Second Rate Chances (7 page)

             
             
Ellie laughed. “I guess so. You know, you don’t look like a guy who has lost his mind.”

             
             
“I feel like it,” Sam admitted.

             
             
Ellie’s eyes were sorrowful as she said, “sucks, dude.”

             
             
“You have no idea.”

             
             
Ellie stepped away from Sam and a fraction closer to Zach, which Sam thought was kind of weird. Then again, for all he knew, Zach and Ellie were thick as thieves. Kind of like the two of them used to be.

“Ellie, did you find that bottle of wine?” Lil’s voice rang out.

The tone of her voice was so different than how it was when she had come to visit him in the hospital. She had been reserved, quiet, and even angry. Now, it was soft and light. Just like he remembered last hearing before his accident. He had to admit it hurt, the changes in her tone. To know how she once spoke to him versus how she had a few days ago. He wanted that carefree tenor speaking to him again and come hell or high water, he’d find out what made it change.
             

“Sam,” she said, her voice sounding startled. “What are you doing here?”

             
             
As far as lame excuses went, Sam used the only one he could think of. “I was passing through. I had no intentions of stopping by,” he clarified.

             
             
Color rose in his cheeks as he delivered a pitiful lie. If Lil knew it, she hid her reaction well.

             
             
“Yeah,” Zach cut in. “I walked outside to grab the DVD, which by the way, I must have left at home, when I saw Sam sitting in his car.”

             
             
Sam looked at Zach with a puzzled frown. Forgot the DVD? Sam had seen him get it out of the truck. Sam wasn’t sure what Zach was up to, and he was about to ask, when Zach winked at him. Winked!

             
             
If Sam was confused about Zach’s motives, Lil looked disappointed. “You left it?” she asked. “But that was the whole reason for coming over tonight.”

             
             
Zach shrugged. “Sorry, Lil, I must have left it on the kitchen table.”

             
             
“Are you sure?” Ellie asked. “I could have sworn I saw you put it in the truck.”

             
             
“Wait,” Sam said, holding up his hands. “I’m confused. You came over to watch Night Court with Lil, but you picked up Ellie on the way over?”

             
             
“Well, duh,” Ellie said with a chuckle. “Why wouldn’t he pick me up?”

             
             
“Oh, I don’t know.” Sam threw his hands up in the air. “Maybe because it’s kind of weird for Lil’s boyfriend to pick up her best friend. Why not just drive yourself, Ellie? Not to sound like an ass, but you’re kind of a mood killer. I should know – no offense, Zach.”

             
             
Zach laughed. “None taken.”

             
             
“Hold up,” Ellie said, looking back and forth between Sam and Zach. “Zach, did you tell Sam that you were Lil’s boyfriend?”

             
             
Like a man caught with his tail between his legs, Zach looked away from Ellie. “No.”

             
             
“No?” Sam asked with his voice rising. “You confessed your love for her outside.” Sam pointed to the picture window that was in the living room.

             
             
“You what?” Lil shrieked.

             
             
“Now, just wait a minute,” Zach said in a calm tone. He looked at Ellie first. “I never confessed my love for Lil outside.” He turned his focus on Lil. “I swear. What I said was that what I love about you is that we share a mutual admiration for Night Court.”

             
             
“Oh, that’s bullshit,” Sam all but screamed.

             
“This is fantastic,” Ellie laughed. “I can’t believe you, Zach.”

She punched him on the shoulder but Sam could see that it was all in good fun. He was missing something.

             
             
“I can’t either,” Lil said. “That’s just mean.”

             
             
“Can someone fill me in on what’s going on? Because to be honest, it’s starting to get a little weird in here.” Sam said, his eyes darting from Zach, to Ellie, before landing on Lil.
             

             
             
“Oh, Sam I Am,” Ellie said with mock sincerity. “I’m afraid that
my
boyfriend was giving you a hard time.”

             
It took a minute for Ellie’s words to sink in for Sam but when they did he felt like a complete idiot. A good for nothing jealous idiot.

             
             
“Your boyfriend?” he asked to which Ellie smiled and nodded. “I just assumed…”

             
             
“And you know what that word says,” Ellie chuckled.

             
             
“So you two aren’t...?” Sam pointed from Zach to Lil.

With an exasperated sigh, Lil said, “No Sam, we’re not. And even if we were, how could you be upset?”

