Second Down (Moving the Chains Book 2) (37 page)

              Not to mention he doesn’t seem to think he’s all that good looking.

              Alex will be at State in the fall, as well. Patty doesn’t seem to think that’s enough to keep Rob grounded and soothe his sensitive soul when everyone on campus starts clamboring for a piece of him. She thinks I’m the girl for that job. The only one who can give him what he needs, were her exact words. When a guy’s mom says something like that, she’s not playing around. That she outright admitted I’ve replaced her role in his life left me stunned speechless. If it had come from anyone else, I would’ve brushed it off. But, because those words came from his own mother, I clung to them.

              Stupid, stupid, stupid.

              That first breakthrough, I thought I was helping him get better. I had no illusions that I was only a safe place for him to regain his footing. I owe him that much. The plan was to get him back to a fully functioning stud, then send him on his way in the world. I’d never be able to live with myself if rumors started getting into the media. I could just imagine him not being able to perform for the jock bunnies that are in his very near future. And then, those bimbos would go running to ruin his rep at the drop of a hat. I wasn’t about to let that happen. Especially since it’s completely my fault that he’s been having problems, at all.

              Now, though. Now, I’m not so sure.

              My plans to help him might just also be the same as his plans to help me. He’s always assumed that I’m more broken up about what happened than I am. Scared of being attacked, again? You betcha. A healthy fear of anyone bigger and stronger than me? Yep. Even Rob. Feeling an innate need to remain celibate? Not so much. I’m good and fucked up that way. Maybe Rob thinks he’s helping me get over a typically expected fear for a sexual assault victim. He knows I feel safe with him. Although, that’s because I’ve never outright told him that his strength terrifies me. Still, he saved me once, and he must feel he’s doing it again. Ever since my birthday, doubt has crept into my mind about his admissions. I wouldn’t put it past him to lie to me about everything, just so that I wouldn’t feel so isolated. It’s entirely possible that he’s fine. He just doesn’t believe that I am. Fucking good guy that he is, he feels responsible for me. He won’t let me go without making sure I’m completely ok.

              I want to hate him for it, but I just can’t. Why does he have to be so amazing?

              The sound of the zipper opening startles me from my drunken, spinning thoughts. Instantly, my panic returns. Nausea swells up my throat, my heart palpitates. I’m still so drunk. If that’s not Rob, there’s no way I can defend myself. I learned my lesson the hard way, though. This time, I won’t fight.

              Holding my breath is difficult with my heart rate so high. I lie completely still, squeezing my eyes tightly shut.

              “Evie? Oh, honey. Are you sick?”

              Rob.

              Expelling the pent up breath from my lungs is a relief. Still, when he brushes his hand across my cheek, I flinch. I hadn’t realized I’d been crying until his touch.

              “Ok, let’s get some water in you. Get you cooled down.”

              Sounds like a great plan. Not sure how to accomplish it. Movement seems like a very, very bad idea. Drinking water while lying flat on my back is a recipe for disaster. And wet sheets.

              Rob hoists me into a sitting position, thankfully bearing my weight against his chest. A bottle of water is held to my mouth. It’s like being an overgrown baby. Complete with tears.

              “I know I’m the last person to be offering this advice, but...You shouldn’t have drank so much, honey,” he whispers, still encouraging me to sip the lukewarm liquid.

              “I wouldn’t have, if I didn’t have to lie so much.”

              Instead of rising to the bait, he simply kisses my forehead. “I know. I wish you didn’t have to do that, either. I wish neither of us did.”

              I finish off the bottle in silence, then Rob helps me put my shorts back on. Without any explanation, he guides me up to the showers and restrooms at the end of our camping lane. It’s a really good idea. Glad he thought of it. I can’t think of anything except trying not to cry in front of him.

              “It’s so hot,” I whine, flopping back down on the blankets upon our return.

              “I know, Evie. You’re just extra miserable cuz you’re drunk. Lie still. You’ll feel better, soon.”

