Search (SEEK Book 1) (7 page)

“But there’s more to getting out of the country—especially with every government agency hunting you—there’s logistics involved. You’ll never get clearance.”

“You’re right, but I have another way to get clearance.” He turns just then, studying me and blurts out, “You should come with me. To England.”

“What’s with you? Are you always this trusting? You do understand that I work for SEEK.” I blink wide-eyed in his direction.

Jonathan props a leg against the glove box, the knees of his jeans worn and soft looking, begging to be touched. In a different world, I imagine laying my hand on his leg, feeling the supple cotton plied with fabric softener under my fingertips.

He clears his throat. “It makes sense. I can’t trust anyone else, can you?”

My eyes dart back to the road. “I-I—” I stutter, Jonathan’s question catching me off guard.

“Given that we share mutual enemies, we should help each other.”

“I tried to kill you,” I remind him with a sideways glance. “And for all you know, I’m turning you straight over to Kistall the moment we reach the boundaries.”

I knew I’d fail this mission the moment Harnel gave it to me. I never had a shot at making Jonathan fall for me. He’s way out of my league. That’s why Harnel sent me out for a makeover. He thought that if I believed I was pretty I would at least try. And when Jonathan rejected me, I might actually kill him. If not, the makeover wasted one more day of what was left of my life.

That’s what stings the most. Kistall, Ops, and my SEEK command not only expected me to fail, but they counted on it. They sent me off to die.

“I never had any intention of killing you,” I admit, swallowing the bitter taste of my new reality.

“I know. Mayet said I can trust you.”

“Mayet said…? Oh right, your mind-reading fairy. Can you hear her now? Is she talking to you?” 

“It doesn’t work like that. For one thing she’s out of range. And it’s hard to describe how a Khayal thinks. Listening to Mayet’s mind is similar to listening to a toddler trying to explain gravity. One moment there’s real intelligence there and then the next she’s completely off topic—dreaming of butterflies and bullfrogs. It’s like she has a severe case of ADHD. Do you understand?” he asks, frowning to himself.  

“I think I follow, since I—you know—used to kill the Khayal. I never thought they were all that bright to begin with.”

Jonathan cringes, dark curls bouncing over his surprised face as I turn off Kentucky Highway 715.

“The Khayal might surprise you. I didn’t say they weren’t smart, just that communicating with them telepathically is challenging,” he says, an air of superiority catching in his voice.

“We’re here.” I point as we turn onto a narrow back road.

“Here?” Jonathan asks doubtfully, eyeing the dilapidated bridge ahead.

“Yep.” I set my jaw and roll the wide rig slowly onto the wooden planks, watching the side-mirrors for clearance. It’s tight and the bridge groans under the Hummer’s tonnage, but we make it. I expel a long breath, throwing a triumphant smile at Jonathan.

He lets out a breath, too, kiddingly wiping his brow.

“This is the backside of the Boone. The road goes through there.” I point out the steep crags in the rock and indigenous orange sand peeking between the beds of early spring leaves littering the hillside. “I was bitten on the other side of Cloud Splitter, but the Hummer will be recognized if we get any closer. It stays here.” I gesture toward the middle of the forest where a vast boulder towers high above everything else like a monument to the gods.

“That?” Jonathan gapes out the windshield. “It’ll take us all night to get around that.”

“That’s why we’re going over it.” I wedge the rig between two massive trees for camouflage. I lean over the steering wheel, pausing for a moment of courage, and then nod. “Let’s do this.” I shut off the engine and jump from the car, clicking the button to open the back hatch.

A distinctive grunt fills the air as Jonathan drags himself sluggishly from the car. He plucks a willowy reed of grass, peeling it into long strips as he leans against the dusty hatch. “You actually want to make friends with the Khayal.”

“I know that, but I don’t go anywhere without protection.” I nod, pulling on the strap of my quiver.

Jonathan eyes my bow disapprovingly as he traces a finger over the phoenix etched in my worn leather case.

