Secret of a Thousand Beauties (15 page)

“Now I think I remember that a young man helped us, but that’s all.”

Purple and I cast a glance at our little sister. “How’s Little Doll doing?”

“The doctor says she’ll be all right. She has some bruises and shallow wounds, but she is still in a state of shock. So they are giving her sedatives, that’s why she’s asleep.”

Purple pulled me aside. “Aunty’s pretty depressed. We need to be sure she does not plan to try to kill herself again.”

I agreed but had no idea of what to do. After all, Aunty was blaming me for the whole thing.

Purple walked back to the bed, and said, “Aunty, we think that Heaven has decided that you should live. So you must follow Heaven’s will.”

Aunty’s eyes suddenly brightened and she looked happier. But then her happy mood deflated like a punctured balloon. “I don’t think I can embroider, at least not for a very long time. . . .”

We both tried to comfort her by saying that she’d recover sooner than she thought.

“But
Along the River
is lost. Leilei’s gone. It’s hopeless.” She turned her head away from us, tears welling up in her eyes.

We had no heart to tell her that Leilei was, in fact, dead.

After some silence, Purple said, “We can work faster. We’ll just spend all our time embroidering so we can finish in five months.”

Then, to my surprise, my teacher turned to me. “Spring Swallow, do you think you can finish this in five months?”

“We’ll try our best,” Purple said.

“But Spring Swallow will be the lead embroiderer.”

Face turning pale, Purple protested. “But why? !”

“You know why—because Spring Swallow is already better than you.”

Before Purple had a chance to react to this, my mountain friend suddenly appeared by Aunty’s bedside.

Aunty cast him a sharp glance, then looked at me. “Who’s this young man?”

“Aunty Peony, he’s Shen Feng, the one who rescued you and Little Doll and brought you here.”

With curious eyes, she studied Shen Feng from head to toe and made a few repeated rounds. “Is that so?”

Shen Feng nodded. “Yes, Aunty.”

Aunty turned to me. “So you know him?”

“Yes, he’s the man I told you about.”

“So you broke your vow of celibacy!”

I hastily told Aunty that he and I had just met, nothing else. Shen Feng cast me an amused look.

“Young man”—Aunty regarded him sternly—“my girls are not allowed to make friends with men. Only if necessary for business. There’s no pleasure in my house, only dedicated work! So, Mr. Shen, I advise that you stop seeing my girl. You think I don’t know why you go to that haunted mountain where nobody goes?”

Now Shen Feng looked shocked. “But, Aunty—”

“There’s no ‘but.’ Please leave now, young man, I need to talk to my girls in private. Thank you for bringing me and my little friend here; I am grateful to you for that. But you needn’t come see us again. We are fine without a man, young or old.”

I was astonished to hear Aunty treat her rescuer in such a cold, ungrateful way.

As Shen Feng was leaving, he winked at me. I hoped that this meant he would ignore Aunty’s prohibition and keep meeting me.

Just after Shen Feng left, a Western doctor came to Aunty’s bed.

The foreigner said to Purple and me in accented Chinese, “Don’t talk too much and disturb the other patients.”

Purple asked, “Doctor, when will my Aunty’s head and hands recover?”

“Her head is fine. Her hands, she used them to fend off the rocks . . . it’s too early to tell. She has a fracture in her right metacarpal. This will take time to heal. But she’s all right otherwise, only bruises and abrasions on her shoulders, back, and legs. The little one is just in shock, no serious injury. Please, they both need to rest, so you can go now and come back tomorrow.”

We thanked him, then said good-bye to Aunty. When we came downstairs into the lobby, Shen Feng was waiting, pacing restlessly. He came up, effusively thanking Purple for being so loyal to Aunty, while at the same time thrusting a slip of paper into my hand. As he was leaving, I told Purple I needed to use the bathroom. Once alone, I took out the paper and read.

16

T
he next morning over breakfast, Purple asked, “Spring Swallow, how do you know this man?”

“We exchanged messages on the mountain. He saw my writing and answered.”

She sighed. “
Hai,
nothing can fight human nature. You love him.”

“But Shen Feng is not my lover—”

“Not your lover? I saw you together; it’s very obvious.”

“Really?”

“Of course, since I’m in love . . . you can always tell when a woman’s in love.”

