SEALed With a Kiss: Even a Hero Needs Help Sometimes... (45 page)

He felt the tiny rib cage shudder and his stomach turned over in self-disgust. He should just put him down right now and walk away until he got a hold of himself. A glance at Pickett wiping her streaming eyes told him she was not recovered enough to keep Tyler safe if he walked away

What the hell was he thinking? Tyler was his responsibility Completely Whatever was going on with Tyler, whatever he needed right this minute, was between him and Tyler and nobody else.

Jax had very little idea what he was supposed to do about the shocked white face, streaked with tears, or about the child's meltdown, so he dealt with the part he understood with the skills he had. He pulled Tyler to him until he was holding the little boy's face to his face and in a voice more deadly than loud said, "Don't. Hit. Pickett. Ever. Do you understand, mister?
Never hit
Pickett. Ever."

Two icy little hands gripped Jax's ears, sharp little fingernails digging in. Tyler pulled his face even closer to Jax's, gray eyes glaring. "I'm scared! I want my mommy!" he screamed.

Oh shit. His mother was dead. He knew that. Didn't he?
Did he
know she was dead and she was never coming back? Little kids were so
little.
On the other hand, he had guts. He was willing to get right in the face of someone four times his size and tell them what he wanted.

As if to emphasize his father's thoughts, Tyler twisted on the ears and dug in his nails a little deeper. "I. Want. My. Mommy!"

Not near as much as I do, kid!
He'd give anything to be able to turn Tyler over to Danielle right now. No, that wasn't true. He wouldn't hand Tyler to her right this minute even if she was here. Danielle was a good and caring mother but she didn't keep her head in a crisis.

But a sudden pang of grief took him by surprise. Though he was more relieved than anything else when he and Danielle called it quits, he'd never imagined her beauty and butterfly charm lost from the world. Utterly gone from his life and from Tyler's. He had failed to love her, failed at being married to her, but not because she was unlovable.

Now that situation was forever unfixable and Tyler—Tyler was left loving and wanting someone who was never coming back. He couldn't give Tyler what he wanted. Shit. He knew how Tyler felt. He wished he could hit something, too.

Jax gently dislodged the rough little hands, one ear at a time. "You want your mommy and everything is messed up and it makes you want to hit something. Okay. I understand. You can't hit Pickett, but you can hit me."

Tyler took him at his word and began to flail arms and legs. He was using more energy than science; nevertheless, after a sneakered foot connected with the only soft spot below his waist, Jax pulled his son to his chest and wrapped those little feet behind him.

Then it was only natural to rub the skinny back and stroke the silky head, even if it was a little hard to talk through the tightness in his throat.

He stroked and soothed and murmured the same words over and over. "I'm so sorry your mommy's gone, but I've got you."

Trust me, Tyler.

"I'm not going to let go. You don't have to be scared."

Trust me.

"I've got you."

And I'm not going to let you go.

Over and over as the wails turned to sobs, and the sobs to shudders.

A window exploded in the burning structure and a woman screamed. The breeze was blowing steadily now, pushing the smoke their way—inevitably driving the fire toward them as well. Fire departments and the Coast Guard were on their way. Unfortunately, the pier was situated at the farthest possible point from any of the surrounding towns. Fire trucks would be there in twenty to twenty-five minutes, Coast Guard vessels would take longer. How long would it take for the fire to burn to the end of the pier?

Even as he calmed the frightened child, Jax reviewed his options. The fire was advancing too quickly to wait for help to arrive. If he were alone, he would organize the people into an orderly evacuation, and he would jump only when the last person was safe. He could take care of himself in any situation.

But having Tyler and Pickett with him changed everything. For some of the people on the pier, waiting as long as possible and giving help time to arrive offered the best chance of survival, but so long as they were with him, Tyler and Pickett were safest in the water. And the sooner he got them there, the better. Every minute of delay meant more hazardous debris in the water. Sooner or later some of the crowd would panic. Panicked people, whether on the pier or in the water, could overwhelm Pickett easily.