             
             
“Lil,” Zach’s tone was pleading. “Cut the guy some slack. I understand how he feels. I’d feel the same way if the tables were reversed and I thought I was meeting Ellie’s boyfriend.”

Zach turned to face Sam. “Sorry, by the way. I should have introduced myself as Ellie’s boyfriend.”
             

At a loss for words, Sam remained quiet. He wasn’t sure what to say. He had these crazy mixed up feelings about being in his house, only it wasn’t his house. Meeting Lil’s boyfriend only to find out it was Ellie’s boyfriend. He had driven out of his way hoping for the chance to see her, talk to her, hell he’d even settle for arguing with her again as long as she was near him.

             
             
“Ellie,” Zach said, reaching past Sam for their coats. “Let’s go home.”

             
             
“What?” Lil questioned. “We just opened a bottle of wine.”

             
             
“So? Drink it with Sam. He drove all the way out here. The two of you can play catch up.”
             

“I didn’t drive all the way out here,” Sam said trying to defend himself. “I told you I was in the area.”

             
             
“Riiiight,” Ellie said with a smirk. “In the area.” She leaned into him once Zach slipped her coat on and kissed him on the cheek. “You were always a terrible liar, Sam I Am,” she whispered in his ear.

             
             
“It was great to meet you,” Zach said, his hand outstretched.
             

Sam shook Zach’s hand for a second time that evening. “Yeah, you too.”

             
             
“Lil, I’ll call you tomorrow,” Ellie said on her way out the door. “You two don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

             
             
As the door shut behind them, Sam heard Zach say, “That doesn’t leave much.” Sam had to grin. He could actually admit that he liked the guy, especially now that he knew he wasn’t sleeping with Lil.

             
             
In the awkward silence that followed, Sam realized he still had his coat on. Would it be too forward of him to take it off? Would Lil think he was expecting to stay?

             
             
“Well,” she said, “we shouldn’t let this bottle go to waste. You want a glass?”

             
             
Sighing with relief, Sam nodded. “That would be great.” Lil walked to the kitchen, presumably to fill a glass for Sam while he took off his bulky coat. He hung it neatly on the rack by the door and took it upon himself to look around the cottage.

             
             
It looked the same, but different. Lil had painted the walls. It had more of an updated feel from when they bought it. New light fixtures, polished wood floors, even a mantle hung over the wood-burning fireplace.

             
             
As the fire died down Sam took it upon himself to stoke the flames a bit. Without turning around, he could sense Lil behind him.

             
             
“Hope you don’t mind,” he said. “The fire looked a little low and its pretty cold out.”

             
             
“No, not at all.” She stood behind him as more heat filled the small room. Whether the heat Sam felt was from the fire or being so near to Lil, he wasn’t sure.

             
             
When he finished, he took the wineglass from Lil’s extended hand and mock saluted her. “To…” He was at a loss as to what to toast to. Thankfully, Lil filled in the blanks for him.

             
             
“To old friends helping one another.”

49

SECOND RATE CHANCES

CHAPTER 8

Lil wanted to laugh at the bemused expression on Sam’s face. It had taken a lot of soul searching to determine that she needed to help him. It was a help him, help herself scenario. In the end, maybe both of them would be better for it. He’d have his memories and she’d have the closure she had never gotten.

             
             
“Sam, close your mouth before you catch flies.” Lil laughed softly. “I’m not a horrible person.”

             
             
“So you want to help me?” Sam asked hesitantly.

             
             
“I need to apologize for how I acted at the hospital. I was being insensitive. I know this isn’t easy for you. In the moment I was only thinking of myself, having lingering doubts about you being in my life again.”
             

“In your life again?” Sam said softly which made Lil wonder if he intended to ask the question aloud. “It’s so weird. As far as I know, you’ve never been out of my life.”

“I know,” Lil said. “That’s why I’m trying to be a little more understanding of the situation. We can start small. Maybe talking once or twice a week.”

“Once or twice a week?” Lil could hear the broken notes in Sam’s voice, but what more could she offer? She hated seeing him so vulnerable. This wasn’t the man she had known since she was eighteen. The man she knew then was confident, if not cocky at times. He never sounded unsure. He always had a plan for everything.

“Well, I don’t want to cause problems with you and your…” Lil held back the groan in protest at saying Chloe’s name. Helping Sam wasn’t going to be as easy as she tried to tell herself if she wanted to throw something every time she thought of the two of them marrying. “Fiancée,” she finished.

