Second Chances (28 page)

She was just about to remember the best part, the part where he finally ended her misery, finally slid deep inside her.  He filled a void, one that she had never filled before.  Her heart would never be the same again.

And then he was there, staring at her from the steps.  She was so lost in the memory of the previous night that she never heard him get up to seek her.  “Come here,” he said in a deep seductive voice. 

For once, she didn’t feel like she was losing something to give in while he ordered her around.  This was completely different.  He didn’t need to say ‘please.’  She could hear the urgency in his voice, the need.  In seconds she had the answer to her question.

Gavin’s desire for her had merely been stirred by their encounter the previous night.  For her comfort, he had left the lights off.  This morning, for his pleasure, he would show her in every way possible how he felt about her in the light of day.  It felt more honest.  He wanted her to see it in his eyes.  He wanted her to feel it as deeply as he did.  While Hannah may have recognized an urgency in his voice, there was an even greater urgency in his actions.

The moment Hannah was within arm’s reach, she was hauled down to their berth.  He did it quickly, effortlessly, as though he had done this hundreds of times.  It was like a movie only better because she was living it instead of watching it.  She was feeling it instead of imagining it.  And even if it all ended tomorrow, she could feast on these memories for the rest of her life.

She started to protest.  “The girls are going to wake up soon.”

“I’ll shut the hatch so that they can’t get into trouble.  I’ll turn on the television so that they have the Disney channel to distract them until we’re ready to get up.”  He left the berth and did everything he had mentioned in seconds, did it before she had a chance to protest, did it and returned before she could second guess the sanity of her actions.

He was naked and already ready for her.  Without thinking, without feeling self-conscious, she reached for him, grabbed his engorged cock and ran her hand down the length of it.  She closed her hand around him, noting with satisfaction that he was too large for her hand to touch.  And soon a drop of pre-come had collected at the tip.  Without thinking, she leaned in and tasted it.

Gavin was about ready to come undone.  He marveled at her.  She was exploring him without guile, checking him out without teasing, and yet it was quite possibly the sexiest experience of his life.  And he knew that the difference was his heart.  Love changed everything.  His breath caught for a moment at that realization. 

Hannah heard it and was bolstered by it.  She imagined that she was doing something right.  And she was, but it had little to do with the manner in which she was holding his business or licking him.  Before she knew what was happening, Gavin was lying on his back and pulled her on top. 

“I want to see you,” he said as he grabbed her hips and guided her so that he was just pressing against her wet entrance.

She threw her head back, prepared for that glorious feeling that came from sharing her body with his.  He didn’t wait long.  He didn’t disappoint.  And this time it was Hannah whose breath caught.  Her eyes shot open and she saw him watching her.  His blue eyes cut into her.  He was staring at her with such awe, like she was the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen.  Her heart started pounding insistently in her chest.  He was touching her, caressing her like she was precious to him, like he was trying to imprint the memory of this moment forever in his mind. 

Somehow, Gavin was everywhere.  He was kissing and caressing every part of her.  He was making her burn and ache for him, even though he was already in her, filling her.  She wanted more.  She wanted all of him.  Dear lord.  She wanted this…forever.  Her eyes shot open.  Had she still been on top, she might have run, but somehow Gavin had managed to smoothly flip her on her back so that he could control his depth, so he could control the experience a bit more.

When they had finished, magically, simultaneously, Hannah stared up at him with awe and wonder.  Gavin smiled down at her, his hand cupped her cheek, and he ever so gently kissed her lips.  It was right there on the tip of her tongue.  It almost slipped out.  It would have been the most natural thing in the world to say. 
I love you
.  And yet she couldn’t do it.  Somehow that would make her more vulnerable than she had ever been before.  That was so much more intimate than sex.  Everything changed when love was involved.  So she had heard…

Magically, amazingly enough, Gavin had his wish.  He managed to live his dream for the weekend.  And it was perfect.  It was everything he had hoped to experience and more.  Only, it was just as he had feared.  This one weekend, long weekend though it may have been, wasn’t going to be enough.  One weekend away with Hannah on a sailboat in the Caribbean was never going to be enough.  Instead of sating his craving, he faced his worst fear.  Going back to the office after this, trying to keep his head in the business, trying to be satisfied with a life on land instead of a life on the water was going to be impossible.  

He thought about what Hannah had said.  Maybe he really could change his life.  Maybe it wasn’t too late.  All he knew for sure was that he couldn’t do it without her.  He wouldn’t want to.  The weekend had shown him that they were compatible, that the girls were happy at sea, that they could be a family.  Now he just had to make it happen.  He had a lot of changes to make, a lot of business to get in place, and he couldn’t entrust any of it to Hannah. 

