Secrets (29 page)

Inside he again looked around. It all looked the same, and gladly no signs of any would-be stalker. There wasn’t even a message on her machine. Sarah disappeared into her bedroom and came back out with another bag full of stuff. He felt a mild disturbance that more stuff was coming to his house, with her. Then he wondered what he was going to do when she took it all home.

“You know why this place is so great?”

“No. Why?” he asked, turning toward her as she drifted to her desk set off the corner of the kitchen. She rifled through mail and papers, in her state, did she even know what she was looking for?

“There’s no Vanessa here. Just imagine how unconstrained we could be here versus there, where she is.”

“I wasn’t aware we were being constrained.”

“You haven’t noticed? Well, I have. I mean, when the person you least want to know about you is right there, a person has to be, what’s the word, well, unobvious with things.”

“Really? So I’ve had you being less obvious?”

“Yes. I think we should stay here for a while and be less constrained.”

“As much as I like your thinking. This place gives me the creeps. And this place still has the same problem we ran into last time.”

“Well, I was thinking we could try something else this time,” she said, with her hands at his waist, and starting to work at his jeans.

He stilled her hands and lifted them off him. “No. Not when you’re inebriated. Somehow I don’t think you’re going to be real happy about tonight when you wake up, so you’re not going to do
that
and get mad at me for taking advantage of you.”

“I’m perfectly capable of deciding what I want and when.”

What was he supposed to do? Stop her? He wasn’t that good a guy, even if he was a little surprised at her. Somehow he hadn’t imagined Sarah interested in this. But apparently he’d been wrong, yet again, about her.

Would she get mad at him tomorrow? Then she put her soft hands on him, her mouth on him, and her hair spread over his lap. He groaned. Not just from lust, but from the way being around her made him feel. Things he didn’t know were possible to feel. And he didn’t know this act could make him feel so tender about the girl doing it.

But he did. He felt total tenderness and love toward Sarah. She was so clueless about what she did to him, and so clueless how incredible she was. She was even more clueless that he was in love with her and this was the least of it.

Though, holy shit, this was pretty amazing. She pulled him deep into her mouth, and the sensations were scalding hot. He finally dropped his head back on the couch when he could no longer stand how good it felt. His eyes closed as his hips pushed up towards the wet heat of her mouth. He tried to tug her off him as a warning he was close, but she didn’t move, and he finally came into her mouth.

He pulled her into his arms and kissed her. Only after a long while, when feeling finally returned to his limbs, did he stand up putting his hand out and pulling her up. She leaned heavily on him. “We should go home.”

“Home. I like going home with you, Scott.”

He hugged her to him. She didn’t hear him when he said quietly into her hair, “I do too.”

Sarah woke up the next morning her head pounding so hard it felt like it shook her awake. She stretched her body and felt like she had poison running through her veins and pooling in her nauseous stomach. She nearly moaned with the pain. The feelings were made worse because she’d done it to herself. She opened her eyes as sudden clarity pulled her out of her pain.

She cringed at what she remembered. She had made a complete and utter fool of herself with Scott. She’d pretty much, all but told him she was in love with him. She had also told him every damn thought and opinion she had about him, in ways she would have
never
done so freely, if in her right mind.

And she’d capped it all off by giving him a blow job at her apartment. One he’d tried gently refusing.

She wanted to completely sink through the mattress and not come out. She already knew Scott wasn’t in bed. He got up freakishly early nearly every day. But especially on Monday, he had to be at work. And so did she. The thought made her groan out loud.

What had come over her? She’d been glad to be with Kelly. It had felt more like her normal life, her pre-stalker, pre-Scott and Vanessa and Angie weirdness. It had felt like she was Sarah and single and in control of her own life again. They had started out having so much fun, looking at pictures, easily sipping wine. She had not intended to start pouring it like water, nor had she intended to end up drunk around Scott. There was a reason she rarely got drunk. She turned into the antithesis of her normal self. She was incapable of shutting up and honest to the point of embarrassment. Which Scott now knew.