              At least nothing spins when my heavy eyelids fall shut, this time. Not even the sensation of a cool, damp cloth being dragged against my skin can force them back open.

“Does that feel better?” Rob whispers against my forehead.

Oh God, yes. “Why do you have to be so nice to me?”

He laughs, continuing his soothing travels along my body. “Hey, I’m a nice guy. And I like to believe I’m more than just nice to the girl I’m in love with. Am I not doing a good enough job?”

The cooler my skin, the less my head spins, the more sleep beckons. “Yeah. You make it so hard to hate you.”

“You hate me, Evie?” Rob’s words sound garbled, swimming around in my brain.

If he says anything else, it’s lost on me. In dreams, nothing and no one can hurt me.

??

              A strange sound pulls me from a restless slumber. Fear pricks the back of my neck until I breathe in Rob’s familiar scent and snuggle further into his embrace. Heat be damned. Safety first. Too exhausted for another panic attack, the feel of his arms tightening around me is welcome.

The next time I wake, Rob’s weight is resting on top of me. In that hazy state between sleep and consciousness, I wrap my arms around his back and nuzzle his bare chest. The familiar dream that replays in my mind on a weekly basis is a welcome reprieve from depressing reality. I embrace this fantasy fully. It’s all I’ve ever wanted. In sleep, Rob becomes my old Rob. The one not strong enough to hurt me. The sweet, shy boy that captured my heart in spite of my reservations. When I dream, he makes love to me. My body is whole and offered up to him fully and completely. He takes my gift without hesitation, proving his love for me with his passion.

Trailing slow open mouthed kisses across his hot skin, I adjust my position beneath him until our bodies align. My legs wrap around his hips. I trail my feet along his thighs.

“Evie?” The low rumble of his quiet voice moves from his chest to mine. “Stop. You’re still drunk.”

My eyes fly open as I rest my head back against the pillow, my body going limp under his. As full awareness crashes down over me, it’s apparent that this is no dream. Rob is gazing down at me with an unreadable expression, his large, muscular body hovering over mine. He’s not moving.

Nope. Definitely not my usual fantasy.

Outside the tent, the noise that woke me earlier comes into focus. It’s raining. Storming, in fact. A deluge of water pounds against the tent, the entire structure moving and groaning with the force of the wind buffeting it.

My confusion and disappointment morphs into fear. The campground is situated in a valley. The babbling brook that lulled us to sleep the past few nights must be engorged with water, now. The strength of the gale force wind could easily topple our flimsy shelter.

Rob notices my wide eyes and tense posture. “It’s ok, honey. The stakes will hold, but just in case, if the tent comes down, it’ll hit me, first.”

Ah. That’s why he’s on top of me.

He places a chaste kiss on my forehead. “I won’t let anything happen to you.”

My frustration at having believed I was in the middle of a pleasurable dream overflows. Scoffing, I roll my eyes and look away from his intense gaze. “You can’t protect me from everything, Rob.”

“I know that,” he responds, his voice grave. “Doesn’t mean I’m not going to keep trying. I promise I will always do everything in my power to protect you, Evie. Until you tell me to stop.”

Something about that last part stings my mind. He’ll be leaving in a week for training camp. Gone for the rest of summer as he acclimates to life on campus, gets initiated as a freshman on the team, and learns the ropes of Division I football. And becomes a star.

“You won’t always be with me. Don’t make promises you can’t keep. Besides, I give it a week at State until you’re begging to stop.”

“Aww, honey,” he whispers, brushing my cheek with the back of his fingers. “Is that what you think? Is that what’s bothering you?”

If I open my mouth, all sorts of things are going to pour out, not to mention tears. Maybe Rob’s right. Maybe I’m still drunk. It’s a safer idea to stay silent rather than answer his probing questions.