“It’s a De Lilah. You know—as in song of night? Never mind.” I shove the case aside, rummaging for the rest of my arsenal buried somewhere in the bottom of the duffle. “What do you carry?”

Jonathan’s naturally sculpted brows disappear under his mussed bangs. “As in a weapon? I’m a pacifist.” He laughs humorlessly.

“This is no place for a conscience.” I hand him the butt of my Glock 19 after I untangle it from a silver blouse. 

“You’re kidding right?” He shoves my hand and the gun away.

“Don’t be stubborn. I can’t watch my neck and yours. Take it or stay here.”

Jonathan’s eyes narrow.

“Look, if I have to, I’ll duct tape the blasted thing to your hand. We don’t have time to stand here arguing about this.”

“But I don’t need it. Mayet will be there.”

“Too bad. I need a partner if I’m going in there and you’re it.” I push the gun at him again.

“I told you, you don’t have to fear the Khayal.” He shakes his head.

“I don’t fear them! I’m supposed to be on assignment—or dead. What the hell do you think will happen when my colleagues see me running through the Boone with a member of the Brotherhood?” I shove the black butt into his hand, scowling at him.

“I don’t know how to use a gun,” he mutters into his chest.

“How are you still alive?” I roll my eyes and stuff a switchblade into my boot. “It’s right or left-handed, holds eight rounds, and it requires only one hand for any action. Just point-and-shoot like a camera. This is the safety. A half cock points the laser.” I wedge myself in behind him—ignoring the dizzying closeness of our bodies—grasp his hand around the stock and wrap my hand over his. I zero in on a clump of dirt and squeeze the trigger. I’m braced for the blast as it kicks his back into my chest. The dirt clod explodes in a cloud of orange. 

“Whoa!” Jonathan jerks back.

“A full cock sends the bullet where the red dot was.” I switch the safety back to on and stagger away from him.

Jonathan stands there, gun dangling from his fingertips. “It only leaves a tiny hole, right?” he squeaks.

“It’s them or us. Who do you want to get shot today?” I shrug, reaching behind me and wrenching on the sleeve of his unbuttoned shirt.

“Us, I choose us.”

“No you don’t, or you wouldn’t be here. You want to live as much as I do. Maybe you even need to live. Maybe you have someone counting on you, too.”

He shoots me a sideways look.

“That’s right, I can read you too,” I say softly. And for the first time, I flash him a genuine smile.

The entrance into the forest winds along a popular hiking trail through Sandcastle Mountain. I stay far enough north of the main path that we won’t be spotted. Plus no one takes this trail, it’s all straight up. We pass Jump Rock on Red River about a mile from where I fell. I remember waking up downriver by Shetowee Trace and not knowing where I was. I must’ve hit my head. I’m not sure how I survived the fall, but I do know it was days before I figured out where I was.

“Strange,” I mutter, reaching for Jonathan’s hand.

We have ten more feet of vertical rock to scale before we reach the summit of Cloud Splitter.

“I’m sorry?” he asks, throwing a leg up over the ledge.

“I was just thinking how weird it is that after I fell off the cliff I didn’t know where I was.”

“You fell off a cliff?” he asks, eyes wide as he staggers away from the edge.

“Yeah, that’s why I was alone. Cord must’ve thought I was dead. It doesn’t make sense though. I don’t think I was hurt at all, but I can’t remember the actual fall. I remember going over Frog’s Knob, and then nothing after that until I woke up on the shore of Red River, right over there.”

Standing shoulder to shoulder with Jonathan on the top of Cloud Splitter, I point to the river cutting through the forest below.

“Wow! This place is huge,” he huffs, scratching his ear like a lost dog.

“And I know every inch of it, normally. But ever since I went over that ledge it hasn’t been the same.”

“How do you mean?”

“Well, like now, it’s too quiet. Something’s not right. It was too quiet then too. There are hundreds of SEEK agents, and hikers occasionally on the south end, but here we should see something, or hear something but it’s like there’s no one—not even a Khayal anywhere.”

