Searching For Captain Wentworth (17 page)

It was then that
I heard a voice calling me. ‘Miss Elliot, you
are not lost, I hope.’

Charles Austen
was hurrying towards me. I had to smile.
‘Lieutenant Austen, I have not yet ventured into
the Labyrinth, and
can safely find
my way home, thank you.’

I wondered if
I’d sounded rude, but I didn’t want him to think
that I was a helpless female who couldn’t walk
round a park
without needing
male assistance. He touched his hat and I thought
he might walk away, but then he seemed to change
his mind.

‘My sisters are
clambering up Beechen cliff this afternoon,’ he
said. ‘I must admit I had not the energy for such a
jaunt today. I
wanted peace,
solitude, and a level walk.’

There was more
than a hint of laughter in his voice. I
wondered if he was finding it difficult being in
the company of
such
strong-minded women after being on a ship completely
dominated by men. When I thought about Mrs Austen’s
apparent
hypochondria and
her interfering ways, I could understand why a
profession that took you away from home for months
and even
years at a time
might be such an inviting one.

‘I enjoy being
on my own, and the gardens are so convenient,’
I began.

‘Do you always
prefer your own company to that of being in
society?’ His face looked serious for the moment,
though his dark
eyes twinkled as
if there were some hidden secret only he delighted
in.

‘Oh no, but I do
love to have time to think,’ I said, knowing
that this was perfectly true, ‘and I can never
think so well in a room
full of
people as I can on my own.’

‘Your thoughts
mirror my own, exactly. And even if you do
manage to slip away with your thoughts in a crowded
room, there
is always
someone who wants to know just what you are about. In
my house, Miss Elliot, it is impossible to have
private thoughts.’

I imagined that
it would be far more difficult. At least in the
twenty-first century you could be in a room full of
people watching
television and
no one would know whether you were far away with
your own thoughts or whether you were taking in
everything on the
screen. It was
much more difficult in a time where conversation
ruled the day and where you needed to be taking
notice of what was
being said at
all times so that you could respond. I was learning
how different it was to have your attention
constantly demanded.

Opinions were
always required, and yet, I was beginning to feel
that the only opinions considered worth having were
those that
matched everyone
else’s.

‘Being out of
the house and walking are what I enjoy when I
need to think,’ I said. ‘And, if you can walk and
see nature in all its
glory;
that is all to the better. When I am at home and can only see
the grey buildings of the town, I long for the
countryside. To see
vast landscapes
with fields stretching away before you lifts my
spirits like nothing else.’

‘Forgive me,
Miss Elliot, but I believe I have been mistaken
in thinking your family home is in a country
village in Somerset.’

I suddenly
realized what a silly mistake I’d made. ‘It is in
Somerset,’ I said, thinking quickly, ‘but we are
often in London for
the Season, and
then the countryside seems so far away.’

Oh dear. I knew
he was looking at me with a puzzled
expression, and as I didn’t know what else to say, I thought now
might be the time to move on.

‘Would you take
a turn with me, Miss Elliot?’ Charles Austen
held out his hand, and I couldn’t help noticing the
tan leather of his
gloves,
suspecting that he kept his white ones for more formal
occasions. ‘Take my arm, like my sisters do.’

Without another
thought I held out my hand, which he took up
linking his arm with mine. We walked in silence and
I wondered
what he could be
thinking about, if he was enjoying the chance to
have a few private thoughts without being asked
about them.

‘It’s good to be
walking on dry land again,’ he said at last. ‘I
do not have the opportunity for much exercise when
I am away at
sea. Of course,
on the occasions when we put into port, it’s a
different matter. I love to go exploring if I get
the chance.’

I looked up at
him and smiled. ‘Your sister told me that you
are a lieutenant on the Endymion. Is the life of a
sailor as
adventurous as
it sounds?’

‘Miss Elliot, my
life on board ship has been an exciting one
thus far, and I have travelled to many parts of the
world that I never
thought to see.
I have been extremely lucky.’

‘But it must be
a perilous one also in times of war.’

‘The life can be
dangerous, but not all my duties involve
fighting at sea, whether it be attacking gunboats
or capturing
privateers.
Awhile back I had the good fortune to accompany
Prince Augustus to Lisbon for the sake of his
health. The climate is
milder
and the young prince was to spend winter there. I spent three
pleasant days in Portugal’s capital and found my
royal passenger to
be jolly and
affable!’

‘But the
conditions on board ship, they cannot be as
comfortable as one might enjoy at home, can they?’

‘Not perhaps as
home comforts might be, but the
accommodations
are very adequate. It is true, life in the Navy
would not suit everyone, but like my brother
Francis, it suits me
very
well. If I could convey to you, Miss Elliot, the sense of pride
I feel when we put out to sea and the great
satisfaction felt by us all
when the
tasks our Admirals set for us to do have been
accomplished, you would comprehend my devotion to
the job in
hand. And, once
engaged in our mission and our duties, any sense
of danger or peril just disappears.’

‘How wonderful
it must be to have a career where you feel
your every action makes an important difference.’