And she was pretty sure Scott had egged on her inane chatter. She distinctly remembered him encouraging her. She was as annoyed with him as she was with herself, and how lousy she felt. She rolled to the edge of the mattress and sat up. She steeled herself for the final ascent up and gingerly walked toward the bathroom. She showered, and it helped, but not enough. She combed her hair back, and left it, with no make-up, uncharacteristically casual for her. She never left Scott’s room without being nearly flawlessly dressed and ready to go. It bolstered her confidence in facing Vanessa. But not today. Today she couldn’t manage it.

Scott, Angie, and Vanessa, were of course, all together in their little morning family ritual. Who ate breakfast but these three so freaking consistently? But, oh, they did. And not cereal for these three, oh no, Chef Vanessa got up and actually cooked Scott and Angie breakfast.

When Sarah walked into the kitchen all three of them looked up at her. She lowered her head from the glare of the kitchen lights wishing she had sunglasses.

“Good morning, Sarah.” She looked over as Scott’s chipper voice filled the fog in her head. She glared as she found him smiling at her. He, who usually never got past a hello, was all friendly and smiling, today of all days? And that was laughter in his eyes. At her. And hadn’t she earned it?

“What happened?” Angie asked, her eyes round as she took in Sarah’s appearance.

“I must have caught a bug. I think I’ll be late to work today.”

“You’re never late,” Angie said, surprise in her tone. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“She’ll be fine in about half a day,” Scott said.

“What time did you two get in last night?” Vanessa asked. Of course Vanessa would know their comings and goings, which in turn meant Vanessa knew Sarah’s comings and goings. And that fact was starting to drive her nuts.

“About midnight,” Scott said, as he stood up. Sarah was thinking she might be running back upstairs. She leaned heavily against the counter to counterbalance the sudden surge of dizziness. A moment later she felt a gentle touch on her shoulder. Looking up she found Scott holding out a tea cup for her, steam rising up, tea bag already in it. She was touched by the gesture, even though it was under Vanessa’s heated glare. She took the cup and wrapped her hands around the warmth, smiling with thanks.

“Hey, I could open up for you. I don’t have anything going on with summer and all. If you trust me, that is,” Angie volunteered.

Sarah looked past Scott to Angie, after sipping her tea. “Would you? I think I’d kiss you for that.”

Angie nodded as she got up. “Sure, I will. I’ll grab your keys off your key ring. But you can save your kisses for my uncle.”

Sarah turned away. Of course Angie knew what was going on with her being there. But it was the first time Angie had given any indication that she totally knew what was up with her and Scott.

“Hey, don’t look so embarrassed, it’s not like I don’t know about sex,” Angie said noticing Sarah’s blush, as she looked down at her eight months of pregnancy, now straining against her shirt.

“Why don’t you get going,” Scott said keeping his tone carefully neutral.

“All right, all right, I know a brush-off when I hear one.”

Sarah turned and fled back upstairs glad to have the caffeine she’d come for. It was only a minute later when the door opened and Scott came through, looking chipper and well rested. He was all ready for work. It annoyed Sarah he looked so good when she felt so bad.

“How you doing?”

“You know how I’m doing. Just like every other college freshman feels this morning. I mean, who else has a hangover on a Monday morning?”

His lips quirked up. “Just you wild party girls.”

“Shut up. My head can’t take yelling at you.”

“Do you remember last night?”

She wished she didn’t have to have this conversation. She looked past Scott toward the door to avoid his gaze on her.

“Yes. I remember last night. Every blessed, stupid word I said. Why did you let me go on like that?”

“Why would I have stopped you? That was the highlight of my year listening to you. Do you remember going by your apartment?”

“Yes.”

He shifted his weight on his feet. “Are you pissed off at me?”

She tilted her head up, her eyebrows scrunched in confusion. “At you? Why would I be mad at you? I’m the one who drank too much, and said way too much. I can’t believe how much I said.”

“I just wanted to make sure you weren’t mad about what happened at your apartment.”