“Oh, of course, you didn’t feel the Khayal then because you’d already been chosen. Your Khayal must’ve bitten you as you were falling—or maybe after, before you woke,” Jonathan amends.

“That’s impossible. I distinctly remember the Khayal jumping on my back in the compound after the cougar bite. And anyway, I did feel the Khayal afterward. I shot one right before I found the trail back to the compound.” 

Jonathan’s face drains of color.

“What?” I ask, looking over my shoulder at nothing but acres of treetops.

“You felt the Khayal before you shot it, or you saw it and panicked?”

A sudden wave of nausea rolls through my stomach. I close my eyes trying to picture it. “I was leaning against the tree, bleeding all over the place, and Khayal surrounded me…”

“Before that then. Go back to the first thing you remember after you fell.” Jonathan says.

I sit down, crossing my legs and bury my face in my hands, willing the memories back. Slowly, chinks in the broken memories fit themselves back together. “I remember waking up in a patch of White Haired Golden Rod,” I mumble into my fingers.

“What’s that?”

“It’s a rare flower that grows under rock ledges, out of the sun.”

“Then what happened?” he presses.

“Ah!” I clap a hand to my forehead. “Rainbow bubbles. I remember mumbling rainbow bubbles. I must’ve seen the Khayal. That means you’re right. I had to have been bitten to see them, isn’t that what you said?”

“Definitely, but then what?” he urges, squatting down face to face with me.

“Then the cougar came, probably heard me talking to myself, and I tried to fight her off. She cornered me, grabbed my leg, I couldn’t reach my arrows so I pulled out my hunting knife and started swinging…” I gasp, cold sweat beading on my back.

“What? Do you remember?”

I nod, tears balling in my throat. “She was there. A fairy girl, sort of like yours but she was gray, like a shadow. I thought I was delirious.” I sob.

“What happened, Keira? Look at me. What happened?” he demands, lifting my chin gently upward to meet his gaze.

I jerk away with a sniff, shaking my head. “I didn’t know, okay? It’s not my fault, it’s not like she talked to me and I’d been told…it was…my job.”

Jonathan rocks back, propping himself against a boulder. “Oh.”

“I was being eaten from the leg up! I swung my blade at anything moving until it stuck in the cat’s shoulder and she ran off.” I press my face into my sleeve, hiding my shame. “Now that I’ve seen Mayet. I don’t know exactly what the Khayal are, but I know what they’re not. They’re not the monsters SEEK told me they were.”

“Hey, hey! You didn’t know. That’s on SEEK, not you,” he says diplomatically, wiping a runaway tear from my chin.

I shake my head and sniff. “My tears don’t change the fact that I’m a monster. Let’s do this. Call your fairy,” I growl.

“She’s not a fairy, she’s a…”

I glare at the boy who looks like a man with his two-day stubble, in no mood to let him diminish my atrocities. I had enough self-loathing before he came along with his sunny smile and go-with-the-flow attitude. What does he know about remorse? He’s probably never suffered any real regret and here I am, unexplainably attracted to him. I’m such a fool. I’m sure he’s going to split the second he gets the chance. I squeeze De Lilah’s strap against my shoulder.

Jonathan’s benevolent eyes grow wide. “You’re scary in agent mode, you know that?”

Even under threat of physical violence his sweaty face is still too pretty, blinking innocently back at me.

“Ugh.” I puff. His affection for the pixie says he likes her, but I wonder is she a friend or a tool he uses like I use De Lilah?

Jonathan busies his fingers on the back of his neck and calls to the trees, “Mayet, I need you.”

A shiver scuttles over my skin, despite the warmth of midday. The anticipation of seeing the creature again—now that I’m better prepared to handle it—is setting my nerves on edge. I fidget with my ponytail, tapping a toe on the rock.

A voice rises with the wind.
“Relax, Keira, you’re right where you belong.”

There’s no time to react to the disembodied voice. It’s only a fraction of a second before a freaky green ball rises up over the grove of towering magnolias. Nearer and nearer it comes as though it has been there the whole time waiting for Jonathan’s command.