“Evie, listen to me.” He grasps my chin, turning until he’s sure my attention is focused on him. “I get why you’re so insecure. I do. And I get that it’s been going on for so long that it’s going to take time for you to believe my words. That’s why I’m going to keep showing you. I’m never going to stop. Ever. You can hate me all you want, and push me away, but I am never going to stop loving you. I’m never going to move on from you. I’m not gonna go off to State and find someone better. Because there isn’t anyone better. You’re it for me. You’re my dream girl.”

Stupid traitors that they are, tears roll down my cheeks to the pillow beneath me. He brushes them away with his thumbs as the storm rages on outside. Fitting for my mood. Closing my eyes doesn’t stop the storm in my heart or beyond the tent, no matter how much I try to block it all out.

Rob rests his forehead against mine. “Besides, if anyone’s going to move on, it’s going to be you. Some romantic, fully functional guy is going to sweep you off your feet while I’m gone this summer and give you everything you want and need. And I’ll understand. I’ll understand that he can give you things that I can’t, yet. Doesn’t mean I’ll stop loving you, though,” he whispers against my lips.

He opens his mouth against mine, silently asking for entrance. A single stroke of his tongue, and then, “Evie, I want you.”

Another invasion and retreat. “I need you.”

And again. “I love you.”

He heaves a deep sigh, his chest pressing into mine with the movement. A drop of water hits my cheek, prompting me to open my eyes and look around. The tent must be leaking.

But, no. Everything is dry. Except Rob’s face. His beautiful chameleon eyes are hidden from view. A clear look of pain etched onto his handsome face. Tears continue to roll down his stubble covered cheeks onto mine.

“I’m sorry, Evie.” He whispers, the sadness in his voice heavy in the humid air. “I’m trying. I swear I am. I do want you, I promise. But, I don’t want to abuse you. I’ll never be like those other guys. You’re everything to me. The last thing I want to do is hurt you because I’m too caught up in my own pleasure. I’ll try, though. Just tell me what you want, and I’ll try.”

Running my fingers through his hair seems to soothe him, even if only a little. He’s openly told me this is the way he loves me to touch him. Most guys would undoubtedly name a blowjob as their favorite favor from their girl. Not Rob. He’s only ever asked for my affection.

With his head resting against mine, his hot breath fans against my face. His arms caging me are supporting most of his weight. His biceps bulging with the effort. The same arms that could easily break my bones are being used to keep me from being crushed beneath him. His entire body that I’ve distrusted for years is being used as a shield to protect me.

He’s asking me to direct him, but my voice seems to have vacated the premises. All I know is that my heart is breaking for both of us. He’s right about me. The years of being constantly torn down have taken their toll. Even when he acts like the old, sweet Rob, I simply can’t believe his beautiful words of promise and adoration. My mind simply doesn’t work that way.

My own hangups can go to hell. This beautiful boy deserves nothing but my trust, protection, and yeah...love. He’s earned it a million times over. If only it were so easy to give him everything he wants from me. Like him, I wish I could be everything he needs. Everything his own mother believes I am.

I don’t know if I can. All I know is that I have to try.

Wordlessly, I push my hips up into him. At first, he doesn’t react. As I continue my movements, his eyes fly open and he gazes at me with an expression of wonder.

“Evie, do you still want me?”

“Yes. I want you.” The words are barely choked out, too soft to be heard over the raging wind and rain.

He must see it in my eyes, because he lets out a rush of air before grinding down into me. His breath comes in short pants. Like he’s trying to fight off his panic. “Tell me you need me like I need you.”

Continuing to run my fingers through his hair and work my hips against his in a slow and steady rhythm, I speak louder. “I need you, Rob.”

He buries his face in my neck, forcing my hands from his hair. “Tell me you love me, Evie. I need to hear you say it.”

“I love you, Rob.” Unable to continue playing with his hair, I run my hands up his strong arms, feeling the muscles working beneath his hot skin. Across his back, smoothing down his spine. The movement of his body is awesome. The power, the control. All of it. Knowing that it’s being used to both protect and please me instead of hurt me is mind blowing.