Secret (38 page)

‘We used to trade places all the time. He loves sports, and I . . . well, I really looked for any reason to stay the hell out of a locker room, so he pretended to be me so he could play
more
sports. The school limits you to two, so . . .’ Nick shrugged.

‘Hmm. And what did you do while you were pretending to be him?’

Nick snorted. ‘His math homework.’ As soon as he said it, he realized Adam was going to misunderstand. ‘Not like you think. When our parents died, he couldn’t keep up. I started doing it to help him, just so he wouldn’t be held back. It became . . . like . . . a
thing
. He believed he couldn’t do it, and I wanted to do that for him. To be there for him. To —’ He made a disgusted noise. ‘This is stupid.’

‘No. It’s not.’ Adam leaned into him again. ‘What does he do for you?’

‘I don’t — it’s not —’ Nick pressed his fingers into his eyes. ‘Everything.’

He kept hearing Hunter’s words on the steps.
I’m not his best friend, Nick. You are.

Nick realized he didn’t even know if his brother had made it home okay.

He hated that Gabriel had monumentally fucked up, but he was still sitting here worried about him. ‘Can I use your phone again?’

Adam sat up and shifted to pull it out of his pocket. He held it out without a word.

Nick called the house phone. The line rang half a dozen times.

Maybe Gabriel had been hurt. Maybe they were all out looking for him. Nick remembered sensing someone in the woods near the house the other night — had he mentioned that to Michael? He couldn’t remember. He’d been stupid to stay out of touch for so long. His world could be crumbling right this very second, while he was sitting on Adam’s back porch, completely out of reach.

Nick felt his heart pound against his rib cage, chastising him with each beat. He’d let his brother drive off in a fury. God only knew what he could have gotten into.

Tyler. Had Gabriel gone after Tyler? If something had happened, would Chris have thought to find Adam’s number on the caller ID last night?

Maybe —

The phone clicked as someone picked up. ‘Merrick Landscaping.’

Gabriel. Nick almost dropped the phone.

He didn’t know what to say.

The line filled with silence for the longest time.

Then Gabriel said, ‘Nicky.’

Not a question. He knew. Nick couldn’t read anything from his voice. He still didn’t know what to say.

And his brother wasn’t filling the silence, either.

Finally Nick cleared his throat. ‘I just wanted to be sure you made it home.’

Then, before Gabriel could say anything to that, Nick pushed the button to disconnect the call. He all but shoved the phone back at Adam.

They sat there in silence for a few beats.

Then Adam held the phone out. The display was lit up with an incoming call.

Gabriel was calling back.

‘Do you want to talk to him?’ said Adam.

‘No.’ His heart was still working double time.

He expected Adam to press the button to refuse the call, but he answered it, putting the phone to his ear and saying ‘Hello?’ before Nick fully comprehended what he was doing.

Nick sat there and stared, torn between grabbing the phone to disconnect the call and sitting in morbid fascination about what Adam would say.

Adam drew his knees up and rested an arm against them. His voice was low, quiet and confident. ‘He doesn’t want to talk to you right now.’ A long pause, then he said evenly, ‘I told you, he doesn’t want to talk to you. Maybe you didn’t understand me since I wasn’t thpeaking in thtereotypes.’

Nick snorted with laughter before he could help it, and had to slap a hand over his mouth. It was nervous laughter more than anything. His eyes were wide. No one
ever
talked to Gabriel like that.

Then Adam sighed and spoke into the phone. ‘Guess what, sunshine? It’s not about what you want. I’ll tell him you called, okay?’

He didn’t wait for an answer. He disconnected the call.

This time, the phone stayed silent.

Adam looked at him. ‘He wants to talk to you. That’s all he said.’

Not
I’m sorry
.

Nick’s emotions weren’t sure how to process that information.

Adam set the phone on the concrete. ‘Why did you want to call him?’

‘I just wanted to make sure he got home.’ Nick stared out at the dissipating fog. ‘I was going to tell him. Last night. That’s why we were at the coffee shop.’ He glanced over at Adam. ‘I keep wondering if it would have turned out any differently.’

‘You mean, if he would have hit you either way?’

Nick nodded.