“Oh, her.” Sam’s tone held no emotion. To be expected, when he had no recollection of the woman he asked to spend forever with. “She won’t be a problem.”

“If you say so.” Lil took a sip of wine so she could hide the smile that threatened to spread across her face. So, she was slightly giddy on the inside that Chloe wouldn’t be around. She didn’t have to tell Sam that. And it wasn’t like Lil had any ulterior motives to move in on her man. But it did make the situation a little easier.

             
             
“She left town.”

             
Lil nearly spit the wine out of her mouth. She coughed as it went down the wrong pipe.

             
             
“You okay?” Sam asked, patting her back.

Nodding Lil said, “F
ine. Just drank it a little too fast.” She

set the wineglass on the coffee table before she took a seat on the couch, offering Sam the recliner.
His
recliner, although he wouldn’t remember purchasing it. “Where is she?”

Sam had set his glass next to hers on the table. Instead of taking a seat in the chair, he opted to sit next to Lil. A breath away it seemed, as he threw his arm over the back of the couch. Lil tried to keep her expression guarded but oh how she wanted to cuddle into his chest.

             
             
“I’d really rather not talk about it. If that’s all right?”

             
             
Lil could give Sam his space regarding Chloe. If he wasn’t ready to talk about her then she wouldn’t push. Lord knew she had secrets of her own that she wasn’t ready to bring to the surface.

“Okay,” she softly said. His kind-hearted smile made her insides flutter. He was so close yet so far away. She wanted to be closer, she could sense he did too, but falling back into a routine with Sam wasn’t a smart move.  No matter how often she thought about her and Sam reuniting, it had never been under these kinds of circumstances. And Lil couldn’t picture them starting over, even though she’d never loved anyone but him, like this. If she were going to rekindle anything with Sam, there would have to be honesty up front. And as it was, both of them were keeping things from one another. Lil had to focus on helping him remember, not helping herself to a
side
of Sam.

Shaking off the tingle that zipped through her body at having Sam close again, Lil excused herself and took both wineglasses to the kitchen for a refill. When she returned to the living room, Sam had laid his head on the back of the couch, his legs outstretched and his eyes closed. Lil allowed herself a moment to really look at him. He looked exhausted. She had to wonder if he had gotten any sleep since waking up.

“You going to stare at me all night?” he asked with his eyes still closed. She smiled, knowing he couldn’t see her.

             
             
“You look tired.”

             
“You have no idea.” He opened his eyes and sat up
. She

handed him his glass.

