Secret Worlds (486 page)

Alex groaned and wrapped his hands around the backs of her legs. He slid them up, cupping the curve of her bottom, fingers caressing the crease that led him to her inner thighs. He drew her to him.

She allowed it, pressing against his body. She wanted more of him. More pressure. More skin against skin. Her hands sank down from his face to slip between them, pulling on his shirt. She pulled it up and off, tearing her mouth from his for an instant to yank the shirt over his head.

He worked the buttons of her shirt, fumbling at them in his hurry. He freed the last of them, spreading her shirt open and back and pushing it off her shoulders. He sat back to look at her.

She followed his gaze to his hands. They spread wide across her ribcage, his sun-darkened brown skin stark against her pale freckles. Above his fingers, her skin curved into the slight swell of paler skin and peaked nipples. He slid his palms up to her sensitive breasts, and she pressed into him, sliding her hands up to cover his. His thumb circled her nipple then slid away as he pulled her up.

He drew her into his mouth, the power slicking electric hot up her nerves. She arched her back, melting into him, already shuddering with the force of the energy surging through her as he licked at her. He slid his hands around her back, pulled her closer, holding tight. Everywhere their skin met, the searing flux of energy wove between them. Each time their skin parted, a white arc of heat spanned the distance and danced along their skin, joining them.

Lena sank lower, pushing her hand between his waistband and his skin. She slid her fingertips along his lower belly before dipping lower. The soft, almost delicate skin she found was a contrast to the rigid flesh it covered. She wrapped her hand around him and pulled energy along the length of him.

Alex’s hands and mouth stilled and his eyes closed.

Like that, do you?

She danced her fingers down. She waited a beat, giving him a second of anticipation. She tightened her hand and drew up again, this time reaching further to pull more coursing energy through him as she drew her hand up in one smooth motion.

He growled deep in his throat, hiked her up on his body, and surged to his feet. He carried her to the rear of the room. She tipped back, falling onto her back on the bed, even as he held onto her waist. His fingers worked the buttons on her pants, and he pulled them from her, turning them inside out. She scooted herself back, watching him.

He shed his own pants, kicking them away. She traced his broad shoulders and chest with a heated gaze, down to his waist and the prominent line of hard-muscled lower belly arrowing down from the edges of his hips in a vee. He held himself, stroking where her gaze touched and she lifted it back up to his. He grinned at her in anticipation.

A breathless laugh escaped her. “You are such a jackass, Reyes.”

His grin turned into a low, satisfied laugh, and he crawled onto the bed. As he moved, he slid his fingers up her skin, leaving a cascade of tiny sparks dancing along her skin.

He lowered his head to nip at her left calf, drawing electricity up through her and into himself. He did it again above her right knee, pulling up and igniting the Dust within and then letting it go to spark away. He smirked at her and winked before he lowered his head again, running the tip of his tongue along the inside of her thigh. His mouth slid inward, his lips and teeth nipping at her, drawing delicate skin and flaring power gently up before releasing it, again and again. His hands slid up around her hips so his fingertips could trace swirls of sparking, heated trails over the skin of her lower belly.

Power bubbled within her. It wanted out. She shivered, fevered, reaching for him and pulling him up her body. Lena wrapped him in her arms and legs, drew him down to her and inside of her. The energy battered at her for release as his mouth covered hers. Alex stared down into her eyes, moving with her, frenzied.

Unable to fight the heat welling up, she opened herself, her energy boiling out to merge with his. With every move, he devoured the energy her body poured into his and fed it back into her, a loop going on and on until she lost herself in it. He was electric heat that obliterated everything but the ecstasy of being. Finally, she lost even that to the crescendo of power and release.

She came back to herself slowly. Blood pounded in her ears, the sound of soldiers marching, thump, thump, thump. The lust and Dust fueled energy had already curled back into her. How long ago?

She opened her eyes. A ceiling above her. She didn’t think there would be a ceiling if they had exploded. They must still be alive. She recognized the weight of one of Alex’s legs across hers.