“But, Sister Purple, we haven’t done anything, not even hold hands. . . .”

“Have you heard of the Peony Pavilion story?”

“You mean about Aunty Peony?”

“No, it’s a famous play. The woman met the man only once, and only in her dream. But she fell in love with him so deeply that she ended up dying of a broken heart. Not only did they never even hold hands, their only encounter was in a dream. This is the force of love, Spring Swallow.”

“Do you love Jiang?”

“Yes, we love each other.”

I gathered up my courage, and declared, “I love Shen Feng too.”

“How do you know about love? Your only lover was a ghost.”

I had not expected this—it was not like Purple to be mean.

She went on bitterly, changing the topic. “Are you happy that Aunty assigned you the job and not me?”

“What job?”

“You know what,” she said, then went inside her room and slammed the door with a bang.

But I had no time to worry about her feelings, because I needed to hurry to meet Shen Feng on the mountain.

Once I reached the top, I saw Shen Feng silhouetted against the rising sun, playing the flute and looking tall and powerful. A bittersweet tune filled the mountain air, tugging at my heart. Purple had said I did not know what it was like to love a live man. But I thought what I was feeling must be love. It made me happy just to look at his back.

Hearing my footsteps, Shen Feng turned and smiled at me. He lowered his flute, then extended a helping hand. I willingly took it, even though I didn’t need help. His hand felt different from Purple’s or Little Doll’s; it was big and very warm. Then I was surprised to feel myself being pulled into his arms, and even more surprised that I let him. He said nothing and I felt content absorbing his body’s heat in the pure mountain air. Seconds later he let go of me, looked in my eyes, and kissed me, at first tentatively, then, sensing that I didn’t resist, more urgently.

I had never been kissed by a man before. My emotions were a jumble—but I liked it.

When he finally released my lips, tongue, and body, he asked, “Did you really take the celibacy vow?”

I nodded.

He remained silent for a while, then spoke again. “Spring Swallow, I really like you.”

I didn’t know what to say to this. Of course, I really liked him, too, but was not sure if I should say so.

He shook his head. “Your vow doesn’t mean anything. China is changing and women can decide for themselves. It doesn’t matter what your Aunty tells you to do. Now, for me, if I really want something, I’ll get it—at any cost. And I can’t wait—because I have to go away tomorrow.”

The thought of him going away now left me desolated. “Why . . . ?”

He sighed, his eyes surveying the mountain and the sky. “Here I coach university students part time.” He paused, then said proudly, “But my real work is as a revolutionary—”

“A revolutionary? What does that mean?” I’d heard there was a revolution, but all I knew is that it was something political.

“We are working to overthrow the corrupt government that is stopping China’s progress.”

“But we already have a new government since the Qing dynasty is gone.”

“But there are still evil warlords. . . . Anyway, I’ve just been assigned to leave Soochow for another city.” He sighed. “I’m so sorry, Spring Swallow, I . . . don’t know when I’ll be back.”

“I’ll wait for you.”

“It’s not that.”

“Then what is it?”

“Because this time I may . . . get killed.”

My voice shot up. “Killed? Then why are you going?”

I remembered Father Edwin once quoted Confucius’s saying, “The superior man would never stand under a crumbling wall,” meaning we should avoid dangerous situations.

“Spring Swallow, I love my country and will do anything to help build a modern China so that my sister and her lover will not have died in vain. They were destroyed by the feudal system. I swore to oppose the evil forces until my last breath. That is what it is to be a revolutionary—we are China’s future.”

I stared in bewilderment at the man who’d just kissed me passionately. If he was going to get killed, why had he kissed me? To be his last memory?

Shen Feng held me, and said tenderly, “But don’t worry, Spring Swallow, I promise I’ll come back. For you.”

Can one
promise
to come back from a dangerous mission?

“How long will you be away?”

“A few weeks, if not months. I really don’t know. It all depends on headquarters.”

“Where are you going?”

“Sorry, but I can’t tell you—our revolutionary plans are top secret. Spring Swallow, I like you very much. More, I’m in love with you. Before we met, I already felt we were destined to be lovers just from reading your writings . . . that maybe . . . we were husband and wife in a past life. I hope you have the same feeling for me.”

I liked Shen Feng very much, but everything seemed to be getting so complicated so quickly that I was now completely confused. He’d just said he was in love with me, but then he also was about to leave me. What did he really want?