At first it’s only one glowing bubble, but then more spheres swoop up into the indigo sky, just a quick flash before they dive back into the trees like a brief swarm of bees.

“Oh my god, did you see that?” I point with a trembling finger. I know immediately that I’m witnessing something exotic and exciting—and also terrifying. “There are so many of them!”

“I told you. They’re curious, but scared,” Jonathan says.

Mayet gracefully materializes, fluttering her wings and looking at me expectantly with those wide eyes.

“Of me?” I ask. But he doesn’t need to answer, it’s written all over Mayet’s face.

“Keira, follow me.”

A creeping shiver ripples through me. The fairy’s voice sounds too familiar, like the wind chimes that hung outside my bedroom window back in Destin.

“They’re not afraid of you, they’re afraid of the hunters. SEEK’s in there. We should wait, but you’re already paler than you were an hour ago.”

“I’m fine,” I say, irrevocably bewildered by his distinction that I am somehow different from the other SEEK hunters. I’m not.

“I believe you. No judgment. You’re the victim here.” He slips down the hill behind me, grasping at branches to slow himself.

I scamper through the familiar underbrush. I get that Jonathan’s trying to make me feel better, but nothing can stop me from feeling dreadful right now. There’s nothing anyone could say right now that would ease my guilt. And certainly not the guy who’s making me want him just by existing. It wasn’t my intention to be a heartless murderer when I pledged my oath of servitude to SEEK. I thought I was fighting for something worth believing in. I thought I was helping the country, not just Lindy.

“Let’s not talk. I need to concentrate.” I say, kicking up dirt as I scurry down the fern-covered hill, chasing after his fairy.

Jonathan trips, trying to keep up.

I duck under the canopy, sick roiling in my stomach. This forest is now my own personal hell. A graveyard of all the Khayal I alone have murdered. If they are what they appear to be, truly kind and innocent—I swallow hard, choking on one thought—then I am wicked.

Consumed by a haze of remorse I almost miss the distinct pounding of gunfire in the distance. “Hunters,” I growl and stalk toward the sound.

“Not that way.” Mayet flutters in front of me, shaking her head wearily. “Your Ka is over here.”

I take an uncertain step toward her, keeping my eyes trained on hers. “You know where my Khayal is?” I ask, surprising myself with a degree of excitement.

“Irkalla is there.” Mayet flashes her green teeth and points a slender finger north. “She’s hiding, waiting for you.”

A 10mm peppers shots again, still a few miles from here. I turn to Jonathan, “Is she being hunted?”

“They’re always being hunted.” He nods, still holding the Glock like a dirty diaper rather than a weapon. “Just the way it is.”

Something deep inside me begins to uncoil, like a copper wire springing loose from its pipe. The gunfire and the rest of the Boone melt into the background. The only thing left in my vision is the path to my Khayal, the only sound the faint fluttering of Mayet’s graceful wings and Jonathan’s breathing behind me.

It’s a novel feeling, being focused on finding a Khayal for this reason. I listen intently for familiar sounds, but sneaking through a dense wood in thick underbrush proves to be a bigger challenge with Jonathan in tow. He’s as graceful as an elephant prancing on bubble wrap.

“Do you want to die?” I glare behind me, his big feet tripping on yet another log.

“I’m nervous,” he whispers. “This is not my area of expertise.”

“You’re nervous? I’m the one risking everything by trusting you. You’ve got Mayet. If this fairy thing doesn’t work, I’ll lose—” I bite down on the words
Lindy’s only chance to walk again
before they become a reality. “Just watch where you’re going.”

It doesn’t seem to matter which way I turn, I feel no Khayal. It’s as if I’m senseless and blind at the same time. The only thing that’s even remotely the same is the quiet stillness as we duck into a small meadow surrounded by a coppice of sassafras trees.

“Keira, Irkalla is up there,” Mayet’s dainty arm directs me to a massive Blue Ash tree.

