Second Time Around (9 page)

Emily spun around to face him, torn between defending the medical profession, and comforting Kevin. “I'm so sorry, Kevin.” He didn't respond. She stepped closer. “I won't try to defend what anyone told them, but I can tell you it's a very difficult job to give a patient who has less than a thirty-percent chance of survival enough hope to make him want to fight for life. I've seen what God can do when even medicine fails.”

“Yeah, well, even that wasn't enough.” He paused, then lowered his voice. “It's too bad our marriage didn't have those odds of survival, isn't it? I guess it was for the best. You have your career now, and I have no time for a commitment.”

She stared at him, puzzled by the sudden irritability in his voice. “All this time, I thought—”

“What did you think, Emily?” Kevin looked at her with a sardonic expression that sent her temper
soaring. “That I changed my mind? That I suddenly stopped loving you? What?”

“What was I supposed to believe, Kevin! You led me to believe it was because I wanted to be a doctor. How was I supposed to accept your parents' money when you resented me even wanting my own career.”

“Don't throw that at me! We offered to help. You didn't want to be obligated to anyone. You didn't trust me, or them. And I can't even believe you actually thought I was chauvinistic enough to—” Kevin set his glass on the counter, then walked to the door and opened it for her. “You don't know me at all, then, do you?”

 

All the way home, she thought about Kevin's answer to her allegations.

It was all a blur. So long ago. How had she turned the MacIntyres' offer of help into Kevin being selfish and controlling? It seemed so different now. Suddenly, she was the one who felt selfish and controlling.

Was Kevin's father ill when they made the offer? Could she have helped change the outcome in any way?

Emily went directly to her room, too disturbed to even check in with her sister. From the depths of her closet, she pulled a flat box and stared. It had been years since she'd opened it. Each layer of tape represented a turning point in her recovery. The first, anger. The next, acknowledging the pain. The last, and she had hoped the final step—freedom.

It wasn't. Here it was again—this box of memories that she'd symbolically taped up and buried as deep
in her closet as she had buried her feelings in her heart.

Dare she open it?

If she did, would she ever be able to close it again?

She kicked the box under her bed to get it out of sight. She wasn't sure she was ready to open herself up to any more pain. Emily showered, hoping that the routine would ease her tension and wash away the questions lurking in her conscience.

Kevin's kiss filled her memory. His anger broke her heart. She closed her eyes and let the tears wash down the drain, as far away as possible.

I'm not strong enough to resist him, God. And I'm not sure I could recover if he walked away one more time. Protect me, Father. Don't let me love him again if it isn't forever.

Emily dried off and put her pajamas on, then pulled back the heavy quilt and crawled into bed. The memories and random prayers continued. In the drowsy warmth of her bed, she felt at peace. Her anger disappeared. The feelings of helplessness subsided.

E
mily pulled into the clinic parking lot later than usual, her mind still on the baby she'd delivered that morning. Since the employee entrance was now closed for renovation, she had to go right past Kevin to get to the main lobby.

As much as he visits, I'm surprised he gets any work done at all, she thought as she rushed past. Taking a slight pause from his conversation, Kevin added a casual hello. Still upset about his unexpected visit over the weekend, Emily muttered a greeting on her way past.

She'd found herself asking for more divine intervention since the beginning of the renovation.
Please help me to put the past behind me.

It had taken years, but she had finally learned to let go of the pain from her father's abandonment. During college she'd come to accept that she couldn't be at peace if she was holding a grudge. It was the same with Kevin. Yet here she was again,
struggling with emotions she had thought were long gone.

Inside the clinic, the last thing she'd expected was another delay, but Ricky West ran up to her and started telling her about the preschool's trip to a farm. Emily listened for a minute before hearing Kevin's voice again. “I'll see you in just a little while, Ricky. I have to go to work now.”

Kevin's deep voice rounded the corner from the entrance to the lobby long before he did. “Here, let me help you with that.”

A sweet voice thanked him, to which he replied eagerly, “Any time.” Emily felt her emotions bristle.

Before having to face Kevin, Emily made a quick exit to her office. She tossed her jacket on the back of her chair and locked her purse in the desk drawer, then hurried to the nurses' station to get the file for her first patient. It was going to be a jam-packed morning. The sooner she busied herself with work, the sooner she would forget Kevin.

Three patients into her schedule, she entered the examination room to meet a new mother of six-month-old twins. She stepped inside and introduced herself.

The young mother's sweet voice echoed in her ears all day. It was a woman for whom Kevin had so willingly helped carry two infant seats in from the car.
I didn't think there was a man left who'd do that for a stranger,
she'd said.