Adam shifted across the concrete to sit beside him again. ‘Look, I’m not going to defend your brother. I know he hurt you.’ His voice softened. ‘I know he hurt you a
lot.
But when he came after me, I don’t think it had anything to do with me being gay, but rather everything to do with protecting you. On the phone just now, he wasn’t an asshole, either. And he could have been.’

‘Do you think I should call him back?’

‘Do you want to?’

Nick thought about it. He imagined his twin brother standing in the kitchen, deliberating whether to call a third time. Nick wished he could put everything back the way it had been.

Then he glanced at Adam and realized that wasn’t true.

He shook his head. ‘No, I don’t want to talk to him. Not yet.’

‘Okay.’ Adam took another sip of coffee. He laced the fingers of his free hand through Nick’s again, and they sat there for the longest time, watching the mist thin and swirl.

Nick hadn’t realized how easy this could be, sitting with someone who wasn’t
judging
him. Who wasn’t piling expectations on him.

Adam’s phone chimed again, and Nick’s pulse jumped. He should have known it wouldn’t last for long.

But Adam smiled. ‘Well, look at that,’ he said. ‘Quinn wants to know if we’re still on for dance this afternoon.’

Nick hadn’t realized how worried he’d been about Quinn until that very moment. She was okay. She had to be okay if she was sending a text about dance.

Adam was texting back, talking while his fingers slid across the face of the phone. ‘Studio classes end at one, so I can meet her after lunch. Want to join me?’

Nick looked away. ‘She probably doesn’t want to see me.’

Adam poked him. ‘What do
you
want?’

‘I want . . .’ Nick paused, feeling weight in the words. His brothers were probably cursing him this morning, because Saturdays meant large landscaping jobs, and Nick knew Michael had blown one off last night. Quinn definitely didn’t want to see him at practice.

But his words were hanging out there.
I want
.

Such a stupid, simple phrase, but it felt so foreign.

‘You want . . . ?’ prompted Adam.

‘I want to go with you,’ he said, the words a jumbled rush that came out too quiet, completely uncertain.

Adam poked him again, harder. He was smiling. ‘What was that?’

Nick leaned into him and said, ‘I want to go with you.’

Another poke. ‘I can’t
hear
y —’

Nick trapped those words with a kiss. ‘I want to go with you.’ Another kiss. ‘And if you’d shut up a second, maybe I could tell you what else I want.’

28

Quinn leaned against the window of Tyler’s truck and closed her
eyes, content.

She’d slept all night.

She’d taken a shower unimpeded.

No social workers or cops had shown up to break down the door or whatever they did in real life.

Her younger brother had responded to texts that yes, he was fine.

And Tyler was driving her to dance.

It had been his idea for her to go.

Actually, he’d narrowed his eyes at her over toast and orange juice and said, ‘Aren’t you supposed to be rehearsing for some scholarship thing?’

And she’d mumbled and made excuses until he’d all but sent the text to Adam himself.

Tyler was having none of her self-pity. He kept whispering to her, seeming to know every time self-doubts crept into her head to set up camp. ‘You’re not worthless,’ he’d murmur, when she started thinking that maybe it
was
her fault that her brother had started smoking crack on her bedroom floor. Or, ‘You are brave,’ when thoughts snuck up to talk her out of ever leaving his apartment.

But her favorite was ‘You are special,’ whispered while dropping a chaste kiss on the back of her neck, stroking her hair down her back before moving away.

After going to sleep on a declaration of wanting to kill Nick Merrick, she hadn’t realized Tyler would wake up with a mouth full of Hallmark platitudes.

She loved this side of him, this gentle, thoughtful side. She suspected he didn’t reveal it often, or to many people.

The funny thing was, if Tyler and Nick weren’t mortal enemies, she could see them becoming friends.

‘What time are you going to pick me up?’ she asked.

‘Are you kidding?’ He glanced over. ‘I’m planning on staying.’

‘Come on,’ she said. ‘You don’t have to do that. It’s not like you’re getting any action from m —’

Tyler put a hand over her mouth. ‘I’m going to pretend you didn’t just say that. I told you before: I thought your dance was pretty good, from what I saw on the trail. I’d like to see it all put together.’

‘Come on. You want to spend a few hours at a dance studio?’

‘It’s been a dream of mine.’ He glanced over and offered a wicked smile. ‘All right, brutal honesty: I brought my laptop. I have a paper due in history.’