The drive back to Charlotte seemed so much longer.  And the sky seemed to darken the farther they went from The Keys.  Gavin wasn’t speaking.  He had stopped speaking the moment he settled into his seat.  He had pulled out his iPhone and was busy working on it…had been working on it continuously since they left the marina.  One time Hannah glanced over and noticed that he was responding to emails.  The next time she saw that he seemed to be doing some kind of search.  The third time she looked his way, he was busy creating a list or making notes on the note app. 

At first, it bothered her.  At first, she felt the distance between them.  Though they had been relaxed leaving the Carolinas, though they had spent an entire weekend alone together as a family during the day and as lovers at night, everything seemed to change when they were heading home.  She sighed. 

Desperate.  That’s what he was. 
Desperate to find a solution to his problem.  Gavin loved every moment of their time together living his dream, and now that the dream was over, reality had him in near panic mode.  All he could focus on was finding a way to make his dream a reality.  He heard Hannah’s sigh.  He glanced up.  She wasn’t looking at him.  She was staring out the window.  And while he might normally have comforted her or made small talk, this time he was incredibly single minded.  Sailboats.

They slept a good portion of the way home, just as they had on the way down. Only this time, Hannah’s head was wedged in between the seat and the door.  Gavin had been sitting up stiff and serious.  She didn’t even contemplate snuggling up to him.  There was nothing warm and welcoming about him at the moment.  And it hurt her heart.  He was
worlds away.

As soon as they walked into the foyer early Monday morning, Gavin smoothly slid around the girls and went to his study, shutting the door behind him.  The girls looked up at Hannah expectantly.  “Well,” she said slowly, “it’s going to be time to leave for school in just about half an hour.  Let’s get unpacked and then head out.” 

The girls rushed up the stairs giggling.  It was Show and Tell Day and they had much to share after their big weekend adventure.  There would be no trouble convincing them to go to school.  Hannah wondered if Gavin was going to work.  He really should have left by now.  She walked over to the study door.  Her hand was balled into a fist.  She wanted to knock, but he felt so far away.  And she felt anything but normal.  Before the weekend, she would have just knocked and walked in.  Now…now she didn’t know what to do.

She turned on her heels and walked upstairs.  Maybe Amy could give her advice.  And fast.  She didn’t want to make the girls late.

“So, how was the trip?”  Amy was thrilled to be speaking to Hannah.  That had always been their thing, keeping in touch, sharing every little moment together.  Only since Hannah and Gavin started this new arrangement, the calls had dwindled.

“It was good.”  Hannah was quiet and non-committal.  She knew if she said just the right thing, Amy would see through her, know the truth of the weekend, and she really didn’t feel like being reprimanded or reminded that she was making some huge mistake.

“Well, I guess that means you slept with him.”  Amy sat up ramrod straight in her chair and laid her reading glasses down on the desk.  She had already been at the office for several hours.  This early bird was working on making partner.  And that would never happen from the comfort of her condo, the warmth of her bed.

Sighing, Hannah responded sadly, “Yes.”  She stood up and started pacing across her bedroom floor as she spoke.  “I’m so stupid.  Everything was great and then I had to ruin it.  I just wanted him to have a nice weekend.”

“You slept with him.  I’m sure he had an amazing weekend.”  The sarcasm was dripping from Amy’s voice.

“Well, you wouldn’t know it to see him today.”  She balled up her fist and growled.  “Uggh.  I swear I hate him half the time.”

“Oh my God!” Amy shouted angrily.  “When did you fall in love with him?”  She sat back hard in her chair and kicked her feet up onto her desk.  “Was it the sex?  Have I taught you nothing?”

Hannah flopped back on the bed.  This felt more normal.  This was how they had always talked on the phone.  “I don’t know when it happened.  It wasn’t the sex, but that didn’t hurt.  I just think…it just felt like…there was more to him, you know?  Suddenly he let down his guard, he was real, and that guy was truly loveable.”  She sat up suddenly when she saw how late it was getting.  “I gotta go. The girls need to get to pre-school.  And I need to figure out what to do with myself today.  I’ll call you later.”

By the time she returned, Gavin was gone and she breathed a sigh of relief.  The last thing she needed was for him to be home in the study all day.  After speaking with Madge for a few minutes, she headed out the door to the studio.  The art, the quiet, that always made her feel better.

Soon she had music playing on the radio.  Soon she was rolling out coils.  Somehow all of those rituals and routines helped her to shake the sadness she had been feeling since the ride home.  Soon she was even humming to herself or dancing and singing, if she knew the song.  Soon she was back to feeling like herself…and that’s when she saw the shadow in the door.