Don't bother, Emily. No matter how much you try to turn him into your father, you won't succeed.
The voice of guilt wouldn't give her a minute's rest.
Couldn't I have just one day without coming face-to-face with Kevin MacIntyre?

When she left for lunch, she saw Lois and Kevin visiting outside, and turned away. For the remainder of the week, she forced herself to keep busy with work well past the time when Kevin was sure to have called it a day, which seemed to be later each evening.

Even that wasn't enough to free her from hearing all about him from the nurses. It seemed that his gregarious personality had all of the single women freeing their weekend schedules in hopes Kevin would ask them out. Come Monday, though, all were sorely disappointed. Everyone except Emily.

Despite her outward claim to not want to get involved with Kevin, she silently admitted that she'd be devastated if he asked any one of the nurses out. Inwardly, she knew it was all a last attempt to protect her heart.

In a matter of just a few weeks, progress on the clinic was beginning to show. The foundation for the new wing was poured and new walls were going up. Kevin's crew was working long hard hours, though not nearly as many as the boss. It soon became obvious that Kevin had the total support and respect of his men. In return for their efforts, rumor had it, he was quickly gaining a reputation in the industry as a fair and generous employer.

Emily caught herself looking out the tiny window in her office more than once, entranced with watching him work. It was a distraction she couldn't afford, emotionally or professionally.

 

“I'm sorry, Dr. Emily is with another patient.” The pregnant receptionist straightened her back suddenly, then placed her hand on her stomach.

I've never seen so many pregnant women in my life as in this place!
Kevin drummed his fingertips on the gold-and-white-flecked counter. “When will she be available?”

The receptionist looked at the appointment book. “She's booked for two days. Do you need an appointment?”

He thought a minute. “She said to have my arm checked out if it looked worse, but she didn't mention needing an appointment. Maybe I can catch her before she leaves this afternoon.”

“Just a minute, let me see if one of the nurses could do that for you without an appointment.”

Before he could stop her, the woman waddled into the back room. She emerged a few minutes later with Lois following her. “Come on back, Kevin. It'll only take a minute to take a look at that.”

That plan backfired. Okay, God, maybe next time You could let my timing work out better. How am I supposed to fix things with her if I can't get her to talk to me?
Though he knew Emily was a busy woman, he couldn't help but be disappointed. In the past eight years, he'd dated plenty of women, not one of whom had left him with a burning desire to be a better man, the way Emily did. She'd had that effect on him in college, and even more now.

Over the last few weeks, Kevin had spent a fair amount of time in discussion with God about the irony of Emily's and his winding up in the same town. It was more than just a coincidence.

Shortly after Bryan's transfer back to Springville, his friend asked Kevin to join him at the pancake house every Tuesday morning before work for a men's Bible study.

There were issues he hadn't settled in his own mind, let alone with God.

The decision to join the group hadn't come easily. It meant becoming accountable to follow through with the changes he'd made in his personal commitment to God and to himself. Though he'd given up his footloose days, he still wasn't comfortable with the thought of attending church. Bryan didn't pressure him, though he asked Kevin to consider going with him, Laura and the kids, and to come over for Easter dinner afterward.

One on one, he and God were making progress. But he wasn't so sure he was ready to face the congregation.

He continued to struggle with turning his life around, giving up control, and, especially, putting his heart on the chopping block again.

It had been a long battle to recover from, letting Emily move on without him. With each family tragedy, resentment had taken a stronger hold within him. The years of rebellious behavior were over, yet the repercussions lingered as an ugly reminder of his weakness. Funny, he thought. Leaving Emily had sent his life into a tailspin, and finding her had set him straight again. Or, at least, given him the courage to get his life back in order.

Trouble was, it was easier to forgive others' transgressions than it was his own. If he couldn't forgive himself, how could he begin to hope for God's, or Emily's, forgiveness?

She deserved a husband who could share her dreams.

One who had dreams of his own.

He and Bryan met for their Friday morning coffee
before work. It had been a sleepless night for Kevin, and Bryan seemed to notice immediately.

“What's bothering you?”

Kevin grumbled and took a bite of eggs, chasing it down with a gulp of orange juice. “Nothing much, why?”

Bryan chuckled. “Nothing much, huh? Let's see. That either means work isn't going well, or your love life isn't going well.”

Kevin gazed around, hoping no one had heard Bryan's smart remark. “Yeah, well, just shows how little you know.”

“You and Emily had a chance to talk yet?” His friend took another drink of coffee.

“Yeah, we talk.”
We just don't ever get anywhere with it.