‘Well, I do not
know that I have yet proved myself to be
indispensable, but I hope I will establish in time
that my superiors
were right to
believe in me enough to set me on the road I have
chosen. With luck and hard work I hope to make my
mark. The
opportunities to
make a career in one of the noblest professions are
there for the taking. I am not rich yet, Miss Elliot,
but one day, I
trust there will
be a chance to earn my prize money.’

‘Your sisters
told me that you have earned some prizes
already, but that you spent it all on them.’

‘It was nothing
to spend a little to see the delight on their
faces, I can assure you. My sisters do not have
much in the way of
treats or
luxuries and when I saw the topaz crosses all I could think
about was how much delight they would give.’

‘Your sisters
are very lucky, I think, to have such a thoughtful
brother, Lieutenant Austen.’

‘You do not have
any brothers, Miss Elliot?’

‘No,’ I
answered. ‘I always wished to have one.’

He said no more.
We walked on with our own thoughts as we
came back around the gardens to the entrance once
more. I’d
enjoyed being
with him. He made me feel safe and I knew
instinctively that he was someone I could rely on.
I’d never had a
brother and
hadn’t Jane said I could have my share in one of hers?

As we said
goodbye, and Charles repeated his wish to see me at the
ball on Monday, I reflected on the fact that
despite wishing I could
really go
home, I had enjoyed a lovely afternoon.

The day of the
ball held the promise of the first truly warm
spring day. Blue skies and sunshine lifted my
spirits and I tried not
to think
about how I might never be able to return to my own time
again. I’d stopped trying to work out how I was
still able to be there
without
the glove I’d managed to give away, and although
apprehensive about what might happen next I
couldn’t help feeling
curious
and even a little excited at the idea of going to the ball.
Jane’s books were always full of balls, and I
longed to know if the
reality
would be as satisfying as my imagination. A Mr Mancini
arrived in the afternoon to dress our hair. As I
sat and listened to the
plans for
frizzing and curling Emma’s hair, it struck me that one
thing has not changed very much in two hundred
years. The anxiety
that goes hand
in hand with cutting and arranging hair and the
horrors of placing your trust in someone, who could
as easily be
responsible for making
you look completely hideous or stunningly
beautiful, have not changed. When the tongs came
out, the smell of
Emma’s hair
being singed into rolls of artificial curls was enough
to send me running. Thankfully, my own curls needed
only piling
up on top of my
head. Mr Mancini seemed to understand that I
would prefer a more natural, simpler style, pinning
my long hair
into place and
threading through an arrangement of white gauze
flowers on a silk ribbon. My gown was laid out on
my bed along
with a beautiful
fan in silk and spangles. The dress, in a shade of
apple green silk, was ruched around the décolletage
and on the
short puffed
sleeves. There were long kid gloves and a fringed
stole, and I couldn’t help but be pleased with the
way I looked.

I met Emma
coming out of her doorway as I came out of mine.
She looked wonderful, and I told her so.

Her eyes
travelled lengthways from the top of my hair to the
bottom of my gown. ‘Thank you, Sophia. I believe I
was correct in
choosing the
blue satin after all. Green is such a difficult colour to
wear, is it not? And Mr Glanville always favours me
in blue saying
it brings out
the matchless sapphire of my eyes. He always notices
things like that, you know.’

‘I am sure that
Mr Glanville will not be able to resist you,
Emma. I hope you will enjoy a dance or two with
him.’

‘I’m sure I
shall, but pay heed. Should he ask you to dance,
you must refuse him. Is that clear?’

I had no
intention of dancing with Mr Glanville or anyone else
for that matter. I hadn’t a clue how to dance, and
as I thought about
the number of
times I’d watched any kind of Regency dancing on
television, I wondered if I might be able to fool
anyone if I was
forced to get up
and join in. The thought didn’t fill me with
confidence and my hesitation to speak seemed to
agitate Emma
even more. As
she waited for an answer, her eyes narrowing in
suspicion, I finally nodded.
We were all to gather in the drawing room before
the carriage
was called. Emma
ignored me as she perused the paper. Unless her father was in the room she
didn’t seem to have much interest in
anyone else, and I was beginning to learn that he was always last to
make an appearance. Candles were just being lit
when Mrs Randall
bustled in
through the door.

‘Girls, what a
picture you look! Do get up and let me see you
twirl. Your dear mama would have been so proud.
Well, we’re
almost ready;
there is just one small matter to attend. I have your
new monthly subscription cards here for you to sign
and then I can
hand them into
your possession.’

Despite the
warmth of the fire and the glow from the candles
in their sconces, I felt a sudden chill.

‘Sit here,
dears, there is ink and a freshly mended pen, and the
light is quite good enough.’

I waited for my
turn, and then sat down at the little table
before the window where beyond the half closed
shutters I could
see the
darkening trees in Sydney Gardens opposite. Dipping the
pen in the ink, I carefully wrote my name and when
I’d finished felt
my heart pitter
pat at the recollection of seeing it just like this in
another time and place that now seemed so far away.