As if guessing what was on my mind, he said, “I wish I could stay here with you forever, but sadly I cannot. So we must make the most of the time we do have together.”

He tilted my chin so he could look into my eyes. “So, Spring Swallow, if you feel for me as I do you, we’ll make a pledge and take Heaven, Earth, and this mountain to witness our love. Please tell me you will.”

“But . . .”

“There’s no time. Just say yes or no.”

Feeling too embarrassed to say yes, I nodded while avoiding his gaze.

Shen Feng untied the flute from his waist and put it on my palm.

“Accept this—it is all I have to give you to remember me by.”

The bamboo felt cool and comforting in my hands, but the tears coursing down my cheeks were warm and bitter tasting. I thought of Father Edwin telling me that Chinese think of bamboo as one of the three winter friends, together with pine and plum blossom. Bamboo is the noble person because it always grows straight and can survive the harshest winter. I was hoping that our love would too.

He leaned down to kiss me on my cheek, then wiped my tears with his flute-playing hand. I wanted to give him something in return but all I had was a small embroidered handkerchief. I handed it to him. He looked at it carefully, smiling as he appreciated the lotus flowers swaying above a pond. Then he put the handkerchief to his nose and deeply inhaled the scented herbs.

“Spring Swallow, what a beautiful piece! I’ll take this with me wherever I go. Whenever I touch it or look at it, I’ll remember your beautiful face.”

“Feng”—I touched his face—“whenever I touch your flute I will think of when I first heard you playing it up here.”

He kissed me again, took my hand, and led me to kneel on the ground facing north. From his bag he took out three incense sticks, lit them, then inserted them into the ground.

I looked down at the vast expanse of green veiled by the mountain fog. Rivers coursed in and out between red-roofed houses. After we silently appreciated the scenery looking in the distance like the land of the immortals, Shen Feng started to speak in a solemn tone.

“Heaven above, Earth below, and the mountain on which we stand, we respectfully ask you to witness Spring Swallow and me, Shen Feng, pledge our vows to be husband and wife.”

I felt a jolt. I had no idea that he was going to “marry” me! Besides, I was already married. But since I was never going back to my old village, no one would know. So I put this worry from my mind.

Shen Feng went on. “We will always love and respect and take care of each other until our brows turn white.”

After that, he led me to bow three times looking up at Heaven, three times looking down to Earth, and then the same to the mountain. When we finished, he took out a small knife and cut off a strand of my hair, then of his. He tied the strands together into two knots, then handed one to me and kept the other for himself.

“Spring Swallow, with these two-hearts-as-one knots, we’ll be united forever. So we are now
jiefa fuqi
—hair-tied-together husband and wife.”

Everything had happened so quickly that my mind couldn’t catch up.

But it didn’t have to, because my just-wed husband took me into his arms. He pulled me to him so tightly as if he feared the slightest mountain breeze might blow me away from him into the mist below.

We remained silent for moments; then, as if hypnotized, I let Shen Feng carry me inside the cave. When he laid me down, I felt frightened, but also aroused by this man’s love, passion, determination. Revolutionary or not, for the moment he was just my husband. Shen Feng moved on top of me and started to kiss my eyes, lips, and neck.... Warmth slowly rose up from between my legs as Shen Feng’s hand joined his lips in discovering my body.

I’d never had sex with a man. This would be my first time, but I didn’t dare to ask if this was his first. Once I had let one of the street kids kiss me and pull down my pants to see what was underneath. But this was different—now I felt awkward and shy as Shen Feng began to gently remove my clothes. I turned onto my side to try to hide my naked body.

“Please, Spring Swallow, let me . . .”

“But, Feng . . .”

“Please . . . time is running out, always . . .”

Now his big hands reached up and loosened my pony tail so my hair fell free on my naked shoulders.

I let myself go completely, kissing and touching him back, giving myself to this man I’d met only three times and who’d be leaving tomorrow. . . .

“Feng, promise me you’ll be back soon. . . .” I murmured as I felt his lips brushing against my breast.

“I love you, my dear wife Spring Swallow, you must wait for me.”

As his hands got more adventurous, I writhed uncontrollably under his strong, revolutionary torso, while feeling helpless, vulnerable, and, for the first time, deeply loved....