For a SEAL, no failure could be more shameful than letting people he was tasked to protect come to harm. His need to protect Pickett and Tyler went even deeper than hating to fail. Every element of the love he felt for them, and every part of himself that he loved
with,
focused into one determination—to see them safe.

For Jax, there was only one imperative. Get Tyler and Pickett into the water as quickly as possible.

Jax slid onto the bench beside Pickett. She was pale and her eyelashes were spiky with tears but she was no longer coughing.

"You okay?"

She rubbed away wetness on her cheeks with the back of her hand, and nodded. "The smoke got to me for a minute." Her voice was a little hoarse but she gave a tender smile that included him and Tyler. "You calmed him down. He was having a really hard time."

Pickett glanced toward the fire which had advanced in the moments since Jax had taken Tyler.

"What are we going to do? The fire department isn't going to get here in time, is it?"

"Come on." He pulled her to her feet and began walking toward the end of the pier and the fishing platform.

"How well do you swim?"

"I can keep from drowning. I passed swimming in college, but mainly because I'm pretty good at treading water. Why?" Pickett dug in her heels suddenly. "Wait a minute. You're planning to
jump
in, aren't you?" She warded off the idea with one hand, fingers spread wide. "Uhn-uh. I can't jump."

Jax tightened his grip on her arm and put her in motion again. She would walk or be dragged.

"Jax, I mean it. I can't jump. I couldn't walk onto the diving board. I even hated diving off the edge of the pool." Her voice took on a note of pleading. "Please, Jax, there's got to be some other way. Are you listening to me?"

"No."

"No? You're
not
listening to me?" Pickett's rising panic snagged on her ever-present sense of humor. Maybe it was hysteria, but wasn't it
just
like a man to choose a moment like this to admit he wasn't listening.

When SEALs get into trouble they always go to water. Jax could swim literally with both arms tied behind him, and his feet tied as well. Swimming Pickett and Tyler safely to shore was a piece of cake, no worries, as long as she did exactly what he said. He had to convince her to do what he said. But it involved making her sit and wait for him. There would be time for her to panic, to do something stupid.

Jax pushed her, not roughly, but very firmly, onto a bench. The smoke was not as intense out here. He squatted in front of her so that they were eye to eye.

Despite her fear-dilated eyes and pale cheeks, a tiny smile played around her lips. God, he loved this woman. He could feel an answering smile in his eyes, even though he had no idea what they were smiling about. He cocked his head in inquiry.

"You admitted you weren't listening to me."

He didn't see what was so funny about that, but let it go. "I've always listened to you about Tyler. Now you listen to me because this time I'm the expert. I'm going to take Tyler to shore, then I will swim back for you. When you see me in the water, you are going to jump to me and I'll take you in."

"Can't I just wait and maybe the fire department will get here? And what about the other people?"

"Anything I can do for the others only increases the danger to you and Tyler, and that I will not do. Nothing is more important than you and Tyler. Do you understand me? Nothing."

There was no time to argue. "You will jump, Pickett." He strove to project with absolute confidence that anything else was unthinkable. "You know what they always tell SEALs when we have to do stuff we hate?" He locked his gaze with hers. "Remember, you don't have to like it, you just have to do it."

Every color, every sound seemed enveloped in a pellucid clarity and Pickett's mind seemed able to assimilate huge pieces of information. Moments like this sometimes happened in a therapy session. Every word, every gesture took on significance that Pickett understood with wisdom far more profound than mere knowledge.

In the iron grip of his will, Pickett nodded. The slow heavy thudding of her heart told Pickett she was still afraid, and at the same time she felt absolutely safe trapped on a pier that was on fire. Because of Jax.

She trusted him the same way she trusted her wisdom. And with the sudden clarity of that wisdom, his arrogance transmuted to absolute confidence. Whatever this situation required of him he knew he could do, and furthermore, he would let no harm come to her or Tyler.

Secure within himself precisely because he was dealing with danger. Secure within himself because being trapped on a burning pier gave him the opportunity to be fully himself.