a special trip,” I told Jax, setting my own plate on the table and sitting down into the chair next to the one Jax was in that had his booster seat attached to it. I glanced at Jace’s jacket on the back of the other chair and for a moment found it hard to breath, my every fiber constricting with want, wishing he was just down the hall washing up to join us for the meal.

“Can we go too, mama?” Jax asked.

“Not right now, sweetheart. Come on, let’s eat before our chicken gets cold.” I led by example, dredging the crispy piece of chicken through the ketchup on my plate, and nibbling the edge, even though my appetite was non-existent.

Luckily, Jax followed along, digging into his own food and didn’t ask about Jace for the rest of the night.

That night, when I went to bed, I took Jace’s jacket with me.

The only thing worse than being torn away from Kat, was the swift realization that it had potentially all been for nothing. After a week of prepping for the mission, the rest of my team and I’d been sent to wait for further orders aboard a Naval Aircraft Carrier off the coast of Africa.

And waited was all we’d fucking done.

Each day that dragged on left me more and more agitated. The government was trying to continue negotiations, and after several false starts, where we’d been suited up, ready for the green light, the terrorist group holding the hostages was still dragging out their demands. The only good thing was that, so far, none of the hostages—an assortment of journalists and humanitarians who had been in the wrong place at the wrong time—had been harmed.

“Winslow, for fuck’s sake, sit down. You look like a fuckin’ tiger about to rip off someone’s face,” Senior Chief Petty Officer Gerard snapped in my direction.

“All due respect, sir, but that’s pretty much how I feel. What the hell are we even doing here?” I asked, whirling around on the heel of my boot to stalk in the other direction. Our quarters were pretty tight and if I had to pick an image for the way I was feeling, a caged tiger was spot on. “These suits act like they need us, but then, once they drag us out here, ground us and won’t let us go in and do our job!”

Senior Chief Gerard just looked at me, his expression unchanged. “Sit. Down.”

I sank onto the nearest bunk but held his gaze, waiting for an answer.

“This isn’t my first rodeo, and it isn’t yours either. What the hell’s got you so jacked right now?”

Before I could answer, my buddy, Petty Officer Kyle Brown waltzed into the room. Kyle was a cool guy, but the way he strutted around, like he’d just won Homecoming King annoyed the piss outta me. In that moment, he had the shit eating grin to match. “Winslow’s got a woman these days,
he’s
not annoyed—his dick is. Missing that sweet pu—”

I flew at him, slamming him into the door before he could keep running his mouth. He laughed and tried to shrug me off. His eyes went a little wide when he realized I wasn’t loosening my grip on his shoulders. “Hey, man, I was just playin’,” he said, shoving against me.

“Winslow, back off,” Gerard barked.

I waited for two more heartbeats and then let Kyle go. Kyle shrugged his shoulders and shot me a glare before sinking down into the bunk opposite me. “What the fuck, dude? The fact that you’re dating someone a state secret or something? Shit.”

I heaved out a long breath.
What is wrong with me? I am seriously losing it cooped up on this fucking ship.

“Man, I don’t know,” I started, looking down at my hands as though they’d betrayed me somehow with their rash actions.

Kyle shrugged again, letting me off the hook for coming up with an answer. We’d been friends since basic training, and had more than a couple clashes under our belts, enough to know that we were cool. “Chief Jenkin’s looking for you.” With a grimace, Senior Chief Gerard peeled himself out of the chair he’d been occupying and left the room, muttering something under his breath. When he was gone, Kyle trained his attention back to me. “All right, what’s up?”

I shook my head. “I don’t know, man. I’m feeling claustrophobic I guess.”

“We’ve done this a dozen times before. If it’s not about the girl, then what?”

I growled, hating the twist in my gut I got whenever I thought about Kat for too long. “She’s got a kid. And she’s going through a lot with her ex. I know this is the gig, but getting ripped out of real life like this was the worst possible timing, and now, we’re stuck here in the middle of the fucking ocean, and I haven’t been able to talk to her or even send an email to see how things are going with the custody battle and all that. I just have to know she’s okay.”

Kyle stared at me, silent for a moment, before his grin returned. “Holy shit, Winslow. You
are
in love!” He followed that up with the sound of a whip cracking and I was ready to lunge at him again. Before I could get up, Kyle pulled something out of his pocket and flashed it in front of me, the silver device shimmering in the fluorescent lights. “Chill, bro. I’m just messing with ya. Here, it’s yours for the night.” He tossed me the phone and I snatched it out of the air like a cat catching a fly.

“How did you get this?” I asked. Normally we weren’t allowed to keep our personal phones on us when we were in the field.

Kyle shrugged. “Gerard said I needed to be able to talk to my family. Leah’s about to pop any day now, so he gave me a pass.”

I smiled at him and for the first time since getting the bone chilling news about the mission, felt a rush of pure happiness. “Thanks man, I’ll get it back to you later.”

Kyle shrugged and then got off the bunk, leaving the room so I could be alone. I tapped the screen, orienting myself with the layout of the apps, and then found the phone option. With my free hand, I dug into my pocket, pulling out the small picture that Kat had given me right before I’d left. It was a Christmas picture of her and Jax that they’d had taken at some shop in the mall the year before. I smiled at Jax’s happy face, his cheeks chubby and rosy, with a toothy grin as he looked up at Kat. I traced the lines of Kat’s face, aching to reach through the photo and run my fingers over her smooth skin. When I couldn’t take it anymore, I flipped the picture over and dialed the number she’d scrawled on the back. I held my breath and pushed the call button, lying back on the bunk as the line rang.