“I’m supposed to climb up there?” I gulp, tipping my head back to gawk at the tower of huge branches.

Mayet nods and I notice for the first time how truly sweet she is. A childlike innocence shines in her almond-shaped eyes.

“You’ll both be safer while you bond. I’ll stand guard,” Jonathan assures me, attempting to look competent with the Glock awkwardly clutched in his hands.

“Great. That makes me feel better.” I sigh; certain something’s bound to go wrong with this plan as
I foist my foot onto a knot in the trunk. I hesitate, glancing back over my shoulder. “How exactly does this
bonding
thing work?”

“It’s not unpleasant.” Jonathan winks at me.

“Lovely.” I dig my sneaker deeper into the bark, swinging effortlessly up the first branches and climb steadily. Thirty feet above the forest’s floor, I find her, the most beautiful creature I’ve ever seen casually swinging one leg over a thick limb, her tiny back leaning against the knotty tree. She’s gorgeous, though she looks nothing like Mayet, except that she too is also green from the tip of her stunning head to tiny-toe. Her hair is wavy, light, faintly glowing, instead of the straight dark hair Mayet has. This fairy-girl is even smaller, daintier and smiling. I like her instantly.

“Hello, Keira,” she says in a voice like a harp. “I’m Irkalla.”

“Hi,” I say, straddling the scratchy branch in an attempt to appear relaxed in the presence of this angel.

There’s a moment of calm. I’m sure something is happening, something important, though neither of us breathes. We just look at each other, as though some part of me recognizes her despite my sense of uncertainty.

“How does this work? I mean…what do I do?” I mutter, pressure buzzing in my ears. 

“I’m sorry I couldn’t bond with you sooner, but we weren’t alone. I wouldn’t have been able to save you if… don’t worry, it won’t hurt. Absorbing your soul is painless,” Irkalla says apologetically, her big eyes twinkling as though she’s saying something completely ordinary.

“What?” I gasp, jerking backward.

Irkalla’s tiny hands are surprising quick as she clasps my hand, keeping me steady. “Trust me, Keira. I chose you because I know your heart.” Her wise round eyes penetrate right through me as though seeing me from the inside out.

Inside my head there’s a faint thrumming sound, like a tiny hummingbird fluttering around in my most inner secrets. I bite my lip, wiggling against her shockingly strong grip, but she holds tight.

“I know why you came to SEEK,” she says softly, a note of acceptance in her delicate voice. “You haven’t come for vengeance or lust for death. You came for love.”

Irkalla’s voice trickles like water into my thirsty heart. I want so desperately to believe her that I lean toward her. Wings, twice as big as Irkalla, cloak around me like a mother bird cradling her young. “How can you want me? I’m a monster,” I sniffle, shaking off the numbness and letting the guilt consume me.

Irkalla’s cool fingers linger on my arm for a second, as though letting all the shame and remorse I’ve lived with for the past eighteen months fill me until there’s no more room for anything else, just sorrow. And then all at once she sweeps the tear from my cheek and flicks the pain away with the slight of her hand. Like a switch, the grief retreats, awakening the part of me I lost after Lindy’s accident, the part of me capable of feeling the most sincere and honest joy. But there’s also a hollow emptiness to it, as though something’s missing. I cradle my hands against my chest as though that pain was the only thing I had left to live for. A ball of tears forms in my throat. 

“I promise not to hurt you,” Irkalla says, never taking her eyes from mine.

A wide smile spreads across her face, exposing sharp teeth that would line up perfectly with the pattern on my neck. I focus on her, listen to her, and study her. The way her skin doesn’t seem to have a definite outline, as though I’m watching her through a camera with a shutter speed too slow to capture her image. Her hair cascades around her face and bounces gently as though gravity doesn’t apply to her the way it should. I watch the glint in her pale eyes go from the same greenness that covers her entirely, to a fiery green flame, burning so brightly it fills the space around me. I squint into it, not wanting to miss a thing.