Lena turned her head. He was awake. His dark eyes traced the lines of her profile. Her breath hitched. Did he have any idea how clearly the yearning for connection shone across his face? Not any connection. Her. And she could feel the answer to his yearning inside her chest.

They stared at each other, into each other, shared energy nestled inside each of them. Alex swallowed. He pulled back from her, drawing his leg away and rolling onto his back. He closed his eyes and shook his head.

“Dammit, Lena.”

“What?”

“Don’t look at me like that.”

Her chest clenched. In the long beat of silence, she decided whether or not to respond. She figured it wouldn’t matter either way, so, a little defensively, she said, “I’m looking at you the same way you were looking at me.”

He sat up, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed. He shook his head. “No. I wasn’t. You were mistaken.” He ran his hands through his hair, slicking it back, before turning to face her, except he didn’t look at her. “I thought you understood. You said it was just fifteen minutes.”

It was supposed to be.

He ran his hands through his hair again. “This was a bad idea.” His throat worked as he swallowed hard. “Look.” Long silence. “I’ve done a lot of shitty things in my life, and in the past three months, most of them have been to you. Making you feel like I have more to offer you than I do…would only be one more thing to add to the list. I can’t do it.” Alex reached out, as if he couldn’t help himself, and ran a finger from the delicate point of her collarbone across to her shoulder. He pulled back at her shiver. When he raised his gaze to hers, she could almost watch the regret filling it. “I thought I could. I can’t. I’m sorry.”

She felt sick. A few minutes ago, she’d felt the same way. She didn’t want this. She didn’t need impossible feelings for a beautiful, broken man.

He jumped out of the bed, gathering up his clothes. He hopped on one leg, trying to shove the other leg into his pants.

“Alex.” She wanted him to come back, to touch her again. That wouldn’t happen. And she’d be damned if she’d ask.

He shook his head. He went in search of his shirt, muttering to himself about being a fucking idiot.

“Alex!” She could make this okay. She could bury it deep, cover it with all the other crap she carried inside her, and never look at it again.

He finally looked back and hesitated. She rolled out of the bed, moving toward him and scooping up her own clothes as she went. She stopped in front of him.

You can do this, Lena.

“I asked you for fifteen minutes, so I could feel better. And that’s all I asked for. It’s all I needed.”
Liar.
She managed a chuckle. “I don’t think you quite managed a full fifteen, but you get bonus points for style.”

He stared down at her, face shifting like he was trying to decide whether to be relieved or insulted. She leaned in and rose up on her toes, pulling his head down so she could place a final soft kiss on his lips.

It was her signature move, the good-bye kiss she’d used on plenty of Azcon boys when she’d taken what she needed and never intended to see them again. Why did it make her throat tighten this time? Apparently Jackson had more in common with his mentor than any of them could have guessed. She somehow wanted them both, and neither of them seemed capable of giving love back.

Stupid girl. Congratulations. You’re a freaking cliché.

She swallowed the lump away as she stepped back from him. “We can still leave early,” she said, making her voice as light and free as a bird winging away. “I’ll be ready in a flash.”

Alex pushed himself away from the wall as Lena exited the elevator before him, reminding himself again to get his head back where it belonged.

She stopped and looked over her shoulder. “We’re loading at the regular platform, right?”

He nodded, and she was off, a bounce in her step as she left him behind.

She glanced back at him. “Jackson is already here.”

Lena boarded ahead of him, calling out a greeting to Jackson. If the young agent responded, Alex didn’t hear. As soon as Alex stepped aboard, the train rose from the rails. He glanced up in surprise. He hadn’t lost his balance, but a little warning would have been nice.

Jackson stood at the controls glowering at his reflection in the glass. Apparently, he’d said something to Lena before Alex had boarded, because she stared at Jackson now, twin spots of color on her cheeks and her lips compressed with anger.

Alex raised his brows in question.

“Apparently Jackson went looking for me tonight. And he found me. Or he
heard
me,” she told Alex before she turned her furious attention back to Jackson. “You had your chance. You passed.
You
rejected
me.
You don’t get to be pissed now.”