Bryan wove his fingers together and leaned his elbows on the edge of the table. “About?”

He looked up skeptically, wondering when his friend had taken over Laura's duties as The Great Matchmaker. “Mainly about how stupid it would be to try again.”

Bryan lowered his voice. “You didn't tell her, did you? You'd prefer she think you just walked away rather than telling her life dealt you a lousy hand and you made a few mistakes.”

“She still has her dreams, Bryan. It's best she keep them, because I can't give them to her anymore.”

His best friend was still on his “honeymoon.” He'd lost all objectivity. He believed love could conquer all, heal all, forgive all. Little did he know.

“Somehow I can't see Emily wanting or needing anyone to give them to her. But sharing them is another issue altogether, isn't it.”

“She deserves better.” He and Bryan had been through this countless times in the past few months. Watching Bryan and Laura overcome obstacles had given him hope, until he'd come face to face with Emily.

She wasn't any too thrilled to see him. He'd tested the waters, giving her a chance to knock down the walls between them, or at least leave the door open a crack. In their years apart, Emily had perfected the technique of batting down all passes—including his, and those by his crew. At least she wasn't discriminatory.

“I'm still curious why you think you're beyond forgiveness.”

Kevin stared at the Ketchup-covered hash browns on the cast-iron platter. “I made a choice to disobey.”

“And you think your mistakes are any different from the rest of ours? Don't we all make those choices, whether consciously or subconsciously? Is the degree of error in His eyes any different?”

Bryan looked at his watch, and Kevin realized it was time to get to the clinic. He placed a bill on the table, and both men stood.

“Open your eyes, friend. He's given you another chance to have everything you could ever want.”

Kevin reflected on that for days before finally giving in to the logic. Even if He forgave him, Kevin reasoned, there was no guarantee that Emily could. Her scars went deep, and it would be like moving mountains to convince her that love could see them both through.

K
evin was reeling from the realization that Emily had spent the past years believing him a chauvinist. She had no idea how difficult it had been letting her go. How it had killed him knowing he couldn't give the woman he dearly loved her every dream. How far he'd gone to try to bury the pain of
her
silent message—that their love wasn't worth fighting for.

He watched the snow fall, remembering how much Emily loved winter.
I remember my dad making that pathetic snowman, I loved it. We had a snowball fight, and then he took us girls to a restaurant for hot chocolate.
The tears had blurred her vision and soaked his shirt. “Then what happened?” he'd asked.
A week later, Dad left, and never came back. We had so much fun together, and he left.
Kevin had held her and vowed never to hurt her.

Kevin shook his head.
I broke that promise. In her eyes, it was me that abandoned her.
“I'm sorry, Emmy. Honest, I am.”

He drove to Emily's house, hoping she wouldn't kick him out.

Katarina answered, “Sorry, Kevin, she's at the hospital. One of her patients had an asthma attack. Care to come in and visit for a few minutes?”

Kevin turned and looked at the snow. He needed some advice, and Emily's younger sister could be just the right person to give it. “Sure. I have a few questions. Maybe you could give me some answers.”

Katarina flashed her cheery smile, and Kevin let the encouragement soak in. He stomped his boots outside before walking on the beige carpet. Katarina closed the door behind him and took his coat, while Kevin untied his boots to leave them on the rug by the door.

“Would you like some cookies? Emily was up in the middle of the night baking them. Said something about a peace offering. You know what she's talking about?”

He followed Katarina from the entry to the kitchen to the dining room table. He eyed the flowers on the table and wondered who they were from. Seemed Emily always had fresh flowers. “Maybe.”

“Maybe that's why you're here?” the perky blonde added as she poured him a tall glass of milk.

He pulled the chair out for her, then sat down across the oak table and moved the flowers to one side. “Could be, but I'll talk to your sister about that. How's your mom?”

The fine eyebrow tweaked high above Kat's blue eyes. “She's fine. Still works at the department store.”

“And Lisa—what's she doing?”

“In her last semester of college, thanks to Emily.
Why do you ask?” Katarina dipped the cinnamon-coated cookie in her glass of milk and took a huge bite.

There was no use lying. Kat would see right through it, anyhow. “None of you have married yet, have you?”

The smile faded. “And you think that's because of Mom?”

“I don't mean any disrespect, Kat, but it's quite a coincidence that three out of three are still single, don't you think?”

Kat was silent.

“She never liked me much, did she?” Kevin took another bite of the chewy cookie.

“Mom has never approved of any of our beaus, Kevin. Don't take it personally. You want my opinion? She's incapable of loving any of the male population. She did not, however, pass along that trait to any of her three daughters.”