With each subsequent ring, my heart sank a little lower, and when the robot voice came on to tell me we’d been disconnected, , it took every ounce of willpower not to throw the phone against the opposite wall.

“Fuck!”

The message cut off and the line went dead. “Shit!” I growled. I sat up and stumbled through the international number again—but then shook my head against the idea. On the back of the picture, Kat had also written her email address. I knew I only had a few more minutes until we’d all need to meet to go over whatever new developments there were with the mission. That was a given anytime the Senior Chief had to meet with Andre Welsh, the CIA liaison working with us. And, as a general rule, the longer their meeting went, the more pissed the Senior Chief would be when he got to us. Being late wouldn’t be wise.

I stared at the blank email page, suddenly at a loss for words. I’d spent the last few weeks mentally listing things I wanted to share with Kat, or questions I wanted to ask her, and yet, when given the chance, my mind was as empty as the illuminated screen of the phone.

After a few minutes, my fingers loosened, and I started typing in a frantic, rat-a-tat-tat rhythms, spilling out everything like it was a race against the clock to get everything out at once.

A knock on the door let me know I’d officially run out of time. I hit send, hating that I hadn’t been able to get a second pass to polish up what had turned into a lengthy, stream of conscious type message.

Hopefully she would understand.

Half an hour later, there was a knock at the door and my heart leapt in my chest as I raced to answer it, a huge smile on my face in anticipation of seeing my little boy standing there with his too big dog, and his little overnight backpack filled with his favorite toys and trinkets of the week. What I hadn’t been counting on, as the door swung open, was to find Hannah standing there, her emerging baby bump on display in a form fitting sweater.

“Hannah!” I forced a smile, but my heart sank in my chest as I found myself unable to stop staring at the way her hand rested on the subtle indication that she was growing a life inside her. “I—uh—wasn’t expecting you.” I peeked past her to see Jax coming up the steps behind her. “Jax!” I squealed as the light of my life raced up the final steps as fast as his little legs could take him, and laughed as he bounded into my arms and shouted, “Mama!”

As soon as I loosened my grip on him, he shot past me, barely waving to Hannah as he headed down the hallway to his room, likely in search of some toy he’d been missing. I turned my attention back to Hannah. “Thanks for bringing him,” I said, wondering why she was still standing there. Most of the time when Mitch dropped him off, it was like he had rockets strapped to his feet, flying off as soon as Jax crossed over the welcome mat. Unless he had something snarky to throw at me, then he made time.

Hannah’s hand rubbed her belly absently, her eyes unfocused on some spot behind me, before she dragged her eyes back to me. “Of course,” she replied softly. “Mitch is on a work trip. Lexington.”

I nodded, not at all interested in where Mitch was and what he was doing. “Okay. Well, have a good night.” I grabbed the edge of the door, not closing it, but hoping she’d take the hint.

“Would you…can I use your bathroom?” Hannah asked.

My eyebrow arched at her, immediately suspicious. What was she up to? An expose on my medicine cabinet? See if I was popping pills? My mind flew to what Hilda had told me was printed about Jace and my heart went wild, thrashing around my chest. If they thought Jace and I were together, did they also think that meant I was on some kind of drugs? Not that Jace actually
was
, but it certainly didn’t look good to be associated with a man who was in the press for being unstable and strung out.…

Hannah’s hand moved to cover her mouth, and I noted how flushed her cheeks were, and it clicked. “Of course!” I rushed, stepping back and sweeping my arm down the hall. “Straight ahead.”

She hurried down the hall and before the door was even closed, she was bent over the toilet throwing her guts up. I winced at the sound, immediately feeling like a bitch for being suspicious of her intentions, when it was clear in hindsight that she was trying to avoid asking for help from me at all costs. I was fidgeting in the hallway, debating if I should go see if she needed help. I remembered being pregnant and having to deal with nausea at random. I hadn’t had it to an extreme degree, and not past my first trimester, but obviously Hannah was still battling with it. I was about to go get her a glass of water, when Jax bounced from his room, a toy dragon hoisted above his head in victory, when he stopped cold at the sight of Hannah over the toilet.

“Hannah’s sick!” He screeched and ran the other way, back into his room. I rolled my eyes.
That’s my sweet little angel…

I got the glass of water and went down the hall. By the time I knocked on the partially closed door, and pushed inside, Hannah was sitting, her back against the wall, taking deep breaths. “Here,” I offered, handing her the glass of cool water.

She nodded her thanks and took a deep sip. “God,
this
is the crap no one can prepare you for.”

I smiled. “Yeah, pretty much. Do you want any saltines? Those always helped me.”

Hannah looked up at me, her eyes wide and I could sense her silently question why I was being nice to her. I offered her a hand, and helped her from the floor. “Sure, thanks. I’ll be there in a minute.”

I closed the door and heard the toilet flush and the sink turn on as I went back down the hall towards the kitchen. I set out a plate of crackers on the dining room table. While I waited, I went to check the back door for Mickey, who would be waiting to come inside, but there was no sign of the dog anywhere. When Hannah came down the hall, her shoes shuffling on the wood floors, she said, “Mickey’s at home. I can’t stand the dog smell in the car. It didn’t used to bother me, but now—” she pulled a face, “—whew. It’s too much.”