Returning to her perch on the couch, she folded her legs underneath her and took a sip. “Start from the beginning. Tell me how you ended up here tonight.”

~~~~

Sam couldn’t believe his luck at Lil’s change of heart in regards to helping him. Well, he could believe it. Lil didn’t have a mean bone in her body. After their fight at the hospital on Monday, he was sure she’d ever
want anything to do with him.

He had to find out why she was so mad at him. Maybe not tonight, but soon. Soon she would have to fill in all the holes of how their relationship ended. For now, Sam was content on just talking to Lil. He wasn’t pleased with her idea of one or two times a week. He had a therapist for that. What he needed was a friend. His old lover.

             
             
He needed Lil.

             
             
And it was obvious from her body language, the way she rested her head against the couch and faced him with her legs drawn underneath her that she wanted to invite him closer. She was afraid. The blank look on her face told him as much. Lil was scared of him or of something about him and before long he would figure out what it was.

Instead of dwelling on what it could be, Sam dove straight into his story.

“I was released on Wednesday,” Sam began. “My dad signed me out. He offered to take me back to his house but I wanted to go to the condo. If I’m going to get better I need to see things I’m supposed to be familiar with, ya know?

“Lil,” Sam said, his voice full of sadness. “I hate the place. It’s so cold and sterile. There’s no color. It’s not…”

             
             
“Home?” Lil asked.

Sam looked at her a
nd smiled. “It’s not home. It’s
not
here,” he motioned around the room. “This is home to me. This is what I know, even though I don’t remember picking out these colors for the walls.” His head swiveled around, taking in everything he missed when he arrived. His eyes drifted over the fireplace and then back again. There hung the white washed mantle they had both talked about when they had first seen the house.

             
“The mantle,” Sam gestured. “We hung it?” Lil nodded her head up and down. “I don’t remember that. We probably had pictures lined up on it, too.” Sam stood from the couch and walked over to the mantle. Instead of pictures of him and Lil that he had envisioned, there were pictures of Lil and Ellie at the beach. Lil, Ellie, and Zach sitting around a bar table. The only photo Sam had seen before was a candid shot of Lil with her parents before the accident. He knew this picture because he had taken it their first day of college.

             
“Sam,” Lil started as she moved to stand from the couch. Sam turned around and held out a hand to stop her.

             
“I’m not asking for anything. I’m just being honest. I promise I didn’t plan on stopping by. My car,” he hesitated. Did he tell her he was hoping he’d see her tonight? Did he mention how lost he felt without her? “I just got in my car and drove. My therapist thought driving around town might help. I don’t know. It was like I was on autopilot. I’m sorry if I interrupted your evening or made you feel obligated to invite me in.”

             
             
Both said nothing and Sam wondered what could be running through Lil’s mind. She wouldn’t look at him. Rather, she looked at the floor, the empty wineglass in her hand, the burning embers in the fireplace.

             
             
Sam walked over to her, itching to brush the stray piece of hair that had fallen wayward behind her ear. Any excuse to touch her.

             
             
She cocked her head to the side and looked at him. He took her hand in his and led her back to the couch. “Sit,” he said. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

             
             
“As if sitting in the living room with you isn’t uncomfortable enough?” she questioned.

             
             
Sam shrugged and sat back down on the couch once Lil had resumed her seat. “I guess you’re right.”

“Well,” Lil said after what felt like hours of quiet when Sam was certain not even a minute could have passed them by. “You hate your condo that much we’ve established. What else? What about work? Have you seen Kane and Abe?”

             
             
He rubbed his eyes with the pads of his palms. “My life really sucks, you know that? I’ve lost my girlfriend, I hate my job. Let me back up.” He picked his head up from the couch and met Lil’s eyes. “The
me
I
know, hates his job. The
me
that is this suit-wearing, condo-living, corporate asshole loves his job.

             
             
“And then there are my friends,
our
friends, who actually don’t seem to be my friends at all. Are they yours? ‘Cause I have to be honest with you, knowing that we’ve both done something to piss them off and not want anything to do with either of us would make me feel a whole lot better right now.”

             
             
“I haven’t talked to Kane or Abe since you and I broke up. As far as I know, I haven’t done anything to upset them.” Lil shook her head back and forth. “I don’t know what happened between the three of you. Last I heard you were all still testing games together.”

             
“Not anymore. At least, I’m not game testing. I’ve been moved up the ladder. I work in this big, fancy office with a view of downtown. Kane and Abe still work in the basement, a cubicle separating them from the other testers.”

             
“I take it you’ve seen them?”

             
Sam took a deep breath and let it out. “Yeah. I went by work yesterday. The doctor thinks that if I reacquaint myself with things I’m supposed to know that the memories will return sooner. Hence the condo. So I went to work and headed to the basement like I would have normally done.” Sam laughed and scratched the back of his head. Talking about this only made him angrier. He was so frustrated that he couldn’t remember anything and he was angry with everyone around him who thought he didn’t deserve to know the truth.

             
“Didn’t go well?” Lil asked.

             
“That’s an understatement. They both gave me this pitiful glare and that was it. I tried to talk to them but they told me that I didn’t hang with the testers in the basement. That I wined and dined with the big wigs in corporate.”

             
“I’m sorry, Sam. I didn’t know.”

             
“You really haven’t talked to them?” Lil shook her head no. “Why?”

             
“Sam, Kane and Abe took your side after the breakup and Ellie took mine. I don’t have any hard feelings,” Lil added quickly. “I mean, I totally understood. I’d be lying if I said it didn’t hurt but... I guess you needed them. I don’t know. We never really talked…”

             
“Lil,” Sam said, leaning forward and reaching for her hand.

             
“It’s fine, really.”

             
She gave him a half smile and pulled her hand free from his. He hated that feeling of rejection. He was simply trying to comfort her. He knew losing Kane and Abe must have been hard on her. They were the four musketeers in college. Wherever Sam and Lil went, Kane and Abe followed. At least he could justify that she still had a best friend in Ellie. He on the other hand had no one.

             
Sam yawned. He tried to turn his head so Lil wouldn’t see the exhaustion setting in.  He should have known better. Lil didn’t miss anything. “When was the last time you had a good night’s rest?”

             
He wasn’t sure how she was going to take his answer but he wasn’t going to lie to her.