Kevin nodded. “I suppose she had a few choice comments when Emily and I called off the wedding.”

Katarina laughed. “Whatever happened between you and Em last night certainly stirred things up, didn't it? First, Emily can't sleep, then you show up with a hundred and one questions.” She paused. “Let's just say we've learned not to take our problems regarding men to our mother after that night.”

“Did Emily—go to her for advice?”

“That was a long time ago, Kevin. It's best just to pick up from where you are today, and move on if you want. Don't try to fix that.”

“You can't fix a problem if you don't acknowledge its existence.”

 

Ricky West was back in the hospital after a morning playing with a friend. The combination of ferrets and a sledding trip in a snowstorm's cold air had irritated his asthma.

She rubbed the stethoscope against her tunic to warm it up before pressing it against Ricky's bare back. There was still a loud rattle in the lower lobe of his left lung, yet his oxygen levels were rising, a sign that the nebulizer treatments were going well. His airways had opened back up, and Ricky was finally sleeping.

She turned to Ricky's parents. “I think he's through the worst of it now. It's going to take some time for him to get back to full speed.”

“Thank you for coming, Dr. Emily. I hope we haven't ruined your weekend by calling you at home. I'm sure Dr. Walker is a very capable doctor, but he has no patience with Ricky.”

Emily felt her heart swell from the compliment, but at the same time was hesitant to let herself care so much. “It's not a problem. That's why I gave you my number. I'll be back this afternoon to check on Ricky, I promise.”

On her way home, Emily stopped at the grocery store, then drove to the church to pick up some supplies to prepare for Sunday school the next morning.

When she drove up to her house, she was startled to see Kevin's pickup in the driveway. She left the car in the drive, since Katarina's things were still occupying the garage.

She opened the front door, and was surprised to see Katarina and Kevin sitting at the table, eating cookies and drinking milk.

Kevin jumped to his feet. “Afternoon.”

Emily wanted to believe his being here was a good sign, but didn't allow herself to hope for too much. They had been through ups and downs for weeks now. “Hello. I see you found my peace offering.”

Kevin's smile took the chill of the spring storm out of her. “Best snickerdoodles I've had in eight years. I came to apologize for last night.”

Emily looked at her sister, who had a grin that spread from ear to ear, then back to Kevin.

“Mostly, I'm sorry we didn't say more eight years ago, Emmy.” He stepped closer and looked deep into her eyes. “We owe it to each other to talk it through, don't we?”

“What about demanding careers? And not dreaming anymore? And no commitments—”

“Are you saying you're not interested in going to dinner with me tonight?”

She glanced at Kat.

“Don't be a fool, Emily. We can go out anytime. Go on.”

She turned back to Kevin and smiled. “I'm very interested. What time?”

“Now. Thought we could make a day of it, since we're both off. Speaking of which, do you always get called in on your weekends off?”

Shaking her head, she explained the situation with Ricky. “I need to check in on him again this afternoon. It won't take very long. I'm sure he's doing better now.”

Humored over something, Kevin wrapped her in his arms. “That wouldn't happen to be the same Ricky that diagnosed you with a broken heart, would it?”

Emily felt her cheeks heat up. Leave it to Kevin
to remember that day with the precocious children at the preschool.

“I told you he was a very insightful young man, didn't I?”

He was gloating again. Only this time, she didn't mind. This time, she dared to hope it was merely the beginning of his gentle teasing in her life. There were still a thousand questions she had for him, but she would take them one at a time. For now, she would have to dream enough for both of them, to show him that the schedule of a doctor and the schedule of a contractor could be merged without moving heaven and earth.

She rested her hands on his shoulders, relishing the moment of contentment. “You don't mind my being a doctor?”

“Only when you try to come near me with a needle.”

“You don't mind an independent woman?”

He grew uncommonly serious. “I never did. We really don't have to settle everything right now, do we? We have a birthday to celebrate.”

Tears stung her eyes. “You remembered? Or did Katarina tell you?” Emily struggled, uncertain she should trust her own emotions. She wanted so badly to believe it would work out between them.

He looked for Katarina, who'd somehow slipped out of the room unnoticed. “I'm crushed. Don't you remember my birthday?”

“Well, of course, but it's rather difficult to forget a July fourth birthday, and the whole
country
celebrates your birthday!” Emily smiled, genuinely happy remembering the past. “What should I wear?”

There was laughter in his eyes, and his gaze soft
ened when he looked her over. “You're fine for our first event.”

Emily raised her eyebrows. “First?”