The dance studio parking lot didn’t sport many cars; no surprise on a Saturday afternoon. This was Quinn’s favorite time to dance: when the sunlight would be warm through the windows, and energy from the morning classes would still cling to the air in the room, and she’d move as if a thousand dancers accompanied her.

Her home life seemed miles away. Right where she wanted it.

At the door she stopped and faced Tyler. ‘Hey,’ she said quietly. ‘Thanks for bringing me here.’

‘You’re welcome.’

She pressed her lips together for a second. ‘No,’ she said. ‘All of it. Thanks for all of it.’

He winced and looked away. ‘Not all of it.’ He paused and let his eyes find hers. ‘I’m sorry for some of it. For a lot of it.’

The sunlight glinted off his hair. Tall and blond and strong — he looked like the proverbial white knight. All he needed was a suit of armor.

She kept her voice low, and stood on tiptoe to kiss his cheek. ‘You’re special, too, Tyler. And brave. And definitely not worthless.’

His eyes widened fractionally, enough that Quinn knew she’d affected him.

‘Don’t worry,’ she whispered. ‘I’ll keep all that a secret.’

He rolled his eyes and reached for the door handle.

Then they were through the door and face to face with Nick Merrick.

Quinn sat on the polished wood floor, stretching beside the mirror, watching Adam to follow his warm-up. They didn’t have the studio to themselves yet, so they’d have to wait to use the main area of floor. She didn’t mind the extra time — two days off had left her muscles tight. She folded low, reaching for her ankle, catching sight of Nick and Tyler in the mirror. They sat across the room on the wood risers, a good six feet apart, not speaking.

Waves of hatred radiated from them both.

When they’d first walked in, Nick had told Tyler to leave.

Tyler had told Nick to go to hell.

Adam had told them both to grow up or get out. He’d done it in the same voice she’d heard him use on the six-year-olds when they got rowdy in the beginner class. Half teasing, half serious.

Nick had backed off and found a spot on the risers. He hadn’t looked happy about it then, and he looked downright furious now.

But to her surprise, Tyler had apologized to Adam, shaking his hand before finding his own place to sit and watch.

Adam switched legs and Quinn snapped back to the task at hand. She moved to mirror his motion.

‘How long do you think we have before they kill each other?’ Adam said under his breath.

His voice was easy, casual. She was glad — a small part of her had worried that he’d hold her recent no-shows against her.

‘Nick hates him,’ Quinn said. She hadn’t realized Nick would be here at all or she would’ve told Tyler to go elsewhere. She felt like she was straddling this ravine between taking joy in Nick’s discomfort and hating that she’d caused it.

‘I can see that.’ Adam paused. ‘He was really worried that you were dating him.’

‘We’re not —’ She faltered. Were she and Tyler dating? Were they friends? ‘I don’t know
what
we’re doing.’

Adam put the soles of his feet together and folded low. ‘Is he being good to you?’

True concern was behind those words, another reminder that Quinn had spent too much time pushing away people who could have helped her. She nodded, thinking of Tyler’s whispered comments all morning. Then she gave Adam a wicked smile. ‘Is Nick being good to
you
?’

Adam blushed. For real.

Quinn grinned and realized there might be a reason behind Nick’s being here. ‘Holy
crap
. Did you guys spend the
night
together?’

‘Shh!’ Adam reached out and smacked her on the top of the head.

‘Did you?!’

He turned it right back around on her. ‘Did you spend the night with Tyler?’

‘Yeah, in his
guest room
.’ She hesitated, thinking of how Tyler’s evening had gone. ‘He’s being a gentleman. And he didn’t have the greatest night.’

‘Neither did Nick. He came out to his brother and got punched in the face.’

Quinn sat up straight. She glanced at Nick and lost every ounce of vindictive joy. Now she wanted to kill his twin brother. ‘Gabriel hit him?’ she whispered. ‘Are you serious?’

‘Yeah. He didn’t want to go home.’

Quinn couldn’t blame him. ‘I wish I’d known,’ she said. ‘I wish he’d called me.’

Then the irony of her own words smacked her in the face. Nick would probably be saying the same thing about her problems, if he knew.

She glanced across at where Nick and Tyler were sitting. They didn’t seem to be speaking. Had Tyler moved closer? She couldn’t tell. Nick almost vibrated with angry tension.