Jackson’s mouth opened in a little ‘o’ of shock. His mouth snapped shut, and he cast a look at Alex then compressed his lips.

Shit
. Alex didn’t need this, not right before the most crucial operation of the last twenty years.

Maybe you should have thought about the mission before you indulged yourself, dumbass.

Alex looked at Lena. He tried to tell himself she wasn’t worth it, but it was a lie. If she gave him the opportunity, he’d do it again in a heartbeat, even after everything he’d told her. That pissed him off more than anything.

“Ward, get over here.” Technically, Jackson had been promoted to agent. Alex wouldn’t give him the honorific if he was going to behave like a student. Alex stalked over to stand beside Lena. She dropped into a chair to curl around herself, arms wrapped around her legs.

Jackson set the train to auto-drive and came directly over, focusing on Alex.

Alex met his stare. “Do you have a problem?”

Jackson shook his head. “No problem, sir. I am already over it. Mastering yourself is critical, right, sir? Isn’t that what you told me after you ordered me to back off?”

Did the kid really throw my own words back at me?
Before Alex could respond, though, Lena jumped in.

“You call this mastering yourself?” She shoved her hair behind her right ear in agitation and glared at Jackson, waiting until he met her gaze. “It’s his fault for giving you an order. It’s my fault for liking sex. At what point will you actually master yourself enough to take on the responsibility for walking away?”

“I was being respectful of the stature of someone I developed feelings for in spite of my training.”

“No, you weren’t. You didn’t have feelings for me,” she told him with quiet disdain. “If you had feelings for me, any kind of real feelings, you’d have done what you wanted and damn what anyone else thought. You didn’t, Jackson Lee. But he did.”

Jackson and Lena stared at each other.

Alex sighed. He really didn’t want to pull Jackson, but he doubted the kid could get over this, not after that. She was brutal. Honest, but brutal.

As if reminded of Alex’s presence, Jackson yanked his stare from Lena to look at him. “Sir—”

“I am not discussing this with you. All I need to know, Lee, is if you can put aside your personal issues.”

They needed Lena. They wanted her. The plan would work, and it would make the pieces of future operations fall neatly into place. Jackson was the expendable one. He could choose another eager young agent. He might not be as good as Jackson, but he’d do.

Wouldn’t have anything to do with removing a rival, now would it, Alex?
He squelched the voice in his head mercilessly. He didn’t have any rivals, because he damn well wasn’t pursuing anyone.

Alex crossed his arms and stood still, waiting for Jackson to realize his status. Alex knew when he had. The realization washed over his face like a wave of water. Alex imagined it was icy cold. He gave the kid a minute to deal with reality.

“You understand?”

Jackson nodded once in response to Alex’s question.

“We have one Lena. We will not risk her. If you cannot work with her, if you cannot overcome this, then you need to tell me now so we can get someone who can.” He waited a moment while Jackson processed. “You’ve got to make your decision by the time we get to Azcon. We need to be able to make an exchange for a new agent. Lena will have to get started training him immediately. And,” Alex added with a grimace, “We’ll have to hope he’s as quick as you are.”

Jackson raised both brows. “There isn’t anyone in my class as quick as I am. And there won’t be an exchange. I understand.” No apology came, but Alex was satisfied. The men looked at Lena.

She shrugged with one shoulder. Her next words told him what he needed to know: she could pretend all was well if it meant they could move forward. “Can we actually work now? Because I had an idea about why it’s been such a struggle for you men to learn.”

Alex sat on the arm of the chair behind him, one eye out the window at the front of the train. Jackson wasn’t ready to pretend, but he sat stiffly and gave Lena his attention.

“It comes down to how we talk to the Dust. I think the Dust responds to affection.”

Alex could feel his brows lowering. Jackson stared at her with a look halfway to ‘what are you babbling about?’

She rolled her eyes at their faces. “I know how it sounds, I do. But it occurred to me—” she glanced at Alex and then away “—recently, that Alex had significant success getting the Dust to do what he wanted when he was focused on…feeling…affection.”