“Put on your coat and gloves and follow me.” He led her to the pickup and opened the door. A bulky package with a big blue bow sat in the passenger's seat. “You'll need this.”

She removed her leather gloves and unwrapped the box. She pulled out a crumpled top hat, a ratty scarf, a carrot.
A carrot?
She looked back inside and pulled out two pieces of charcoal, and three large buttons. Confused, she turned to thank him. He was standing in the middle of her front yard with a large snowball in his hands.

“Happy birthday, Em. You going to stand there, or come help?”

“A snowman,” she whispered. “Kevin!”

“Better watch it, Doc, your tonsils are going to get cold with your mouth hanging open like that.” He set the snowball on the ground and started packing more snow around it.

Emily tromped through the foot of freshly fallen snow and started a second snowball. “Do you know how long it's been since I built a snowman?”

“Let me guess.” He tipped his head as if doing so helped him calculate each year that had passed. “Spring break, senior year of college, in Breckenridge, at precisely midnight.” Kevin smiled. “You take life too seriously, Em. And I'm here to remind you to lighten up.”

Emily's blush warmed her clear to her toes. She remembered the rest of that memorable night, and realized they would have a lot more issues to deal with than schedules and careers if this reunion lasted.

But not today. Like he'd said, they didn't need to answer everything all at once.

When they finished the snowman, it was nearly four o'clock, time for Emily to check on Ricky. “Why don't I go to the hospital and meet you back here in—” she looked at her watch “—say, an hour and a half.”

“I'll see you then.” Kevin stepped back and waved slightly, as if still uncomfortable with the sudden turn of their relationship. “Oh, and dress up. We're going to the theater in Denver.”

Emily watched him drive away, then ran inside to shower and change.
I'll show you that we can work it out, Kevin.
Before leaving, she thanked her sister for understanding.

“If you—” Kat began.

“Don't worry, Kat,” Emily said, holding one hand up to calm her little sister. She leaned closer. “I'm not letting him go this time.”

When Emily reached the hospital, a nurse pulled her aside. “Dr. Berthoff, Dr. Walker had Maternity call for you. A patient is ready to deliver, and he's with a patient in ER. Seems there's been an onslaught of admissions this afternoon. Ten from your clinic alone. He asked you to handle the delivery.”

Emily looked down at her dress and felt her heart sink. “Did you try to reach Dr. Gordon?”

“No one else is in town.”

“Another hour, and I wouldn't have been, either. Would you tell Ricky West's parents that I'm checking on a pregnant mother and
will
be there to see Ricky as soon as I can. Then call Kevin MacIntyre and tell him I've had an emergency at the hospital
and will have to call him when I'm through here. His number's in the phone book.”

The nurse turned and ran down the hall. Emily removed her heels and headed in the opposite direction. She put on scrubs, but since she hadn't even considered an emergency detaining her, had no other shoes to change into. She didn't trust herself on heels, and decided to put shoe covers over her stocking feet, but welcomed the sight of an old pair of tennis shoes offered by one of the nurses. Three hours later, Emily left the new baby in good hands at the nursery, checked in on the mother in recovery, and headed to Ricky's room.

Another hour of her date with Kevin was gone. “What a start to a reunion! This emergency couldn't have happened a month from now.” She reached inside her bag for the cellular phone to call Kevin. He wasn't home. Surely, he hadn't gone on over to her house. She called there, only to be greeted by the answering machine.

Her black leather coat slung over one arm, and her bag over the other, Emily exited the elevator and headed for the lobby. Due to the snow, she had chosen to park in the general parking lot tonight. She rounded the corner to the exit, and was surprised to find Kevin seated by the door, visiting across the lobby with the receptionists. “Evening, Dr. Emily. This charming young man has been waiting for you.”

“Hello, Sally. How are you tonight?” Emily's questioning gaze met with Kevin's smile.

“Rough night, huh?” He rose to his feet, his suit wrinkled from an obviously long wait.

“Kevin? How long have you been here? I told you I'd call. You didn't have to meet me.”

He took her coat from her arm and held it out for her. “I was worried about you driving through this deep snow in that sporty little coupe of yours. Besides, I thought you could use a smile.” He extended his elbow for her to take as they walked through the snow.

She returned his smile, slipped her arm through his and told the receptionists good-night over her shoulder. A frigid gust of wind blew through the door as it opened. “I'm sorry about ruining your surprise tonight, Kevin.”

“Doesn't look like Denver was a great plan tonight in any case. Don't you have boots?”

“I wasn't thinking of practicality, obviously. Would you like to come over to my house for some coffee?”