Irkalla’s wings envelope me, holding the light inside the shelter for only us two. “Close your eyes,” her elfin voice jingles.

My hands tremble. I have the jarring realization that I still can’t sense Khayal, though one is slipping slender fingers over my shoulders and blowing sugar-spiced breath in my face. Yet it doesn’t startle me. It’s as though deep down I’ve always known. I knew there was more to this life than what meets the eye. I might not have known the shadows moving from the corner of my eye would turn into beautiful fairies and heal the wounded, but I knew I am meant for something more. Something else that other people aren’t. It all seems so clear now. This was always meant to happen. I am meant to be here right at this exact moment, doing this exact thing.

The hair on my arms stands on end, my breathing erratic and labored.

“Shhh, it’s alright my sweet, Keira. Hold still, this won’t take long.”

Irkalla’s arms tighten around me, her wings embracing my back in a cocoon. I squint against the flood of green light as her satiny lips press into my forehead, drawing my emotions to the surface, the thrill of it tingling crazily over my skin. It’s the most glorious sensation I’ve ever felt. A feeling stronger than love steals the breath from my chest. I want to weep, laugh and scream all at the same time and I never want it to end. And suddenly I understand who she is, what she does, and everything makes sense.

“Irkalla,” my voice rings out as I surrender to my guardian, my Ka, the keeper of my soul.

Irkalla eases her lips from my forehead, but the feeling still lingers with her breath on my face. “I am yours and you are mine, Keira. We are one.”

Every sensation in the world tumbles through my body all at once. I become aware of the most fundamental law of Khayalism: Irkalla will never leave me, not even if I asked her to. She’ll come whenever I call, heal me if ever I’m hurt. No matter what happens to me in the future, she will come when I need her.

And then, way too soon, it’s over as she peels her mesmerizing embrace away from me. My body feels numb and naked without her. With my eyes closed, desperately trying to savor the feeling, I frown, wishing for more but her wings recede and chilled fingers trace my hands, squeezing my fingers as she lets me go.

“Look at me, and see me, Keira,” she sings, lifting my chin with a tender finger.

Slowly, I lift my gaze, a swift gasp stealing my voice. Though the flame in her eyes still burns bright, Irkalla has changed from green to vivid ruby. What? What—happened to you? Why are you red?” I squeak at last, voice trembling.

“You’re excited,” she says, clasping my hands tightly. “Each Khayal wears the color of their handler’s emotions. It’s normal for our bond to feel like pleasure for you.”

Heat that matches the flames in her eyes burns my face. “Oh God,” I mumble, swallowing the humiliation.

And though I’m seeing it live, I can’t wrap my head around the exact moment transformation occurs as Irkalla’s color changes once more, this time to amber. I clasp a hand over my mouth, pointing to her chest. “Orange!” I pant.

A gentle giggle slips through her lips. “Don’t be embarrassed. It’s just as nice for me. Bonding with your Ka is nothing to be ashamed of. It is an intimate connection that you’ll never share with anyone else,” she says, trying unsuccessfully to reassure me.

“That’s for sure.” I hug my arms close to my chest. “So, you’re a living billboard of my emotions?”

Irkalla’s petal soft lips, curl up into a tender smile, her head tilts as she blinks back in agreement. At least that’s what I think is happening, only as I stare at her I get a weird static in my head, like trying to find a station on an old radio. Pieces of words, or maybe they’re pictures, begin to form. It’s like understanding what’s being said even though there are no words. And then in a flood of comprehension I hear it, I get it.

“What is a billboard?
”

Jonathan said the Khayal had a different mind. I see what he meant now. I can read Irkalla’s thoughts. But it’s in a way of understanding what she’s saying through her feelings.

I scrunch my face, thinking really hard.
“It’s a big board for advertising.”

But Irkalla just stares back. I see pictures of flowers and birds, trees and clouds, the only things that are missing are rainbows and ponies…oh, nope, there’s a rainbow.

“Never mind, I get it. You’re my very own, living, breathing mood ring.” I smile.