Secondhand Heart (5 page)

I thought about that long and hard for the rest of the night. I went back and forth between being mad at Ev and mad at myself. Mad at Ev for throwing me a hot potato. Mad at myself for not being able to handle the situation. Mad at Ev for wanting more for me. Mad at myself because I wasn’t sure if I did.

It wasn’t her fault, it wasn’t my fault. I had to remember that. I tried to focus on my essay about the public’s influence on national policy, but that wasn’t easy, either. My anger moved away from my indecision to national policy, to the war. It didn’t matter what side of the aisle you were on, you never wanted to have to pay the price of freedom in your own home. All of us were much happier reaping its benefits and taking it for granted.

Jordan and I got married two summers ago, our anniversary was coming up soon. It was a tiny party, just our immediate families and the JP, more of a convenience that anything else. He’d completed basic training and tech school, and in order for me to live on base with him, we had to be married. The military also pays married soldiers more than their single counterparts. So it made perfect sense to get hitched. Neither of us saw the future without the other one in it, a sick joke now that I was sitting here alone in my parent’s back yard, gazing over the fence that separated our yard from the one that used to belong to Jordan’s family.

I wandered over to the fence, careful not to step in any of the flowering bushes or solar lights my mom planted every year. We were friendly with our new neighbors, but not anything like we’d been with the Mangolds, but enough that it wasn’t weird for me to be looking into their back yard. The pool water stood still in the twilight, begging for someone to break its calm. For me, that pool was a memorial to all the summers I’d spent with Jordan. All the games of Marco Polo, and when he caught me and kissed me for the first time. My breath hitched in my throat every time I heard someone splash the water. My parents had gone over to have barbeques with the new neighbors a few times, but I could never bring myself to do it. This was as close as I could get.

Every so often, on nights like this when I missed Jordan the most, I’d look over the fence at the yard, and I could feel the energy of the ghosts of summers past. In a way, it comforted me, knowing that Jordan was always with me. But at the same time, it shredded me, since I knew nothing I could do would make Jordan come back.

Jordan would laugh his ass off if he could see me now, mooning over the fence at things that didn’t even belong to him anymore like some kind of creep. Things never really mattered to Jordan. He just liked to do stuff. He was a military kid, and nothing scared him.

When we were together, nothing scared me, either. I wished I could still say that.

“W
hat the hell am I supposed to do?” I whined to Bree as we sat on the bench at the park. Ever since I’d met with Cam, I hadn’t been able to stop thinking about him. The way he tried to take me seriously without pushing me. That he’d thought I was funny, even though I wasn’t trying to be.

He left me wanting more.

We’d waited until after dinner to bring the boys to the park, it had been hotter than balls all day.

“Did you make plans?” she asked.

“No. He just gave me his card. The ball is totally in my court.”

A business card. Worse than friend zoned. Have your people call my people.

“Text him. It’s way easier than calling.” Bree jumped up to rescue Lucas from getting run over by some of the bigger kids in the pirate house thingy.

“What am I supposed to say? I’ve never had to do this before.” I followed her over to the swings with the boys, and sat on one so I could let Lucas ride in my lap. “I have absolutely no game.”

“Thank him for the interview.” She shrugged when I gave her a dirty look. “Okay then, ask him how he’s settling in. He kind of spoon fed this to you.”

“I told you I don’t know what the hell I’m doing.” I’d known Jordan since I was eleven. He invited me over so we could play Olympics. After that, we were inseparable. So there was no first dates, no game playing, none of this bullshit my girlfriends always complained about.

“You’re making it weirder than you need to. He kept it totally non-threatening. Text him now.” Triple dog dare.

“I have your baby on my lap,” I protested.

Bree took Lucas away from me. “Not anymore. Text him. ‘Hey, it’s Daisy. How’s it going?’ That’s all you have to do. Then it’s his move.”

She made it sound so easy.

My fingers shook as I added Cam’s numbers to my contacts. Then I punched in the message, just like she told me to.

Then we waited.

The boys started to wear out, mission accomplished. Bree looked exhausted. She showed up with dark circles under her eyes and yawned through our playdate. Somehow, I got blamed for it. She said she still hadn’t recovered from going out with us on Saturday night.

We brought the boys over to the pond so they could feed the ducks. This was the whole reason I came with them. The ducks were bad asses. We weren’t supposed to feed them because there were unconfirmed rumors flying around of ducks eating children who ran out of bread, but until one of them tried to take a bite out of Landon or Lucas, we’d take our chances.

I jumped and grabbed my pocket when my phone buzzed.

Getting there. Lot of work. Dying to go out and have some fun.

Bree and I stared at the phone, then looked at each other. My heart was pounding.

“Ask him what he likes to do!” she suggested.

“What if the answer is creepy? Then he’s got my phone number.”

“He’s not creepy, Daisy. He’s been nothing but nice so far.” Bree rolled her eyes then softened a bit. “Give him a chance.”

I started typing a couple times, but erased it, groaning. “Everything I write is really presumptuous. Like ‘Oh hey, you must totally mean you want to take me out.’ And that’s probably not what he means at all.”

“Tell him that you’re out with us, it will be conversational, and you won’t be assuming that he’s trying to put the moves on you.”

That made sense. Although, if Bree was so good at this, one of her baby daddies might still be in the picture.

I bet. Out with Bree and the boys. Feeding the ducks at the park.
Finally, a response that worked.