She jerked her gaze up. He was blushing. Why? Over the blow job? Huh. That was not the reaction she pictured out of Scott Delano. “Why would that make me mad?”

“I hope you don’t feel I took advantage of you.”

She shook her head. He was looking down at the floor, as if avoiding her. She felt her heart shift. He had come upstairs to make sure she wasn’t feeling taken advantage of over something she’d instigated, and almost forced on him? What guy did that? Worried about that? Except a really good one. She was only just starting to comprehend what a wonderful guy he was. “You didn’t take advantage of me. I’m upset with what I said, not what we did. And by the way, that’s not so out of the range of what I do, you know.”

He looked up at her finally. “No, I didn’t know. I didn’t expect you to. I was a little shocked.”

She smiled. “Really? I shocked you? That’s one for the books.”

“I’m not exactly the sexual deviant you think me to be. Proof in point, me doing that to
you
is out of my range of normal.”

“How can that be?”

“It can be because I don’t bother, ever. I don’t usually care that much what my partner feels. You get the picture.”

She hesitated. “Ever? As in...”

“As in that was the first time I’d done that. So you can spend the morning trying to see where that fits into your opinion of me. Maybe I’ve finally shocked you. As long as you’re okay, well that is, okay with me, I’ll leave you to your misery.”

She stood there after he kissed her on the cheek and left. She felt a mild range of shock. And what? What did she feel?
Completely confused.
She had thought Scott sleeping with her said little of what he felt toward her. She knew he liked her more than he usually liked the girl he was sleeping with. She understood that he was worried about her because someone was stalking her and he’d witnessed it. She got all that.

What she didn’t get was that Scott was nothing like what she expected. Scott behaved how a boyfriend would act. Could there be a chance Scott was falling for her? Didn’t this support he felt something out of the ordinary for her? She shook her head. She was too hung over to really get just how deep this was.

****

Another couple of weeks drifted by. It startled Scott how almost normal his life was with Sarah in it. How easily they co-habited and created a routine. They talked, they ate, they hung out together, they went to bed together and it wasn’t nearly as traumatic as he thought living with a woman would be. It wasn’t near as confining as he imagined it would be.

Sarah got two more calls that week, both while she was at work. Both short and to the point, and still there was no trace of who was doing it. It was figured the guy was using a prepaid cell phone, and the calls lasted no more than thirty seconds. But their effects lasted far longer.

By the next weekend he was all right with living with Sarah. He seemed to like it more than she did. He, of course, was used to living with people. He had lived with Vanessa and Angie for sixteen years. He found that Sarah actually sought out privacy from him, more than he did her. It startled him that he wasn’t itching to get away from her and that he wasn’t itching to get away from the house and be on his own. Which was a feeling that often overtook him after too long at home with Vanessa and Angie. But with Sarah it was different. He didn’t feel the need to go out because for the first time in his life, what he wanted was right there.

Sarah would often disappear after dinner and hang out in his bedroom, while he was downstairs. There weren’t a lot of places in his house for privacy. Kelly had contacted Sarah about a model friend who had been so taken with Kelly’s wedding dress that the friend, some up and coming model named Jasmine, wanted Sarah to design some kind of fancy dress for her. So Sarah often disappeared working on that. He’d find her sitting in the chair in his room, a sketch pad in hand. He’d snuck a glance at her tablet and found several different dress designs and styles. He hadn’t known she could draw like that.

One night she even got out of bed and went downstairs after he came to bed. It disturbed him how much he minded. How much he didn’t like falling asleep without her next to him. He hadn’t counted on any of this, but he definitely hadn’t counted on liking it so much.

What he didn’t like, and what hadn’t eased was Vanessa’s and Sarah’s ongoing feud. It was going on right now even. It was Saturday heading toward evening, and he heard them start in on each other. Angie was on the couch flipping through the channels, her back propped against a pillow, her feet up, her stomach looking round and heavy against her body.

Would he ever get over being so startled by his pregnant niece? Each time he glanced at her, he did a double take. He had to remind himself that Angie was indeed pregnant.