Sounds fun
, he answered.

It is. I love coming here with them.

When is the next time you’re free?
Okay, now he was asking me out. I squealed and put my hand over my mouth. Landon got distracted and his duck made away with the rest of the bag of bread.

“Oh my God.” Bree took the phone from me to look at the message, then started typing.

“What the frig do you think you’re doing?” I grabbed the phone and she shrieked with laughter before reaching down to comfort Landon, who hadn’t recovered from the duck robbery.

She’d typed
I have class on Tuesday and Thursday nights, other than that I’m free.
It wasn’t bad, so I shrugged and hit send.

Do you like baseball?
he answered.

Did I like baseball? Ev had to have coached him. Eh, who cared if she did?
Love it.

Want to catch a Plymouth Pilgrims game with me?

“He wants to take me to a Cape League game,” I told Bree.

“Awesome. Perfect. Amazing.” She approved. “This could be the beginning of something beautiful.” She sang beautiful, making us both laugh.

I’d love to.

I helped Bree buckle the boys into the car. Lucas fell asleep before we left the parking lot. I kept looking at my phone, waiting to see what Cam would say next. Radio silence. Maybe it was just hypothetical. Maybe he regretted asking me.

Bree dropped me off at home. There was no Sox game tonight, but my dad was still in front of the TV with the dog, watching some reality show with a lot of hillbillies in it. Total deal breaker. I went up to my room, so I could stare at my phone and not have Dad think I’d lost my mind.

I jumped when my phone buzzed. I’d given up on hearing from him, and cracked open my Pre-Calc book to rub some dirt in the wound.
There’s a game Monday. Can I pick you up at six?

I danced around my room for a couple minutes, and texted Bree to let her know that I heard from him before answering. I wanted to play it cool, like I hadn’t had the phone right next to my face since I sent him the last message.
Sounds great.

Doesn’t it? Can’t wait.

“O
h my God, that’s Cam Hunter!”

“Cam! Cam!”

“Can I have your autograph?” Cam got swarmed by fans as soon as we arrived at the baseball game. People of all ages first pointed at him, needing assurance they actually had spotted a country singer and not a stunt double, then once they were sure, they didn’t hesitate to pounce. They whipped out their phones and asked for pictures. Mothers pushed their young kids forward through the crowd. Like the kids had any idea who Cam was.

Cam took it in stride, smiling, posing for pictures. I had to remind my heart to keep beating as the crowd threatened to chew me up. I don’t think anyone realized I was there with him. Five minutes into our first date and I was going to have a panic attack.

“Isn’t that the girl whose husband died in Afghanistan?” someone asked their friend, talking about me like I wasn’t right there.

“Yeah, I think she walked in with Cam.” Her friend eyed me, not caring if I noticed or not. “Maybe they’re throwing out the first pitch or something.”

“It’s got to be a charity thing.” The first woman shrugged. I wanted to die. People thought Cam would only bring me out for charity? This was such a horrible idea. We should have gone someplace else, like Connecticut. They might know Cam there, but no one would have known me.

I reached around a grown man who was way too excited to be in this crowd to touch Cam’s shoulder. When he turned to me, the buzz of the swarm hushed. “I’m going to find some place for us to sit.”

“Wait for me.” His eyes told me he wanted away from the crowd as much as I did. “Guys, I’m going to go enjoy the game now, okay?” he called out. Anyone who hadn’t got an autograph groaned in disappointment, but much to my surprise, Cam was able to make a clean break.

“Sorry about that.” Cam kept his voice low. He took my hand when he joined me, his arm rubbing against mine. I could hear people gasp and react, almost like we were in a cage at the zoo. Yes, the hot singer is here with the chunky townie. Get over it, people. You’re here for the game, just like us.

“Don’t be sorry.” I looked up at him as we walked, more so I could make the rest of the world go away. “I just get funny in big crowds like that, that’s all.”

“Are you going to be all right here?” His eyebrows turned down with concern.

“Yeah. Just as long as I know I can get away from it, I’m fine.” We headed to the outfield. It sloped upward from the playing field, so fans could see the whole game if they wanted to sit there. But people tended to choose the seated area instead. Cam had brought a woven blanket for us to sit on, instead of heading to the bleachers. I thought it was clever before, but after the fan frenzy, it seemed like pure genius. Anyone who knew how to avoid a crowd was all right by me.

Cam spread out the blanket and we both settled. He reached back in his cooler and pulled out a thermos and two plastic cups. “I made us a little something at the bar.” He handed me my cup, filled with pink liquid.

I put it to my lips. It smelled sweet. And strong. “What is it?”

He sighed. “I think it’s electric lemonade. I’m more of a beer guy, but I couldn’t bring myself to put beer in a thermos. And I wasn’t sure how strict they were about drinks at the game.”

“Oh, they’re strict. Welcome to the suburbs.” I took a sip. “Whoa! Are you trying to get me drunk?”

“Maybe.” He laughed, then drank his concoction. “Holy crap. Good thing I’m not a bartender. I’d be sued within a day.”

“What kind of beer do you usually drink?” I asked.

“I’ve been digging the Mayflower Porter we have on tap.”

“Nice. Super local. But,” I faked concern. “I’m an ale girl. Is this a deal breaker?”

His eyes lit up and he stifled a laugh. “You know your beer. That’s a deal sealer.”